Chapter 1
Chapter One
SIX MONTHS LATER…
My hair’s a mess, and I must reek of sweat as I put my hands on my hips, looking around the bright, airy space of my brand-new house.
“How are you feeling?” my sister asks, pressing her hand on my shoulder.
“Tired,” I respond, and she sighs. It’s not what she was asking.
“I’m scared of being alone, even though I’ve felt alone for the last four years.
And I feel like a failure, not being able to keep my marriage together.
” My gaze lands on the enormous pile of moving boxes.
“But I also feel hopeful. Like I can finally breathe again.” I shoot her a small smile and she beams at me, her gray eyes—just like mine—glowing.
Our hair used to be the same, too, but as we got older, mine darkened into a light brown, while hers stayed blonde.
Though I still have longer hair, she now sports a shoulder-length bob.
“This house is gorgeous.” She leans on the mantle above the brick fireplace, trying to find support.
“Let’s get you into a seating position, Dee.” I rush to help her get to the couch .
“Nope. Sitting’s the worst, by far.”
She gave birth to my adorable niece ten days ago, and this is pretty much her first outing. While I was upending my life, divorcing my husband and buying a house to move into, her new life was getting started.
“I should call Liam to pick you up.” I search the plastic shrink wrap covered sectional for my phone.
“Not yet. Let him handle Stella for a little while.” She waves me off. “Besides, I’m here to help you out. It’s Sadie and Sandy against the world, just like the old days.”
A chuckle escapes me. Our parents weren’t really innovative in naming us, and it’s a running joke ever since we knew how to make jokes. We’ve often wondered how we both turned out as creative as we did, since we’re carrying their genes.
Sandy is four years younger than me, and my best friend in the world. She’s also my right hand when it comes to self-publishing. She’s been working with me ever since I started earning enough to pay her.
“Then stand there and watch me try to unpack something.” I open the box right next to me, finding my books inside. I start to close it back, because it’s certainly not a priority, but Sandy stops me.
“Come on, get those out. You’re Sadie freaking Summers and you should show it.”
My lips turn up, and I do what she says, dragging the box toward the massive bookshelf that was one of the selling points of the house.
Giant windows overlook the expansive backyard, and I can practically feel hot cocoa sliding down my throat as I envision sitting here in a comfortable reading chair with my favorite books. Something like excitement swirls in my belly, and I get to work unpacking the books.
Refocusing on the task at hand, I hear Sandy ask, “When’s David bringing the kids back? ”
“In the evening. They want to spend the first night in their new rooms. I just hope they’ll have somewhere to sleep by then.”
“Even if the bedrooms are not ready, you can camp out here in the living room. I’m sure they’ll love it.
” Her optimism is contagious. Even though I’m the romance writer, she’s the true romantic between the two of us.
I used to be more like her, but romance hasn’t been a part of my real life for a long time.
She walks slowly to the large beige sectional and lies on top of it. I smile, knowing she’s probably not in pain anymore. “Wow. That view is … wow.”
Even though we’re ten minutes away from the beach, our house overlooks the mountains, making for a breathtaking sight.
“Yeah … but there’s a lot of work to be done in the backyard.”
The backyard was in the middle of renovation when I bought the place. The pool is finished, but I need to get someone to build the deck. Preferably, as soon as possible, knowing my kids will want to live in the pool this summer.
She tries to help me unpack a few times, but I force her to lie back down before she eventually gives up and chats with me, while I do the work.
An hour later, Liam picks her up to feed little Stella, and I’m left alone in my new house. The movers assembled all the furniture, so there’s not much to do besides unpack. Still, it’s weird starting out again on my own.
There’s no point in dwelling on it, so with a heavy sigh, I open the next box and find some pictures that need to be hung up.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself. There better be some YouTube videos to help me with this . But first, I need to make sure my kids have somewhere to sleep tonight.
David drops the kids off around eight .
“They ate dinner and already took a bath,” he says emphatically, kissing them goodbye.
I exhale a relieved breath. “Thank you.”
We stare at each other for a few more seconds before he speaks, “Are you OK?”
“I think so. You?” A lump forms in my throat.
“I think so.” He nods and heads to his car, and I’m left there standing, my eyes filled with tears.
Why am I crying?
Am I mourning the loss of us? Could I mourn something that was lost a long time ago?
David from ten years ago would embrace me and never let go. He would hold me until my tears dry, and he’d tell me everything would be ok.
I guess it wouldn’t make much sense now. He hasn’t touched me in God knows how long, even when I begged him to. Why would he do that now when we’re not together?
Still, my touch-starved heart breaks every time I feel his rejection. Every time it remembers it’s not loved.
I breathe in deeply, trying to push the tears back. Asher and Olivia are already in their new rooms, excited squeals filling the cracks of my broken heart.
Asher’s room is the first door on the right at the top of the staircase.
I walk in to find him jumping on his bed, his mop of brown hair bouncing as he tries to catch the rocket ship ceiling lamp.
Other than his favorite night sky sheets, the dark blue paint job on the walls, and a large wooden toy box in one corner of the room, it’s the only décor so far.
“Come on, Ash. Don’t knock it down on the first day,” I say, smiling. This whole thing is a lot for them, and I just want to see them happy.
“Fine.” He shrugs. “I want to see Liv’s room.” He bounds off to the hallway and I follow behind.
Olivia stands in the middle of the room, wide-eyed.
Unlike her previous baby pink room, this one is much more her.
One wall is painted in an accent deep purple while the others are light gray.
Her bed is black metal with purple sheets and black throw pillows adorned with quirky designs.
In the corner, a black reading chair hangs from the ceiling.
Liv’s not a girlie girl. We never got around to repainting the walls of her old room, but I knew she didn’t really like the princess style.
“You like it?” I approach her, letting my arm brush against hers.
“I love it,” she whispers, making my heart beat faster. “Can I put my drawings up on the walls?”
“Of course. I’ve ordered a cork board so you can easily display them, but it hasn’t arrived yet.”
She beams at me and a part of me relaxes. She’s going to be ok. We’re going to be ok.
“Can we go for a swim in our pool?” Asher asks, and I chuckle.
“I don’t think so, Ash. First of all, it’s April. And it’s also time for you to go to bed.” He groans. “Come on, I’ve unpacked a tiny portion of your stuff, so your pajamas are in your closets. Please get ready for bed, and tomorrow we can put up more decorations in your rooms.”
I enter my mocha-colored room, determined to unpack at least a few of my own things before bed. Asher storms in three minutes later in his astronaut pajamas with the speed only a six-year-old can have.
“Your teeth?” I ask, and he grins at me, showing me how well he brushed them. “Good. Your sister?”
“Still in the bathroom.” He shrugs. It’s not a surprise. She’s only ten but takes ages in the bathroom.
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
“I don’t think I can sleep alone tonight.” His green eyes, like his father’s, stare at me pleadingly. Usually, he’s not a fussy sleeper, but this is a new house, after all .
“Wanna join me?” I shoot him a smile, and his face brightens up. In a second, he’s already lying on my king-size bed.
“What do you say, Liv?” I continue when she exits the bathroom. “Want to join us for a family sleepover?”
She has my gray eyes, and they’re stunned for a second before she gives me a subtle nod. “Can we watch Coco ?” she asks, climbing into bed with us.
“Sure,” I respond, my face relaxing. I opted to put a TV in my bedroom, and I’m glad because they’re knocked out ten minutes into the movie.
I know that repressing your feelings is not the best idea, but I’m glad to know that their first night in the new house wasn’t tainted with overthinking about everything they’ve lost.
With the two of them in my arms, even my own brain relaxes enough to fall asleep.