Ambrose
AMbrOSE
People liked to claim God existed, had all the power, knew everything, and was purely good. If that were the case, I would like to have a conversation with him about those supposed facts because it seemed to me that one of those things had to be wrong. There was no other explanation I could see for why I had been forced to deal with such an unbearably frustrating, nerve-wracking, confusing man like Samuel.
I honestly didn't know what the point of trying to get me all riled up and frustrated even was, especially when I was the one who was supposed to be in charge of his safety and well-being. He wasn't a stupid man, but it seemed pretty stupid to piss off the man in charge. Except today it had taken a new turn that...well, I wasn't thrilled about it.
I never thought I’d find myself missing Samuel poking and prodding my nerves, trying to get an angry or frustrated reaction. Still, it seemed the day had come because his new form of getting under my skin was attempting to...well, I couldn't tell if he was faking trying to seduce me or was actually trying. The worst part was, I hoped it was fake because him being genuine was a terrifying and unnerving thought.
Now that he’d finally decided to shut up and move away from me, I could focus on getting through the rest of the day. If we could do it with the same silence, perhaps I could get through with my sanity and some of my dignity intact. I still didn't know what was worse, that I was genuinely attracted to him and tempted to take him up on his offer or that I knew he had figured out I wanted him in return.
From now on, I needed to make sure I was not alone with him like this so I wouldn't have to?—
Understanding shot through me with the same harsh, jarring feeling of a sudden kick to the head as I realized exactly what was happening to my right. Despite trying my hardest not to pay him any attention, I couldn't help but snap my head to the right to gape at him in shock. Yet the ice-cold feeling of shock was immediately at war with an intense flame of desire flaring to life in my gut.
He had stepped out of the water, which I’d thought meant he was going to enjoy the sun for a while without needing to fear being baked alive. However, he’d stretched out on a rock on his back, one leg bent. Of course, the leg that was bent didn’t obstruct my view. So I could see everything .
Samuel had not been joking about being pent up...or about his interest in me. He had only been lying on the rock for about a minute, but he was already hard enough that it looked a little painful. The dry heat had already taken most of the water off his body, but it still shone in the sunlight as he gripped himself, slowly pumping. His free arm was curled under his head as a makeshift pillow, propping his head up as he watched himself through half-lidded eyes.
My stomach flipped repeatedly, and all the blood in my head traveled down as I stared at him with a mixture of shock and lust. I had technically been around men when they’d done this sort of thing, but it was when I’d been bunking with other workers on the ranch. The general rule of thumb was that if something like that happened, it was covert, and if someone else noticed...they didn't.
For the most part, that was fine with me; I could pretend something wasn't happening. Unless the cabin mate in question was one my eyes drifted over more than once in discrete interest. Eventually, it got to a point where I knew it would drive me crazy, and it was after that realization I decided to bunk by myself. Not only could I take care of my needs in private, but I didn't have to put myself through the torture of temptation at the same time.
Yet here Samuel was, everything on display for me to see, and I couldn't find it in myself to pull my attention away from him.
Despite his full attention being on what he was doing, I didn’t know if he sensed my gaze, and I jerked in surprise when his eyes caught mine. A smirk slid over his features, and I felt the heat in my gut grow. I was used to seeing that expression on his face, but it had never been filled with so much knowing and...heat.
His eyes focused on the water around me, and I could practically feel him searching for my groin. His gaze flicked back up and down again, and I knew what he was trying to convey. Despite insisting I didn't want anything to do with him or his seductions, I found myself standing up as though my body had a mind of its own. I felt a moment of smug pleasure when I saw his stroking stutter slightly at the sight of me.
Not that he let that get in the way of what he was doing, but I noticed his stroking slow down. His eyes locked with mine, and after a few heartbeats, he gave a jerk of his head, a clear invitation. My mind tried to tell me it was a bad idea, but just as when I’d stood up, my body had other ideas. It had been far too long since I’d known the touch of another man, since I had felt desired by someone. And from Samuel, it was...different from any of the others.
I didn't have the time or ability to think too hard because I was already walking toward him, giving in to the desire burning through me. He pulled his hand away from himself before sitting upright and reaching out to me. There was zero hesitation on his part when he grabbed hold of me, fingers wrapping around my girth and drawing a low hiss of air from me. The few partners I'd had in the past had been hesitant and unsure unless I’d been with them more than a few times, but Samuel began to stroke me as if this was old hat to him.
I stepped closer, kneeling and ignoring the harsh bite of the hot rock on my skin as he explored me. His fingers slid down my shaft, brushing along the underside of the head, jerking a surprised grunt as pleasure shot through me in a thin but potent thread. They sought the base, where they gently curled around my balls and stroked the sensitive skin behind them.
It was just his hands, more exploration than intent, but it was still making me dizzy from the pleasure. His eyes flicked up to mine again, and there was no trace of his normal humor, of his mocking, just the mirror of the same lust I was sure showed on my face. Which only grew stronger when he scooted forward, and I watched with wide eyes as he showed no hesitation.
Then, the lips I’d always been fascinated with, even as I hated to see them move most of the time, found their way around the thick head of my cock. Warmth wrapped around the sensitive skin, and I was glad we were alone because the groan that slipped out of me was loud, and anyone hearing it would have guessed what was happening without having to lay eyes on us. One of my hands came down on the top of his head, slipping into his wet hair and tightening its grip.
Another far more strangled noise escaped me when his mouth slipped down farther than anyone had ever managed before. In the past, I’d wondered what it might be like to feel myself slide into someone's mouth completely but had pushed it away as a futile dream. There was always gagging, and a struggle, and no one wanted to end up with the other person's last meal on their dick. Samuel didn't have that problem, and the bright afternoon sun gave me the clearest sight imaginable as I watched him take me into his throat.
There was a moment when he stopped, and I felt the head of my cock hit something unyielding. I wondered if that was where he would have to stop. Only for him to shift his head, and the last few inches slid out of sight behind those lips that I would never be able to think about properly again. I would swear my vision swam as the hot grip around me pulled more pleasure from me than I remembered ever feeling, and I was glad I’d gotten down on one knee before it started.
I barely noticed his hands wrap around me and grip each side of my ass. Only when I felt fingers creeping their way between them did the haze of pleasure fade as I tensed. No one had ever been inside me in that way, and I certainly had no intention of letting Samuel be the one to break that trend. Before I had to summon the will to push him away, to remind him this was already a horrible idea, his hands pulled away.
Before I could figure out how to handle the insight on his part, his mouth began moving. Once more, I found myself wrapped up in the pleasure he was giving, and a shudder ran through me as his head bobbed. At first, it was slow, the grip of his throat and the slide of his tongue careful, as if sensing what he could get away with. Yet it didn't take him long to pick up the pace, taking me just as quickly into his throat before pulling back with a wet, sloppy noise that was going to drive me over the edge before I was able to appreciate what he was doing.
Then he pulled off with a noisy pop, his lips swollen and a pleased smile on his face. “Glad to see I was right?"
"About what?" I asked, in a daze, but I was enjoying myself too much to be annoyed.
"Well, other than the fact that you are, in fact, into this," he chuckled, and then before I could think about whether I should be irritated, his hand slid down in a grip over my still wet shaft and made my stomach tighten in anticipation once more. "But I'm also glad to find out I was right about you looking completely amazing naked and rock-hard."
"Lord help me," I muttered, my tone irritated, but I could feel my face burning from the compliment.
"Shush," he said with a chuckle, standing up. "Now take my spot, why don't you? I've got an idea."
Normally, his idea would have been enough to send a shiver down my spine and fill my head with enough worry to last me a month. But considering he had my dick in his hand and had already proven he knew what he was doing, I was more than inclined to listen. There was an aching need inside me that wasn't just emotional. I could feel, in every inch of me held by him, a deep down, desperate need to find the release he was offering, even if it meant doing things on his terms and in his way.
He pushed upright, and I turned to take his spot on the rock. His hand had returned to his groin, but I couldn't help but reach out and wrap my fingers around him. He wasn't as thick as I was, but he was long enough that there was still plenty poking out when I replaced his hand with mine. The warmth of his skin against mine was faintly noticeable, and I thought I had to have been right about how hard he was when I felt the pulse against my hand, something I'd felt in my own whenever I’d gone too long and had been too pent up.
His eyelids fluttered as I began to stroke him, getting my first feel in years of another man in such an intimate way. He let out a little laugh as his breathing grew deeper and ragged. “It's...been a while. So, better be careful. I'm already ready to go off faster than a hair trigger."
" That long?" I wondered, surprised that someone as resourceful and clever as him hadn't found at least a few minutes to take care of things.
"Well," he said, eyes opening as he stared at me unabashedly. "There's that, but there's also the fact that I have someone worth getting excited over stroking me."
I had to give him credit, he was as good at giving compliments as he was at finding things to get under my skin. Maybe it came from the same skill, or he was just talented. Whatever it was, if the goal was to make me malleable and easy to handle, I had to admit it was effective. There was very little he couldn't talk me into, and the longer this went on, the more I had to bask in his open and unashamed desire for me, the more I might find myself letting him break through the unspoken rule I'd given a few minutes before.
"Careful," he chuckled as I began to speed up, eager now my desire was overwriting any doubt in my mind. "I wasn't kidding when I said I'm...primed and ready."
The thought that he was already close was disappointing and incredible at the same time. Disappointing because that meant it would be over quicker than I preferred, but incredible because the very idea that he could get off just from me touching him had me ready to lose it as well.
"Maybe I don't care if you...are primed," I said in a rough voice that I knew betrayed how aroused I was and didn't care. The idea of seeing him find his release had wormed its way into my head, and it was far too tantalizing a prospect to let go of. "Do it."
"As bossy now as you are day to day," he said with a chuckle that, for the first time, sounded more affectionate than his normal mocking. "Fine, have it your way...but also my way."
Annoyance flashed through me as I realized he wasn't going to let me have even this, my mouth opening to protest in annoyance before snapping shut. Captured outlaw or not...he was still a prisoner, technically my prisoner since my father had put him under my supervision. Now, here I was, essentially making us equal for a short time, and he was using that moment to get to do something he wanted. Arguably, he’d already had his way by starting this in the first place but that wasn't...quite the same thing.
"There's always a catch," I said with a weary sigh because if I were going to do this with him, it would be as equals. I would rather take a break in treating him like my prisoner, no matter how much that irked me, than think of him like that while we were...well, dicks in each other's hands. "With you anyway."
"Comes from being raised by a businessman," he chuckled, surprising me by kneeling on the rock with a leg on each side of my hips. "You learn to read the fine print, haggle the best price, and figure out how the other guy might be trying to pull the wool over your eyes. After a while, it all becomes...second nature."
"So, what's your great idea?"
"Keep doing what you're doing. Trust me, watching you watch me is turning out to be one of the best things I've seen in weeks. Second only to the sight of you dripping wet and rock hard as you watched me pleasure myself."
It left me seated and having to gaze up at him, cock near to my face, and I licked my lips without thinking as I resumed stroking him. I’d only put one other person into my mouth before, and despite having a plethora of reasons not to invest any more energy or sacrifice into this, all I could do was stare at the head, leaking slightly from his excitement as he began to breathe heavily.
Glancing up, I leaned forward and gave in to the temptation, wrapping my lips around it and surprised to find the taste...wasn't bad. I was going to praise its virtues, but compared to the last time I'd tried to taste someone, it was far better. Even better was the shuddering intake of breath from him, followed by a shaky groan as I tried to slide as much into my mouth while continuing to stroke him.
I had only a few seconds of working hand and mouth together before his breathing became even more ragged and his eyes pinched shut. I didn't need to be experienced to know what that signified. I pulled back, not ready for anything quite as bold as to let him finish in my mouth. I felt a faint whisper of surprise when he not only let me pull back but actively pushed me away as he wrapped his hand back around himself and gave a handful of vigorous strokes.
A groan rumbled out of him, eyes flashing open as he looked down at me, eyes burning into mine. I jerked in surprise when the first blast caught me on the chin, warmth splashing over my lips. Another groan came, and the next shots hit my chest and stomach, and then finally the last couple hit my groin, soaking my still rigid cock. It wasn't an unbelievable amount, but it reminded me of the time I’d been forced to restrain myself from finding release for over a month. I had soaked the shirt I intended to use the next day, much like Samuel had just soaked me.
"Shit," he said with a shaky laugh. "I know it's been a while, but that was...messy."
"Yes, I can…" I stopped, realizing that opening my mouth meant his taste hit my tongue and surprised me. Of course, I’d already tasted him, but that was something else entirely. It wasn't the faint taste of what had leaked out but the real thing that hit my tongue with a not altogether unpleasant saltiness. "I could see that for myself. I didn't want something like that."
"And yet there you are, covered in it and still as hard as the moment you saw me stroking myself," he said, leaning closer. "And now, I've had mine, so let's get you yours."
The annoyance that not only was he right but felt the need to point it out was nothing compared to the renewed flare of arousal that grew in my gut. It should have made me nervous, if not outright scared me, that something could wipe out all common sense and reasonable thought, but even those emotions were burned away. All I knew was that he was once more kneeling before me, not caring in the slightest that he’d just made a mess of my straining cock before pulling it to his mouth and taking me into his throat again in one swift motion.
A shudder wracked me at his complete lack of inhibitions and the sheer... degeneracy of sucking me deep without the slightest revulsion or hesitation that his...seed covered me. Every instinct, every teaching, every moral lesson would have prevented me from sucking down the mess, let alone my own, on another man's body. Yet here he was, without a care, as he moaned around me, only adding to the intensity of the moment and helping me forget that everything about this situation was wrong for both of us.
At that moment, all that existed was the feel of his mouth on me and then the feel of his throat when it enveloped me. I could feel his fingers digging into my thighs as he held tight, clearly using his hold as leverage to get as deep as he could as often as he wanted. After everything, I shouldn't have been surprised to feel the familiar sensation of my body tightening. Familiar only because I knew the sensations, but the speed and intensity with which they were coming were entirely new to me.
Part of me resisted, wanting to savor the feelings for a little longer, and I let out a low groan of pleasure and felt the quiver in my legs grow as the muscles tightened. I shouldn't have been surprised that despite how obvious I was, Samuel wasn't deterred. If anything, my reaction encouraged him, low noises coming from him as he continued bobbing and sucking deep.
It was too much, and I felt the building inside me reach breaking point, and I didn't have the self-control to contain my reaction. A cry burst out of me as the pleasure reached its crescendo and crashed down, my hands gripping his shoulders fiercely. My body jerked as I poured into his mouth, Samuel swallowing down all I had to give, and what he'd left, without a moment's hesitation, groaning as I emptied myself completely.
When it was done, my body went limp, flopping back onto the rock and forcing me to fight to breathe. I remembered when I was a boy, and my father had been teaching me to ride. I still didn't know if my father had meant to put me on a horse that wasn't completely trained, but it suited his tendency to give harsh lessons. I had barely been on the horse for a few minutes before it panicked at the sight of...well, I didn't know what, but it panicked and threw me hard. Those watching panicked when I hit the ground, terrified I’d been seriously injured, but no, just bruised and the wind knocked out of me.
That same feeling of breathlessness, no matter how hard I tried to get air into my lungs, was what I was feeling as I lay on that rock, wondering if I would ever draw breath again. I had experienced sexual pleasure before and had thought that was all there was to know, save for a few things I intentionally missed out on. It turned out there was a whole new world, and all it took to reveal that to me was a man who, much like the horse that had thrown me years ago, was not easily tamed...if he could be at all. Perhaps he would always carry the risk of throwing me, no matter how much I thought I had a handle on the reins.
His face swam into view, looking amused and slightly concerned. “Are you...okay? Because if this is some sort of fit, I'd like to know. I do not look forward to explaining how you had a fit while I was alone with you. Your dad doesn't strike me as the type to listen to anything I have to say, and believe me, I really don't want to see the business end of a noose."
With an annoyed grunt, I pushed him away so he wasn't directly in my face. "Just don't tell him the truth. The last thing I need is him having that as his last memory of me."
His expression tightened, and he gave a small grimace. “How sad is it that we have to consider what other people will think of us for something so...insignificant."
I felt something inside me bristle at the barely veiled judgment in his words. “Perhaps we should hunt down your parents and tell them what you've been up to. I'm sure they'd be real glad to hear you've been lyin' with other men."
His eyes stayed on me for a moment before he snorted. “That would be an impressive feat. Let me know if you succeed."
"You don't think I'm capable? Just 'cause we're out here in the sticks?"
"Well, I meant," he said slowly as he walked back toward the water and sat down, rubbing his body to rinse away the evidence, "that if you managed to find and contact my parents, you wouldn't need to work another day in your life."
"This where you tell me the shocking news that they, along with probably several other people, have a bounty on your head?"
"No," he said. "I simply meant they're dead and have been for years. So if you somehow contact them, you’ll be the most popular person in the world. You'd have people throwing so much money and attention at you that you wouldn't know what to do with it. Just think how popular you'd be, you might even find you don't have to keep fighting for your daddy's approval."
I wanted to be offended, but I could sense the bitterness in his voice, even though it was buried under all his normal sarcasm and snark. It might have been years since his parents died, but I didn't think I was so dense or angry as not to realize that his love for them had been strong and had persevered into the present day. His attempts to piss me off might have been a reaction to his pain that he clearly didn't like to display, or perhaps it was just like so many other things he did, another way for him to deflect and evade.
It made me wonder what sort of person was hiding under that mask of sarcasm and joking he wore so comfortably. Was there perhaps someone who knew more than just jokes and smart comments? Maybe there was someone who knew more than just fleeting moments of true emotion that were buried and silenced within seconds. Maybe it was just the fact that he’d learned that he couldn't express himself, or perhaps it was just that he was comfortable playing the fool.
I visibly shook my head as the thoughts started to build, not wanting them to take root inside me. It was bad enough that I’d already let things get...well, too far, was putting it mildly. Which was, of course, the exact moment when the full impact finally settled in as I pushed myself upright, staring at him as shock and confusion swirled around my head.
His eyes widened. “Oh hell, do I even want to know what that look means?"
Honestly, I didn't have an answer as I tried to make sense of the feelings coursing through me, both too strong and switching too quickly to make sense of them. On the one hand, the entire thing had been...amazing, better than anything I'd felt before, and even now, I had to wonder what the rest would feel like if I dared to try. Yet I had completely and utterly broken the trust given to me by my father by getting close to someone who was our prisoner and our charge. And there was the distinct and overwhelming feeling that I hadn't just crossed an ethical line but a moral one.
I turned away from him, knowing full well he was the sort of person to look into my eyes and ferret out what was going on inside my head. It was enough that he’d already played a part in the events that led to this...total confusion. I didn't need him to be a party to its effects on me. I knew better than to let him see any more of my vulnerable parts. Sure, he wasn't as awful as I’d thought when first dealing with him, but I knew he wasn't against using anything to his advantage if he felt the need.
And I knew better than to think I understood him well enough to predict when he would feel the need.
The sound of the river was almost too loud as I sat there staring into the distance, wondering just where that left me. I had given in to the desire of my traitorous body and thrown away my ethics and morals, allowing someone who was still an enemy to get the better of me and see me at one of the most vulnerable moments a man could be in.
Which begged the question. He’d had me at my most vulnerable. Why not take advantage? Was it just because his chances of survival outside the ranch without support were too low? Or was it another maneuver on his part? Blackmail wasn't out of the question, but why risk himself if he was going to use the act against me? Well...probably because he was already a prisoner at my supposed mercy, he already had little to lose, but he could certainly do a great deal of damage to me before going down.
At my glance, he rolled his eyes. “Good God, has anyone ever told you that when you're not trying to hide your expression, you're as easy to read as a child's book?"
I scrambled to fix my face and scowled when I heard him snort, indicating he knew what I was doing. "Then what was I thinking?"
"Look," he said with a sigh, leaning back in the water, which hid his body from sight, but somehow, that bit of mystery only made the idea of seeing it again sprawled out before me more enticing. "I won't tell you not to be suspicious of me. As far as you're concerned, I'm just an outlaw since you know I'm wanted here and back in my hometown, and figure I'm wanted a bunch of other places as well. But if there's one thing I won't do, it's rat you out for what just happened or use it against you."
Ergh, I knew he was good at reading people, but it was still disarming to have him do it to me repeatedly with unnerving accuracy and consistency.
"And why would I believe that?"
"Well, you could believe that even someone willing to break the law hasn't thrown off all sense of morality. Aside from the fact that ratting you out or blackmailing you for something like this disgusts me, there's also the fact that I have no motivation to do it."
"A man who breaks the law so easily doesn't get the benefit of the doubt. It just means I was right about you."
"And what's that?"
"That you work by your own rules. And before you say it, it doesn’t mean I don't like that sort of thing. I don't like knowing what to expect. You might not be an evil man, but that doesn't mean you're not dangerous. Especially when I don't know what to expect from you."
He chuckled, raising his cupped hands to trickle water over his head. "I can respect someone who's honest about themselves. I'll be the first to admit that I look at your attitude as a lazy way to navigate the world."
"It's simpler."
"It's easy."
"So?"
"And my life hasn't been simple or easy for a long time, and no, before you say anything, that isn't all my fault. And it didn't start because of any failure or wrongdoing on my part," he said, bringing the water to his face and concealing his expression. "And if it makes you feel any better, there is one thing you're forgetting."
"What's that?"
"I'm what one would call a consummate survivor. So, while you might still worry about blackmail, you shouldn't. I'm not going to throw myself in harm's way on the chance that it might get me what I want. There’s too much risk and not a high enough chance of success, and despite current circumstances, I still have every intention of changing my situation. Just not in a way that's stupid and risky."
"Heh," I grunted, almost chuckling. "Ya never struck me as a gambling man for whatever reason, but now I guess I know why."
"I am many things to different people, but I am not so stupid and impulsive as to throw away my life like it's a cheap trinket," he said, eyeing me with a smirk. "And I've grown a little fond of you, as infuriating, stubborn, and dramatic as you can be. There are some things to be fond of. I suppose I can add everything you hide under your clothes to that list, but there are...other things."
It was a vague and slightly unsettling explanation, but it made sense on some level and comforted me on another. Not that I necessarily wanted him to be fond of me, but maybe that wasn't strictly true either. I pushed the thought aside before I thought about it too hard. Everything was confusing enough without adding the desire to wonder why being fond of me might be something I wanted in the mix.
"Well," I said, clearing my throat, "I reckon that would make sense."
He chuckled. “Yes, yes, I know. The practical reason is something you can sink your teeth into and accept more readily. I wonder how long it will take for the other reasons to sink in and how long after that before you actually deal with it."
I frowned. “What?"
He shook his head. “Nothing, just thinking aloud, I guess. Are you comforted? Or at least not thinking of the worst things that could happen now?"
Not exactly, but the storm had settled in my head for now. It still left a lot unanswered and unexplored, but at least I didn't believe he was waiting for the opportunity to put a knife in my back. My only answer was to watch him as he sat up, watch the sunlight glimmer off his wet shoulders, and feel the dull echo of the hunger I’d felt before. Dull but not gone. I could feel the potential for it to grow right beneath the surface, as if all it wanted was permission from me or the right thing to happen to start building again.
Welcoming it would have been a bad idea, but however dull it was, the feeling was potent enough that I could feel the temptation to stoke those embers again. Being with Samuel like that had been...overwhelming in a way that was intoxicating and terrifying in equal measure. I had believed that my first time being with another man had been an almost out-of-body experience, but it didn't compare to what Samuel had done to me.
I had lost control, and it had changed me into someone I didn't recognize. Well, that wasn't strictly true. Deep down, hadn't that part of me always been there, waiting for the right moment to come out? The part of me that was hungry, that craved pleasure above anything else I could ever want? That chased the pleasure as readily as I had, eager to discover everything there was to discover, to learn whatever he had to teach me.
The worst part was there was undoubtedly more he could show me, if I were willing to let him. He had experience, but his enthusiasm was more intoxicating for me. That, above anything else, sparked a flame inside me that I only knew was there because I’d felt its below-surface movements before Samuel had come along. The confidence, as taunting and playful as it was, had been the exact thing needed to bring out more lust and desire than I’d ever come close to having with another person before.
It was terrifying.
"What...exactly are you wanted for around here?" I asked, the thought popping into my head suddenly.
He eyed me, raising a brow. "Currently? Nothing. I'm under lock and key, remember? So that means I'm serving my time."
I wanted to ask him if he intended to serve that time to its fullest, but already knew there was no way he’d give me a real answer. Or rather, his answer would be sarcastic or smart, and filled with half-truths that would make me want to ask more questions. The result would be more frustration on my part, and it was probably smarter not to fall into that kind of game. He was bound to win.
"Fine, then what were you wanted for?"
"Honestly? I can't remember the exact list."
"It's that long a list?"
He laughed. “No, well, yes, but no, I'm not guilty of the entire list."
"I'm sure every outlaw says the same," I said with a roll of my eyes, not sure why I expected him to treat the conversation seriously.
He turned and eyed me. “Look, here's a fact you're either ignoring or haven't come across yet. Once you step out of line with the law, you set yourself up to continue to fall, whether you're guilty or not. Sometimes, it's because you're trying to survive, and it just starts...building one on top of another. So many of the charges thrown at me are just guilt by association."
"Associatin' with outlaw gangs will do that."
He sighed. “You know, I might consider taking back that comment I made earlier. Maybe there isn't enough about you to be fond of to make up for all the infuriating parts."
"At least now you finally understand where I've been comin' from," I grunted, not caring that I sounded smug.
"I'll explain this once without much detail because the full story is long and exhausting...and probably confusing since I've never tried to tell it before," he said, leveling his gaze with me. "But all it took was one thing for me to be set on this path. Then, I found myself on the run without much to my name. My name and description followed me, so I had to do other underhand things to get ahead of the law. Which meant sometimes falling in with people who knew how to cross the country or cities. Sometimes, I was seen with them, and their crimes became mine. I stole to survive, I've constantly lied to keep myself safe, and I've tricked more than my fair share of idiots to make sure I stay ahead of the noose or someone with a grudge. Those wanted posters, those charges tell part of the story, and they tell just as many lies as I'm willing to tell to survive, got it?"
He was wrong if he thought that was the magic formula for shutting me down. "Then why do it?"
"What?"
"You said it started with one thing. I'm betting that was a crime, wasn't it?"
For the first time, I saw real anger flash behind his eyes. "Perhaps, perhaps not. Depends on your perspective. But I can say this much for sure, you know nothing about it, so save your sanctimonious preaching when the only world you've known is your family ranch. A place that, no matter how miserable you’ve been, is nothing like the rest of the world. And you know even less about me. So save me the judgment and the lecture. I have regrets, but...not what I did, not in the beginning."
I accepted the rebuke with what I hoped was some measure of grace and took a deep breath. "There aren't many things that would get you so badly wanted you'd have to leave your home."
"No, I suppose there aren't," he said stiffly. "And it's not like you to dance around saying what's on your mind either. So why are you now?"
Of the small list, there was only one I could think he might be capable of, even if I had never seen a trace of violence in him save for the wounds from his scuffle in the jail cell with the other two. "Who...did you kill?"
His eyes flashed again, but the emotion was gone, buried behind a wall that would have put my father to shame. “Tell me something...no, don't scowl at me, I'm being serious. I'll choose how to answer your question based on you answering one of mine first."
"It's always somethin' with you, ain't it?" I growled.
"Yes, that's how the world works. I'm just ahead of the curve," he said, cocking his head. "And I notice your rough and tumble speech comes out when you're frustrated, not just when you're around the others. But when you're calm and around me, some of that education you were given as a boy comes out. Isn't that curious?"
"No," I snapped, knowing I was going to be forever evaluating how I spoke to him from now on. "Ask your question."
"What would...what would you do...if your whole family was killed? And what if you knew exactly who was responsible?"
I frowned, confused by the shift in topic but knowing better than to question it. "Go to the law."
"And if the law didn't do its job?"
"Why wouldn't it?"
"Because one of the people who killed your family was a brother to the sheriff."
Despite what he accused me of, I wasn't so ignorant that I didn't realize the world wasn't as honorable and law-abiding as I tried to be. I knew all too well that people out there called themselves honorable and wore a badge they didn't deserve. The very thought of losing my family to that sort of situation was...vile. The thought turned my stomach to think of my father, sister, nieces and nephews, and, to a lesser extent, my brother all murdered. Not just murdered but to have their killers protected simply because someone didn't want to follow the oath they swore to uphold?
"I don't know," I said with a scowl.
"Would you take justice into your own hands?"
"Kill them?"
"The ones responsible."
"I-I would want to," I said honestly, knowing it was just, but not knowing if it was right. "But...I don't know if I could. Why? Why are you asking me?"
The wall in his eyes concealing whatever he’d been thinking crumbled, replaced with a coldness I had never considered could exist inside him. More unnerving was the realization that it seemed to suit him just fine, as if that was not the only part of him under the mask. It was an expression that said he had no pity, remorse, or regrets about what was on his mind.
"Because I did," he said in a low, chilly tone. "They incurred a debt, and as the son of a merchant, I know all too well how important it is to cash in on debts."
Despite the heat and the lukewarm water, I felt a chill run down my back as he began to scoot backward. I felt a ring of alarm until I realized he was moving away from me and going upriver. Even then, I wondered if he was trying to put distance between us to escape before again realizing that was stupid. He would have no clothes, horse, or supplies and zero chance of surviving out there as opposed to a little one if he were prepared.
"No...sanctimony?" he asked and shrugged. “Well, I guess there are some things even you have a hard time arguing with."
There wasn't anything I could say in retort, so I swallowed my frustration and watched him as he drifted away. I no longer thought he was trying to get away from me, not in the complete sense, but something told me he wanted space between us. I knew how much I wanted to be away whenever I found myself raw or exposed in front of others.
If I was right, the parents he'd mentioned who’d died were probably the people he had been thinking about in the hypothetical he’d presented me with. They had died...or been murdered, but it was clear the pain and rage were still fresh. Even getting the justice he’d craved seemed not to have been enough to heal the wound that was still raw inside him. It was my first real glimpse into who he was as a person, and all I could do was wonder about what he’d said.
Life was...messy, even I knew that much. I had worked with and talked to enough men on the ranch to know that theirs...well, many of them had not always been straight and narrow before coming to work for my family. I'd heard stories of wives and children dying, driving men to drown in a bottle and only barely come out of the other side with their lives intact. Of people dragged into debt and forced to do things that were degrading and illegal in order to get free. Sometimes, life was out of your control, and that sometimes made you out of control.
Was it so hard to go from there and leap to the understanding that the same mercurial aspect of life had managed to get its claws into Samuel? We were different people, but...who had he been before life had twisted around and dug its claws into him, tearing his world apart and leaving him with one difficult choice after another?
It was more complicated than I was comfortable dealing with. As I had said to Samuel earlier, I preferred to keep things as simple as possible, and yes, maybe that was because it was easier to deal with. I should have known that the cherished simplicity of my life wouldn't stick around from the moment I laid eyes on him. He was still the same irritating person who openly admitted to breaking the law several times and hadn't said he wouldn't do it again. Yet he was also more than just someone who looked at the law as something to step all over.
He was my prisoner and my charge, but he was also a man who had fought for his own justice and was capable of taking care of himself. He was infuriating, but he was intriguing. He was despicable and yet alluring. In another time, in another world, maybe he and I could have grown to know each other on better, more even terms, but it seemed that was not what had been in store for us. So now I had to figure out what that meant.
I stiffened when I saw something shift in the way he stopped and twisted toward the shoreline. Waiting, I watched as he moved toward the edge, moving carefully. I was so wrapped up in trying to figure out what could be wrong I barely noticed the way he hunched over, pushing his ass out and practically putting it on display. Of course, barely noticed wasn't the same as not noticing, and despite sensing something was wrong, I still felt a flash of heat in my gut as I wondered what that same view would look like from behind and up close.
"What is it?" I asked in a rough voice, shoving my lust aside.
"I do believe we might have stumbled across what we need during this...excursion," he said, glancing over at me. And I might have imagined it, but I swore I saw something in his eyes as though he might have known my thoughts.
Frowning, I pushed to my feet and approached him. He gestured for me to move toward the water, and I did it without thinking, stepping back into the river and walking toward him. When I reached him, I leaned over to see what he was looking at, doing my best not to focus on the sight of him bent over. Unlike everything else in the area, the ground around the river was soft from the water. The river was only flowing because of the snow melting from the mountains, and in another month or so, it would be nearly dried up or gone completely until the next winter and spring.
And there, in the wet mud, was what Samuel was staring at.
"I'm no expert, but those appear to be rather large paw prints," Samuel said wryly.
"Yeah," I grunted, reaching down and running my fingers over them, tracing their path along the riverbank. "Seems they stopped to drink. Hard to tell how long ago it was, but...there's not going to be too many places with water left, so they're bound to come back here."
"And back to the..." he trailed off with a frown, standing up. "Those...aren't paw prints."
I followed his gaze, and a chill ran down my spine when I saw what he was referring to. “No?—"
"What?" he asked, bewildered, even more so when I stood up abruptly, hopping over the prints on the riverbank to examine what he’d noticed. The dirt wasn't nearly as wet, but it was still relatively soft. More importantly, it was under an overhang, which protected it from the wind. It was sets of prints, alright, but they were distinctly boot prints and from the looks of them, at least three different sizes. And there, in the dirt, was something that I pushed at until it came free. I held it up with a groan.
"What?" he repeated.
I needed to remember exactly where we’d found the prints and the object in my hand, which I closed my fingers around, feeling its sharp edges dig into my palm. "We need to get back, now. These aren't just wolves."
"What?"
"They're men. And ones we don't want to tangle with. Not alone. We go back...now."
The confusion was still on Samuel's face, but for the first time in our short history, he didn't argue when I gave him a direct command. Instead, he turned and made his way back to our clothes and the horses, taking the other bank to let himself dry as he walked. My eyes lingered on him momentarily before turning back to stare at the prints.
There was no way they were back...no way.