Chapter Twenty-Nine
El
This was not going to be as easy as I’d hoped.
Valentine’s Day was incredible; Matt went all out, covering my apartment in pink roses and cooking dinner for us. I supplied the wine and snacks, and once again, our night ended with hands and lips all over each other.
So, to go from that to silently trading glances from across the room like we hadn’t just told each other we were in love with the other before walking inside, was a struggle.
At Cedar, I could touch Matt as much as I wanted, snuggle up to him like the gigantic teddy bear he was, kiss him hard and remind him endlessly that I loved him.
Here, in my house, surrounded by our families, was a different story.
Here, I felt chained, and I hated it.
I wanted to rip the band-aid off, to give Matt the thumbs up that I was ready whenever he wanted to make our special announcement.
But every time I was about to, my heart started ramming against my chest so hard that I was concerned it would burst.
The anxiety rushed through my veins like alcohol would, and I couldn’t overcome the feeling.
Ever since getting older, the basement had always been one of my favorite spots in the house. Completed with a lounge area, a bar, small theater, and an extra room that Dad had converted into a dance studio for Lo and me as kids, the basement was the perfect place to get away for a while.
The dance studio in particular had always been my personal safe haven. When shit hit the fan between my parents, I’d find myself in there, blasting music and dancing just to drown out the noise of them fighting upstairs.
In high school, Matt and I used to sneak down here and break into the liquor cabinet.
We’d grab a drink, hangout all night, and watch movies.
I was pretty sure my parents always knew but never said anything.
The same way I assumed they knew about all the times Matt and I snuck past their bedroom after coming home from a nearby party.
My parents weren’t huge drinkers, although my dad would have an occasional few beers while we were growing up.
When he did drink, he was reasonably casual about it, cracking open a few beers while relaxing on the couch.
Drinking socially was a different story, though.
He became a social butterfly, loud and playful.
Seated on bar stools with the rest of our families sprinkled around us, Matt and I kept peeking at one another out of the corner of our eyes. Each time, it chipped away my unease bit by bit, allowing me to catch my breath.
“Alright,” Dad announced, raising his beer. “I do have a few things I’d like to toast.”
Whenever Mac Burkeley spoke, the room went silent.
“First, to my beautiful wife on her birthday. Happy birthday, Elisa,” he gave a starry smile to my mom, looking completely engulfed in her orbit.
He practically kissed the ground she walked on nowadays.
The switch-up made little sense to me, and even though resentment for my mom was still held overhead, I was glad she was getting the affection she deserved all those years ago.
“Happy birthday!” everyone shouted.
“Second,” my dad continued, “to Eloise and Ezra, who are going to be the greatest parents. We are ecstatic to be bringing a new bundle of joy into our large, extended family.”
Everyone cheered as Lo’s cheeks tinted pink for a brief moment, running a hand over her growing bump. “And lastly, to Eleanor, for finishing her first semester of law school with a 4.0. We are so incredibly proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished.”
There was a flutter in my chest, and my mouth went dry watching the room filled with everyone I loved most congratulate me with shouts and noble smiles.
And I was lying to all of them except one.
A hand covered my back, and Gwen’s face peered in the space between Matt and me. “Wouldn’t El just make the best daughter-in-law, Mac?”
Dad’s shoulders bobbed with a husky chuckle, his beer halfway to his mouth. “Don’t even think about it, Gwen.”
The gruff sigh that Matt let out beside me cut my heart in half, and suddenly, my mouth started moving.
“Actually, Daddy, we have something to tell you.” This sort of pressure couldn’t even be felt at the bottom of the ocean. I’d only had one seltzer so far, and it was threatening to come back up. “Matt and I are...” I gulped, intertwining our fingers under the bar top and raising them, “together.”
Everyone that had broken out in their own conversations went quiet, all eyes on us. I couldn’t read anyone’s expressions clearly aside from the fact that nobody looked surprised.
Nobody except my father.
I hadn’t seen that look on his face since the affair.
The look of betrayal.
He wasn’t watching anyone besides me, frozen, gaping at me like I’d just shot him in the heart. I knew I’d made a promise to him, but that was years ago, during a time where I was young and heavily influenced by those around me.
My dad was going to have to accept the fact that Matt and I were together, but I absolutely hated the way he was looking at me right now.
So much disappointment. So much shock. He loved Matt like a son, made it known time and time again, so I couldn’t understand why he disapproved of him so deeply?
The first to break the silence was Gwen, but I could tell she was treading carefully based on my father’s reaction. “This... is a great thing.”
“Yeah!” Lo butted in. “We all knew you two would get together sometime.”
My lungs were starting to burn, a ripple of trepidation working its way through my body. Matt was frigid beside me, a God-like statue who I was afraid to look at, afraid to see the hurt that was probably plaguing him.
I squeezed his hand tighter beneath the countertop.
My mom rested a gentle hand on Dad’s shoulder. “Mac... you alright, honey? This is a good thing, right?”
Suddenly, he paled before clearing his throat. “Yep,” he glanced down, “a good thing. Excuse me.” With that, he left the room.
“Great,” Matt whispered beside me. “The one person whose approval I care about.”
Everyone started rambling to us, expressing their excitement for us, already talking about what they envisioned our future wedding looking like. But it was all going in through one ear and out the other.
It wasn’t long before Matt excused himself.
A foggy haze clouded my brain. I couldn’t even think straight.
I had no idea how tonight was going to go, but I definitely hadn’t been expecting for two of my favorite people to leave the room.
The unease was making itself home in my gut, and even when Jade placed a glass of water in front of me, sensing that I was feeling unwell, I could hardly take a sip.
“Do you wanna go talk somewhere?” she whispered to me.
A shaky exhale, excruciatingly painful, tumbled out. “I’m just gonna go find Matt for a minute.”
“Okay.”
Ignoring the eyes following me, I fled the basement, taking the stairs two at a time. I had no idea where he went, but I couldn’t get to him fast enough.
As if there was some magnetic pull bringing us together, I found him in the first place I checked— my own room.
Matt was seated on my bed, head in his hands. Each breath he let out was stressed, almost forceful, like he was consciously having to remind himself to breathe.
“Mattie?” I shook, nearing him.
Glancing up at me, his eyes shone with pain. I’d never seen him hurting like this— vulnerable, real, haunted. I hadn’t witnessed one single tear, or anything remotely close to it, fall from Matt’s irises since we were kids.
“Hey, Princess,” he practically wheezed. Hands finding my waist, he sat me on his lap, and I curled up to him, seeking comfort.
“I’m sorry he reacted like that.”
“It’s not your fault,” his head shook against me. “I just... I’ve gone my whole life convinced that he never thought I was good enough for you. And now I know.”
Head snapping like lightning, I nearly smacked him across the face with my hair. “You’re more than good enough for me. Don’t say that.”
Eyes locking in on mine, his voice was firm, certain. “Nobody is good enough for you.”
My heart tripped, stumbling right into his rugged hands.
He wasn’t right, not by a long shot, but I could tell he genuinely meant it. He believed the words, and that made them mean so much more.
I didn’t know what to say.
“Should we go back down?” I muttered. With a deep breath, he nodded.
The first person to greet us when we roamed back down to the basement was my father, who said nothing, just greeted Matt with a sturdy handshake and a nod.
He was trying, I’d give him that.
But he wasn’t fooling anyone.
He didn’t approve, and everyone knew it.