Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
LOGAN
She mutters something to David before passing by him and rushing to me.
“I’m here!” she announces her presence, panting.
I swallow around the lump in my throat. “What did you want to talk about?”
“This…” I motion back to where David and I were standing. “We’re not together or anything like that.”
“It’s ok, Sadie. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“No, I do. Can we go somewhere else?” Parents and kids crowd the parking lot and she’s right; this isn’t the right place.
I gesture my head to the passenger seat, and she makes her way to hop inside the truck.
“Where do you want us to go?” I ask.
“I don’t know. Somewhere quiet.”
I nod before starting the truck, knowing just where to take her.
She remains silent for the entire ride, as she toys with her fingers in her lap. Finally, we park on the beach a little outside of town. Like I expected, it’s deserted. The place isn’t too popular with tourists and it’s nighttime, which was what I counted on.
I get out of the car, and she follows suit, approaching my side. She’s standing too far away for my liking, but I need to keep my reason.
She chews on her bottom lip, not speaking, so I break the silence. “Look, there’s really no need to apologize. You did nothing wrong. I know he was your husband for many years.”
“Nothing is going on between us,” she blurts out.
“Even so, I get that it’s not cut and dry. I understand you still have feelings for him.”
Her eyes widen with panic, and I hate that she feels guilty about this. “I don’t have feelings for him.” Her voice is shaky but determined.
I sigh heavily. “It’s ok. Really. It makes sense. And it explains why you don’t want more between us. Not when your heart still belongs to someone else.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she mutters, and my eyebrows shoot up. “I don’t fucking have feelings for him. I haven’t in a long time.” She looks fed up, which makes me eager to believe her.
Still, it makes little sense. “But why don’t you want to give this, us, a try, then?”
“Because I’m scared.” Her voice breaks, her eyes turning glossy. “I’m fucking terrified. I died a thousand small, painful deaths in that marriage, and I’m terrified of going through it again.”
“Sadie…” I start, but she lifts her hand.
“I know you’re not David. You’re nothing like him. But this isn’t about him.” She swallows before continuing, “It’s about me. I was dying in that marriage because I wasn’t enough to make him love me.” Her tears are now falling down her cheeks and my chest constricts.
“It had nothing to do with you,” I say, taking her head in my hands.
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. I’m fucking crazy about you.”
“He used to be crazy about me, too. Until he got bored of me. And I can’t try this,” she gestures between us, “because I know you’ll grow bored of me. And I have a feeling it will hurt a whole lot more.”
“I’ll get bored of you?” I’ve let her speak.
Now it’s my turn. I tighten my grip on her chin, showing how serious I am.
“I watched you for weeks , from afar, when you wanted nothing to do with me.” My voice is low and level, portraying none of the turmoil inside of me.
“I watched you go on these stupid dates, which made me sick, but I knew you needed it. And I would have done that countless more times if I thought they made you happy. I’ve accepted being your fuck buddy, though it was the last thing I wanted to be. ”
She shakes her head. “That’s not…”
My voice rises because I’m not done. Not by a mile.
“I’ve kept rereading your books, trying to find you in your characters.
Trying to find little pieces of you scattered around.
You’re all of them, by the way. You’re Rina’s courage, and Anne’s kindness, and Natalie’s wit.
” Her breath hitches. “Me getting bored of you? Don’t patronize me. ”
“You’ve actually read them?” she asks, her voice uncertain.
“Of course, I did. I told you as much.”
“I-I thought you’ve skimmed a few.”
“They were too good to stop reading.”
“Which ones?” Her face is scrunched, like she doesn’t believe me.
“What do you mean? All of them.”
Her mouth parts before she recovers. “That’s over twenty books. And you’ve only known me for a few months.”
That makes me let out a small chuckle. “Yeah, well, you underestimate my obsession with you.”
She drops her gaze. “This doesn’t make any sense.”
I lift her chin with my fingers, not allowing her to escape this.
“You know how I realized I’m in love with you?
” Shit, I guess the cat’s out of the bag now .
She shakes, visibly, like what I’m saying couldn’t possibly be true, so I continue, “Reading one of your books.” I clear my throat, suddenly nervous.
“The man was proclaiming his love to the woman, with this dramatic, over-the-top speech.” She slaps my chest, making me huff a laugh.
“Typically, I would roll my eyes at that. But it resonated with me. I reread that part a million times to figure out why. And then I realized. Those dramatic, over-the-top feelings are exactly how I feel about you.” Her eyes close for a second, like this whole thing is too much to handle.
“And I get it if you’re not ready for love.
But don’t tell me I’ll get bored of you. ”
She swallows audibly before opening her mouth to respond, but I interrupt her, “It’s ok. I’m fine waiting for you to be ready to love me back.”
“It’s not that. I-I might already be there.”
“Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
“It’s why I’m so scared. My marriage with David sucked, but I don’t think I ever mourned the loss of him. Just the loss of love I thought I had. I know it sounds horrible…”
“It doesn’t. It sounds real. And honest.”
“But you…” She fidgets with the button on my polo before lifting her eyes to mine. The gorgeous pools of silver make my breath hitch. “You could destroy me. For real.”
“I’d never do that.”
Sadness laces her smile. “I know you think so now. But you never know where life will take you.”
“So the plan is never to fall in love again? Never feel what the characters you write about are feeling? That’s not very romantic of you. Shouldn’t you live what you preach?”
“This is hardly a romance book.” She scoffs. “If anything, it’s the opposite.” She doesn’t look convinced of her words, chewing on her lip.
The corner of my mouth turns up because I can see her defiance faltering.
“I don’t think the things I feel about you are the opposite of romance.
Or the way my body reacts to seeing you, my heart beating out of my chest, my stomach churning with nerves…
” She shoots me an inquisitive look. “Sorry, I’m not the one good with words. ”
And then she giggles. An honest, happy giggle that lights up her tear-streaked face. I’m a hundred pounds lighter, seeing her laugh. When my chest fills with so much air I’m afraid I’m going to float away, I ground myself by pressing my lips to hers.
Her giggle dies out, and for a second, she’s standing still, not kissing me back. It feels like eternity, while my heart beats out of my ribcage, so when she finally kisses me back, I can’t help but groan into her mouth, slipping my hands in her hair and pulling her flush to me.
My cheeks get wet from her tears. She likely smeared mascara on my face, but I couldn’t care less. Because she’s here, in my arms. Open and giggling. Her scent envelopes me and I wish never to get out.
I don’t want out.
Out of her warmth.
Her embrace.
The touch of her soft lips moving over mine with love and desperation.
Love.
What a crazy word. I could have listened to a thousand love songs, read a hundred romance books, and never know the feeling. But when I met her, there was no chance but to get to know it. To understand it.
The kiss turns from playful to passionate with a single nip to her bottom lip.
She whimpers and the sound shoots straight to my dick.
I place my hands under her perfect ass before hoisting her up to wrap her ankles around my back.
She sighs when our centers connect. She’s wearing a thin sundress, meaning only a flimsy layer of lace covers her pussy as it grinds on my already hard cock.
It’s been less than a week since I was last inside of her and my pants are a dripping, aching mess for her.
A moan escapes her, and the dry humping becomes torture.
The sensations are both too much, and far too little, so I turn us around, pressing her back to my car with more force than I planned .
“Shit,” she mumbles at the impact.
“Fuck, sorry. I’m too desperate to feel you.”
“Don’t apologize. I want you to be rough. I need to feel you wanting me.”
Her words spur me on, making the wait unbearable.
Holding her weight with one hand, my other finds the way to her panties.
A tearing sound fills the air when I rip them off her.
She gasps and then moans, grinding her now bare pussy on me.
I drop the ripped lace and slip my fingers into her.
She’s hot, tight, and soaking wet, and I spread some of the wetness to her clit, rubbing it in small circles.
Her moans get louder and I’m thanking the universe this place is abandoned tonight.
Her eyes fall closed, her head falling to the car as she rushes for her release.
And just as she gets close, I extract my fingers, slipping them into my mouth and licking her taste off them.
“Fuck,” I growl before she brings them to her mouth. Her tongue circles my fingers in a way that makes my dick envious.
“Tsss,” I wince, my cock growing painfully hard.
It’s time to stop fucking around. Using my freshly cleaned fingers, I unbutton my pants, glad to be commando tonight. My cock springs out as if he’s been waiting for his moment too long. And he was.
With her pussy dangerously close to me, I take a split second to line myself up and slip into her, inch by fucking excruciating inch.
My cock twitches, her wet heat overwhelming as I start to drive in and out.
My nose burrows itself into her neck, inhaling her intoxicating scent as if it’s the air I need to live.
She whimpers and moans, clenching my cock with nothing less than perfection. I nip her collarbone with my teeth, soothing the bite with licks. I repeat the same process on her neck, forcing another loud moan out of her.
Sweat forms on my forehead, mostly from the effort I’m putting into keeping my orgasm at bay. I still need to make my point to her. “Look. At. Me,” I bite out and she opens her eyes.
“How could I ever get bored of this?” I continue. “How could I ever get bored of being so close to you, of feeling you fall apart in my arms? This. Us. This is it. It’s what you write about, what musicians sing about, what starts wars and sends people to madness. But one thing it isn’t? Boring.”
Her pussy flutters around me and I grit my teeth to stop myself from coming. “So yeah, maybe we’ll fight. Maybe you’ll get annoyed with me, or maybe I’ll get annoyed with you. But one thing that won’t happen is you becoming invisible to me. You’re all I fucking see.”
She lets out a gasp, and I seal it with another searing kiss.
Our tongues intertwine and there’s no more stopping this.
The feeling starts deep in my spine, rattling my body like an earthquake before finding its way to my cock.
I hold her close to me while she milks me dry, trembling.
Her lashes flutter closed once again as sensations overwhelm her, and I swallow her moans, not to alert the entire neighborhood.
Slowly, she opens her eyes as the last waves of her release ebb. Mascara is smeared over her face, her hair is an absolute mess, and beads of sweat have formed on her neck. She’s the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.