CHAPTER TEN
“Sometimes, I want to knock their heads together,” said Khalida the following evening, her attention on the two bickering officiates who were hovering near the bonfire.
Layna had accidentally bumped into Jelani, who’d accepted her stiff apology …
but they had somehow ended up arguing over something.
Bickering seemed to be a favorite pastime of theirs.
“Have they always been like this?” I asked, raising my voice slightly so I’d be heard over the amount of noise in the garrison—fire crackling, music playing, people laughing and whooping and talking.
“Only after they grew close as friends,” she replied. “It’s maddening watching them both fight what they want instead of fighting for it.”
I took a quick swig of cider from my tankard. Recalling how he had been put off by Khalida telling him I’d want something exclusive … “I have to wonder if the reason he doesn’t offer women more is that he only really wants one person in particular. Aka Layna.”
Khalida’s back straightened. She twisted on her chair so she faced me. “You could be onto something there.”
Hearing playful barks, I looked to see a Laelap running around with a branch that was no doubt meant for the bonfire, several of his pack mates behind him. People were jumping backward to avoid the long branch, but it smacked a few in the legs.
The outside of the garrison was packed with people—both officiates and candidates alike. It was Vesper’s birthday, so the Order was ensuring that she spent the evening celebrating it. Only those acting as sentries were unable to attend.
The birthday girl was currently dancing with a bunch of people, including Nakoa and Soule.
Music came from the officiates merrily strumming lutes or banging drums. Many were sprawled out on the courtyard grass.
Others sat on hay bales or chairs that were taken from the tavern and library.
Some danced near the bonfire, laughing and changing dance-partners by the second.
Then there were those leaning against buildings or sitting on the gravelly ground playing cards.
At first, I’d stuck close to the bonfire, seeking warmth as the sun set and the air cooled. But before long, my eyes had begun to sting and water from the smoke. So now Khalida and I lounged on chairs that were set further back.
Much as I was having fun, I was looking forward to kicking off my boots and settling on my makeshift bed. My calves were killing me from the amount of jogging we’d done after our earlier ‘test,’ which had been a horrid experience that I hoped to never repeat.
“I see bad sexual decisions being made,” Khalida commented.
I glanced around. Kisses were being stolen. Butts were being stroked. Couples were disappearing into shadows or buildings.
“Several people are going to wake up smelling of regret.” Khalida pursed her lips, placing her now-empty tankard beneath her chair. “You know, there are a few men here who would—”
“You really don’t need to occupy yourself with finding me someone,” I told her with a soft sigh.
“You need a regular bedtime treat. It’s a great way to burn off stress, and you have to be enduring plenty of that. There’s only so much that nights at the tavern or library can do.”
My little tumble with Talon had done wonders for my stress levels, but only temporarily. While having a regular arrangement might help, I didn’t trust any of the candidates to not kill me. I found a number of officiates attractive, but I shied away from doing anything about it. “I’m okay. Really.”
“Or, like Jelani, you only want someone in particular.”
Well, yes. It just didn’t seem right to sleep with someone when a part of me would wish they were someone else. I wouldn’t like it if the situation were reversed. And I wasn’t holding out hope that anything more might happen between me and Talon.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” Excitement lit up her eyes. “Who is it?”
“Nobody,” I denied before taking a casual sip of my cider, going for nonchalant.
Ignoring my answer, she joined her hands and hummed thoughtfully. “Let me guess.” She started listing names—some officiates, some candidates.
I shook my head each time, even when she tossed out Talon’s name. But something in my expression made her gaze narrow and sharpen.
“Aha. It’s Talon.”
Knowing that to emphatically deny it would only make her more convinced she was right, I instead said, “He’s beautiful in a very savage way—I’ll give him that. But I don’t have my eye on him.”
She let out a pfft sound. “You’re a good liar, Anara, but there’s no fooling the Master of Deceit.”
Shaking my head at her persistence, I looked away, not wanting to admit that she was right. I wished she wasn’t. Wished he didn’t intrigue me. Wished I didn’t crave more of what had occurred in his tent.
How very aware I was of him grated on me, as did the way that I couldn’t stop my gaze from seeking him out.
It was so dark here that the bonfire and lanterns all but glowed.
Still, despite the poor lighting, I’d spotted him easily.
I had also done an exceptionally good job of not looking his way again.
Which had proven hard, since he was leaning against the barracks across from me, which put him in my direct line of sight.
“You want him,” persisted Khalida. “Admit it.”
I inwardly snorted. Not likely.
“He looks at you a lot, you know. Minos told him to keep a close eye on you, sure, but still.”
I sighed. “Let it go.”
“Never.”
“Why?”
“Like I said before, you need some additional stress relief. He likely wouldn’t ever cross sexual lines with a candidate. But soon, you’ll be an officiate. Then what are you going to do?”
“Sag in relief.”
She rolled her eyes. “About Talon.”
Absolutely nothing. “Are you forgetting that he doesn’t do exclusive arrangements? No woman other than Eva will get that from him.”
Khalida fell quiet for a long moment, and then her shoulders sagged. “Why did you have to go and make a good point?” she griped.
A short chuckle bubbled up, but my amusement died as an itch raced across my scalp. It kept happening as my cells continued trying to bond with the ichor.
She lifted her index finger. “I’m going to say one last thing about this Talon business. There are plenty of women here who are extraordinarily beautiful. Me, for example.”
“I wish you weren’t so insecure,” I deadpanned, setting my tankard on the ground and then nudging it beneath my chair with my foot.
“He has dallied with some of them, but he’s never shown interest in them.
You, though? He might watch you because he was told to, but he looks intrigued at times.
Seems reluctantly impressed by how you don’t hesitate when it comes to Xalbia.
Then he starts scowling, seeming unhappy with himself for feeling that way.
You have his attention, whether either of you like it or not; whether you’re willing to act on it or not. ”
Maybe. But it didn’t matter, did it? Because, as I’d already pointed out, he would only ever commit to Eva. I didn’t say as much, though, because we were right then joined by the rest of our group.
More drinking, talking, and laughing went on. I enjoyed every moment, but my lethargy eventually got the better of me. I stood and said, “Right, I’m done for the night.”
Jelani’s brow pinched. “You’re leaving already?”
“I need sleep in a major way.” I exchanged goodbyes with everyone, weakly waving.
“I’ll walk you to the stables,” Jelani declared. “I still don’t trust the other candidates not to do something stupid.”
Though I highly doubted anyone would choose to do anything right this moment, I didn’t turn down the offer. It wouldn’t be good to become complacent. “Okay. Thank you.”
We both began a slow walk to the stables, edging through the crowds of people. I didn’t mean for my gaze to cut to Talon—it just happened. His eyes were bouncing from me to Jelani. Eyes that narrowed almost … dangerously.
Too tired to ponder on it, I looked away.
Jelani nudged me with his elbow as we past the courtyard. “So, how did today’s test rank in terms of worst test ever?”
“The highest it could possibly have ranked,” I muttered.
Using only stepping stones, we’d each had to reach a golden egg.
Stones that were in the sky, well above the river within the city walls.
And yes, some people fell. I had almost been one of them, having not quite timed a particular jump right.
But I’d managed to catch my balance and then finally reached the egg, which I’d had to carry back with me.
If a candidate dropped the egg, they failed the test.
Really, the purpose of making you carry something so smooth that had no handles was simple: It meant that you couldn’t use your arms for balance.
The result of failing the test, whether by falling into the river or dropping the egg? You repeated the test. And you kept on repeating it until you passed or you cried foul.
The reward of passing? There was none. Except that it was over. But that truly had felt like a reward, because the whole thing had been horrible.
I generally had no issue with heights. But standing so high in the air on stones that were only wide enough to fit your feet on? Yeah, that could make a person feel dizzy and anxious.
Pushing the memories aside, I spared Jelani a glance. “So, when are you going to stop pretending that you don’t want Layna so badly it’s driving you nuts?”
His step faltered, and he let out a heavy breath. “I hear enough of this from Quillen and Soule.”
“They don’t like seeing you hold back. And why would you? As Khalida likes to point out, a lot of danger comes with being an officiate. At the risk of sounding morbid … you don’t know that you definitely have the time you seem to think you should take before you act on what you want.”
He flicked me a sideways look, his expression pensive. “I’m thinking I should feel hurt that you’re pushing me toward another woman.”