Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
Leilani
I hate confrontation.
Probably because of what I went through with Brent.
Or because my parents fought like Roman gladiators when I was a kid.
Pitched battles, hurled plates, thrown punches, that sort of stuff.
Maybe that's why I hung in with Brent for so long.
Tolerating a level of verbal abuse was easier than courting confrontation.
But I'm a new woman now, one that doesn't hesitate to face problems head on. I've gotten this far in my new life, so I need to face facts and tell Remy what I saw and how I feel. It's only fair. It’s time I make my feelings a priority.
I rub my lips together and stare at Remy, all sprawled out on my sofa. He's so gorgeous, with his foxy smile and warm eyes, so at ease wherever he goes. Whether it's on my sofa or at a tiki bar with another woman, he just belongs.
Except, he doesn't belong in my home. Not if I have any dignity left. I straighten my spine.
"I saw you with another woman," I say in a clear voice. "At Ice Ice Baby."
His eyes widen. Oh yeah, I've totally caught him. And he thought that a gorgeous bouquet would clear his conscience.
"Hunh? What are you talking about?"
"You were sitting outside in the patio area, about an hour and a half ago.
I bicycled past because I was going for a coffee by myself.
That's when I saw you. You were laughing, she was laughing.
Red hair. Killer figure. Super cute, in a black tank top.
Don't tell me I'm insane or that I was seeing things. I know what I saw."
Remy scoots away from me. "What? You should have called me. Why were you going to have coffee by yourself? I would have come to get you and we could've gone together."
"That's not an answer to my question. Which means you were with her. And by the way, you're not the boss of me." I fold my arms across my chest.
"I'm aware I'm not the boss of you. I wanted to see you today. I even called you earlier. I don't understand."
"See how you're diverting away from the real issue?"
"What is the real issue?" he asks, blinking fast.
Instinctively, I shrink my body back, but I can't help but unleash verbally.
I unfold my arms and wave them in the air.
"So you took out another woman instead, because I wasn't available.
Great. You couldn't have me, so you trolled around and found someone else.
Do you have women on speed dial in case your convenient option isn't around?
Am I even your convenient option?" Now I'm furious. Spoiling for a fight.
"What? Is that what you think I feel about you? That you're just my convenient option?" He sits up straight.
I shrug. "Who knows?"
He takes a big gulp of air. "I didn't troll around.
I don't have a string of women on speed dial.
And I don't want anyone else. Don't diminish what we have by calling yourself that.
Honestly." He shakes his head. "I was there with Nat, and then her friend Sadie came over and we got to talking.
You probably saw us together when Nat was inside, playing pinball.
Sadie was telling me all about some drunk tourists who'd been on her riverboat. Then my brother called."
I scowl at him. I'd gotten used to Brent lying to me about various things and I'm unsure if Remy's telling the truth. That's a problem when you've been the target of gaslighting. You never know when to believe someone.
Or how to believe someone.
"Hmm. I don't know. You looked pretty cozy with her."
"Oh, babe," Remy groans. "I wasn't cozy at all. I was thinking of you the entire time. You gotta believe me. Please don't be jealous."
He reaches for my hand and squeezes.
"I'm not jealous." I pause. "Okay, I'm a little jealous."
Remy chuckles and pulls me into his body, maneuvering me onto his lap. "You have nothing to be jealous about. Sadie also has a massive crush on the mayor of Cypress Grove."
My brows knit together. "The guy who owns the hot dog cart? What's the name of his business again? Am I thinking of the same guy?"
"Yep. That one. It's called I Dream of Weenie."
An unexpected laugh bubbles up in my throat. Remy chuckles, too. He says the hot dog cart's name again, in a low, playful voice. While kissing my cheek. So freaking adorable. I let out a sigh.
"Look, Sadie's a pistol, except when it comes to him. Nat tells me she's totally smitten with the guy. There's absolutely nothing between us. Never has been. Never will be."
I nod. "She was quite cute."
"I guess. Not as cute as you."
I press my forehead into the soft fabric of his T-shirt, feeling his muscles underneath. I shrug.
"I thought you and Sadie knew each other. Thought Nat introduced you." He strokes my hair.
"No, not yet. Nat wants me to go out on her riverboat some afternoon."
"Yep. That's her gig. She's cool. You'll love her."
I sit up and face him. "I'm sure I will. I'm not jealous of her. I don't dislike her. I'm not trying to forbid you from seeing her, or want you to gouge your eyes out so you can't look at other women."
He grins. "Are you sure?"
"I'm not like that. I just felt weird when I saw you together. Honestly, Remy. I don't know what we're doing here. We're supposed to have our arrangement and be friends and all that. And I don't know if you're seeing other people, and I can't stop you because you're not mine and—"
His hands work into my hair as he silences me with a kiss.
"Hey," he murmurs against my mouth. "Hey, I'm not seeing anyone else. I don't want to, okay? Just you."
He kisses me softly.
"Just me?" I whisper.
He nods against my mouth. "Only you. Why would I want anyone else when I've got the perfect arrangement with you? We've got our pact. You’re perfect. Our pact is perfect."
I nod. Is it, though?
For some reason, the pact feels perfect when we're together like this. It's when we're apart that the pact seems like a rotten, stupid idea.
I shove my doubts aside and accept his sweet kisses, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer. I'd changed out of my shorts and T-shirt when I got back from my ill-fated bike ride for coffee, and am just in the soft dress I wear around the house when it's too warm for anything else.
"In fact… I missed you," he murmurs.
I straddle him, not caring about the dress or the doubt or the rules of our pact, and let myself disappear into him for a while. Sometimes the easiest answer is to stop asking questions.
It's two hours later and we're tangled together in my bed, the late afternoon sun coming through the blinds in soft, pale yellow stripes.
My dress is somewhere on the floor. The ceiling fan moves the warm air around in slow circles, and neither of us has the energy to stand and pull the switch one more time so it spins faster.
"I heard from Damien today," he says softly.
Whoa. This is out of the blue.
"Oh yeah?" I roll to one side and prop myself up on my elbow. Remy rarely talks about his twin brother, and I'm eager to know more.
"Yeah. He's in Montana. Thinks he’ll be home soon after this final assignment. I worry about the guy."
"How much longer does he have?"
"Dunno. A month? Maybe? I really hope that when he comes back, he stays for good. Has a job lined up with the local fire department and everything. He’s never really lived a normal life, though, so we’ll see if settling down with Kate does the trick"
"I'm sure it will."
"We all worry about him."
"I’m sure you do. You've probably worried about him for years, no?"
"Yep. Ever since he got the idea to be a backcountry firefighter."
I brush his hair off his forehead with my fingers, and he shuts his eyes. "Did you ever consider doing something like that? The military? Firefighting?"
"Thought about the Coast Guard. But fishing was always my thing. Always knew I wanted to fish as a career. Sounds weird, doesn't it? Fishing as a career?" He opens his eyes.
"Not really. But, I'm a mermaid, so what do I know?"
He grins. "I love that you're a mermaid. Did I ever tell you that? How proud I am of you?"
"Thanks," I whisper, kissing him on the cheek.
"And don't you worry about me being with anyone else. If the time comes when I feel I need that, I'll make sure you aren't blindsided, okay?"
A lump forms in my throat, and I try to swallow it. "Okay. Are we adding all this to our pact?"
"Yeah. We are. We're just making the pact better."
"This is like the Treaty of Versailles. Only in Cypress Grove."
He laughs and tickles my stomach. "Exactly. And same goes for you. If I'm not enough for you, if you want someone else, just let me know. 'Kay?"
I nod, and Remy sighs, shutting his eyes. I notice that the muscle in his jaw is bunching and twitching.
"Oh, Leilani. My mermaid unicorn girl. I expect you're going to break my heart, babe. One of these days, you're going to want a husband, and kids, and something stable. And you deserve all of that, and more. You deserve the universe."
I nestle into the crook of his arm and sling my bare leg over his. He's right. Someday, I probably will want a husband, and kids, and something stable. Maybe someday soon. I'm already thirty years old.
What I don't understand is, why can't I have those things with him?