Chapter 34
ELIZA
It was late by the time Jesse got home. The dinner I’d cooked earlier to stabilize my nerves after I’d let Eugenie dress me like a decorative pastry was sitting in the oven, but making it hadn’t helped to calm me as much as I’d hoped it would.
Jesse’s appearance when he walked in the door didn’t help much either. If I was being honest, he looked more like Will right now, disheveled to the point where I worried he might be hurt as I rushed over to him.
“What happened?” I asked as my chest tightened into knots. “Are you okay?”
That thick dark hair was messy, sticking up in places and with the front sweeping across the forehead in a way I’d never seen before. His shirt was slightly creased too, his jacket off and his tie hanging loose around his neck.
He didn’t answer my questions, turning to shut the door behind him before he crossed the space between us in a few long strides. Those blue eyes seemed stricken, a bit too wide for comfort as he took me firmly by the shoulders.
“I’m sorry, Eliza,” he murmured, his breathing uneven and his eyes searching mine like he was hoping to find an answer to a question he hadn’t even asked yet. “I’m so, so sor—”
“Sorry for what?” I asked, my heart beating faster as I brought my hands to his chest. “What the hell is going on?”
He shook his head slightly. “I didn’t… this wasn’t—” Exhaling harshly, frustration suddenly seemed to be pouring off him in waves. “You didn’t deserve to be pulled into this the way you have.”
Well, that doesn’t make me feel any better.
My heart was already doing its best impression of a hummingbird, but it plummeted as I looked up into his eyes and saw the pain there. The fear. It made no sense whatsoever.
Since when is corporate America so scary?
“Pulled into what?” I asked slowly, wondering if perhaps he hadn’t come from the office after all.
This certainly wasn’t what I imagined people normally looked like when they got home from their day jobs in a skyscraper. He’d certainly never looked quite like this before. “I don’t understand, Jesse. What is it?”
Another shake of his head. “I should’ve handled it differently. I should have—”
“Jesse.” I said his name a little louder and a little firmer this time, pressing my hands tighter against his chest in the hopes of snapping him out of this spiral he seemed to be in. “What are you talking about?”
He stopped for a second. Stopped moving and even speaking, and then, utterly out of the blue, his arms snaked around my hips and he pulled me into him.
I landed with a light thwack against his chest. Then his mouth was on mine and he was kissing me. It wasn’t gentle or sweet either. This kiss was hard and desperate, like it was meant to tell me everything he wasn’t saying.
His hands slid from my shoulders to my waist, pulling me closer in a way that felt instinctive. Like he needed me as close as I could be, or perhaps simply needing something solid to hold on to.
A small, startled sound escaped me, but it wasn’t a protest and he seemed to know it since he didn’t stop. Instead, he deepened the kiss until it felt urgent. Like he was trying to communicate something too big and far too complicated to put into words.
His thumb pressed lightly into my side while his other hand curved around my back, keeping me exactly where he wanted me. I caught his shirt between my fingers, holding on as the world narrowed to only the heat of him and the tension in his body.
When I finally responded, his breathing even hitched slightly, which was unusual. It made me wind my arms around his neck, though. I pulled him even closer, needing him to know that whatever was going on out there, he was okay.
I was still here. I always would be.
In return, he kissed me like he meant it and when he finally pulled back, it wasn’t by much. He rested his forehead against mine, his breathing downright choppy now.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated, but it was almost a whisper this time. “I need you to know that you mean everything to me, Eliza. No matter what, you always will.”
My heart leaped before it melted. I slid my fingers into his hair, a soft smile spreading on my lips as I looked into those blue eyes that were usually so clear but seemed so tormented today. “You’re home now, my love. I’m right here. Are you alright? Because you don’t look it.”
He choked out a laugh, his grip on me tightening as he started walking me back toward the hallway. “I’m not, but I will be as long you’re here.”
I stroked my fingers through his hair again and tilted my head back, willingly moving with him. “I’m not going anywhere. Although we do seem to be moving toward your bedroom.”
“Is that an objection?”
“Nope.” I smiled and inhaled a deep breath to calm my racing heart. “I’m more than willing to be the distraction you so desperately seem to need, then we can talk later?”
“All I want tonight is to hold you,” he murmured, sliding a hand into my hair and kissing me soundly once more. “But if you want to distract me, I won’t stop you.”
I giggled. We walked into his bedroom, and I sat down on the edge of the bed as soon the backs of my knees brushed against it. I let my hands drop to his hips. “Allow me, then.”
As I started working on undoing his belt, he watched me intently, his eyes almost silver in the darkness of the room. He said nothing as I unbuckled it, leaving it open in the loops as I reached for the button at the top of his fly.
My heart rate sped up again when I realized he was actually going to let me do this, take control. A shiver of desire ran through me, intensifying when he let out a soft groan as I slowly dragged the metal zipper down. “Eliza…”
I glanced up again but moved my hands up to the buttons of his shirt and started on them in turn. “You can tell me to stop, Jesse.”
A tender smile ghosted across his lips when he must’ve recognized that I’d repeated the same words he’d said to me so many times. One of his hands came up to cup my face, his eyes focused only on my own.
“I’m never going to tell you to stop, Eliza.”
“Excellent. I’ve been looking forward to this.” I felt my lips curve into a rare smirk as I pushed the shirt off his shoulders and pulled his pants off next, bringing the underwear with them as if I knew exactly what I was doing.
I didn’t, but eye-to-eye with his already hard cock, I felt my uncertainty melting away. It’s not possible to be awful at this after how many times I’ve read about it.
Reaching up, I wrapped my fingers around the base and relished the soft moan that escaped him.
I opened my mouth and leaned forward, slowly letting him slide between my lips.
Jesse let out a string of muttered curses that encouraged me so much that I felt a rush of heat between my legs, but I ignored that for now.
Doing my best to keep my teeth out of the way, I folded my tongue as much as possible under the underside of him and starting bobbing up and down. I probably looked ridiculous, but the quiet sounds vibrating through his chest told me he didn’t care, so neither did I.
I kept going, moving my hand in time with my mouth and letting my cheeks hollow out as I sucked.
Jesse’s hands landed on the back of my head, not pressuring, but guiding, and I took it happily, so turned on by knowing how much this was clearly affecting him that I could barely keep from begging him to just take me already.
When I felt him swell slightly between my lips, I thought he was going to let go, but instead, he pushed me off him and got me naked in a flash. The speed at which he managed it was surprising, but I laughed and helped him wildly shed my clothes.
Jesse gave me a tight smile as he reached into his bedside drawer and produced a condom, a slight sheen of sweat covering his skin and his chest rising and falling fast.
“You’re too sexy for you own good,” he muttered, making my mouth dry up as I watched him roll the condom on. He let out another low groan when he caught me staring. He crawled onto the bed with me, all those lean muscles rippling as he moved. “God, you drive me crazy.”
“You do the same to me, so it’s only fair.”
As he settled between my legs, he kissed me softly, only deepening it as he slowly fed himself into me. My breath stalled in my lungs, pleasure racing through me as he stroked every delicious part of my insides.
Once he was all the way in, he gave me a second to adjust, his mouth still lovingly devouring my own. Finally, he started moving and I moved with him, giving myself over entirely to the pleasure he was so very capable of eliciting from my body.
Lost in the very last person I’d ever expected to feel this with, I didn’t fight when I felt an orgasm cresting from deep inside, simply moaning as I contracted around him. The climax was gentle but exquisite, so unlike the blinding rush of those from the other night that I almost started crying.
Gosh, it’s no wonder people describe this as such a beautiful experience.
Jesse stiffened above me as soon as it started subsiding, moaning my name as he thrust one last time.
I felt his release deep inside, wishing for an illogical second that there was nothing between us, but then he rolled off me in the aftermath, bringing me with him and holding me in his strong arms.
I lay half-curled against him with my head resting on his chest as his heartbeat settled into a slower rhythm. His arm was around me, his fingers absently tracing patterns along my shoulder like he wasn’t entirely aware he was doing it.
Staring at the rise and fall of his chest, I listened to the slight thudding of his heartbeat beneath my ear and let the truth wash over me. Jesse was keeping things from me. Big things, probably. Important things.
I knew that for a fact but there was something else I knew beyond any doubt as well. That was even more important to me right now.
“I’m in love with you,” I said softly.
Whatever he wasn’t telling me, and however messy and confusing things had been since our return to Chicago, I believed in us. I felt his chest stop moving beneath my head for a few long seconds and I looked up at him, finding him already staring down at me.
Something in his expression didn’t match the moment, though. He seemed surprised more than anything else, but even that didn’t last long before his features turned sharper. Almost like he was hurt.
My chest tightened faintly, my pulse suddenly kicking against my veins. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
He blinked away the hurt like he hadn’t meant for me to catch it. His hand resumed its movements against my skin and he leaned his head back on the pillow. “Everything is going to be okay, Eliza.”
I frowned. “It’s not okay now?”
“No, but it will be,” he said quietly. “I’ll make sure of it. I promise you.”
That didn’t make sense, but the way he’d said it, with such certainty and determination, allowed me to settle into him anyway. It wasn’t the response I’d wanted to hear to my confession, but I’d also known that there was something going on.
Perhaps that same something was making him feel like he had to hold back for now, and that was okay. I let out a small breath, letting my eyes shut. I shifted closer, tucking myself into his side. He tightened his arm around me and it didn’t take long before I felt myself drifting off to sleep.
Despite the questions and all the things I didn’t understand, I knew I was safe with Jesse. Certain that we could find our way through anything together. He would tell me what was going on eventually. He just wasn’t ready yet and I could be patient.
All of this, the engagement, the trip to England, and the wedding, had been sprung on both of us so abruptly.
But he’d navigated it all with such ease until now that I could stand by his side as steadily as he’d stood by mine so far, even if it meant having to wait a little while to find out exactly what was going on behind the scenes.