Chapter 9 #2
But as it stands, I’m taking in a scene of happy kittens while inhaling my two scent matches.
The duffel bag falls to the carpet with a soft thud.
I spring into action.
“I heard they’re having problems,” I say, joining Ryland on the carpet. I sit cross legged next to him, steadying my breathing and ignoring the tingles that race down my spine.
I want to sit closer to him.
I want to invade his space and cross his boundaries in a very unhealthy way, and I want Rowan to do the same to me.
It’s insane.
I can sense Rowan watching me out of the corner of my eye, still standing. “Something’s wrong with their tails,” he mutters.
At the kitten’s insistent cries, Ryland begins petting the feline in his arms. “They’re not doing it now, though,” he murmurs.
I sigh. “That sounds about right for animals.”
The two other kittens have stopped playing, and I dangle my fingers in front of them. The duo excitedly trots to me, their tails standing up ramrod straight.
As one gets closer, the tail begins to shake quickly, almost like a rattle.
“There!” Rowan says, pointing. “That’s it! That’s what they’ve been doing!”
At the realization, a smile breaks out on my face. “Wait. Really?” I look up at him. “That’s what’s been happening? The rattling of the tail?”
“Yeah,” Rowan says quickly, breathless. “Is that normal? Are they seizing?”
There is so much genuine panic in his eyes that it makes my chest ache with fondness. “No,” I tell him gently. “They’re fine.”
Rowan lets out a shaky sigh. “Are you sure?” he asks hurriedly.
“Why are they doing that?” Ryland asks, the voice of reason. “I’ve never seen a cat do that before.”
Rowan runs his hand through his hair, messing it up even more than it already is. “Me neither.”
“It means they’re happy to see you,” I say. “It doesn’t happen with all cats. But when it does, it means they’re excited. At least, in this case.”
“And, you’re sure?” Rowan turns to me, his eyes narrowed. “You’re sure? They’re fine?”
The two kittens climb into my lap. “They’re all girls, right?”
“Yeah,” Ryland says.
“Then, I’m sure. Sometimes male cats can do it if they’re spraying, but these kittens are just happy to be around the two of you.”
Inside, that makes me feel better, too.
The kittens respond to the Alphas with upturned tails and happy trills.
They trust them.
Ryland, Rowan, and Travis are doing something right.
“Crisis averted,” I say. “Is there anything else strange they’re doing?”
Ryland shakes his head.
Now that there’s not an animal emergency, it gives me time to take everything in.
I’m sitting in a room with my scent matches, surrounded by kittens.
“Thank you,” Rowan murmurs, his eyes piercing into mine. But I can still see the panic in his face, as if he’s not sure he believes me.
I want to soothe his fear.
“It’s nothing,” I murmur. “The kittens are fine. They’re okay.”
As if to make a point, one leaps into the air high over my head when it lays eyes on a toy mouse.
“I’m sorry this is the way we’re meeting again,” Ryland says softly, his attention fully on me now. “I would have liked to ask you out.”
Rowan joins us on the ground, sitting cross legged and across from me. “Yeah. Likewise.”
I swallow.
I would have said no, but they don’t realize it.
My plan was to stay as far away from them as possible.
But now, we’re in the same room, the three of us, and it’s impossible to not drown in their scents.
My inner Omega cheers in delight, and I give Ryland a smile.
Until the guilt catches up with me, and I stand, wiping my hands on my black leather leggings.
“You did a good job with this room,” I say evenly. There is a cat tower in the corner, a litter box in another, and toys scattered across the floor.
“Thanks.” Rowan smiles, and my breath catches.
Rowan has dimples, unlike his brother.
Perfect, charming dimples that make my heart flutter.
“We’re planning to build more,” Ryland adds. “Shelves and tubes on the wall so that everyone can climb and go where they want.”
It’s adorable, and a good idea.
It’s also my cue to leave.
If I stay here any longer, who knows what my inner Omega will try to make me do? Their scents are so intoxicating that it’s hard to think clearly.
“I’m sure the cats will love that,” I say evenly. “I’m going to take off if that’s all you need.”
I don’t even wait for them to say anything. I pick up my duffel and head to the door, ready to make my escape.
“Wait—” Ryland says, but I’m heading down the hallway before he can finish his sentence.
It’s rude and awkward as hell to scurry out of someone’s house like this, but I cannot be around them any longer.
Ryland and Rowan together smell like the pack I’ve always wanted. The future I had hoped for once I presented as an Omega.
I can’t stay here.
A strong, broad clothed chest fills my vision, and I almost walk into it, except for the pair of arms that circle around my waist.
I almost crashed into Travis.
We’re terrifyingly close, his hands like iron around me as I look up at him.
I’m thankful he can’t hear the beating of my heart as I step out of his grip.
“Oh, hey, Trav,” I say. “I’m just going to head out now.
The kittens are fine, by the way. Just being normal happy cats.
You three are doing a great job with them.
” I try to smile, but I’m pretty sure it comes out as a grimace.
I need to get out of here.
Now.
But he looks just as concerned and mournful as he was earlier in the parking lot. “Thanks. I’m sorry—”
I take a breath to interrupt him, inhaling his smoke and wood scent.
It’s more potent than it’s ever been.
No longer blended and hidden by other Alpha and Omega scents, I’m finally close enough to inhale just pure Travis.
I gasp, my eyes widening with the realization.
Wood. Smoke.
A cozy fireplace years from now, casting a glow in the room while the rain pours outside over the ocean. Earthy moss greeting me when I lie under the stars, a smile on my face.
Travis realizes it as the same time I do, and we stare dumbly at each other, just like I did with Rowan.
Just as I had secretly hoped, Travis is my scent match, as well.
Travis and his pack are my scent matches.
“Well, that solves that,” he says lowly. He makes no move toward me, but his jaw clenches and he stands still, as if trying to hold himself back.
Ash, apparently, has found this all extremely moving. No longer in loaf form, he is perched at the top of the cat tree, sitting up and watching me with his head cocked, his yellow eyes bright with interest.
“I have to go,” I whisper. “It’s late.”
Travis stares at me like I’ve grown a second head. “Don’t you want to talk about this?”
I shake my head. “I really don’t.”
Talking about this will only make it worse.
His expression is unreadable except for the flicker of hurt that crosses his features, but he nods slowly. “Right. Do you know the way out?”
“Hey. You’re leaving?” Ryland asks softly, and I spin to see the brothers in the doorway behind me, looking distraught. “It’s late out, and we have a spare room if you need it.”
Every moment I stay here is a knife in my chest.
They are being extremely kind and patient, but I…just…can’t.
Not when I still dream about being in that hospital.
Not when Justin’s mother says it’s my fault her son is gone.
I can’t move on.
“I’ll drive,” I say. “It’s fine.”
“It’s raining,” Rowan says. “And it’s three in the morning.”
I start to panic.
I don’t want to be around them, not on the anniversary of everything happening.
I need to process this elsewhere, regardless of what my inner Omega demands.
Travis notices my struggle. “If she wants to leave, she can leave,” he says calmly to Rowan. Then, he turns back to me. “Just let me know when you get home, okay?”
His face is still expressionless, his tone neutral, but I can tell he doesn’t want me to go.
Just as I can sense that he’s hurting almost as much as I am.
I’m not rejecting you, I want to tell him. That’s not what this is.
I nod. “I will.”
“I can walk you out—” Rowan starts, but Travis shakes his head.
“Leave her alone,” he snaps. “If she wants our help, she’ll ask for it.”
I cast a grateful look Travis’s way even as guilt eats at me. I head down the hall, ignoring Ash’s confused meow, and walk briskly to the front room.
I don’t know if the pack is watching me, but my face burns with embarrassment when I yank open their door.
A normal Omega would be thrilled that she found her scent matches.
Instead, I’m running away from the pack, unable to accept what’s in front of me.
And the worst part is, I don’t know how to explain it to anyone, let alone the confused Alphas.
Even my Piper, my best friend, doesn’t get it.
The weather doesn’t seem to get it either, since it’s pouring rain when I step outside. Their driveway is slippery under my boots, and the door handle of my car is soaked as I yank it open. I toss my duffel bag into the backseat while thunder rolls above me.
I don’t know why a storm suddenly came out of nowhere, but it’s far too much like the weather two years ago.
It was raining, there was thunder, and the wind was wild when I watched my ex pack pull out of my apartment’s parking lot in Cody’s car.
They should have waited for the storm to be over—the storm that is just like the one happening right now.
I sit in my car in silence, the rain beating angrily on my windshield, and try to calm my inner Omega.
Part of me longs to march right back into that packhouse, apologize for being awkward, and throw myself into their arms.
But I’m frozen in shame in the driveway, terrified of starting my car.
I count under my breath, but I’m still unable to move.
The rain grows angrier.
The thunder roars.
The scents of Travis, Rowan, and Ryland linger in the air, making my chest ache with loneliness.
Stubbornly, I continue to count.
I’m not going back inside.
I’m certainly not going to look up and see if they’re watching me from the front door having a breakdown in my car.
Once I reach one hundred, I start my car, ready to brave the storm.
I turn on my headlights, ignore the roar of the wind, and begin to back out of their driveway like a normal person.
Like my world isn’t falling apart and I’m not turning away from the Alphas that were made for me.
And for a moment, everything is fine.
Mervin and Marlin are waiting for me at my apartment.
They’re the only men I need.
But a large thump that rattles the car startles me out of my determined state, and I shriek as I frantically turn the wheel, terrified.
I place the car into park and kill the engine, adrenaline coursing through my veins.
My hands won’t stop shaking.
I hit something.
Something happened.
My breaths come in frantic gulps, and my vision whites out as the rain pours down on the windshield.
I killed someone, again.
I put my face in my hands and whimper, fear leaving me frozen in my seat.
But then there’s knock on my driver’s side window, and Travis is there, his face twisted in concern.
Then, I realize what I’ve done.
I knocked over their trashcans.
That’s all.
The wind howls around him. “Are you okay?” he asks, his voice muffled by the storm.
I know he’s asking if I’m injured, but the way he’s looking at me makes my resolve break.
No.
I’m not okay.
I haven’t been okay since I scent matched with Ryland.
I haven’t been okay since I met Travis and secretly wished I could have him.
Actually, I haven’t been okay since before two years ago.
Sighing, I shake my head.
Travis doesn’t hesitate. He opens my car door, and when I don’t move, reaches over my chest to unbuckle my seatbelt.
His smokey scent swirls around me, and I don’t protest as he helps me out of the car.
I grab my phone from the center console, then slam the driver’s door behind me and face him, his body shielding my face from the worst of the rain and wind.
“It’s not safe out there right now,” his voice booms over the wind. “Just stay until the rain lets up.”
The shame, shock, and agony of the evening finally come to a head.
Tears leak from my eyes, and I step forward into Travis, burying my face in his chest before he can see my face scrunch up in sorrow.
The storm is too loud for him to hear me weep, but he wraps a strong hand around my back, pressing me tighter to him.
He doesn’t say anything. He just lets me cry as the rain pours down on us.
His Alpha scent, though delicious and welcoming, only makes me sob harder.
I hate how much it comforts me, especially tonight.
Tonight should be spent in mourning and remembrance, not with me selfishly seeking comfort from an Alpha.
I finally pull away from Travis when his sweatshirt is soaked and my hair is sopping wet.
Only then does he lead me inside, keeping a gentle, steady hand at the small of my back.