Chapter Twenty-One #2
She froze, and I could tell my words were looping through her mind on repeat like a scratched record. Her shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath before she grabbed the hem of her skirt and tugged it down.
Thank God.
Hoping she hadn’t felt my dick trying to burst out of my jeans, I slid back over, just as a bartender reached us.
After we grabbed drinks, the first thing I saw when I turned away from the bar was TJ’s stupid fucking grin. He looked like he was in Heaven. Meanwhile, with the way my night started off, and the fact that my dick was still hard as a rock, I was currently in hell.
“This. Place. Is fucking. Awesome,” TJ beamed.
El raised her drink to the bull. “You gonna ride that thing?”
“Hell yeah, I am!” TJ shrieked.
With a hint of a snappy attitude that I could only assume was towards me, a sinister smirk touched El’s lips. “Maybe I’ll ride it too.”
Oh no, you won’t.
Afflicted by not overcrossing the line between being protective and being possessive, I envisioned her on that bull, hips dipping up and down as she rode it with finesse.
Her hair would probably fly each time it would make a turn, along with her skirt, floating just high enough for the whole room to see her ass that I’d just nearly gotten impaled for trying to hide.
The image drove me fucking nuts, and shamelessly, I butted in. “Absolutely not.” She gave a dubious glance. “You’re wearing a skirt.”
“Fine,” she agreed. “But next time, I’m wearing jeans and I’m riding that thing.”
I still didn’t like that thought. Her on full display for every man in the bar to ogle and carry sickening fantasies?
No fucking thanks.
I was usually good at staying in my best friend bubble, being her occasional wingman no matter how much I hated it, or choking down my constant jealousy like it was cough syrup.
So, I wasn’t sure if my frustration was because we were in a new environment.
Or if it was because she was wearing that tiny skirt.
Or maybe it was because my growing feelings had been getting bottled over the past few months and were finally about to explode in a rampage of protection and envy and possession.
Whatever it was, I was pretty sure I was going to lose my mind tonight.
***
Keith was fucking pushing it.
I made a mental note to burn that skirt later because no matter how much El yanked it down, it slid right back up.
And if I caught Keith looking one more time, we were going to have a fucking problem.
He was lucky we hadn’t had a moment alone or he surely wouldn’t be walking out of this bar unscathed.
I already warned him.
Don’t look. Don’t touch. Don’t even think about it.
The rest of the guys understood that boundary; why the fuck couldn’t he?
He was getting close to sealing his fate, and I was getting close to stomping out of this place to try to prevent myself from becoming the monster I knew I was.
I hadn’t gotten into trouble in a while. I’d been doing good about saving my dark side for the ice, but I could feel it bubbling up inside me.
I tugged on Cody’s arm harder than I’d meant to.
“Ah,” he groaned. “What the hell?” But with one look at my face, he stiffened.
Cody knew me so well that he could make out when I was about to erupt like a goddamn volcano.
As if he could read every deranged thought I was currently having, he let out a deep breath.
“What is it? Or who is it, I should say?”
“Keith.”
“I figured,” he sighed.
So, I hadn’t been the only one who noticed.
Cody nodded. “Let me talk to him.”
“Fine,” I mumbled. With vexation, my eyes chased Cody all the way over to Keith. Of course, girl’s heads turned as he walked by, making me roll my eyes.
He tapped Keith on the shoulder, signaling to follow. El and TJ were still chatting a few feet from me, and I was glad neither of them had any awareness of what was currently going on.
With the utmost impatience, I waited for Cody to return, and as he did, I was trying my hardest to read the expression on his face.
Relief? Indifference? Annoyance? He was so stoic that I couldn’t fucking tell.
“Well?” I let out roughly.
Cody sighed. “I think he’s got it.”
“You think?” I raised a brow.
“Matt,” he sighed again, “you know how he is. Nothing is going to happen though. Just let it go.”
“But he—”
“I know, okay?” Cody stiffened, his features sharpening like glass. “I get him looking is bothering you, but has El said anything about it?”
“No.”
“Okay, then maybe she hasn’t even noticed. If he was making her uncomfortable, then I’d say do something about it. But if she hasn’t even noticed, then you need to calm down.”
I threw my hands up. “Fine. Maybe I should just go.”
“If you think that’s the best idea right now, then yeah,” Cody said.
He was treading carefully, I could tell. The only way he could put out the fire within me was with water and caution, and after years of friendship, he had practice.
I blew out a breath so heavy that smoke came out with it, and nodding to myself, I left Cody for El.
Trying my best to hide my current emotions, I said, “I think I’m gonna leave. Did you wanna stay?”
El’s brows knitted, and her eyes worriedly bounced around my face, trying to read my mind. I hoped she couldn’t.
“Why do you wanna leave? Are you okay?”
Suddenly, I couldn’t stand still. My enmity was clawing at me from the inside out and I was itching from it.
Uneasily, I shifted my weight around. “I’m fine.”
Her mouth formed a hard line. She didn’t believe me, and I didn’t blame her. I wasn’t a great liar, especially not to her. But instead of nudging for a real answer, she accepted my lie, a stark difference to the unruly attitude she possessed earlier in the night.
“Alright. I’ll go with you.”
“Okay,” I breathed a sigh of relief.
Standing on the outskirts of the bar, we waited as a group of people were passing through behind us, and at the tail end of them all were Keith and Jonah.
Without a word, Keith slid passed me sideways, the only way he’d currently fit. I watched him like a snake ready to strike.
Hyperaware, each small movement he made was being scrutinized by me. As he squeezed by El, his hand brushed along her lower back, right on the brink of her ass, far too low for my liking.
And I fucking lost it.
My whole body burned with rage, and there was no reasoning left within me. Gripping Keith by the shoulder, I spun him around and had him up against the nearest wall in seconds. Jaw becoming unhinged, my forearm made a home at the base of his throat, caging him in.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” I roared.
With nothing but a heavy breath, he pushed off the wall, and I slammed him back.
“Matt,” he seethed.
I could feel eyes on us, dozens coming from all directions, and it was only a matter of time before one of our teammates would be trying to tear me from him.
His jaw clenched, hands drawn into fists at his sides. The dim lighting caught the jagged anger mirrored back at me in Keith’s eyes, and if I was anyone other than myself, he’d have them on the ground by now.
“Matt!” Jonah shouted behind me. I was expecting him to appear any second but was surprised to hear Jett call him back.
“Let him.”
“How many times do I need to tell you that she’s off limits?” I growled.
“I fucking got it,” he gritted through his teeth.
I was in a trance, hypnotized by every negative emotion possible. Like so many other times in my life, I was seeing red.
With the way things had been going over the past three months, this was bound to happen. I was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner, because there was an uncontrollable beast inside me, and if I was being honest, I fucking hated it.
Staring so deeply at Keith, it was as if I was seeing through him. He turned his head away, refusing to look at me. But he still didn’t fight back. He just waited for me to get my shit under control.
“Matt,” El’s voice rattled, and when her gentle hand brushed along my arm, I immediately dropped Keith.
She had the ability to knock me right out of that trance. The anger was still lingering under the surface, but just her touch alone sucked most of it away.
As if realizing what I’d done, I stumbled back a few steps, my breaths hitched as I tried blinking away the remnants of my temper.
“Let’s go,” I mumbled.
I didn’t have to tell her twice. She gripped my hand tightly and led the way out. The last thing I saw before climbing into an Uber was Boomer shaking his head at me.
Other than my phone blowing up with texts from the guys, the Uber was quiet all the way to her apartment, but my mind was surely loud as hell.
The animosity was still trickling in, but now, it was starting to point at myself.
Did I overreact again? Probably.
Was I truly a liability? Seemed like it.
Did I actually have a fucking problem? Definitely.
El looked out the window the entire drive, and for some reason, the act alone was crushing me.
Was she ashamed to be my best friend? Or worse, was she afraid of me?
Jesus Christ, the thought of her being afraid of me was heartbreaking.
Immediately, it felt like there was a pile of bricks on my chest, making it impossible to get a deep breath in. I tried shaking off the idea, but an involuntary shiver washed over my bones instead.
When the Uber pulled up front, I got out of the car and followed El to the door to make sure she got in safely.
“El,” I softly said, desperately watching as she fiddled with her keys.
Slowly gaining the courage to glance up at me, her expression was strangely haunted.
I held back a gasp. “I’m sorry.”
Her voice remained calm, ripping straight through my chest and into the night. “You don’t have to take it so far for me every time.”
Yes, I do.
But without a doubt, I knew exactly what she was thinking of. Maybe I shouldn’t have made a comment earlier. Maybe I’d driven a knife in that I didn’t know existed.
“You know I’d never hurt you, right?” I let out, sounding like more of a plea than anything else.
The brief moment of silence was taken up by my quickening heart.
“I know,” El finally said, allowing a sliver of relief to set in. “Did you wanna stay?”
I shook my head, turning down her offer. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay,” she said, pushing her front door open and disappearing into the darkness of her apartment.
No one was more surprised about my refusal than me, but I was insistent on walking home. The walk would allow me to clear my head, and the cold, frigid air would hopefully breathe a bit of life back into me.
But of course, the whole walk was spent thinking about what she said.