CHAPTER NINE
Feeling my eyelids begin to droop, I sat up straighter in my chair and focused on the text in front of me. The wooden piece of furniture wasn’t at all comfortable—none here in the library were. But I was so damn exhausted right now that I could fall asleep on even a rope. Comfortably.
As part of the hell of Xalbia, all the candidates had been kept awake for two days straight. Like we hadn’t already felt sapped of nearly all energy.
How could our superiors be sure that we didn’t have ourselves a sneaky nap?
Well, it had a lot to do with the thin cuff that had been snapped to our wrist. It somehow sensed if the wearer drifted off to sleep.
Then it zapped you with a sizzling energy that reverberated through your bones.
It had happened to me only once. I hadn’t purposely toppled into the land of dreams, I’d done it accidentally in the food hall after I’d eaten my dinner a few hours ago.
Soule had patted my shoulder and said, “If it makes you feel any better, the bags under your eyes aren’t that bad.”
It hadn’t made me feel better at all.
But I’d be allowed to sleep tonight. Just not until the garrison’s bell rang twice, which probably wouldn’t be for another hour or so.
I’d chosen to spend the time between now and then refreshing my memory on all I’d been taught in the two weeks that had passed since the not-so-delightful camping trip in the Pines.
Though we’d been given more lessons, we hadn’t been tested straight off . This time, we would be tested at the end of the week instead … which would make things even harder, because it meant we would have to memorize it all.
How we were expected to memorize anything when our brains were so sluggish, I had no clue.
The tests were tedious but also important. It was vital that we knew which beasts were venomous, what kind of effects said venom would cause, where these creatures could be found, and how best to handle coming face to face with them.
In terms of the latter, when dealing with some, it was better to make noise and try to scare them off. They didn’t like prey who’d put up a fight. They liked dinners that were easy to catch and kill. This particularly applied to the winged horses and the tusked jackals.
When it came to other creatures, like the scaled grizzly bears and the silver bulls who had metal plates on their head and body, your best bet was to freeze.
Some should be looked right in the eye. Some, on the other hand, would be aggravated by eye-contact.
One thing always applied to each and every creature: You should never, under any circumstances, run.
We were now just over halfway through Xalbia.
The number of candidates were down by four, since Klemens was dead and three had dropped out the morning after his demise, leaving us with fifty-one.
The Laelaps had in fact dragged Klemens deeper into the moorlands, where he’d been left to rot.
Some had heard his screams through the night, even with the raging wind.
I was kind of sorry that I’d missed it, but I’d been … otherwise occupied that night.
Just thinking about Talon made my stomach tumble. Which was super irritating, but I was working on changing that.
Just as I’d expected, he didn’t act any differently toward me than he had before we’d slept together. Nor did he ever look at me as a man would look at a woman whose body he knew intimately. Nah, he stared at me the same way he did everyone and everything else—like I was a hindrance.
Sometimes, I could almost think that night in the tent never actually happened.
I hadn’t told anyone about it, not even Khalida.
I really didn’t need to deal with people accusing me of having slept with the Cardinal of the Black Tapestry in the hope of securing a place in it.
Not that I thought she would believe that.
But others might, and the best way to keep something quiet was to not speak of it at all.
Closing a mental drawer on the subject, I refocused on the text in front of me.
I came to the library some evenings—usually to read up on whatever information we’d been told to seek out for ourselves, but sometimes just for the pleasure of it.
Though I enjoyed chilling in the tavern, reading was another thing that helped me destress.
Also, I found the library relaxing. Found the combined smells of musty paper, wood, leather, and candle wax comforting. And I liked the quiet, too.
Generally, you didn’t get a lot of “quiet” at the garrison. It was a lively place always bustling with activity. But here, there were only muted whispers, the flip of pages, soft footfalls, the scratch of writing quills, and the occasional creak of the wooden chairs.
It wasn’t small by any means. The bookshelves were large and sturdy—there were rows upon and rows of them. Cozy reading corners could also be found, along with desks for people to sit while they studied or read or even just napped.
It was dark outside, so no sunlight filtered through the windows. But the many lanterns and chandeliers provided plenty of light and caused faint little shadows to dance over the page I was reading.
Khalida sat beside me at the table, engrossed in a romance book. She had insisted on accompanying me to the library and keeping me company. She didn’t like me being alone due to what happened with Klemens, fearing another candidate would repeat his mistake.
The attempt on my life had shocked her, which I hadn’t expected—she’d warned me that it could happen. But I supposed that suspecting it might occur was a whole lot different from hearing it had happened, especially if the target was a friend.
Personally, I doubted any of the other candidates would come at me, given what the consequences had been for Klemens.
My newfound friends, however, didn’t want to take any chances.
They believed it was possible that someone might do it even if only to avenge Klemens.
After all, people didn’t always think straight when their thoughts were all jumbled and dark, courtesy of Xalbia.
So if Khalida wasn’t at my side when I had free time, it was one of the others in our group. I found it all quite sweet.
Though plenty of people suspected that Atticus was the mastermind behind Klemens’ attack, there was no way to prove it.
When Jelani had confronted him the morning after the incident, the Phoenixian had point blank denied having any involvement.
And since Klemens hadn’t claimed otherwise before being tossed to the beasts of Deimos, there was nothing to be done about my suspicions, even if others shared them.
One good thing had come of the attack. Atticus now left me alone. I supposed he didn’t want to do anything that would support my claims that he wanted me dead. Whether or not he continued to give me a wide berth was another matter altogether. He’d always been a little reckless.
Noticing that I was again sagging in my seat, I made an effort to sit up. It was hard when my limbs felt so damn heavy.
A few others were present in the library, including the officiates that worked here when they weren’t focused on border control. I hoped I could get a job at the stables if—no, when—I became an officiate. A job here in the library would also be something I’d enjoy, though.
Again, I tried concentrating on the page in front of me, but the letters went blurry.
I blinked rapidly, fighting the urge to close my eyes.
They felt dry and gritty. Partly because I was tired, partly because—thanks to my earlier trek through the freaking canyons—my eyes were sore from how often the gale blew bits of sand and dirt in my face.
What I’d been able to see of the scenery through the fog had been beautiful. Smooth, tall spires. Winding ravines. Rare flowers. Blooming cacti. Rock walls of various colors such as red, brown, orange, and gray.
But repeatedly slipping on the shaley ground hadn’t been fun. Or encountering a rattlesnake. Or being made to climb slopes and walls. Or almost drowning in the rapids and cutting my legs and arms on the rocks there.
I’d managed to get out of the water without help. Talon had been waiting, but he hadn’t worn his usual, Are you ready to quit now? look. His expression had been blank as he took stock of me with his eyes alone.
That he seemed to have acknowledged I wasn’t going to give up, no matter how many “accidents” I had, was something I considered progress. Part of it, I thought, came from the fact that I hadn’t let the attack from Klemens send me running either.
So I’d smiled at Talon and said, “I make the drowned-rat look work, don’t I?”
With a gruff sigh, he’d walked away.
The injuries were now healed, but the soles of my feet hurt from how many times I’d stood on tiny rocks during our trek.
The daily treks now spanned longer distances. Our sleeps were getting shorter. And if it wasn’t my imagination, our food rations on the aforementioned treks had gotten stingier.
Basically, Xalbia never ceased attacking your mental and physical motivation. And it was getting to people more and more, including those who’d initially been so confident and capable.
There were times that I’d find some staring at nothing, their eyes lifeless or unfocused. People’s footsteps would often drag, and their postures would often slouch. Self-doubt would also occasionally creep into their expressions.
Hell, I was no exception to any of this.
Honestly, I was so drained that my body often conformed to whatever chair I claimed. Some days, I’d be so exhausted that a mental fog would take over. The edges of my patience would be frayed, and my willingness to keep going would show signs of erosion.
But I was still here.
I hadn’t given up. I’d overcome those weak moments. And I was proud of myself.