9. Chapter Nine
Chapter Nine
I grimace as I enter the library. The stale smell catches me off guard and bombards me with repressed memories of hiding in here on the days when I didn’t want to go home. Then like a ripple effect, more memories burst from the dark and forgotten nooks of my mind, ones I thought I buried away long ago. But unfortunately, they don’t stay put. Memories of not fitting in, embarrassment over my mother’s drunken antics, and eating handouts upstairs at one of the corner tables of the library flicker through my mind in a cringe-worthy reel.
Just when I thought I moved past those awkward moments of my adolescence, they spring forth to remind me that no matter how much I try, I can never change my past. Not even a decent job, a newly remodeled house, or a cool motorcycle... nothing can make me forget.
I’ll always be the geeky boy with the growling stomach who prefers numbers over friends.
Ugh. This is why I don’t come in here. Closing my eyes, I suck in a long breath and slowly release it as I remember I’m here to help Maya, not take a trip down the cracked streets of memory lane.
Mr. Sherman clears his throat and pulls me from my thoughts. His bushy eyebrows rise in surprise at my unexpected visit before he sends me a silent nod of greeting. I return it as I always do, thankful he still isn’t the talkative type.
Returning to the task at hand, I scan the surrounding aisles only to find them disappointingly empty. Mr. Sherman waves to catch my attention before pointing discreetly to the creaking wooden ceiling above us.
I offer a quick smile of thanks before taking the stairs two at a time, in a rush for some reason. The second floor is just as quiet as the first, with the fluorescent lights humming above me. The study area is dusty and forgotten in the middle of the room. Bookcases are evenly spaced around the perimeter in neat rows, displaying numbers on golden plaques.
A burst of excitement hits me as soon as I see Maya cross-legged on the floor. I rub my chest, the feeling similar to when I solve a complex equation. But then, like usual with her, my brain begins to scramble and only focuses on her. In a trance, I head over to where she’s sandwiched between two shelves. With her back to me, I catch glimpses of her side profile as she works.
Once again, I have no idea what to say, but the need to say something—anything—to get her attention overwhelms me.
“Maya,” I whisper-shout. The quiet rules of the library are forever engrained in my DNA.
When she doesn’t respond, I spot the earbuds in her ears. She chuckles at something as she works, pulling books from the shelf and snapping photos of the back covers. Some books she re-shelves and others she tosses in the box beside her. She’s so completely engrossed that I worry I might startle her if I come barreling up.
“Maya?” I say a little louder this time.
Oblivious, she keeps gathering books, and a soft smile pulls up the corner of her mouth, stretching her full lips. It’s a small movement, but it lights her up from within. I lean a shoulder on the bookcase, admiring how lovely she is. The need to touch her, to trace the outline of her face, and to pull her close has my fingers twitching from want. I know I’m staring, but I can’t tear my eyes away even if I try. My brain is refueling on her image, soaking in all the details.
How can she think she is anything but stunning? Curse Felipe and all the emotional baggage he dropped in her lap. I can’t believe he brought up her weight. Please! Her curves only add to the allure.
Is this why God brought her here to me? So I can show her the truth?
“You’re beautiful,” I whisper, wishing she thought so too.
Of course this she hears.
Her spine stiffens, and she glances left and right before twisting around to check behind her.
I perform some ninja reflex and tuck-and-roll into the adjacent aisle, landing on my rear and earning myself a rug burn on my elbow for my efforts. Panting, I wait on the floor for her to call out or investigate the noise, but the sound of her digging through the box returns. I slump into the bookshelf behind me with a relieved sigh.
Then the realization of my actions hits me.
Why did I do that? I could have just been normal and said hi. Now this will be weird if she finds me hiding on the other side.
Okay. Let’s regroup.
If I sneak back to the staircase and act like I just walked up, she won’t realize that I was checking her out then ran away. I shift to my knees, preparing to army-crawl out of here and save my dignity.
At that exact moment, Maya pulls a book from the shelf, leaving a big enough opening that our eyes meet. The decibel her scream reaches is equivalent to knives in my skull. As fast as I can, I bolt around to her side, waving my arms at her.
“Maya, it’s just me.”
“Des! Oh my freaking goodness. My heart stopped. I thought you were a ghost.” She flops onto the pile of books surrounding her, her curly hair fanning out around her. “I think you nearly killed me.”
“I’m so sorry. I came in and tried to get your attention, but you didn’t seem to hear me.”
“I’m listening to an audiobook while I work.” She lifts a hand to explain and drops it back to the floor. “Besides scaring a year from my life, what are you doing here?”
“Ms. Santos?” Mr. Sherman bellows, his voice cracking. The wood protests as he rushes up the stairs. “Is everything all right?”
Maya scrambles to her feet, her face flushed. “Yes, I’m so sorry to have frightened you.”
He presses his hand to his heart when he sees her alive and well. “You gave my ticker a jumpstart.”
“It’s my fault,” I admit. “She didn’t hear me and I startled her.”
“No, it’s my fault. I’m listening to a gothic romance. My nerves were already strung tight before I saw him through the stacks.”
Mr. Sherman cuts the air with a hand. “I don’t care whose fault it is. Remember this is a library, and there is a level of decorum, as you know, Ms. Santos. I do not tolerate these types of shenanigans, especially from adults. Do I make myself perfectly clear?”
“Yes, Mr. Sherman,” we say in unison.
The old man huffs and pulls on his suspenders before giving us one last glare like we’re misbehaving children. He clomps noisily down the stairs, muttering under his breath.
I peek at Maya from the corner of my eye, unsure how she is handling the “scolding.” Her shoulders are shaking, her fingers pressed over her lips.
“You okay?”
She turns to me, her brown eyes twinkling as she laughs behind her hand. “I think we might lose our library card if we don’t behave.”
“I didn’t even know I had one to lose.”
Her eyes close slowly as she inhales a calming breath. “No library card? How is this place even functioning? It’s like they want to be shut down.”
“Shut down?”
Maya forces a tight smile, but the twinkle in her eyes is long gone. “A figure of speech, so to speak.”
I scratch my jaw and take in the space around me. Then it hits me. “You’re serious, aren’t you? You’re closing Rocosa Library.”
Her smile cracks. “I—I don’t want to lie to you about it, but it’s a possibility. I’m only reporting stats to my boss?—?”
I raise a no-nonsense brow.
“—?but yeah, it’s not looking great. I’m trying my best to bring in more patrons before I go. Not sure it can be done, though.”
“You’re going to help us?”
“I’ll try my best, but I can’t guarantee anything. I’m not the one calling the shots.”
“Wow.” I tuck my hands in my pockets and survey the room. This is one of the landmarks of Rocosa, a piece of our history, not just the town’s but my own. I never thought such a closure would be possible. “Just wow.”
“I know. Please don’t be mad at me.”
I turn to her, my heart clenching at her furrowed brow. “I’m not. It’s not your fault things have gotten so bad here. I’m just surprised we could lose a building that’s been here since the town was founded. There’s even a plaque out front.”
Maya steps closer, determined.
“Des, I’m not giving up. If I can prove that there is a need in the community for this library, I might be able to save it. But what I am proposing is a big if . It might be impossible. For goodness’ sake, this place doesn’t even have internet.”
“It’s part of the charm.”
“Charm doesn’t help with funding—getting people in the building does.”
“It’s the historical society, isn’t it? They won’t let us update the school either. They think that keeping everything in its original condition preserves the history, but history is getting eclipsed by modern devices. There has to be a compromise.” I shake my head.
“Mr. Sherman has already warned me they’ll be a bear to deal with. I plan on submitting a long list of requests by tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have less than a month to get this library back on its feet.”
“Okay. Just tell me how I can help and I will.”
“I will help too,” Reese says from the stairwell.
We both spin, shocked to see my sister holding on to the banister. She’s in her stained work overalls with a guilty slant to her lips, her usual expression when she comes groveling for forgiveness. Maya peers up at me, unsure how I will react after Reese’s outburst yesterday.
But Maya doesn’t realize this is a common occurrence for Reese and me. Some days, her addiction’s talons squeeze her until she snaps, and other days, I think she’s beat it and I finally have my sister back. It’s a never-ending seesaw between the two.
Her gray eyes are thankfully clear and full of remorse. At least this time she didn’t fall into temptation and drink. She doesn’t want to be this way any more than I do.
I hate this for her. Hate. It. How someone so full of life is forever tormented by one mistake. I’ve never had a drop of alcohol in my life. And until Granny died, Reese hadn’t either.
I wish I’d been there for her that day. Maybe her life would be different if I had.
She clears her throat, waiting for a signal from me to know we’re okay again. I nod and mentally remind myself to check when the church’s next AA meeting is. I haven’t been able to convince her to return to church since the funeral, but I’m hoping with this last outburst, she’ll recognize she needs more than group accountability and a mentor—she needs Jesus.
Reese walks over, the tension easing from her shoulders with each step. “I promise I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. It seemed like a heated discussion, and I didn’t want to interrupt... but I also wanted you to know that you have my support. Whatever you need for the library, you got it. I’m good at building and installing things. I could help with the internet if it gets approved.”
“Thank you, Reese. I need all the help I can get,” Maya says.
“But that’s not the main reason I stopped by. I want to apologize to you both. It’s actually convenient that Des is here since I won’t have to track him down later.” She tucks her blonde hair behind one ear. “I’m so, so sorry for my rude and hurtful behavior last night. It was unacceptable and not the person I want to be. I could blame it on my addiction, but it was all me. Burns called before I arrived at Cliffys, and I was furious that he could still burrow into my head.”
“ What? ” I growl. Every muscle tenses in my body at the thought of that lunatic returning to our lives.
“Hang on. Let me finish before you burst a vein. He somehow found my new number.”
Maya glances between us, pulling at the cross around her neck. “Who’s Burns?”
“My ex-boyfriend that refuses the ‘ex’ in his title.”
“Is he here in Rocosa?” I blurt. “Want me to call Thor?” For once, it’s convenient to have a friend who doubles as a bodyguard.
“No, he’s not here. Now that he’s on parole, he wanted to check on me and...” Reese grips the back of her neck, glancing away. “Well, he misses me.”
“Reese—?”
“Des, I’m not interested in dating him again. Not when I’m finally starting to feel like my old self.” She turns to Maya and grimaces. “You still look confused. How do I sum up the worst mistake of my entire life? Every bad thing I’ve ever done, Burns has been right by my side cheering me on. He has this hot bad-boy persona that seems mysterious and romantic, but in reality, he’s controlling, manipulative, and possessive. I don’t want to be dragged back into the darkness, not when I’ve tried so hard to get out of it.”
“I’m proud of you,” I say, my heart swelling to the point I almost can’t contain it. Her recovery has been longer than expected, but even when she stumbled, she was always resilient, forcing herself to get better each day. All the hospital visits, withdrawal symptoms, and arguments were worth it to reach this point. When I put a hand on her shoulder, she melts into my side for a hug. “I’m sorry if I don’t tell you that more often.”
“It is nice to hear every once in a while.”
“So, he’s gone for good?” I ask, unable to hide the hopeful tone in my question.
She shrugs. “He asked me to meet him at The Cellar in Denver. I told him I’d rather have a root canal.”
“Sounds like you need a restraining order,” Maya suggests.
“I have one. That’s why he was in jail to begin with.”
“That and punching the arresting officer,” I mutter under my breath.
Maya’s eyes widen.
“Anyway, his call put me in a funk, and I took it out on you guys. It probably didn’t help that I was surrounded by the smell of alcohol. Can we have a do-over? Maybe not at Cliffys? I think I need more time before I go there again. I keep trying to rush myself back to normal... but I can’t take shortcuts with this. Plus, Tristen and I got into a heated argument after you left and he banned me for a month. Which reminds me that I need to go apologize to him next.”
“Tristen? The bartender?” Maya asks.
“Yeah. He’s one of Des’s high school friends, and it’s like having a babysitter hover around me all night when I’m there.”
“You’re welcome,” I say.
“I already have a bossy older brother—I don’t need another.” Reese chuckles and pulls away from me. “But I mean it about getting together. My place is kinda small, so maybe Des’s?”
My brain quickly scans the mess factor of my living space. Normally, I’m on top of these things, the neat freak that I am, but the last few days I’ve been distracted. Not because of school, riding with the group, or even worrying about Reese. Instead, a certain librarian with liquid brown eyes keeps occupying my thoughts.
Oh. Kinda like they are now.
I blink, realizing everyone is waiting for me to respond.
“He’s speechless,” Maya says, smiling. “But I don’t want to force him into anything. The poor man has been stuck with me three days in a row.”
“I want to,” I rush to say. Then I repeat it, hoping to sound a little less desperate the second time before adding, “I like being stuck with you.”
She ducks her head as if to hide the rosy glow in her cheeks.
I understand how she feels, what it’s like to veer away from any attention. But I find with her it’s the opposite. I’m drawn to her—to the warmth of her smile, the merriment in her laugh, and the twinkle in her eye. Even as she hides, I want to coax her out of her shell so she feels comfortable with me. To trust me. To see me. To want me as much as I want her.
Oh, man. That desire to reach out and touch her screams in my veins. How is it getting more intense the more time I spend with her?
Reason slaps me upside the head with a jolt. Things come in clear... crystal clear. It’s as if I solved one variable in a linear equation and all the other pieces fell into place to reveal the obvious solution—the one that’s been in front of my face the whole time.
I’m falling for Maya.
Whoa. That’s a first for me.
I’ve had crushes or passing attractions, none worth my time to pursue. This time it feels completely different. Like the stars align every time our eyes meet. Like my pulse races when I catch a hint a vanilla in the air. Even now, I wish my sister would leave already so I could soak up this time with Maya without interruption.
Is that crazy?
Probably.
Or maybe I just need to get out more.
As I start to calm myself down, she leans her head back and lets loose an uncontrollable laugh at something Reese says. To keep her balance, Maya places a hand on my bicep and tilts close, her shoulders shaking with mirth. My muscles tense, and I lean in enough that our sides touch, shooting sizzling tingles across my skin from the contact.
But it’s not enough. I want more... I need more. Not just a light grazing of arms, but I need to touch, to caress, to kiss...
Yes . . . YES.
My heart stutters at the last thought, then rapidly builds until it’s a roaring noise in my ears. If I thought I was consumed before, it’s nothing compared to now when I’m imagining pressing my lips to hers. My eyes follow my train of thought, locking on her pink lips.
The room seems to heat up as I silently plan my route of kisses across her jaw and down her neck, taking extra care not to neglect the soft curve where her neck and shoulder meet.
When I catch my hand lifting to reach for her, I give myself a mental head shake, hoping to remove myself from this Maya-induced fog. As intoxicating as it is, the intensity of it is slightly alarming. What has come over me?
I blow out a shaky breath and tuck my hands in my pockets. Maya isn’t ready for these intense emotions brewing inside me. Heck, I’m probably not ready either. Friendship is the only thing on the table. If I suggest anything else, I’ll only scare her away. I’ll have to wait and hope that she changes her mind.
Even if I die in the process.
“Does that work for you, Des?” Reese asks.
“Uh, sure.” I tear my eyes from the elusive patch of skin behind Maya’s dangling earring. “Wait, what?”
“He does that a lot, doesn’t he?” Maya laughs.
“Pretty much. He’ll snap back eventually.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m literally right here listening to you.”
“See?” Reese points a finger at me, and I swat it away. “I said I’d stop by the library after work this week to help with inventory. I assume you’ll be here too. It’s interesting how you two keep... bumping into each other.”
My face warms. “What can I say? I guess I’m always in the right place at the right time.”
“I can attest to that,” Maya says with a grin.
“Now on to the bad news. Your part is delayed and won’t be coming until next week. In the meantime, I’ll call in a favor for you and have your bookmobile towed to the school parking lot so you can still do your book stuff. Might as well park it at the school while we wait for the piece so you don’t get any more behind schedule. You can’t start the engine, but at least the doors are manual.”
“Could you? That would mean so much to me. This project is the capstone of my master’s degree and something I’ve spent years bringing to fruition. I really want this to be successful.”
“I’ll pull a few strings so it’s delivered in the morning. Plus, Lewis wants his parking space back. Win–win.”
“The only thing I ask is that you don’t call Marco this time. It’s like the bat signal for my family to call me in a panic.”
“Oh, sure. I get those calls too, only with a bunch of motorcyclists and a certain bartender.” Reese starts to backpedal toward the stairs. “Speaking of which, I’m off to find Tristen. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. I appreciate your help.”
She heads out as silently as she enters, leaving me alone with Maya again.
“So... what can we start on today?” I ask, eyeing the box of books.
“I’m moving their catalog into a digital format. We need to scan ISBNs with my phone and pull duplicates for donation, sale, or a giveaway event. It might be faster if we work together.” She pulls out her phone, holding it up so I can see the program she’s using. I take the opportunity to lean in closer for a better view of the screen and am rewarded with her sweet vanilla scent.
Good grief... I can’t focus for one second, can I?
But for once, I’m okay with that. All this time, I viewed commitment like the plague, not understanding why anyone would want to spend all their time with one person. Or jump through all the hoops for their attention or drop everything to spend as much time with them as they could.
But with Maya?
I secretly breathe in her scent, my heart thudding wildly in my chest.
I’ll enjoy every second I can with her.