Chapter 10 #2
I whip my head around so fast my neck cracks. “Why? I’m the one that knocked over your trash cans and made you stand in the rain with me while I had a breakdown.”
“For not telling you what I knew, earlier.”
I shrug. “It is what it is. We’re still friends; I still care about you. It’s just been a weird night.”
He continues to watch me warily, and I roll my eyes and pat the space next to me on the bed. “I understand why you didn’t tell me,” I continue. “I barely wanted to talk to you once I found out Ryland was a scent match.”
“Why not?”
Because I had hoped you were my scent match, not him.
Because I was terrified that whatever progress we had made meant nothing.
Because it was too hard to look at you after.
“It was too much, at once.”
He nods stiffly, and I sigh.
It seems communication is not my strong suit tonight.
“Come sit and play with the kittens, Travis. You’ll feel better.”
“I’ll get the blanket wet,” he grumbles.
“Travis. Sit with me.”
Travis joins me, the bed dipping with his weight, and one of the kittens immediately takes interest in the white socks he wears. Another quiet huff escapes him, and I’m relieved to see his lip quirk in that tiny smile I adore.
We watch as the kittens frolic happily, two of them wrestling each other on their blanket on the carpet.
“You’ve done a really good job keeping them happy,” I tell him. “Ash, too. You and your packmates are great cat dads.”
“I learned a lot from you,” he admits. “We talk about cats in this house because of you.”
My face burns at his admission. “I mean, you showed me a lot of cats. I figured you liked it,” I mumble.
“I do like them. But I was searching for any cat I could find in my neighborhood just to show you. I wanted a reason to talk to you.”
He keeps his attention on the cats, not me, but his scent intensifies.
The room smells like a warm fireplace as my stomach flutters.
“You didn’t have to take pictures of cats. I liked to talk to you, Travis, cats or no.”
“I know. But I started looking forward to your smile too much to stop.”
My breath catches.
He turns to look at me, dark eyes earnest and inviting. “I was hoping it was you,” he says, his voice barely a whisper. “But I couldn’t tell. All those fucking scents around us.” He winces. “I could never truly tell.”
I hold his gaze, forcing myself to stay brave.
This is Travis, my friend.
The Alpha I trust.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it,” he says. “But I just wanted to say…I’ve been waiting for you for so long, and I’m really fucking glad it’s you.”
Tears fill my eyes, and I turn my attention to the kittens. One has a toy mouse in her mouth, and she trots happily across the room with it, tail shaking with excitement.
Guilt eats at me.
I’ve been beating myself up about how I should feel this whole time, shaming myself for my reaction.
But what about Travis, Ryland, and Rowan?
They basically think I’m rejecting them.
I ran out of their packhouse as fast I could earlier, terrified of what would happen if I stayed any longer.
Now, Ryland and Rowan are avoiding me because Travis told them to.
They must think I’m a heartless monster.
“It was my pack,” I tell Travis, my throat thick. I say the words slowly, forcing each syllable out. “They were in the accident.”
I can feel Travis staring at me, but I keep my attention on the confident kitten who lets out proud cries as she parades her plush kill around.
“We had just broken up,” I continue. “We knew that we were better off as friends. We weren’t each other’s scent matches, and we agreed that being friends was the way to go.”
When I finally look at Travis, there’s no pity on his face. He’s just watching me closely, searching my eyes and waiting patiently.
Strong and silent.
“It still sucked,” I laugh humorlessly. “I mean, breakups always suck, right? It’s the changing of a relationship. It hurt, but we also knew that it was the right choice. They would find their Omega, and I would eventually find the right pack for me.”
It suddenly hurts to swallow, as invisible, heavy grief constricts my throat.
“The weather was just like this,” I croak. “Maybe worse. My apartment is small, but they could have stayed. I should have told them to stay. But they left in that storm.”
Travis’s face remains impassive. His scent, along with moss and rain waft through the room, and I know Ryland isn’t far outside the door.
Maybe he’s listening in.
He deserves to know, too, what a mess his scent match is.
“It’s my fault,” I tell Travis. “They’re gone because of me.”
There’s a finality in my tone. There’s no room to argue, because it’s the truth.
I didn’t ask them to stay, and I should have.
Any reasonable person would have.
But, as expected, Travis shakes his head and his eyes narrow to slits. “That’s not true.”
“It is. It’s what happened, Travis. Those are the facts.”
“Bullshit. You don’t control the weather.”
Ash pushes open the door and barrels in, chirping. He jumps up between Travis and me and forms into a loaf contently beside us.
“I could have asked them to stay, and I didn’t. That’s all there is to it.”
A low growl rises in Travis’s throat; one I’ve only heard from him when he interacts with annoying customers. “There were a million options. They could have gotten a hotel. Hell, they could have slept in their car—”
“It doesn’t matter, Travis. It’s because of me.”
I’ve had this conversation a thousand times with Piper, with my parents, with anyone that tries to say anything else.
Here is the truth: if I had asked my ex-pack to stay at my apartment that night, they would still be alive.
I’ve accepted it.
Travis hisses out a breath and rubs his forehead. “Fuck, Blair. You are so goddamn stubborn,” he mutters. “The most stubborn woman I’ve ever met.”
I shrug. Even so, that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.
It doesn’t change what happened.
“Let’s say it’s true,” Travis adds. “Even if it is, I don’t care.”
My stomach sours. “What?”
“Not in that way.” He holds a hand up quickly. “I care that it happened. It’s horrible, and I’m sorry. But even if you were responsible, for whatever reason you think in your head, it doesn’t matter to me.”
I chuckle bitterly and shake my head. “Travis. Are you not hearing what I said? I was the reason.”
“You could be the reason the world burns, and I’d still be grateful to be in the same room as you.”
Ash has crawled into my lap, making himself at home on my thighs. He nuzzles me so hard that drool forms at his mouth, and I sigh as he stains the sweatpants that Ryland loaned me.
“You’re putting me on a pedestal,” I accuse him, “and I don’t want to be on one.”
He stares at me, his gaze soft, his dark eyes tender. “Too bad. I don’t try to do it. It just happens, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart.
The endearment makes my chest tighten.
I’ve heard Piper’s packmates call her that and secretly wondered how the term would sound from Travis’s gravelly voice.
It’s better than I imagined.
But of course, he feels that way.
He’s my scent match. He’s practically obligated to defend me.
My inner Omega is thrilled, though.
She’s finally being offered the care she’s so desperately wanted for years.
It would be easy to collapse in his arms right now, to move Ash off me and bury my face in Travis’s chest like I did in the rain.
But shame and fear keep me rooted in my spot on the mattress.
“I’m pretty sure Ryland and Rowan heard everything,” Travis admits. “I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “Don’t be. They were going to find out eventually.”
As if on cue, Ryland cracks open the door, his eyes apologetic. His rain and moss scent mixes with Travis’s wood and smoke, comforting me.
“Hey,” he says softly. “I just wanted to check on you. Someone in this house gets bossy and tries to tell me and my brother what to do. But he forgets that we’re grown-ass adults.” He shoots daggers at Travis, who rolls his eyes.
“How much did you hear?” I ask.
He swallows. “Enough. And my sentiment is the same as Travis’s.”
I sigh. “Yeah. I figured.”
It doesn’t make me feel better, though. Nothing changes what happened.
“And because I’m better at words than he is,” Ryland angles his heard toward Travis, “I can tell you that I’m honored to be your scent match. The three of us are. And if you only want us as friends, if that’s all we can be right now, that will be enough.”
Travis nods.
“I don’t know what else I can give you,” I admit, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. I turn to Travis, unable to keep staring at Ryland’s hopeful face. “I don’t know.”
He nods curtly. “Whatever you want. It’s always your call and always at your pace.”
“And you two will be fine with that?” I ask disbelievingly.
Our attraction is already there. It lingers in the air between us, thick and heavy.
How much patience could these Alphas have with me?
“We’ve waited long enough,” a third voice says, and Rowan enters the room, his piercing eyes intense. “We can be friends or more. Your choice, baby.”
Baby.
I let out a breath.
Part of my fear of finding my scent matches was the inevitable talk about how I don’t know what I’m ready for.
“I’m not sure what I want,” I murmur.
How embarrassing.
Ryland shrugs. “You want to watch a movie?”
“Do I—what?”
“It’s three in the morning,” Travis says.
“Yeah, and I can’t fucking sleep,” Rowan adds. “I mean, Blair, it’s up to you, babe.”
Babe. Baby.
The pet names send a delicious chill up my spine.
I thought I was tired before.
I was ready to go home and cry myself to sleep, surrounded by cats and a cold, lonely nest filled with plush toys and catnip.
But the idea of sleeping in this room after I’ve admitted my darkest secret to my scent matches doesn’t feel quite right.
My inner Omega may just be finding any reason to stay awake with them.
“Why not? I’m not sure I can get to sleep right now either. Tonight has been…interesting,” I say.
“You have work in a few hours at the rescue,” Travis reminds me, and I raise an eyebrow at him.
“As much as I adore your protective side, you’re never going to be able to tell me what to do,” I murmur.
Ryland and Rowan both give me matching grins, delighted at the exchange.
Travis makes a low warning sound in his throat. “You should get some sleep.”
“Treating me like glass won’t solve anything, and you know that. We’re not at Scents right now—there’s no need to protect me. But if you want to skip out on movie night, be my guest.”
“Yeah, Trav,” Rowan says from the doorway. “Skip out. More time for us.”
I can’t help but smile at Travis’s scowl.
Ash makes his way from my lap to Travis’s and collapses dramatically, letting out a pleased chirp.
Travis’s frown deepens, and I laugh.