Ambrose
AMbrOSE
Wiping my forehead, I tucked away the cloth and walked toward the nearby shade. The sounds of the men working were familiar and welcome as I stopped under the overhang of the barn and turned to lean my back against the wall. It used to be that I always felt a twinge of guilt whenever I took a break, even though I knew it was perfectly responsible to take a break and survey how everyone was doing. Far too many years had been spent worrying that my father would see me slacking and judge me harshly, even though monitoring the men was part of my job.
It still happened, but at least I could ignore it today because my father was in Rapture, dealing with a couple of merchants. Of course, my brother was away as well, so that was even less worry for me. Not that my brother bothered to leave the main house, and when he did, it was to head into town or some other out-of-ranch business or to do one of his random and completely unnecessary 'inspections.' The second was irritating for everyone involved, and I suspected even my father found it tiring, though he never said anything.
Momentarily free from the overwhelming power of the sun, I watched as the men went about their day. None of them did more than glance up and see me watching them before returning to work at the same pace. I didn't demand that any men work themselves into the ground simply because they could work harder. Men who busted their backs to do a job as quickly as possible with the most effort were quickly worn down and unable to do anything. I wasn't in the business of working my way through laborers just because they could technically be replaced quickly through the connections our family had built over generations.
I looked around, my heart thumping a little harder when I saw a familiar face in the crowd of men going about their duties. Unlike me, the sun hadn't done much to him save darken his skin without the slightest trace of red, whereas I always seemed to oscillate between turning different shades of red before fading to a slightly darker tone than before and then back to red again. I'd lived here my whole life and still fought with the sun. Meanwhile, the wily bastard was from a place that had snow, for God's sake, and still acclimated better than I did.
If there was a God, he damn well had a twisted sense of humor.
I'd say my stare made Samuel aware of my presence, but I was more inclined to believe he could feel me irritated at him. His sense of danger might be finely tuned, but nothing was as sharp as his sense of when he was getting on my nerves. However, a couple of weeks ago, I’d found a new way to take that irritation out on him—a way we could both enjoy.
That was also why the bastard had a slight limp, though he did a good job hiding it. So when he grinned at me, I smirked and raised a brow, trusting that he knew me well enough to understand what I was so smug about. The little bastard had spent all day yesterday riling me up in every way he could and then switched to sexually teasing me. By the time he got to my cabin, I had pounced, dragging him to the floor rather than waiting to get to the bed, and had taken him on the rug, though it had required gagging him with a shirt not to alert the entire ranch that I was effectively finding a new way to turn his legs off for a while.
He rolled his eyes as he approached and glanced to his side with a pointed look. Whatever heat might have been stirring in my loins immediately vanished when I saw my sister walking beside him, my niece and nephew in tow. All three were dressed more appropriately for being outside, even Elizabeth.
"Pants?" I wondered aloud, trying to remember when I had ever seen my sister wear anything that wasn't a dress. "And...boots?"
Elizabeth's smile was radiant as she laughed at something Samuel said as they approached, and I wondered just what he'd said about me because it was definitely about me from the impish way he grinned as they reached me. I ignored him, bending to scoop my niece up and listen to her shrieks of joy as I tossed her lightly in the air before catching her and holding her against me.
"What, now they're gone, you're gonna roam around like ya work here?" I asked her, arching a brow.
"I told you he was going to say something," Samuel chuckled to Elizabeth. "He should know better than anyone that the mice will play when the cats are away."
"Just so long as I don't grow whiskers," Elizabeth said, poking her cheek, which had a smudge of dirt on it, something else I'd never seen in her adult years.
"I shouldn't be too surprised," I said with a sigh. "You were always getting in trouble for sneaking out of the house to do who knows what."
"You don't know?" Samuel asked, cocking his head.
"No," I huffed. "She wouldn't admit what she got up to."
"And I never will," she said with a wink, adjusting her hat.
"Never say never," Samuel said, and I eyed the pleased smile on his face and then my sister, who was rolling her eyes at him.
"You told him ?" I demanded in shock. "Of all people, him?"
"Well, that's just rude," Samuel said while still sounding pleased.
"And who was I going to tell? Daddy? Or maybe my brothers, one who hates the idea of anyone doing anything he doesn't like, and the other so protective of me he fought a grown ranch hand once because the man accidentally bumped me to the ground," Elizabeth asked wryly, and I felt my face warm.
"The important question is whether or not he won that fight because everything else sounds exactly like him," Samuel said with a laugh.
"The man was about the size is now, and was seven," Elizabeth said with a snort. "It was an attempt at a fight he was never going to win. Fought like a wild cat until Daddy showed up and made him quit. It was the only time I ever saw refuse to apologize or back down when it came to Daddy."
"Fascinating," Samuel said, looking at me thoughtfully as Elizabeth beamed.
"It sure was something," she said, probably thinking she was agreeing with him. What Elizabeth didn't know, however, was that when Samuel found something interesting or fascinating, it usually meant he’d had a theory confirmed, or a new piece to the puzzle had been added, and he was trying to see where it fit. Even if Samuel wasn't constantly trying to get a read on people, his mind always seemed primed to pick apart what made a person tick, sometimes without so much as a bit of effort.
"You," I told him, waving the tip of my finger near his thoughtful expression. "Stop whatever it is you're doin'. I'm not in the mood."
"Funny," Elizabeth said, looking me over. "You don't look like you're in a bad mood. Actually, you look like you're in one of your rare, good moods."
"See, now, if I had pointed that out, his good mood would have disappeared," Samuel said, not looking bothered in the slightest but, in fact, slightly smug.
"I'm in a normal mood," I protested, trying not to look my sister too closely in the eye. Father had always said that looking into the heart of others came easier to women, which was true when it came to Elizabeth. My sister had always been good at glancing at a person and reading what was in their hearts, which had come in handy for her husband regarding trade negotiations. I also suspected she was the only one who could peer behind our father's stony mask, though she’d never said anything to prove that. "Please don't give him more ammunition to mess with me."
"Only you would think that acknowledging you're in a good mood is messing with you," Elizabeth said, patting my arm fondly. "I've noticed it happening more and more lately. Whatever it is, I'm glad. I've always said you needed to be a little happier occasionally."
I could feel warmth blossom in my cheeks, and I fought to keep my expression neutral and realized I was scowling even more. "I need you to stop spendin' time around troublemakers."
Samuel's eyes twinkled in amusement. “Now, now, you're giving me far too much credit. I think she's more than capable of causing trouble on her own without my help."
"I am a lady," Elizabeth said in a high, almost wounded voice, but anyone with eyes could see the corners of her mouth twitching as she fought against a grin. "I would never cause trouble."
Which, if those bible-thumping believers could be trusted, was a statement that should have had her struck down where she stood. Of the three of us, Elizabeth had easily been the most troublesome. Some of our tutors were surprised. Even our governess had been wary. I suppose they expected the two boys to be the ones giving them the most trouble and not the blue-eyed, blonde, sweet girl who wore the prettiest dresses...until she got them torn and muddied whenever she slipped from under a watchful eye and went on her little adventures.
Our father finally banned her from wearing dresses except on special occasions until she started to come of age. Becoming a woman had toned her wildness down, and she was less prone to disappear, only to reappear torn, dirty, and sometimes bloodied from whatever she was doing. Instead, she slowly became the woman I'd known for years, well-maintained, well-dressed, seemingly demure and intelligent, but never pushy, bossy, or demanding...in public, anyway. I could only imagine what she was like with her husband, and now Samuel was encouraging her.
"Yeah, well, that might be," I said, hoping my sarcasm and doubt were coming through strong enough for them to pick up. "But considerin' the trouble you are and the trouble you used to be, maybe you shouldn't spend too much time with each other. Especially when you're supposed to be workin' right now, and no, workin' your mouth don't count."
"I'd say you're being rude, but considering what I've heard said around here when they think 'delicate' ears aren't listening, that's pretty tame," Elizabeth said with a shake of her head.
"Don't let him fool you," Samuel said, and I didn't trust the smile on his face for one minute. "He likes when I work my mouth."
I knew my face was burning again, but if I didn't acknowledge it, maybe I could get away with no one saying anything about it. “Not at the moment."
"That's alright," he said, completely unfazed by the threat that laced my voice, which was normal for him. "I'm sure I'll find a way to change that at a later time. I am incredibly charming, after all."
"You do have your charms," Elizabeth said, covering her mouth and giggling. Which only served to make my irritation stronger because my sister didn't normally giggle around men who weren't her husband. An ugly churning started in my stomach as I stared at her, wondering why she decided she needed to sound like a silly girl with Samuel.
"More so for others," he said, still watching me, either ignoring my sister's odd behavior or oblivious to it as he focused on trying to get a reaction out of me.
I jammed my finger in a direction. “You have work to be done somewhere else . So get to it."
"Bossy," he said, though I saw his brow crease, a sign he was bothered by something, but quickly pushed it away like it had never existed. "It seems it's time to abandon you. Perhaps your brother will be a decent replacement as a guide."
"Fun is rarely allowed in his presence," she said with a smaller version of the last giggle, annoying me further. By the Lord, she had a husband! Samuel wasn't doing a thing to dissuade her from acting strangely around him, and the sooner he went away, the sooner I could stop being annoyed with both of them.
"He's starting to get that twitch in his neck that tells me I should probably shut up and go find something to do away from him," Samuel said with a laugh, giving a small wave before turning to walk off. And as irritated as I was with him, I still found myself watching him leave...well, mostly the curve of his butt in his pants.
Damn that man. Sometimes, I wondered if there was something to all the things believers liked to spout. It was easy to believe he’d discovered the secret to magic and had me wrapped up in some spell. All the man had to do was exist around me, and I'd find myself distracted. It was a damn good thing he wanted to keep things as under the hat as possible, otherwise, he could have abused the hell out of my poor self-control.
Not that my self-control had ever been a problem before, which made it all the more frustrating that he had such control over me. Even the previous partners I'd spent time with never held so much power over me. Even Curt, who I’d spent days on end with, hadn't been able to convince me to leave town and head somewhere we could be together. I had known then that I would not be able to live my romantic life the way I wanted to, but that wouldn't stop me from going back to the ranch where I belonged.
Samuel had a greater hold on my senses than anyone I’d known. No one else had ever come close. People liked to say that sex could ensnare even the wisest of men, but I’d always shrugged it off. After all, I had walked away from the allure of sex more than once due to the risks. Yet the risk had seemed worth it that day at the river, and since then, I had become increasingly dismissive of it, including all but having my way with the man with my eyes.
"Must you always be a spoilsport?" Elizabeth asked, startling me from my thoughts as she shoved her arm through mine and gripped it tightly. "I was enjoying my little walk."
"Well, it wouldn't be so bad if ya weren't tryin’ to flirt with 'em," I grumbled, tempted to pull my arm away but knowing it would just hurt her feelings. For as tough as she was, she had always been strangely sensitive when it came to me. Then again, I suppose with our father being an icy block of emotion and our brother being...well. I suppose I was the closest she had to a family member she could rely on.
She opened her mouth and then huffed. “I wasn't flirting ."
"Well, I don't know what you call it because I ain't heard you giggle like that since you were being courted."
"I was not ."
"Yeah, ya were."
She gave a little huff, squeezing my arm just shy of painful. "Maybe I'm just...feelin' a little lonely. I've been raising the kids, minding my business, and all on my own while someone gets to go out and socialize, drink with the men, haggle, and all the things that are for men. I'm bored and lonely, and he's good company?—"
"Yeah?" I asked, suddenly unsure of myself. It wasn't like Elizabeth to admit feeling less than stellar. She had always been good at slapping on a happy face and dealing with whatever came her way with a smile and a good joke.
"Well, it doesn't hurt that he is pretty handsome," she said and laughed.
"Ugh," I groaned, again trying to ignore the ugly churning in my gut. "You do remember why he's here, right? Like when you're thinkin' he's so charmin' or handsome, you remember why he's here, yeah?"
She rolled her eyes. “How could I forget? But if you ask me, I think he's been here long enough and done enough to prove there's a little more to it than that. And maybe I know what it's like."
"What what's like?"
"Living a life locked to one thing that everyone else holds you to. Once you're known as something, everyone expects you to be it. Once that happens, you either are that something or you find a way to break out of it. Doesn't matter if you're the only daughter on the best ranch in the middle of nowhere with a proper education and training or a former outlaw stuck on the ranch doing labor to work out your sentence. That's...what you are to other people."
All the old arguments and retorts about Samuel's current circumstances died in my throat as I began to walk with Elizabeth. It was more like I was following her lead as she walked, a thoughtful expression on her face as she watched the men work. If anyone knew it was her under that hat, which they would since it was a young, pretty woman, no one gave it away in their looks or extended stares. Whether that was because they remembered their manners or because I was there was anyone's guess. I wasn't going to argue with the results.
"I, uh...didn't realize ya felt like that," I admitted, frowning as I considered the life my sister led. She'd always seemed happy with her circumstances, which were better than many people's, especially this far west. We'd always been taught to appreciate what we had, keep a tight grip on it so we don't lose it, but never be afraid to reach out and take more if it wouldn't cost us what we had. Our brother had never learned that lesson; his ambition had always exceeded mine, and now I wondered if perhaps my sister had a touch of the same bug but was better at hiding it.
"I don't...not always," she said with a shrug. "And maybe it would be different if I got out of the house more often and saw people besides the staff and my family. I don't have any friends around here unless you count Hipolita."
" I do," I grumbled.
She laughed softly. “Well, of course you do, and so do I. But it would be nice to have more friends than the lovely woman who was a mother to us. I'm left to raise children, read books, and maybe get to use my brain in business matters so long as the rest of my family isn't around. My dear husband might be out having most of the fun, but at least he lets me have a say."
"Probably because he's been smitten since the day he met you and would move mountains to make you happy."
"And he's not a stupid man. He knows my woman's heart doesn't stop me from making good decisions in business."
I glanced sidelong at her. “Woman's heart?"
She winked. “C'mon, I know what all you men say about women. How fragile and gentle we are, how we need to be shielded from the world, and so on."
At that, I couldn't help but laugh. “You're a good woman, Lizzy, but I wouldn't call ya fragile...maybe gentle, when the kids are around."
Which earned me an elbow in the side, making me wince. "Play nice."
"Always," I said with a shake of my head.
"Liar," she muttered, glancing around. "Samuel told me you aren't always threatening his life as much."
Wariness prickled my scalp. “What else did he tell you?"
"He talks a lot, but you really need to pay attention to what's actually being said...and what isn't," she said after a moment and then shrugged. "He's fun, funny, has plenty of stories, and treats me like a person."
"You are a person," I said with a frown.
"Look, to you, I'm your sister. To these men, I'm the ranch owner's daughter and a lady. To my children, I'm their mother. Samuel's one of two people who see me beyond the role and expectations they have in their head. He doesn't treat me like I'm fragile, he doesn't treat me roughly, he listens when I talk, and actually talks with me. It might be filled with half-truths and what I'm sure he thinks are slick moves to avoid talking about himself too much, but he does that with everyone. So it means I'm not special."
"I don't agree."
"Of course, you don't. You always like raising the people you care about higher than needed. But sometimes I don't want to be special. I just...want to be me."
A twinge formed in my gut, mingling with the churning that now had a new heat. I understood all too well what it felt like to want to be free of the walls built around me, partially by me but also by other people. At the same time, I’d learned to live with those frustrations, to accept that my role in this life was the one I would have. What was the point of wasting time and energy wanting something you weren't going to have?
Then again, maybe she had that in common with Samuel. He had been fighting for years to get out of the hole he’d landed in, a hole created by him and others. Yet every setback, every little thing that dug that hole a little deeper, didn’t stop him from trying to get out. Maybe he was doomed to stay in that hole for the rest of his life, die in it, and even be buried in it, but it didn't seem capable of slowing him down, let alone stopping him.
Which still didn't answer my question. How did they manage to get through life feeling the obvious regret they did without going mad? Sure, sometimes those feelings managed to dig their way out of whatever hole I'd buried them in in my head, but I didn't like to linger over them. What would be the point? I loved my work, and while it might not seem like much to many people, it was still mine. Maybe it came at a personal cost, but what in life didn't have a price on it?
"Oh, what are you thinking about over there?" she asked, pulling me from my thoughts. "Sometimes it's so hard to tell what's going on in that head of yours."
I shook my head, stiffening when I heard a familiar laugh drifting from a nearby pen. Because, of course, Samuel decided going too far from where I sent him was reasonable. From the distance Elizabeth and I stood, I couldn't understand the conversation, but it was obvious Samuel managed to keep the group of guys he was working with in good spirits. It seemed most people on the ranch had quickly forgotten his origins. An idea that would have irritated me not all that long ago.
Now? Now, I knew things weren't that simple. Then again, the me that would have balked at seeing him as anything but an outlaw would have also been horrified at what had become of the two of us since he'd first stepped foot onto the ranch. I wasn't totally convinced he wasn't still playing the long game or at least figuring out a way to get free of the ranch before he was released. And yet...I believed he wasn't a threat to us and didn't want to harm anyone here.
As to what he really wanted, I could only guess. I suspected he shared a lot with my sister. Both of them had a desire to be more than the descriptions given to them by other people. Perhaps find a way out from under all that expectation and judgment and live on their own terms. I couldn't blame them. It was a tempting idea, even though I knew the ranch was my home and would be for the rest of my life.
But I could see Samuel someday finding peace and maybe even putting down roots. Maybe he would pick up on the family trade of being a merchant or find some other way to make a living. And hopefully, an honest one so he could enjoy his quiet life to its fullest. Or hell, maybe he could go into politics. He certainly knew how to smooth-talk people.
I wondered if he’d ever thought about what he would do if he were finally given the peace and freedom he wanted so badly.
"Oh," Elizabeth grunted in surprise. "It's so easy to forget that you end up with...interesting views when you leave the house."
Frowning, I looked up and groaned when I saw Samuel had peeled his shirt off, wiped his face, and gone right back to help the men rebuild the chicken coops that had been in long need of repair. It had been easier to tear them down, use the good wood with some we'd ordered, and make new coops. Except now the man who had an unholy hold over me with his sexual...everything, was completely shirtless, covered in sweat, and that did not help keep my attention on being a proper brother.
That meant not thinking about the last time I'd seen his bare torso covered in sweat...as I pinned him to the bed, not caring about the hardwood of the floor digging into my knees and?—
"I hope you're not being crass," I said, roughly clearing my throat and glad I could lean against a fence post to conceal my reaction to my treacherous thoughts.
"You work with nothing but men. You know damn well what crass sounds like," she said with a snort. "And this may shock you, , but yes, even we ladies have our moments."
"Moments?"
"Of appreciation?."
"Of... Samuel ?"
"I don't know why you have to sound surprised," she said with a roll of her eyes. "My eyes still function. My mind still works. I can see a good-looking man and appreciate him, albeit from a distance, knowing that it's only a look. And stop looking at me like that. I can feel things."
"I know women can feel things like that," I said with a huff. "Don't expect all the ladies working at...well, at places of ill repute, are all there just for the money."
"Place of ill…, are you, by chance, referring to a brothel?"
"I might be."
"Tsk tsk, have you been to one?"
My eyes widened in horror. “No!"
She watched me, the corner of her lips twitching before she shrugged. “No, I suppose you wouldn't, would you?"
"I..." That didn't leave me much to work with, and all I could do was stare at her, trying to find the words and coming up short.
"I'm...hopin' that's a good comment on my morals," I muttered uneasily at her knowing look.
She snorted, shaking her head and looking away with a smirk. "Everyone knows your morals are strong."
"That didn't really...sure."
", it was not a comment at all about your morals."
"Then what?"
Her attention drifted back to the men working, her gaze no longer attentive but distant. I knew she had retreated into her thoughts and let her be, knowing how irritating it was to have someone interrupt when you were trying to think. Ironically, something she had been doing the whole time we'd been walking, but that wasn't necessarily her fault. After all, she was clearly lonely from constantly being in the house, and I wondered if there might be a way to arrange for her to get out more without having to worry about her.
My eyes fell on Samuel, and despite still finding him distracting with his shirt off, skin shining in the sun, a thought occurred to me. "You know...there is a way you could get out more without needing to wait till no one's watching."
That got her attention, and her head swiveled to me. "Oh? And just what idea popped into that head of yours?"
"Well," I began, now uncomfortable because I knew she wouldn't be totally happy with the idea. "I'm not gonna lie to ya. I don't like the idea of you roaming around on your own."
She sighed. “Of course you don't."
"Look, these men behave themselves because they know who you are, but all it takes is one of 'em to not care about that at the wrong time. Then where would ya be?"
"Please," she scoffed. "The men know exactly what would happen if someone were that stupid. Hell, half the men here would have their hides, and that's not counting what Daddy would do...and especially you."
There was a weird pride in the idea that she thought I was willing to be dangerous on her behalf. On the other hand, I felt a sad swoop in my gut that someone was missing in her lineup of people who would avenge her. Not that I was surprised or even felt the urge to argue. We both knew where he stood. It wasn't as if he pretended to have a sibling bond with either of us.
"That still wouldn't fix what was done to you, especially if you're dead," I said with a sigh, my eyes drifting to Samuel. "The dead might find peace, but the livin' sure won't."
After a moment, she sighed. “I'm willing to hear you out."
"It's kinda simple. All I gotta do is make sure you have someone with you when you're out of the house."
"Of course, you think I need a babysitter."
"Be mad if ya want, but any of these men could overpower you in a heartbeat if they wanted. But if you've got someone with ya?—"
"A man."
"Yes, a man. Then they might think twice."
Her expression told me exactly what I’d expected: she wasn't happy about the idea. I let her be angry because clearly, she wanted a freedom she knew she'd never truly get while she was here. Yet, like me, her life was tied to this place, and leaving wasn't an option. All I could do was let her sort through what was going on in her head and come up with her own solution.
"Fine," she said, the word sounding painful. "But it best not be you. As a matter of fact, I want a choice in who it is."
That didn't surprise me. “Alright, who?"
She glanced at me, her eyes narrowing. “You were ready for that, weren't you?"
"Might be."
"That means you trust that I'll pick right, or you know who it is, and that's who you'd pick."
"More like I have an idea who it might be, and I'm okay with it. Samuel."
"Done. Only if he agrees."
That part took me by surprise. “What?"
She looked at me in disbelief. “Look, you might be okay bossing people around, especially him considering where he came from."
"That is not true," I snapped and then blinked when I realized...that was true. Although I’d sent him away earlier, it wasn't because I was giving him an order as I might have a month ago. Instead, I just needed him to leave me in peace and stop being so distracting. There had been an element of authority, but all it took was a glance back at the memory to realize it had not been the authority of a jailer to their prisoner but closer to someone ordering their worker to do something.
When had that shift happened, and why hadn't I noticed?
"Fine, but he should still get a say in the matter," she said, turning her head away with a derisive snort.
It was hard to argue that the man shouldn't have a choice when I had just argued that I didn't see him as someone to be ordered around just because he was technically a prisoner. There was only one answer, and it was done with a grunt. “Alright...Samuel!"
When Samuel's head snapped up, his expression curious and without his normal humor, I felt my heart skip a small beat. He hadn't hesitated in the slightest before responding to my call and instantly went on the alert. It was only when he spotted Elizabeth and I standing near the fence that his expression softened into his normal smirk before he patted one of the other men on the shoulder and made his way over to us.
"Miss me already?" he asked as he approached with a chuckle.
"I don't know about him, but I certainly did," Elizabeth fired back with a wink. "But don't let my brother know that, or he might think I have a little girl's crush on you."
"What, you don't?" he asked with a wide grin, his sweaty chest shining in the sunlight as he leaned on the fence. I hated him for encouraging my sister's...behavior, but I was distracted by the display and knew he was about as interested in her as the fence he was leaning on. "Best be careful. I think we're making him mad...again."
She glanced at me with a snort. “I'm not sure if anger is the word I would use."
"Oh? Then what would you use?"
"Maybe I'll tell you another time."
"Ooh, I do love a good mystery."
"You like answers, not mysteries," I grunted at him.
For a moment, his brow twitched before settling back to its normal level. "Well, well, you've been around me long enough, and suddenly, you think you're an expert reader of people. Interesting."
"Antagonize my brother later," Elizabeth said with a laugh. "When you can enjoy it more."
Samuel's expression froze for half a heartbeat before turning his attention to her. “Clearly, whatever is going on is important."
"We have a proposal," Elizabeth said as I tried to understand what had alarmed Samuel so much. "But my brother is the one giving it."
"Of course," I said with a sigh before launching into the explanation. It wasn't like it took long to explain what we intended, or rather, what we were asking, and to his credit, he listened without interrupting.
"This is...what you want?" he said after a long pause.
"You're the first on my list," she said without hesitation, but Samuel's eyes turned to me, and maybe Elizabeth couldn't see it, but I could see the wariness. A wariness he had only when he was being given expanded trust. It had always confused me since I would think a potential con man and slick talker like him would like an opening to wriggle his way into.
Except...I didn't think that as much anymore. I had seen the way he’d acted in the past. I had seen the way he'd spoken when his mask slipped, and the true him had come out. He was a survivor through and through, and that made him dangerous in many ways. He was also a man who craved freedom but peace at the same time. There was no real cruelty in him, and his attempts to pretend he didn't care could be genuine, but sometimes, they could be ways to hide how much he did care.
He was hopeful and scared of the trust we showed him, but more so me, which carried so much weight I had a hard time finding the breath to respond.
"I...trust it," I managed to get out and then sucked in a breath to give a better response. "I trust you ...to do what you're supposed to do."
The last part was said in a rush, and I almost regretted trying to mitigate my feelings on the matter. At the same time, it was strange telling this man, who I knew I shouldn't trust as much as I did, that I trusted him...to the degree that I did. I wanted to admit it, but admitting it was also incredibly uncomfortable, so all I could do was avert my eyes.
"I...see," he said, and I could hear the slowness in his response and the way he seemed to taste his words, or maybe just the feel of the conversation.
"So, is that fine with you?" I asked with more stiffness than I might have otherwise.
He stared at me for a few heartbeats before the familiar, almost comforting presence of his smirk returned. “And why not? Her presence is...lovely."
"I can't say I'm all that won over by the hesitancy in his voice," Elizabeth said, but even I could tell she was teasing as she eyed him. "You really don't know how to give a straight answer, do you?"
"If I knew how to do anything straight, do you think I’d be here?" Samuel asked with a snort.
Even I had to snort at that. “I guess he's alright with it probably because it saves him from having to do anything backbreaking. But if he thinks tryin' to keep an eye on you is an easy job, I look forward to how disappointed he's going to be."
"You do love testing my limits," he said, his eyes falling on me and staying steady. I wasn't sure what I'd done to test his limits, but the intensity of his stare made me think it was something neither of us would dare bring up in company, let alone Elizabeth's.
Which only made me ache to reach out and touch him. To grip him by the muscles in his shoulders and pull him close, knowing it would make him laugh to see me be so forceful, but also knowing it wouldn't last long. All it would take would be for me to kiss him fiercely and push him against the wall, using my larger size to pin him in place before he found himself groaning, back arching, and more than his body hard.
From there, it would just be a case of leading him to the nearest surface, holding him to it, or bending him over it. For all his actions to the contrary, he loved when I took control and took him as I saw fit. He would tease and taunt, but when I was inside him, taking him as deep as possible, he was a writhing, moaning mess that drove me to go even deeper, pushed me to be even firmer, and to see just how far we could?—
Okay, maybe I did understand what he meant after all.
I cleared my throat. “Good. Then, from now on, when she wants to go out of the house, your first job is to make sure she's got someone with her to keep her safe. Doesn't matter what else you're doing."
"Escorting isn't something I've done before...but I think I can handle it," he said with a chuckle. "After all, these men might have grown to like me, but they'll never forget where I came from. That's how it works."
A jolt of discomfort shot through me as I wondered if he was thinking the same thing about me. What made it worse was that I had to wonder if he was wrong. My attitude toward him had changed drastically in so many ways, but could I blame him for wondering if perhaps I still saw him as a troublemaker who would betray me in the end?
Yet I was still trusting him with my sister's well-being and life.
God above, when had my life grown so complicated?