Chapter 19
NINETEEN
Remy
Natalia's already there, sitting in her usual corner spot.
Today her hair is piled on top of her head, blonde mixed with hot pink.
She's also wearing black cat-eye glasses and a light pink cardigan over a black shirt.
I guess she's going for the beach, goth, librarian look or something. I can never tell with her.
She lowers the local newspaper from her face and studies me for a beat. "Dude. You look rough."
"Good morning to you, too," I grumble.
Joey, our favorite waiter, rushes over with a mug of coffee and sets it on the table without me asking.
"Geez, do I look that tired?"
"Yes," both he and Nat say in tandem.
I run my hand over my face and down my beard. "I'll have the usual."
"Same," Nat adds in a chipper tone, and Joey scoots off.
"Where've you been?" Nat asks.
I shrug. "Around."
"I haven't seen you for years."
"Don't exaggerate." I take a sip of coffee and nearly spit it out, it's so scalding.
"Okay, maybe ten days. You didn't come to dinner at Ma's on Sunday."
"Busy. Boat."
She purses her lips. Nothing gets by my sister. "Oh, I see. We're talking in monosyllables today."
She picks up the paper. "Nice writeup on your friend in the Cypress Grove Messenger today."
My pulse kicks into high gear. Leilani. But she's not even my friend anymore. I haven't talked with her since that dismal night at the resort. Every time I try to text her, I feel ashamed and stop. Like I messed up too bad to ask for forgiveness.
I snatch the paper out of my sister's hands. Sure enough, Leilani's on the front page, with her megawatt smile and long, curly hair. Lord, she's even showing off her dimples in the photo. So freaking beautiful, it makes my chest ache with longing.
Mer-mazing New Business Coming to Paradise, reads the headline.
I sigh miserably. Breaking: The Playboy of Paradise is Lovesick. That should be the headline.
"How is Leilani, anyway?" Nat asks. "I haven't seen her around."
I toss the paper aside and take a gulp of my coffee, scalding be damned. "Guess she's busy. I dunno."
"Shut up," Nat leans in. "Don't tell me you two broke up."
I shrug.
"What did you do to her? So help me, if you messed around on her and broke her heart, I'm going to stab you with this fork right here in this diner.
She's the sweetest person I've ever met.
Well, other than Isabella. And Kate. I don't know how you clowns keep finding decent people to partner up with, when I can't find a halfway decent date on the apps. "
My sister picks up a fork. I think she's joking about stabbing me, but I'm not a hundred percent sure.
"I don't know when you appointed yourself in charge of my love life, but for your information, I did not mess around on her. I was completely faithful. Like a puppy." I lean back and fix a tired glare on my sister. "She broke my heart."
Nat rolls her eyes. "Please."
"Truth." I press a hand over my heart.
She humphs in response.
"I didn't come to Ma's because I didn't feel like talking about it. Didn't want everyone asking about Leilani, because I know you all adored her."
"We did adore her. Do adore her. What happened? I don't get it. You two seemed perfect for each other."
"I thought so too. And I thought we had a... you know. A thing. An understanding."
Nat lifts an eyebrow. "A thing?"
"Yeah, casual. Yet respectful. Fun." A breath hisses from my mouth, and the bottomless chasm of shame is back in my stomach.
"I can't believe I'm telling you this. I'd mentioned to her that I didn't want to lose my freedom.
Didn't want to get into a relationship that killed spontaneity. Like Tate and Max have."
"You idiot," she snorts. "That's where you screwed up. Good relationships don't do any of that."
I slurp my coffee. "So she broke up with me. Said she was falling for me and that she wanted something more. Happened the night she won the Chamber contest. I'd gotten a suite for us at the resort and everything."
"What did you say?"
"I didn't say anything. I was so shocked. I'd thought that she wanted the same thing I did. Thought she felt the same way I did, about being free and all that."
My sister shakes her head. "You are so obtuse. Honestly, you're a child when it comes to women, you know that?"
I let out a snort. "No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are. And on top of that, you're a Hastings.
You think it's an accident Damien fell for Kate in what, a month?
Max lasted maybe two weeks before he was gone for Lauren.
Tate proposed to Isabella inside of six weeks.
It's the springs, Remy. It's always been the springs.
Hastings men don't get to play around. You meet your person, and that's it. The water decides."
"Oh, come on. That's Ma's old wives' tale."
"Is it? Four for four. Well, five for five, if you include our parents. You really think you're the exception?"
I drop my gaze to my coffee cup. Just as I'm about to retort, Joey appears with plates filled with food. He sets my western omelet in front of me and Nat's waffle with berries near her.
"More coffee?" he asks, and I wave him off.
Nat immediately tucks into the waffle, and I push my food around with the fork. I haven't been hungry lately. Haven't felt like doing much of anything, other than lying around on my boat and drinking beer, feeling sorry for myself.
"Where did I go wrong with her? I gave her flowers and gifts. Spent lots of time with her. Gave her foot rubs, even."
I saw into my eggs with the fork. Deep down, I know what happened, though. I was a jerk. And I don't deserve someone like her. Which is why I haven't contacted her, haven't been able to press send on any of the texts I've written.
My sister stuffs a berry in her mouth, chews, then swallows. "Leilani went through a lot with her ex."
"He was a piece of work. She told me."
"That means she doesn't trust easily. I'm sure she thought you weren't serious about her, and she didn't want to be hurt again."
"But I was serious."
"Did you tell her that?"
My hand holds the fork halfway to my mouth. "No. I didn't think I had to, in those words."
Nat's mouth is full, her cheeks pouched like a squirrel. She rolls her eyes in response.
"Like, did you ever consider that you might need to go the extra mile with her because of what she went through? That maybe she thought she'd never find a man to love her properly, and when your stupid self came along, your attitude reinforced that?"
"How would I have reinforced that? I was nothing but good to her." I pause and take a bite of toast. It goes down like a lump of paste in my throat.
"Because you probably went on about that friends with benefits nonsense. How you didn't want anything serious. Of course she wanted to break it off before she got in too deep. She's used to being hurt, Remy. She just wanted to protect her heart. You made her feel like a breakup was inevitable."
I open and close my mouth. "That's not what I meant, though."
"What did you mean, exactly?"
I let the fork clatter to the plate and throw my hands in the air.
"I thought I'd lose some freedom if I was in a relationship.
But I'm realizing that in losing her, I've lost my joy.
And that's just losing a different kind of freedom.
Hell, I don't know. You're right. I'm terrible at this.
I'm ashamed of how I acted and I don't know how to apologize. I don't know if I can fix this."
Nat chews another hunk of waffle, her eyes glittering. "Why don't you tell her all that?"
I shake my head. "Might be too late. Probably it is."
"You could start slow. Text her. Don't pressure her."
I reach for the phone in my pocket and swipe to a blank message. "You think? What should I say? I can't believe we're having this conversation. That I'm taking advice from you."
Nat laughs. "You sound like Dad when he tries to say something emotional and tender."
I groan and begin typing. On the water, I'm second to none. On land? I'm hopeless at feelings.
Hey, you. Saw the article in the paper. Real nice. Just wanted to say I'm really proud of you.
I show Nat the screen. "How's that?"
She takes a sip of coffee and studies my phone. "Not a bad start. Let's see if she responds."
Taking a huge breath, I press send.