CHAPTER 36 #2
“Alright then.” Johnny went to the sink but spent a few minutes futzing around on his phone. When music emerged, his purpose with it was clear. “Just tryin’ to wind down.”
Victor nodded, already rubbing salt and spices into the steaks.
Johnny transported the potatoes from the sink to a cutting board and started slicing them, humming along to the classic Dixie Chicks song on his playlist. After Victor tossed the steaks into a pan to cook, the song changed to one Victor vaguely recognized but couldn’t name.
“Aw, this was one of my mama’s favorite songs,” Johnny said, already swaying to the intro. He grabbed the handle of a knife and held it to his mouth to sing Baby lock the door and turn the lights down low in his deepest voice, which made Victor laugh.
“Who is this?” Victor had to ask.
“I dunno.” Johnny picked up his phone. “Josh Turner.”
“Ah. I think I remember this one.”
Johnny continued to mouth along to the song, sparing Victor from his terrible singing voice.
Victor chuckled and shook his head, trying to return his attention to the steaks on the stove.
But then Johnny grabbed his hand and yanked him in close, clasping one of Victor’s hands in his while the other dropped to his waist. Maybe Johnny couldn’t sing, but he could dance, and when he mouthed I can’t believe how much it turns me on, just to be your man, he held Victor’s gaze with that classic crinkled-eye smile.
Victor couldn’t keep from grinning back, and around the kitchen they spun, swaying their hips to the rhythm of that twangy electric guitar.
When Johnny spoke-sang ain’t nobody ever love somebody, the way I love you, Victor’s heart skipped with tenuous joy.
One thing he’d learned about Johnny is that Victor could never predict what the hell he was going to do, so Victor wasn’t sure if this was a confession or simply Johnny singing along without thinking.
He tried not to read too much into it. Best to simply enjoy the moment and let himself be led in circles around the kitchen.
On the last few notes of the song, Johnny slid his arm further across Victor’s back and dipped him, which was so unexpected that Victor let out a short gasp in shock. This blended into a laugh, and he grabbed a fistful of Johnny’s tank top in fear Johnny might drop him.
“Consider me wooed,” Victor said with a grin.
Johnny set him straight again, all his laugh lines out in full force. “That’s cuz you’re dealin’ with one of the best. Ain’t nobody doin’ it like me.”
“That’s for sure.” Victor looked down at the fist still gripping Johnny’s shirt, struggling to pull away.
He felt himself tumbling into the blue of Johnny’s eyes, wondering if he’d ever get used to it.
He hoped he didn’t. It was that heart-in-throat feeling he got when he fell off a horse, right before he hit the ground.
Johnny’s smile faded, but not in the usual way, like when he shut down and pulled away. Instead he held Victor’s gaze, and his hands were soft when they gripped Victor’s biceps.
“What?” Victor asked, feeling a little self-conscious under the intensity of Johnny’s stare.
Johnny suddenly swallowed him up in a hug, a hand on Victor’s neck keeping him pressed up against Johnny’s shoulder, which smelled strongly of Victor’s soap.
Victor slid his hands from Johnny’s waist to his shoulder blades, his throat even tighter.
He wasn’t sure if he could pull away even if Johnny asked him to.
This was the only place Victor ever wanted to be.
Eventually Johnny pulled back with a loud clearing of his throat, blinking a few times with what could have been the makings of tears. To Victor’s surprise, Johnny lifted one hand to place over Victor’s cheek and around his jaw.
“I ain’t fancy with words, and you know that,” Johnny said, voice low and husky. “But fuck it, Vic, I love you.”
Victor stared at his face for a few seconds before burying his nose back in Johnny’s collarbone, hugging him again. His voice muffled by Johnny’s chest, he said, “I love you, too.”
Johnny gripped him so tightly with both arms that they rocked back and forth a few times before Victor could find the breath to laugh. He probably looked like the most pathetic lovesick puppy when he gazed up at Johnny the way he did, but Johnny’s pinkened ears meant he liked it.
“Aw, man, you can’t look at me like that,” Johnny said, flushing an even deeper red. “You’re gonna get me all emotional.”
“Nothing wrong with that.” Victor firmed up his grip on Johnny’s arms so that he didn’t pull away. “When something feels good, you can just enjoy it.”
Johnny snorted. “You and your wisdom.” Then he softened and dropped his forehead against Victor’s hairline, his breath on Victor’s face. “That’s why I need you so bad. As much as you scare me, I can’t imagine a life without you.”
“I scare you?”
“Disappointin’ you does. Losing you does.”
Victor sighed. They’d probably be stuck in his loop a while, but he hoped that eventually Johnny could learn to be loved without worrying about losing him. “I want you to love me like you know I’ll be there for you tomorrow.”
Johnny grabbed Victor’s head with both hands and kissed him. Victor trailed his fingers from Johnny’s arms to his chest, then down to his waist. The kiss was tame but long, and the only thing that pulled him out of it was the fear that his steaks might burn.
“I’m gonna do my best,” Johnny muttered softly.
“That’s all I want.” Victor kissed his cheek and gently stepped away to check on the steaks, but Johnny kept one of his hands folded in Victor’s, like he couldn’t stand to let go.
* * *
Victor rose at dawn the next morning, and so did Johnny.
The weather forecast called for a hot day ahead, so Victor wanted to get as much riding done as he could before noon.
As Victor took care of everything in the barn, Johnny vanished for ten minutes.
When Victor found him, he was cleaning out Dona’s pen and reaching out to pet her when she sniffed him curiously.
Victor had been working on haltering her, but he hadn’t had Johnny try it yet, so he returned to the barn to get one of his rope halters.
When he came back, he found Johnny rubbing the center of Dona’s chest, a scratch that Dona enjoyed with a wiggle of her upper lip.
Victor beckoned Johnny over, then handed him the halter.
“I think she’s ready to start leading around,” he told Johnny.
Johnny nodded and took the halter, then returned to Dona across the pen.
Typically semi-feral horses that were relaxed with one person were very wary of another, but she lowered her nose and slid into the halter Johnny extended to her with such ease one might have thought her completely tame.
He tied the halter on her head, then picked up her lead.
To both his and Victor’s surprise, she followed along behind all the way around the pen, like a foal after its mother.
She did get sticky and planted her feet after one round, but that she was willing to walk with him at all was an unexpected gift.
“You teach her to lead?” Johnny asked.
“No, not really.” Victor grinned. “She trusts you.”
Johnny reached up to run a hand along her blaze, sweeping her thick forelock aside.
She sighed and blew out a long, heavy snort before dropping her head even further.
It was an extremely promising sign of how far she’d come.
There was still a long road to travel before she could be ridden but seeing how comfortable she’d grown with Johnny and vice versa, Victor predicted he’d be on her back by the end of summer.
They’d make a beautiful team, and judging by the look on Johnny’s face, he was already in love.
He removed the halter and exited the pen through the gate, face angled downward until he pulled up beside Victor and yanked him into a firm embrace.
“Thank you,” Johnny whispered.
“For what? The horse?”
“Lotsa things.” Johnny sniffed and pulled away, clearing his throat a few times. “I’m gonna put this halter away. Then I gotta get ready for work.”
“Okay.” Victor grasped Johnny’s sleeve and drew him back for a peck on the cheek. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.” Johnny offered him a fragile but genuine smile before walking off through the long blue slant of the barn’s shadow in the early morning light.