36. April
Chapter 36
April
W e’ve spent every free moment together these past two weeks, alternating between each other’s places. After work, we gravitate towards each other, escaping the outside world and losing ourselves in the other’s arms.
I love seeing James in his usual work clothes. There’s something undeniably hot and primal about the dirt and sweat that cling to him. It only gets sexier when I’m the one helping him lather up and wash the grime away.
Every night together feels brand new—fingers and tongues tracing untouched paths, lips documenting every curve and edge of each other’s bodies. I’ve never felt more alive. It feels like a dream—one long, happy dream where nothing exists but us.
But it’s not just the sex, though that is incredible—it’s the way we lie together in silent heartbeats, we talk in the quiet moments afterwards, the soul-nourishing conversations, sharing things we never expected to with each other. I tell him about my parents and my childhood, and about the car accident. I share stories about how I met Anna and Gemma, and James laughs along with me, especially at Gemma’s horror dates.
In turn, he opens up about the band and how they came together. He’s known Oliver for as long as I’ve known Anna. It’s exciting learning about his friends; it helps me understand him a little more. I’ve only ever met the guys in passing, so hearing about their music and the effort they’ve put into auditioning is exciting.
He tells me about his mum and the struggles she faced raising them. I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must have been for James—being just a kid and wearing the responsibility of constantly checking in on her. He’s a remarkable man.
He shares things Lucas never did—parts of his life I never even knew existed. Our friendship has blossomed so naturally, to the point where it feels as though we’ve known each other for years. There was a hole inside me, and James has managed to fill it. It’s the way he pulls me closer in his sleep, like being apart isn’t an option, even unconsciously. The way we laugh together over late-night wine and takeaway.
With James, everything just is.
He’s softened my splintered edges.
We’ve become addicted to each other. By the weekend, our routine seems set in stone—meeting up after he finishes work, talking, exploring each other until the early hours of the morning, and waking wrapped up together.
He’s been so supportive of my ceramics, always offering just the right words when my hands falter or my confidence wavers. It’s the kind of assurance that makes me believe I might actually be able to approach some of the small businesses around the markets to see if they’d consider stocking my pieces. I floated the idea by Gemma and Anna, who both responded enthusiastically.
When James isn’t offering his thoughts, he’s playing his guitar, fingers gliding over the strings as I shape my clay. Words aren’t even necessary. We simply just exist, lost in the beauty of our own creations, together.
But there’s this persistent voice in the back of my mind reminding me that we can’t stay hidden forever. What we’re doing isn’t just fleeting; it’s growing and taking shape into something deeper and more substantial. Though we agreed that we wouldn’t rush into anything, we both know that Lucas will find out about what we’re doing eventually. And when he does, I can’t shake the fear that it’ll be like setting off a bomb.
What will happen when our bubble bursts?
When the safety of this little world we’ve created together is ripped away?
I glance over at James as he sleeps beside me. I care about this man so much, it makes my chest ache. He doesn’t seem to feel the ticking clock like I do, or maybe he just does a better job at ignoring it. I wish I could do the same, but I know the fallout is inevitable, and I can’t stop wondering whether we’ll survive it. I trust James implicitly, but will the beauty of what we have between us break under the pressure?
I want to believe that we can make it through, that we’re strong enough to face whatever comes. It feels like we’re bound by the same thread, something unbreakable. No matter the distance, time, or directions our lives took, it feels like life was always meant to lead us to each other.
It feels real.
It’s worth the risk.
The soft patter of water fills the room as James steps into my en suite shower, and I can’t stop the smile spreading across my face. I’m floating on cloud nine.
It’s early Sunday morning, and we woke the way we usually do. Well, usually, I’m rolled onto my back, and James slides inside me. This morning, however, I took control, pushing him onto his back and sinking down onto his hard, rigid length.
I moved over him, slow and steady until we couldn’t last any longer, his release spurting deep inside me. Afterwards, James insisted on cleaning me up. He ran a cloth under warm water before returning to my side and gently wiping me down. His touch was tender, and between the soft strokes, he pressed gentle kisses on my lips, my forehead, and my temples.
Grabbing the robe from the back of my door, I slip it on and wrap it snuggly around myself, pulling the belt tight at my waist. I let him shower in peace, though it’s hard to resist the urge to join him, and I head downstairs.
I make a beeline for the coffee machine. Grabbing two of my own handmade mugs from the cupboard and my beloved coffee pods, I fetch the milk from the fridge. I pour the milk into the frother, the quiet thrum filling the kitchen as the milk spins and thickens into a creamy foam. I watch as the rich, dark liquid flows, infusing the air with my favourite scent. I take a deep breath in, inhaling the rich aroma, and close my eyes. I lean back against the counter. My mind is still, and my heart is steady. This is peace and happiness.
We haven’t discussed our plans for the rest of the day, but I’m happy to play it by ear. I’d love for James to stay, but I’d understand if he needs to head out—his audition is coming up fast, and I know how much every moment counts.
Over the past few months, I’ve noticed a real shift in the way the band plays compared to when I first heard them. I’d like to think I might have contributed to James’s passion on-stage, but I know I can’t take all the credit. Watching the guys perform, they’ve become a single, cohesive unit—completely in sync and feeding off one another’s energy. Their chemistry as a band is undeniable, and it’s electric to witness.
There’s something incredibly sexy about a man with drive. In the mornings, he softly taps his fingers on the countertops, thumping his foot in sync with the rhythm. I can almost hear the melody running through his head as he moves.
As much as the idea of not seeing him for months is difficult, I know how amazing this opportunity would be for him. It could be career-defining—opening doors to endless possibilities and finally giving the band the recognition they’ve worked so hard for. And who knows? They might even score a record deal. If anyone deserves it, it’s James. A swell of emotion and pride rises in my chest at the thought of it, and I can’t help but buzz with excitement.
I’m pouring the last of the frothed milk into the second mug when a knock sounds at the door. My brows crease in confusion; I wasn’t expecting anyone.
Maybe it’s a delivery.
Wiping my hands over the front of my robe, I walk to the door and swing it open. The moment I see who’s standing there, a cold paralysis takes over, leaving my body heavy as stone.
Lucas.
“Hey,” he says.
I blink, caught off guard, before my gaze drops to his hand. He’s holding a bouquet of white roses.
“Hey…,” I say.
“These are for you,” he says, extending the flowers towards me. Confused, I reach out and take them. He gives me a small, hopeful smile.
“May I come in?”
I exhale, gripping the bouquet a little tighter. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you. I thought perhaps we could talk … and, well, maybe I could see Basil,” he says, his voice trailing off.
“I would have appreciated a call or text,” I lower the bouquet. “Look, Lucas, I don’t?—”
“I know I fucked up. The thought that I hurt you—it’s been eating at me every single day. I’d do anything for another chance. Please.” His voice cracks and his eyes shimmer with hope. The hurt in his voice stings. I haven’t thought about him at all since I last saw him. I’ve been so wrapped up in James, literally and figuratively—the two of us like a pair of horny teenagers.
I knew our paths were bound to cross at some point, but I certainly wasn’t ready now.
Not like this.
“Please,” he whispers, “can I come in?”
“Now really isn’t a good time.”
I hear James behind me and startle as his footsteps thud heavily on the staircase.
Fuck.
“Is someone here?” His expression drops and his voice turns serious as he looks over my shoulder.
“Lucas, it’s?—”
“Lucas?” James’s voice interrupts us, and I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing, just for a moment, that this was all some twisted dream. When I turn around, James’s focus falls to the bouquet in my hands. His expression shifts and the colour drains from his face as his eyes flick between me and Lucas. His jaw ticks.
He stands with only a towel slung low around his hips, his chest bare and glistening, the sharp V of his hips leading to places I know far too well. The fact that his skin and hair are still damp from the shower makes it painfully obvious he didn’t just drop by for tea.
“I didn’t know he was coming,” I say.
James’s eyes narrow as they lock on Lucas, and I can feel the tension rolling off him in waves.
“What the fuck is he doing here?” Lucas asks. I watch helplessly as Lucas’s gaze sweeps over James—from the damp strands of his hair down to his bare feet.
This doesn’t look good.
“Are you two shagging?”
Silence.
Lucas steps over the threshold, and I instinctively retreat, caught off guard.
“I said,” Lucas seethes through gritted teeth, “Are. You. Fucking. Her?”
“Yes,” I whisper in response, the word slipping out before I can stop it.
“April—” James moves towards me.
“No, James, it’s fine.” I lift my hand to stop him. I turn back to Lucas, squaring my shoulders to feign a confidence I absolutely do not have. “We’ve been seeing each other. And before you ask again—yes, we are sleeping together.”
Lucas’s face twists in disbelief, as if the words physically wound him. “You … with him ? He’s my brother. How could you do this?”
The look he shoots me feels like a bullet, and I swallow the lump rising in my throat, forcing the tears to stay at bay. “Me? Are you serious? How could I do this? We were engaged .” I emphasise my words. “You hurt me in ways I can’t even explain. You broke me.” My voice cracks. “And James was … it just happened. You told me you couldn’t return the depths of my affections.”
Lucas’s nostrils flare. “I made mistakes, April, but I never stopped loving you. I was wrong.” His voice strains. “We could’ve fixed this. I wanted to fix this … we could’ve had everything.”
James shifts, subtly positioning himself between us. “You need to leave, Lucas.” His voice is steady and cold. Protective.
Lucas’s eyes flick to James. “Of course you’d swoop in, wouldn’t you?”
“Oh, you are so full of shit and you know it,” James says. His hand brushes mine, reminding that he’s here with me.
“So, what’s this about then, James? Payback? You wanted revenge, so you decided to fuck my fiancée ?”
“ Ex -fiancée.”
My eyes flick between them, because I have absolutely no idea what Lucas means.
“Payback?” I ask, completely lost.
James’s jaw tightens, the muscle in his cheek twitching. His eyes bore holes into Lucas’s. “Stop it, Lucas,” he warns, his voice full of venom.
But Lucas doesn’t stop. He steps closer, invading James’s space, their faces just inches apart.
“Oh no, I think I’ll continue. You couldn’t handle the fact that your girlfriend wanted me .”
“What?” My voice trembles as I turn to James. “What is he talking about?”
James’s jaw ticks and his expression darkens.
“James,” I whisper, placing a hand over his heart, feeling it hammer beneath my palm.
He swallows hard, avoiding my gaze. “Remember when I told you Abigail cheated on me with her colleague, Matt?” he says.
Oh God. I think I know where this is going. My stomach plummets.
“Yes,” I answer, already dreading what’s coming next.
“It wasn’t Matt,” he says, his voice stripped of emotion. “It was Lucas.”
“What do you mean?”
“Lucas fucked Abigail.” James’s voice is razor sharp. “He was shagging her the entire time .”
I bring a hand to my mouth, completely stunned.
Lucas stands firm, but his charming and polite facade cracks, revealing a truth I’m now awake enough to see. I barely recognise him. My heart shatters for James, breaking apart at the reality that Lucas ruined his future too.
And it all makes sense.
Tears pool in my eyes as I glance between them, disbelief and hurt burning through me. “How could you do that to him, Lucas? How could you hurt your own brother like that?”
Lucas’s gaze drops, and I swear I see shame flickering across his face for the briefest second, before his jaw tightens again, a steel wall sliding back into place. “It was a mistake. I tried to end it with her, but she wouldn’t have it,” he mutters defensively.
“Really? Is that why your messages were popping up on her phone?” James says.
Lucas scoffs. “Believe what you want.”
“Lucas, I really think you should leave. Please,” I say, my voice shaky.
Lucas frowns. James steps closer to me, his hand curling protectively around my waist. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” he murmurs, brushing his thumb over my hip. He looks at Lucas. “Get out.”
Lucas’s eyes dart to me, then the hand holding the bouquet one last time. He looks regretful and resentful, but I don’t flinch. I won’t dare give him the satisfaction.
“I really did love you,” he says quietly, as if those words could somehow undo the damage. With a final, vicious glance at James, he storms out, shutting the door behind him with a loud crack. The silence that follows feels suffocating. I stand there, totally stunned.
James steps closer, his hand rubbing slow, soothing circles on my back. “Are you okay?” he asks.
I nod, though the tears still burn at the edges of my eyes. “Me? Are you okay?”
He presses a kiss to my temple. “I’ve got you,” he says against my ear. “As long as I have you, I’m good. And I’m not going anywhere.”