Chapter 28 #2
“Sweetheart, I take the burden of things that aren’t my responsibility. That’s something that I’m working on,” my mom says. “Now you’re doing it, too. I showed you growing up that it was okay to do.”
I frown. “No, you didn’t.”
“Yes. You blame yourself for things that aren’t you fault, just like I do. And it’s my fault.”
“Okay,” I huff. “Just so I’m clear, you’re blaming yourself for me blaming myself? How does that work?”
“It means you both are ridiculous,” my dad says from behind the door. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” I sigh, perching on top of the blanket. My dad enters and stands at the foot of the bed, looking at my mother and me, his grey eyebrows furrowed. Then, he points to me.
“You.”
I blink at him at him wearily.
“I’ll be damned if you don’t let yourself be happy. You found your scent buddies or whatever—”
“Scent matches, dad.”
“Scent boys, and you’re so scared that something bad will happen that you refuse to be with them?”
I nod, ashamed.
“So where does it stop?” he demands. “Are you going to leave Mer and Marv with their grandma because you’re terrified that maybe one of them will choke on a treat you give them? Will you stop working at the rescue because maybe something will happen while you’re there?”
I look down and shake my head.
“I wish I could take back that night, kiddo. I wish more than anything than that car accident didn’t happen. But that’s what it was, Blair. An accident.”
I stare at the threading on the comforter, biting my lip.
“This house is not a place to hide in. We love having you here, but you’re not here for the right reasons.”
“You said I could stay as long as I want,” I grumble.
“Not if you’re here to punish yourself.”
My mom sniffles. “It’s not your fault, honey.”
I remain silent, and my dad joins my mom at the foot of the bed. He takes her hand, then reaches out and takes mine with his other.
“Maybe you won’t be able to stop thinking it’s your fault, no matter what the facts are,” he says gently. “But you, believing you’re not good for people? That’s crazy.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re my dad,” I argue weakly. “You have to say it.”
“Bullshit. Piper’s parents are terrible to her, and you know it.”
I chew my lip. Piper is my best friend in the entire world, an amazing person, and her parents were monsters to her.
So, no, my dad doesn’t just have to say these things to me.
“Do they think you’re good for them?” my dad continues. “Your scent friends?”
“Scent matches. And yes. They do.”
“Then what the hell are you doing here, besides making yourself sick? And who are you to tell someone else how they feel about you?”
I don’t have an answer for that, and my dad grins in triumph. “That therapy stuff is really paying off for your old man, huh?” he whispers.
“Oh, fuck off, dad.”
“Blair!” my mom chides, but my dad laughs.
“That means she knows I’m right,” he says proudly.
“Maybe,” I grumble.
“Oh, honey.” My mom touches my cheek, her eyes still misty. “You’re burning up. Is that because you’re away from them?”
I nod. “The further away I am, the sicker I become.”
“Does that mean you’re making them sick?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
Yes, my inner Omega supplies. You know damn well we’re hurting them.
“So, you’re making the four of you miserable for no reason,” my dad says.
I scowl at him, and he chuckles.
“Okay, here’s the deal. You can take a big nap, mom will run you a nice bath, and you can relax all night. You don’t have to help me with dinner, but tomorrow, you’re leaving.”
I let out a sound of protest. “Wait? Why?”
“You’ve been here a week already, and being away from them is making you sick,” my mom says. “We love having you, but if you keep believing everything is your fault, you’ll…you’ll end up like me.”
My heart aches. “I wouldn’t mind ending up like you, mom. You’re kind, smart, supportive, and you have dad.”
“And you have your scent matches. And kitties at work and friends that you love. Go back home tomorrow and make amends.”
I nod slowly.
My parents aren’t wrong, but I’m ashamed after what I’ve done and terrified of going back to Travis, Ryland, and Rowan.
“But come back soon so I can meet them,” my dad adds, cracking his knuckles. “I want to make sure they’re good enough for my daughter.”
I roll my eyes. “Dad, come on. They are. They’re all great.”
They’re truly amazing.
Rowan, with his playfulness and delicious wild storm scent. Ryland, sweet, far too patient, and brilliant like his brother, with a peaceful, calming scent.
Then, there’s the pack leader.
Smoke and wood.
A blazing fireplace.
And someone that I’ve cared about for a very long time.
Travis.
“Then it’s a deal. Get some rest, stop making yourself sick, and get your ass on the road tomorrow.” My dad scoops up Mervin and Marlin, grunting as he does. “These cats are huge, Blair.”
“Mom has been feeding them treats all week!” I call after him as he leaves with my boys.
My mom squeezes my hand and ignores my outburst. “I’ll run you a bath, okay? Then we can have dinner.”
But my mother’s eyes are still pained, and I can see the guilt written all over her face. “Mom, don’t be sad for me. This isn’t your fault,” I murmur. “Remember? That’s something we both need to work on.”
“I want to meet them,” she says. “You have to bring them by, soon.”
“You assume that when I go back all will be forgiven and they’ll want to still be with me.”
“Blair, please. Anyone that doesn’t want to be with you is an idiot.”
“Mom. The pedestal. Come on,” I sigh.
She pats my hand. “Do they put you on one too, then?”
“They look at me like the sun shines out of my ass,” I mutter, recalling something that Piper told me offhandedly.
My mom bursts out laughing and wipes a tear from her cheek. “Good. Then I can’t wait to meet them. My future son-in-laws. Or is it future Alpha-in-laws? I still don’t understand how that all works.”
I groan in reply.
I still feel awful, but the knowledge that I’m going back to Luna County soon seems to help with the headache.
I take my suppressants, my scent blocking gummies, and sip a post-Heat symptoms tea while in bed.
Then, I take out my phone and finally read the messages each of them sent me.
I told myself I wouldn’t cry, that I had shed enough tears in the last two years to last a lifetime.
I open Ryland’s message first and realize quickly that I lied to myself.
Come back whenever you’re ready, beautiful. Take as long as you need.
Rowan’s is next.
I miss you so fucking much it hurts. Please come back, sweetheart. Whatever it is, we can fix it.
My face crumples at his text.
Finally, Travis’s message is the longest.
I’ve waited years for you. I’ll wait as long as it takes. If you just want us as friends, if that’s all you can handle right now, I understand. But don’t shut us out. You don’t have to be alone anymore.
Tears stream down my cheeks as I lie in bed, my heart aching.
What I did was terrible.
I ran away from them because of something they couldn’t control
They’ve been nothing but kind, patient, and caring since I’ve met them, and I’ve repaid them by hiding.
I didn’t even go with them to the hospital to get checked out after the accident—I just left town.
Who does that?
Without thinking, I place a call to my best friend.
“Hey, you,” Piper says. “How’s your trip?”
“I messed up,” I sniffle.
There’s a pause on the other end of the line. “Did you just figure that out?” she finally asks, amused.
“I…I left them. I left you; I left everyone.”
“Well, you’re welcome to come back anytime. We all miss you,” she says. “How’s life been at your parents?”
We all miss you.
I want to take the bait and ask about my Alphas, but I’m still too proud to do it.
“Boring,” I say. “Mom keeps asking about you because she wants to know when you’ll visit again. And she’s making Mervin and Marlin fat.”
Piper chuckles. “Then come back,” she says. “The rescue is doing fine, of course, but you know the kitties love you. Oh, and also, we got more of those blankets for the cats.”
“Really?”
“Yes! And someone knitted little hats for the kittens, too! Avery is doing a photoshoot with the kittens to put them on the adoption website.”
Avery, Piper’s packmate, won her heart by doing portraits of the available cats at the rescue.
The nicer the photos of the cats are, the more people visit the rescue to meet them.
And photos with the kittens wearing little knit hats?
They’ll go viral.
“That’s precious,” I breathe.
“We literally have no idea who it is. I thought it might be one of Mari’s friends, but she swears it isn’t.”
“One more reason for me to come back, I guess.”
“I can think of at least three,” Piper says gently.
My stomach flips. “Have they…do they…” I swallow, unsure of how to ask about them.
“They’ve been helping us a lot, actually.”
“What?”
“Well, uh, Rowan, your crazy boy? He’s been helping feed all the feral colonies. He hopped a chain link fence and helped escort Mari and a few others to that torn down industrial building where all those tomcats were. He helped trap a bunch this week, too. Mari loves him now.”
My heart skips a beat at the image of Rowan breaking and entering just to feed some feral cats.
Feeding colonies can be complicated, and sneaking onto property to do it is even more difficult.
And explaining to someone why you had to climb a chain link fence to deliver paper plates full of kibble?
It doesn’t always go over well.
“You’re kidding,” I breathe.
“Nope. Ryland built an app to help locate all the feral colonies within a hundred miles. It’s helping the feeders network with each other.”
“What?”
“Blair, these guys are amazing, seriously. Travis, too. He’s been helping at the clinic with Maeve.”
“Why would they do that?” I breathe. “I told Travis it was over.”
It hurts to say the words.
“The same reason Avery, Maddox, and Poe volunteered when I wasn’t with them,” Piper answers easily. “They cared about the cats and they cared about me. They’re genuinely good Alphas, Blair.”
“Too good for me,” I mumble.
“That’s bullshit, and you know it. Now come back home, please. We all miss you. Even the cats.”
“I’m planning on it tomorrow,” I murmur.
“I don’t know how you lasted this long away from your scent matches. It’s awful to be that far from them,” Piper adds. “You sound horrible.”
“Thanks,” I grimace. “I feel horrible, for a lot of reasons.”
I ran away from my problems because I couldn’t face the truth.
I was too much of a coward to deal with my feelings and left the people that I care about most.
I abandoned my pack, my friends, and the cats, all so I could feel sorry for myself.
“Hey, Blair?”
“Yeah?”
“You know it’s okay to be happy after everything that happened, right? You know you’re not a horrible person if you move on from two years ago?”
Everything in me screams no.
How could I be allowed to move on when the others couldn’t?
Justin, Aaron, and Cody are stuck in time, while life gets to continue for me.
How is that right?
“I’m not sure,” I admit.
“You’re not a bad person if you allow yourself to be happy.”
My best friend is right. I know she is, but it doesn’t stop uncertainty and guilt that weighs heavily on me.
“Excuse me, I believe I told you that a year ago. Are you using my own words against me?” Piper can’t see my smile, but I hope she can hear it.
“Yeah, I am. For once, I get to be the one to pull you out of it.”
“Pull me out of where?”
“Whatever place you go to that tells you you’re not worthy.”
My face scrunches.
“Stop that therapy talk,” I chuckle weakly.
“Hey. It’s expensive; I better get some pearls of wisdom out of it,” she jokes. “Do you want me to tell them you’re coming back? Have you talked to them at all?”
“No,” I admit. “I haven’t since I left.”
All that I have are the messages they sent me. I’ve remained silent, unable to tell them everything that’s been swirling inside me.
“Well, then the reunion should be interesting. You want me to tell them?”
I sit on the edge of the bed and dig through my suitcase, my cell phone balanced between my shoulder and ear.
Being on the phone with my best friend gives me the courage to pull out what I’ve pretended hasn’t been with me for an entire week.
Travis’s black sweatshirt sits at the bottom of my clothes, smelling of smoke and a warm, comforting fireplace.
Finally brave enough to do it, I bring my face to the clothing and inhale deeply.
Alpha.
His scent, potent and mouthwatering, makes my head spin and my stomach flip.
It smells like home.
It smells like love.
“Blair? You there?”
“You don’t have to tell them,” I say softly. “I’ll be able to do it.”
Inhaling the pack leader’s scent again, I realize I have enough courage to go back and apologize.
I only hope it’s not too late.
Regardless of what my best friend said, I still pushed away from Travis, Rowan, and Ryland.
I hurt them.
They have every right to reject me when I go back.
It would be well deserved.
I just hope they still feel the same way about me as I do them.