Chapter 33
THIRTY-THREE
HARLOW
Isn’t it funny how time seems to both move in slow motion, yet passes through your fingers like sand? One minute, you’re holding on to every second, trying to make them last, and the next thing you know, they've slipped away. Hours can feel like an eternity, but days pass by in the blink of an eye. Maybe it's this fleeting quality of time that makes each moment between Sterling and I all the more precious. But I crave more than fleeting moments. I want every minute, every hour, every day with him, forever more.
Yet still we hide our love.
“What are you thinking about?” Sterling asks me as we steal another precious few hours with each other, just like we have every single day this past month. Sometimes we take a walk together in the woods surrounding Adaga Hall, the huge pinewood trees hiding us from sight. Other times we meet at his studio, situated a mile from the main building. The first time I entered I was overcome by his talent, the paintings of me utterly stunning, and somehow capturing the parts of me I thought I’d kept hidden.
Tonight, our parents are out of town, and we’re using the opportunity to invite his friends over for dinner. It’s the first time we’ve all got together since Daisy’s and Dalton’s wedding day. According to Sterling, the tragedy of Daisy’s miscarriage has put a strain on their relationship, and Dalton is desperate to fix things. He’s hoping that being around people who care about her will help.
“Us,” I reply, a note of sadness in my voice as I set the final dinner plate onto the table. “I want to be free to love you, Sterling. I don’t want to hide anymore.”
He rounds the table, pulling me into his arms, and I sink into them, my cheek pressed against his shoulder as he holds me. “We are so close to having that, Harlow. Please, bear with me.”
“It’s so hard though…” My voice trails off as I heave out a sigh.
“I know, but we are one step closer to finding out who your stalker is, and once I know that you’re safe, and that bastard is dealt with once and for all, we’ll tell our parents together. One thing at a time, okay?”
“Have there been any more messages?” I ask, drawing back slightly to look up at him.
Ever since I revealed what’s been happening, Sterling has taken over my account. We both agreed that the only way to draw this man out of hiding was to pretend I welcomed his attention. I couldn’t bear to respond to my stalker, so Sterling has been acting as if he’s me. For weeks he’s been pretending that I’m slowly ‘coming around,’ and though it makes me sick to my stomach, it’s the only way we can lure him out.
“Yes, several,” he replies, pulling out his phone and clicking on the app, showing the messages to me.
I read over the last few, wincing at the one where I claim to have missed him messaging me after a week of silence. Bile rises up in my throat, hating that Sterling is having to do this on my behalf.
“You think he’s buying it?” I ask, chewing on my lip as I lift my gaze from the screen.
“I believe so,” he murmurs, pointing to the latest message. I read it.
My sweet songbird, there are a few things I need to finalise before we can finally be together. Once I have, I will claim you as mine. Be patient, my love.
A shiver tracks down my spine. “What do you think he’s talking about exactly?” I ask.
“I have my suspicions,” Sterling replies, cryptically.
“Do you want to share those with me?”
Chewing on his lip, Sterling regards me for a moment before nodding. “Do you remember at the wedding when I told you about how Benedict is going to make his move on Elodie?”
“Yes,” I reply, my brows pinching together as I wonder where this is going.
“Ben has in fact offered two million pounds to Hoxton to spend a month alone with Elodie. He plans on using the time to steal her back from him.”
“What on earth, Sterling? You can’t just buy people!” I exclaim, shocked that Ben would even consider doing something so outrageous. It’s one thing to try and win her back, quite another to buy her back.
“I know that, and believe me when I tell you that Ben is doing this with good intentions. He loves Elodie, he always has.”
“But what about her feelings in all of this? I can’t believe that Ben has even considered this, let alone going through with it. I don’t know how I feel about that.”
“Ben is a good man. He wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t think that there was any other way.”
“And what kind of man would accept money in exchange for time with his wife?” I ask, pissed.
“The kind of man who sends sexually explicit and threatening messages to the woman I love,” Sterling retorts, his jaw gritting with anger.
“We still don’t know it’s him,” I whisper, feeling my stomach churn. I don’t like Councillor Hoxton, but if we’re wrong the consequences could be catastrophic.
“We don’t, you’re right, but everything you’ve said points to him, and pretty soon we’ll know for sure if this plan I have works out. Please trust me. If our suspicions are right, then it would seem that Hoxton has agreed to this exchange with Ben so that he can make his move on you. It makes sense, discard Elodie so that he can replace her with…” His voice trails off as he looks at me.
“...Me?”
“Yes, I believe so.”
“Sterling, that’s so messed up.”
“I know, but you’re safe. I’m not letting you out of my sight. That man won’t get anywhere near you, I promise.”
“Have you told Ben what you suspect, or any of the others?”
Sterling shakes his head. “Right now, the less people who know, the better.”
“And have you told them about us?”
“No, and I won’t until we’ve dealt with Hoxton. We can’t tell Ben in case it impacts his plans, and we need that to go ahead if we’re going to draw Hoxton out.”
“I don’t have a very good feeling about this. It’s as though we’re complicit in what Ben’s doing, and while I appreciate that he’s doing it with good intentions, buying someone still makes me feel uncomfortable. She’s a human being, not a possession.”
“I get that,” he replies, soothing his hands up and down my arms. “But whichever way you look at it, Elodie is better off without Hoxton. Ben just wants the opportunity to get her out of his grasp, even if it’s just to set her free from that man.”
“So you’re saying that if this all backfires on Ben, he’ll just let Elodie go?”
Sterling heaves out a breath. “No, he will fight for her.”
“What about Drix and Dalton, could we not tell them what’s happening? It might help ease the burden somewhat.”
Sterling shakes his head. “Telling them isn’t an option either. Drix has just gotten out from beneath Carl’s hold, and the last thing he needs is more shit blowing up in his face if he were to get involved in our problems. Which leaves Dalton, and he’s got way too much going on right now.”
“You’re right,” I agree, my shoulders slumping in defeat. “I just hate the thought that you don’t have anyone to talk to about all of this.”
“I have you, and that’s more than enough, Harlow,” he replies, dropping a kiss to my forehead.
“So, tonight we’re just two people who happen to be connected by our parents, and are putting on a united front for your friends.”
Sterling cocks his head to the side. “Tonight I’m a man who’s hopelessly in love with his step-sister and can’t do a damn thing about it since she’s playing hard to get,” he says, a smile pulling up his lips as he swats my arse playfully.
“Great, blame it all on me,” I reply, shaking my head with a laugh.
“Never. Now, let me finish up here, and you go and get ready.”
“That was delicious,” Drix says, leaning back in his seat, his plate completely empty. I watch as he throws an arm over the back of Lia’s chair, their ease with each other the complete opposite to how me and Sterling are behaving right now. We’re both tense, guarded with each other, and I hate it.
“Yes, thank you for having us,” Lia adds, leaning into his side, her kind eyes drifting between me and Sterling who’s sitting beside me. “This was all so delicious. Please pass on our thanks to your chef.”
“Of course,” Sterling replies, grabbing his glass and knocking back the last dregs of wine. He’s been distracted ever since he went to the billiards room to talk with the guys earlier, and I’m sensing that there’s more to how he’s behaving than keeping up the charade between us. Once they’ve left, I intend on finding out what’s bothering him.
“So are you settling in okay?” Lia asks me.
“Everyone has been very welcoming,” I reply, almost jumping out of my skin when Sterling reaches beneath the table and gently brushes his knuckles against my thigh, my cheeks heating at the brief contact.
“Well, we’re all happy to have you here, aren’t we, Sterling?” Ben says, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he tips his head with a wink. My cheeks flame even more. “So what now? A game of billiards?” he adds.
“I’d really love to hear Harlow sing. You have a beautiful voice.” Daisy murmurs softly, and my gaze flicks to her. She looks so incredibly sad, and my heart squeezes in sympathy. All night she’s been quiet, distracted. I can only imagine the pain she must feel.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Sterling cuts in as he moves to stand. “I’ll go and set up a game.”
Despite knowing his abruptness is all part of the act, I can’t help but frown.
“Personally, I would love to hear you sing again,” Lia interjects, giving me a warm smile, clearly confused by Sterling’s urgent need to leave the room. “Daisy’s right, you have an incredible voice.”
“I don’t know…” I begin, glancing at Sterling who smiles tensely.
“Yeah, maybe not tonight, eh?” Drix says, seemingly picking up on Sterling’s discomfort.
“ Please , I’d really like it if you could sing for us,” Daisy comments. She’s so forlorn, and if my singing could make her feel a fraction better, then how can I possibly refuse her?
“Okay, sure. The parlour has a piano…” I reply, pushing back my chair as I stand.
“You play the piano too?” Lia asks, eyes widening. “Wow, I’ve always wanted to learn how to play a musical instrument.”
“You still can,” Drix says, giving her shoulder a squeeze.
“I could teach you,” I offer. Both Lia and Daisy seem like really nice people, and it’s about time I made some friends of my own. What would be the harm?
“Really? That would be wonderful!” she exclaims, grinning.
“I guess we’re listening to you sing then,” Sterling mumbles, and we all head into the parlour.
Pulling out the stool beneath the baby grand piano, I settle onto the seat, a hushed silence descending as my fingers hover over the keys. Everyone else is seated on the huge sectional waiting patiently, and I take a moment to briefly glance at Sterling. His expression is fixed in place, but there’s no hiding the look in his eyes. It’s as though he’s bracing himself, and I’m acutely aware of the effect my singing will have on him. This time there’s no easing him in like I did at the hotel.
Resting my fingers gently on the keys, I begin to play the opening verse of Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi. As the music swells, I pour every raw emotion I’ve been holding inside into my voice. The ache of loving Sterling but having to hide that love echoes within every note I sing. Each press of the keys, each breath I take, becomes a silent confession of a love I can't speak out loud, but can only show through this song.
I wish everyone could understand. I wish they could see the depth of our love. How the moments we’ve stolen away from the world have slipped through our fingers too quickly, days blending into nights, and weeks fading into months, all while our love remains hidden. With each passing line, I let go, surrendering to the music, allowing it to speak for me until eventually the song comes to an end, and I rest my trembling hands in my lap, waiting for someone to break the silence that quivers with suppressed emotion.
“Damn,” Ben mutters whilst tension crackles in the air.
I feel the heat of Sterling’s stare, and can’t help but look at him. His mouth is slightly parted, his fingers curling into the arm rest, knuckles white. I want to ask him if he’s okay, but Lia starts applauding, preventing me from doing so.
“You’re amazing!” she exclaims, jumping up from the couch and rushing towards me. I stand, and she pulls me into a hug as the others rise to their feet, murmuring their agreement. I’m still not used to receiving compliments, but Lia’s kind words are a welcome relief.
“Thank you,” I say softly, my gaze gravitating back to Sterling who remains frozen in his seat. My throat constricts at the agony in his gaze. I sway on my feet, wanting nothing more than to go to him.
“I… I need some air,” he manages to rasp out, before striding from the room.
Ten minutes later, everyone has left, the evening cut short by Sterling’s abrupt departure. After spending the next half an hour helping Stephanie clear the dishes despite her assurances that she’s happy to do it alone, I slip on my coat and head towards Sterling’s studio, knowing he’ll be there purging all the colours my singing has stirred within him tonight.