Chapter 26
CHAPTER 26
“ N othing’s wrong.” Graal went to the window.
Cas didn’t speak for several seconds. “You’ve just seemed a little off today.”
Graal touched his fingers to the icy glass.
“Is it something I said? Or something my family did? I know we can be a lot, and I know they—well, me—can get carried away with Christmas.” Cas laughed nervously. “So if?—”
“You were all wonderful.” Graal dropped his hand.
Cas didn’t speak for a second. “Then what?”
“It’s a lot for me.” Graal took a deep breath. “I’ve never celebrated Christmas before. And then you and your family include me in decorating, drinking hot chocolate, eating Christmas cookies, and singing carols.” Graal’s chest tightened. “It feels like that sort of stuff shouldn’t happen to me.”
Cas flew towards him. “Why not?”
Graal stared at the glass, his ugly face reflected back. He dropped his gaze, unable to stare at himself a moment longer. “My upbringing wasn’t good. I told you my father is an orc whom I’ve never met. So I lived with my mother and her husband, Jordan.”
Graal swallowed. “Honestly, I’m not sure why they didn’t dump me on the steps of a foundling home. They clearly didn’t want me.”
Cas sucked in a breath.
“Jordan despised me. He liked to get creative mixing up the insults, tusk-faced savage, green-skinned bastard, ugly half-blood monster.”
Cas gasped. His hand touched Graal’s shoulder and squeezed.
Graal turned to face Cas. “I remember Christmas. The other kids in the street talked of it. They were so excited. So I asked my mother about it.”
“And?”
Graal shrugged. “No Christmas tree. No presents. Not for me. On Christmas Day, she wasn’t even home. She’d spend the day with Jordan and his family. So I just stayed home alone doing chores. Sometimes there wasn’t even any food.”
“Why didn’t they bring you?” Cas asked.
Graal shook his head. “I never met any of Jordan’s family. They never visited. And I’m pretty sure they told everyone I was just a servant.”
“Your mother too?” Cas asked in shock.
Graal’s throat tightened painfully. “She didn’t care about me.” His tone came out harsh.
Cas made a noise. He wrapped his arms around Graal’s stomach. He gazed up into Graal’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
Eyes stinging, Graal blinked, trying to get his emotions under control. “Don’t be sorry. Not you, Cas. Not when you’ve given me so much. You’re so kind and caring. No one has ever shown me any affection until you. And you included me in your family’s Christmas festivities.”
Graal gave a tight smile. “I got to experience it all because of you.” Graal cupped Cas’s cheek. “So thank you.” Graal stroked Cas’s skin and pressed a kiss to his pale hair. “Thank you for being so wonderful.”
Cas hugged him tightly. “What happened with your mother?”
“She had a son with Jordan. A son she actually wanted. They named him Sam.” Graal gave a harsh laugh. “He was born a bit before Christmas. That year, they put up a Christmas tree with presents underneath. He was too young to even properly appreciate it, but they’d still done it for him.” Graal licked his lips.
“I always thought that maybe my mother wasn’t capable of love. She’d never really been that affectionate to Jordan either.” Graal took a deep breath. “That Christmas, I realised she was capable of love. She just wasn’t capable of loving me.” Tears slid down his cheeks.
“After that, I left. I was fourteen. I got a job and rented a room from Fernos. Funny. I didn’t realise how badly he treated me for a long time. Probably because he didn’t treat me much worse than my own mother. And if your own mother can’t love you—” Graal broke off as more tears slid down his cheeks.
“Fuck, Graal. I’m so sorry.” Cas lifted a hand and wiped at Graal’s tears.
Graal let out a shaky breath. “And I really can’t blame my mother. Who’d want an ugly monster like me for a son?”
“Graal! No!” Tears shone in Cas’s eyes. “Why would you say that?”
“It’s fine. I know it’s true.” Graal’s voice trembled. “I came to terms with it a long time ago. It’s what everyone has said to me my whole life. It’s what Jordan said. What Fernos and Loral said. Fuck. It’s what strangers and kids on the streets say.”
Cas’s mouth fell open .
“It’s true. Children see me in the street and point. They’re terrified of me and are worried the hideous monster will eat them.” Graal shook his head. “Honestly, I don’t understand why you can bear to be seen with me.”
Cas gripped Graal’s arms, wings fluttering as he lifted to eye level with Graal. “Because you’re not a monster! You’re beautiful, Graal!”
Graal choked and gave a jerky shake of his head.
“You are!” Cas leaned in close. “Maybe not everyone sees it. But I do. I think you’re beautiful.”
“It’s all right, Cas.” Graal struggled to draw breath. Everything hurt. “I know I’m not nice to look at.”
“Well, I like to look at you!” Cas practically yelled at him.
Graal growled.
“Graal, you know it to be true. I’m not fucking you out of some weird sense of charity. I’m fucking you because I’m attracted to you and I want all that attractiveness over and in me! You’re so damn sexy I don’t know what to do with myself. And you deserve to feel beautiful!”
Cas reached out and stroked his fingers through Graal’s hair. “Let me make you feel beautiful, Graal.” Then, Cas leaned forward and kissed him.