Chapter 20
CHAPTER 20
“ N o. Don’t go!”
Jana’s head finally cleared enough to realize Lothar was leaving. She scrambled after him, closing her hand around a muscular forearm. He stopped immediately, looking down at her with tormented eyes.
“I thought I frightened you.” His voice was rough with emotion. “I never meant to hurt you.”
She shook her head hard enough that her hair whipped across her tear-stained cheeks.
“Not hurt.” The words caught in her throat. “Just… overwhelmed.”
She tugged him closer, relief flooding through her as he followed her back to the bed. A big hand cupped her face, his thumb brushing away her tears.
“Tell me what you need.”
“Hold me.” She put her arms around his neck, savoring his warmth and strength. “Just hold me.”
He lifted her onto his lap, as gentle as ever despite his size. She buried her face against his neck, breathing in his familiar scent as the last of her tears finally stopped.
“I’ve never…” She swallowed hard. “No one has ever made me feel so safe, so… cherished. It’s terrifying and wonderful all at once.”
He tightened his grip a fraction.
“You are cherished,” he said quietly. “More than you know.”
She nodded against his neck, her arms still tight around his shoulders, needing the anchor of his presence. The intensity of her feelings scared her, but not nearly as much as the thought of him leaving her alone.
Finally she took a deep breath and sat back enough to see his face as she wiped her damp cheeks with trembling fingers. Her heart still raced from the intensity of what they’d shared, but she needed him to understand.
“It’s not you. Not in a bad way.” The words tumbled out between shaky breaths. “I just… I never knew I could feel like that.”
Her whole body flushed at the admission but she could see only concern in his eyes.
“Never?”
She shook her head.
“After everything…” She swallowed hard, surprised by her need to explain. “I thought that part of me was broken. That I’d never be able to…”
Her voice trailed off as his arms tightened protectively around her.
“You didn’t enjoy it?”
“No! I mean, yes! Yes, I did.” Heat rose to her cheeks at the memory. “Very much.”
She shifted closer, and his arms enfolded her, creating a sanctuary of strength and warmth. The steady thump of his heartbeat against her ear grounded her, helping calm the whirlwind of emotions. She pressed closer, savoring how perfectly she fit against him, how his mere presence made her feel whole in a way she’d never experienced before.
That wholeness gave her the courage to speak as the memories she’d kept locked away for so long pressed against her chest, demanding release.
“My mother…” She traced a pattern on his chest, not looking up at him. “When I was little, my mother was a free spirit, always moving, following whatever passion struck her. We never stayed in one place long enough for me to make friends. Sometimes I was lonely but we were together.”
His hand stroked down her back, encouraging her to continue.
“Then she found the Temple of Divine Light. At first it seemed perfect. We had a home, a community. Structure.” She let out a bitter laugh. “I actually loved it. But then…”
Her fingers clenched against his chest as the darker memories surfaced. “The rules kept getting stricter. Everything became a sin, a transgression. They’d lock us in dark rooms for hours if we showed any rebellion. Even smiling at the wrong time could get you punished.”
The words spilled out faster now, like a dam breaking.
“They controlled everything - what we ate, what we wore, who we talked to. If you questioned anything, they’d say you were possessed by evil spirits and needed to be cleansed.”
She shuddered, remembering the “cleansing” sessions. “They’d tie us down and say it was for our own good, to drive out the wickedness. That’s why I panic sometimes when I feel trapped. Why I need to know I can get away, even from you.”
The darkest memories rose like a tide and her throat constricted, but she managed to force the words out.
“My mother went along with everything they said, even when the elders taught that women were property. That our only purpose was to serve and submit.” The words tasted like ashes in her mouth. “When I turned sixteen, they… they forced me to marry one of them. An elder three times my age. He was… not kind.”
Her mother’s blank face flashed through her memory. Not a flicker of protest, not a single word spoken in her defense. Just emptiness, as if her daughter’s fate meant nothing.
“No one stopped it. Not my mother, not any of the women I’d thought of as friends. They just watched, said it was God’s will.” Her voice cracked. “They all stood there singing hymns while I…”
A deep growl rumbled through Lothar’s chest, his arms tightening around her. She glanced up to see his eyes had turned completely black, but rather than being afraid, she felt safer. The rage in his expression wasn’t directed at her - it was for her, protecting her. His reaction validated everything she’d felt, everything she’d buried.
She drew in a shaky breath, drawing an odd sort of comfort from his anger.
“One night, I just… ran. Didn’t take anything but what I was wearing.” Her fingers curled against his chest. “Hitchhiked until I found a women’s shelter two states away.”
The memories of those first terrifying days of freedom flooded back - the constant fear of being found, jumping at shadows, sleeping with one eye open. “I changed my name, got my GED, found work. The shelter helped me get therapy, start healing.”
She shifted in his lap, letting his warmth anchor her to the present.
“I eventually got curious about the rest of my family.” Curiosity driven by loneliness, by the desire for some kind of connection. “It turned out that my grandmother - my dad’s mom who I barely remembered - had left me her farm when she died. The cult never knew about it.” A bitter laugh escaped her. “My mother had told me my father’s family wanted nothing to do with us. Another lie.”
The farm had become her sanctuary, a place where she could finally breathe. But even there, surrounded by the peace of nature, she couldn’t shake the shadows of her past.
“I learned to take care of myself, be independent. But trusting people…” She shook her head. “Every time someone got too close, I’d push them away. Build another wall.”
She traced her fingers along his jaw, and his eyes softened, the black shifting back to a deep, intense green.
“But I trust you, and I don’t want those memories to control me anymore.” Her voice came out stronger than she expected. “May I touch you?”
“You don’t have to do that,” he said hoarsely, but she felt his cock jerk against her.
A smile curved her lips as an unexpected happiness filled her. She hadn’t realized how much it would help to finally tell someone what had happened to her. She felt… lighter, as if the past were no longer weighing her down.
“May I?” she asked again as she gently trailed her fingers across the soft fabric straining to confine his cock.
“If that’s what you want.” He groaned as her hand slipped inside his waistband. “Fuck. Your touch feels so good.”
Heat flooded her body at the praise, but she kept her gaze fixed on him as she gently explored his cock, feeling the thick veins that swirled around the wide shaft. His skin was impossibly hot and silky, except for a rougher area at the base of his shaft and he groaned again when she ran her fingers over it.
“Is that a sensitive area?”
“It’s my knot,” he growled.
The idea of his already enormous cock expanding ever further sent a dizzying thrill of both terror and desire through her.
“Does that bother you?” he asked.
She managed to shake her head, her eyes still fixed on him, and he covered her hand with his own, pressing her palm against his length. Her hand was too small to circle the entire girth but he didn’t seem to mind.
“Keep going,” he growled as she stroked his shaft.
“Mmm. You feel so hot and thick and hard.”
“I want to claim every part of you,” he growled, and a shiver danced down her spine. “To mark you and claim you. To fuck you so thoroughly no one will ever be able to compare.”
“I don’t want anyone else,” she whispered, and his hips bucked beneath her.
“Show me how much you want me,” he commanded.
A little whimper escaped her as the ache between her thighs grew, the slick heat becoming almost unbearable. Her fingers tightened around his length, stroking faster, harder. His growls grew louder, his hips thrusting up into her hand.
“Fuck, yes. Just like that,” he purred.
His fingers tangled in her hair, pulling her head back, and then his mouth claimed hers. She whimpered at the possessiveness of his kiss, the raw need, and his hand tightened in her hair before he released her.
“Do you want me, my valai? Do you want my cock buried inside you?”
“Yes,” she moaned. “Yes, please.”
“So sweet.” He pressed a kiss to the hollow behind her ear. “So polite. My perfect little mate.”
He nipped at the tender skin of her throat, making her shudder, and then he released her long enough to free his erection. His cock sprang up between them, flushed dark green and glistening in the soft lamp light, and her mouth went dry. He looked even larger than he’d felt in her hand.
“Are you afraid, little valai?”
“Maybe a little.” Her eyes widened as his cock flexed.
“Do you want to stop?”
She hesitated, then slowly shook her head.
“I can feel your fear, but I will not hurt you.” He stroked his knuckles down her cheek. “Do you trust me?”
She stared up at him, and her heart stuttered.
“Yes,” she said quietly, and he drew her closer, pressing a kiss against her forehead.
“Let’s take this slowly. Touch me,” he murmured, his warm breath against her skin sending a shiver down her spine. “Get used to how I feel.”
Her fingers returned to his erection, gently tracing the swirling veins, silky beneath her hand.
“Good girl,” he whispered, and her fingers tightened, making him groan. “Just like that. Squeeze me. Tight as you can.”
Her small fingers couldn’t fully encircle his shaft but she did her best, and was rewarded by a low groan.
“Your turn,” he growled, and reached for her.
Her breath caught as his fingers teased her sensitive folds, still slick from her earlier climax. He was gentle, careful, but each light caress made her body quiver. She shifted restlessly, trying to relieve the growing ache.
“So eager,” he purred, and then he lifted her over him, until the broad head of his cock brushed against her core. “Tell me what you want.”
“You. Please,” she moaned, her hands tightening on his shoulders.
He held her easily, and her stomach flipped with nerves and excitement.
“Do you want my big cock stretching you, filling you?”
“Please!”
“Such a good girl.”
He pulled her down over him, the head of his cock nudging her entrance, and the contact made her whole body tense.
“Breathe,” he commanded, and she inhaled sharply.
He kept his movements slow and gentle, allowing her to adjust, his eyes fixed on her face. Her body resisted the intrusion and he adjusted his position, rubbing the wide head across her clit until she was trembling with need. Then he pressed a little harder and she felt her body slowly open to him.
“Yes,” he purred. “Let me in.”
“Oh,” she breathed, and he pressed a little deeper.
It should have hurt. He was far too big for her, but the discomfort was drowned out by a new sensation. Heat bloomed from where their bodies joined, the warmth spreading through her veins. It felt… good. Right. As if they were meant to fit together.
“You’re so small. So tight,” he growled, the muscles in his jaw clenched tight. His eyes had turned black again, filled with an intensity that took her breath away. “I can feel you stretching around me.”
He pushed a little further, and the stretch intensified. Her body trembled and he held himself completely still, waiting for her.
“Too much?”
“No. It feels…” She shifted slightly and they both groaned. “So good. Keep going.”
He let out a strangled sound, the cords in his neck standing out as he gained another inch, two..
“Don’t hold back.” She leaned forward, her lips brushing his. “I trust you.”
“Mine,” he snarled, and pulled her down until his cock was fully buried inside her.
The sudden movement sent a spike of pain through her, and she let out a startled gasp. His grip loosened instantly, and his body tensed.
“I’m sorry, little valai,” he whispered against her lips. “Are you all right?”
“Yes,” she breathed.
She wasn’t hurt - the sharp pain was already fading, replaced by an exquisite fullness. His cock throbbed inside her and her body instinctively tried to clench around the thick shaft.
“You feel so good,” he growled, his hips flexing. “I never imagined… Fuck.”
He lifted her and then pulled her down again, grinding her against him, and sparks skittered through her veins.
“Fuck,” he groaned, and his grip on her tightened.
His pace increased, the pleasure building with each thrust until she was moaning and gasping, clinging to his shoulders. Her nails dug into his skin as his movements grew rougher and wilder, and he growled his approval.
“Yes,” he growled. “Mark me. Show the world that I’m yours.”
His hips flexed again, and a wave of pleasure crashed through her. He continued the deep, relentless thrusts, and her entire body began to tremble.
“Lothar,” she gasped.
“I’m here, little valai.”
Another stroke, another wave, and her vision blurred.
“Oh God.”
“That’s right. Come for me, my mate.”
She cried out as a powerful climax tore through her, and he caught her scream with his mouth, his tongue plunging into her mouth, swallowing her cries.
“Fuck, I can feel your sweet little cunt milking my cock.”
His hands tightened on her hips, his fingers digging into her soft flesh as he took her harder and faster. Each rough stroke sent shockwaves through her, pushing her higher.
“Oh God,” she whimpered, overwhelmed by the sensations.
“Easy, valai. Breathe. You can take my cock. It’s all yours.”
He kept up the relentless thrusts and she sobbed as her body shuddered again, her inner walls clenching around him.
“That’s right,” he growled. “You look so beautiful when you come.”
His grip tightened, his body tensing beneath her. She could feel the heat building inside her, and her hands locked onto his shoulders as his body stiffened.
“Fuck!”
His roar echoed off the walls, and then his seed poured into her, filling her with molten heat. His cock throbbed inside her, swelling until she thought she would burst but the sensation set off another series of tremors that rocked her body, and she clung to him, burying her face against his chest.
Her ears were ringing, her breath coming in ragged pants, but he held her gently, whispering soft words of praise and encouragement.
“My brave little valai,” he purred, stroking her hair.
He cradled her against his chest and she relaxed into his warmth, feeling utterly boneless. His cock was still locked inside her, and a sense of rightness settled over her.
“Mmm.” She snuggled closer. “I’m not sure I can move.”
“You don’t have to. Not until my knot releases.” He nuzzled the top of her head, then pressed a kiss there. “I love how you feel wrapped around my cock.”
“Mmm,” she said, and wiggled slightly, unable to resist the urge to squeeze her inner walls. They both groaned as his cock jerked inside her.
“Don’t move,” he ordered. “I’m barely holding on here.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’ve never been better.” He smiled down at her, his eyes warm. “Although I’m fighting the urge to keep you right here, impaled on my cock, until I can take you again.”
“Oh,” she breathed, heat flushing through her. “I have no objection to that plan.”
He groaned and laughed, and then he kissed her until everything else disappeared.