CHAPTER 17 #3
“If you really gotta know the whole story, it ain’t all that much.
I left home at sixteen. My daddy had this friend named Chuck, some guy he knew in the business.
Chuck seemed much nicer than my daddy, so Kayla and I liked him.
He took us out to pizza and shit sometimes.
Well, once I left it was just Kayla, and Chuck moved in on her when she was sixteen, groomed her into some fucked up affair with him. Got her knocked up.”
“You’re—Christ. Are you serious?”
“Yeah. Anyway, my sister wanted an abortion, but she was just a poor underage kid in the Bible belt, ain’t no way she was going to be able to get one. When my daddy found out, he went over to Chuck’s with his Winchester rifle and threatened to kill him. But Chuck shot him first.”
Victor stared in shock. “Holy shit.”
“Chuck argued it was self-defense, but Chuck had a string of previous arrests for assault and public drunkenness or whatever, so they got him on manslaughter charges.”
“Wait. Your sister got pregnant at sixteen. That means…”
“Chuck is Taylor’s daddy, yeah.”
“Oh my God. Jesus.”
“Kayla would never admit it, but I think it’s why she’s so hard on Taylor and why she prefers the other kids over her.
She wanted the others, or at least she loved the men who fathered them.
Taylor has always been a source of pain for her.
But it ain’t Taylor’s fault how she came into this world, so I’ve done what I can to look after her, you know? ”
“Why’d you leave at sixteen?”
Johnny stared into the darkness, his knee jiggling.
“My daddy was a drunk with a temper hotter than hell. When he gave you a lickin’, you felt it for days, and the older he got, the worse he became.
I really thought he might kill me, and my presence seemed to make it worse for Mama and Kayla.
So I left. Bought a piece of shit car with whatever I had and started travelin’ with the rodeo, whatever got me far away from this place. ”
“I don’t think Kayla can blame you for leaving.”
“She’s right, though. I shoulda come back for her.
Shoulda found a way to bring her with me, or somethin’.
I left her to the wolves.” A muscle in Johnny’s jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth.
“But I was young and stupid. I didn’t think I could do it.
I foolishly thought she’d be safer at home, since Daddy didn’t seem to hate her like he hated me.
I wanted her to finish school and make somethin’ of herself. ” He sighed. “So much for that.”
“I mean…” Victor wasn’t sure if he should comment, but he felt compelled. “You were sixteen and on the road. That’s no place for a twelve-year-old to be, Johnny. In fact, I think it’d be illegal. There’s no way you could have brought her with you.”
“When she was older, maybe.”
“I think you’re being unnecessarily hard on yourself.”
“I shoulda done somethin’. I didn’t even know she was pregnant until Mama called to tell me about my daddy gettin’ shot. No one told me anythin’.”
Victor stared off into the darkness, still trying to process all he’d been told. Johnny made it all sound casual, but beneath his tone was a whole lot of pain, and his house was how it all manifested—shamefully tucked away from the world, confined to the boundaries of what Johnny could control.
“You were a kid trying to stay alive, and I don’t think anyone can blame you for that,” Victor said.
“My sister can.”
“No one can control what your sister thinks, but you shouldn’t blame yourself.”
Johnny didn’t appear particularly comforted. Victor squeezed his own knees to keep himself from reaching out and touching him. Now was not the time to fantasize about kissing someone, but it was hard not to when Johnny looked so hurt and lost.
There was a long silence between them as Victor tried to think up what to do next. It was getting pretty cold now, cold enough that Victor’s light jacket wasn’t holding up as it had a few hours ago. Just before he stood up and called it a night, Johnny spoke.
“You still mad at me about the whole… friends with benefits thing?”
“Seriously? That’s the question you’re asking me now? After all that happened today?”
“Normally I wouldn’t wanna talk about it, but I found somethin’ I wanna talk about less, so yeah.”
Victor snorted, then laughed, followed by Johnny a second later.
“All this has made me less mad at you, I’ll admit,” Victor replied.
“Oh, good. Now I know how to make you less mad at me, just trot out some sob story ‘bout my dad.”
Victor sighed, sliding his hands into the sleeves of his jacket to keep them warm. “You’ll run out of sob stories eventually.”
“I make you mad that often?”
“I’d call it more crazy than mad.”
“Crazy is good sometimes, eh?” Johnny laughed and knocked his knee against Victor’s, sending a thrill from tail to sternum. Victor felt his face heat up and was happy for the dark to hide it.
“Some of us aren’t as into crazy as you are.”
Johnny laughed again. “Guilty, as charged.” He tipped his hat at Victor, then swatted Victor in the chest with a hand. “Alright, let’s get goin’. I’m tired as hell and need to be well rested for the clean up tomorrow.”
He jumped to his feet, already reaching for the passenger side door. Victor took a moment to catch his breath, then stood as well and rounded the truck to the driver’s side. Sleep sounded like a good prospect after this emotional rollercoaster of a day.