Chapter 49
CHAPTER
Ferne had made the right decision in returning to the farm.
It had been cathartic, talking with Cruz, telling him about her past and her regrets.
And helping him made her feel useful in a way she never had.
Despite working for many years in a variety of roles on the farm, she’d always felt underappreciated and taken for granted, a mere adjunct to Mac’s life.
But Cruz valued her input, he listened to her opinions and he thanked her.
Her son had mellowed since returning home. As a kid, and later when he finished school, he’d always seemed out of place here, like he couldn’t wait to get away. But being in charge of Kinstead Avocados suited him, and his excitement about launching the restaurant was palpable.
Mac may have been a control freak who’d made them dance to his tune even from beyond the grave, but in a way, he’d given her and Cruz the fresh start they needed.
In learning the shocking truth about his deception and confronting those who were a part of his secret life, they’d managed to release some of their resentment and look to the future.
When her ankle healed and she made new travel plans, she would leave with a calmer soul, not one filled with regret and recrimination.
Confronting Jesse had been the right thing to do, no matter how unpalatable it had been.
As for Roger, he’d been a surprise. She’d only ever known him as Mac’s best mate, a reclusive man as gruff as her husband.
But he’d welcomed her into his home and had been equal parts ashamed and remorseful about hiding the truth from her all these years.
He’d apologised several times and she’d accepted, another weight lifted off her shoulders, even though she hadn’t known it resided there in the first place.
She’d been so hung up over discovering Mac’s relationship with Jesse that learning about Roger had been nothing.
But seeing him in person, witnessing his humility, undid the coil of anger wound tight inside her.
While Jesse and Roger had done wrong by her in sleeping with a married man, Mac deserved the brunt of her fury, not them.
And she’d come to realise that if her husband hadn’t cheated with those men, he probably would’ve found another way.
Apps had been all the rage for years now.
Who knew, Mac might’ve been involved with more men?
Regardless, returning here, spending quality time with Cruz, had soothed her battered soul to the point she’d reached out to Taj again.
He still didn’t answer her call, so she left another message, much briefer this time, reiterating she’d returned to the farm but hoped to see him when she got back to Melbourne.
If a second call reeked of desperation, she didn’t care.
She was too old and too over all the crap she’d tolerated in her life to play coy.
She’d offer Taj an apology face to face, and if that went well, she’d tell him all of it.
Her mistrust, her craving for stability, her feelings.
Now that she’d faced Jesse and Roger, seeing Taj again would be a breeze.
With Cruz’s soft launch kicking off in two hours, she finished the monthly accounts, helped him garnish some of the dishes he’d be serving, dressed in her favourite cocktail dress—black chiffon with a flared skirt—and sat under the towering eucalyptus in the backyard to watch the sun sink towards the horizon.
She’d always loved this time of day: the mauve streaking the sky as it faded to indigo; the chirping of the crickets; the occasional squawk of a crow as they settled in for the night.
‘Cruz said I’d find you here.’
Ferne stiffened as Taj’s voice came from behind her, as she momentarily wondered if auditory hallucinations were common once you turned seventy.
When he moved into view, she didn’t know whether to throw herself at him or chastise him for not returning her messages. She settled for standing.
‘What are you doing here?’
‘Cruz invited me as a thank you for facilitating an online meeting between my cousin and him.’
‘That was really nice of you.’
He shrugged. ‘No biggie.’
‘That’s a lie and we both know it. After the juvenile way I acted the last time we saw each other, you would’ve been well within your rights to ignore the favour I asked.’
She tilted her head to one side, studying him: the breadth of his shoulders in expensive navy cotton; the designer stubble speckled with grey; the relaxed confidence with which he carried himself.
This spectacular man had professed longstanding feelings for her, and she’d flung them back in his face. She needed to grovel. Fast.
‘Did you listen to the messages I left?’
‘Uh-huh.’
Casual. Non-committal. Leaving her no closer to knowing if she had a shot at redemption.
But in admitting to listening to her messages, that meant he’d also known she’d be here and he’d come regardless. A positive sign. She hoped.
‘I’m really sorry, Taj. Your honesty threw me because I’m not used to it from the man in my life.’
His eyebrow arched, like he didn’t believe her weak excuse.
‘I don’t trust easily, but I shouldn’t have taken that out on you.’
‘Understandable after your husband’s deception, but you know me. And I thought I knew you.’
‘I hardly know myself these days,’ Ferne muttered, shaking her head.
‘When we dated first time around, I spent so much time second-guessing everything. Were my feelings too intense? Was love so good even real? What happened if we struggled financially? Would I grow to resent you?’ She sighed, hating that she’d botched things so badly.
‘I broke up with you out of fear. Fear for our future, fear of a lack of stability, fear that a bond as strong as ours would fizzle out because no-one’s relationship is that good.
Turns out, I was wrong. And when a fate I don’t believe in presented me with a second chance at first love, I still didn’t trust my gut and I screwed up again. ’
‘Technically it’s a third chance at love because I did that whole sneaky underhanded thing about turning up here as a picker, remember?’
‘I never would’ve left with you back then, but you have no idea how much I yearned to.’ Emotion clogged her throat. ‘I thought about you for months after you left. Wondering what you were doing. Where you were. If I should try to find you. Seeing you again, kissing you again, sent me loopy.’
‘And now?’ The lines at the corners of his eyes crinkled. ‘Are you still crazy about me?’
‘I might be.’
Her coy smile made him laugh and he swooped in to pick her up and spin her around.
When he finally stopped and lowered her to her feet, the walking boot clunked him on the shin.
She raised her hand to cup his cheek. ‘I’m not ready to move in with you, but I’d love to trial a relationship, if you’re still keen?’
‘I’m keen,’ he murmured, pressing against her to show her exactly how much. ‘Like I said at your place, Fer, you’re the one for me. Not many people get do-overs in their lifetime, so we’re lucky.’
‘Extremely.’
She framed his face between her hands, savouring the prickle of his stubble against her palms as she drew his head lower and kissed him.