Chapter 19 #2
It wasn’t only the silence that kept me awake, I’ve spent hours staring at the ceiling, thumbs circling, going over every detail from the moment the lights had gone out, to the second they came back on again.
Not the part where I tripped. No, the part where I pressed my lips to his skin and he didn’t push me away.
I swear I heard something when I kissed him. It could’ve been a moan. Or a groan—maybe he hit his elbow.
But the real mindfuck wasn’t in what he did. It’s in what he didn’t do. He didn’t throw me off him and say, Tom, what the fuck!
Instead, he’d reached for me, his hand on my waist, fingers tracing my non-existing abs. And after all that, he’d fumbled through some nonsense, a string of bullshit I can’t even remember.
I glance over at him. He’s circling the wax, eyes closed, mumbling soundless things as he rocks back and forth in meditation. I assume the sea gods are involved.
Time to interrupt whatever hotline he’s dialing.
“You seeing someone?”
The corner of his mouth lifts, eyes staying closed.
“I broke up with my situationship a couple of days ago.”
I pause mid-stroke.
“Situationship?”
He shrugs and looks at me now.
“It wasn’t a relationship to me, just casual. He thought otherwise.”
Things are swirling so fast in my head right now. First of all, it feels like I’ve hit triple seven at the casino and the machine keeps on dinging. He’s single, so I might stand a chance. Second… it’s a small island, could it be?
No. No fucking way.
It all makes sense to me now. The way Yosh reacted so mildly after I made that confession of sneaking out to a bar. Turns out I wasn’t his biggest concern.
I bark a laugh,
“Oh my god! That wasted diver dude! You’re the red flag!” My hands fly to my stomach, not really able to stop laughing.
He mutters something under his breath.
“What was that?” I smirk.
“Nothing.” He keeps his focus on waxing, clearly not wanting to talk about it. Well, if that’s the case, he's dealing with the wrong person.
“Why’d you end it?”
“I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship. Want to focus on my career.”
I snort,
“Bullshit. You just weren’t that into him.”
Yosh raises an eyebrow.
“Oh really? You made that observation, how?”
“Okay, first of all, you said, and I quote,‘I told him’, meaning that’s something you made him believe, otherwise you would’ve said ‘I am’, if not being ready for a relationship is how you really feel.”
“Hmm, go on, smart ass.”
“I’ve written thousands of love songs. When the heart wants what it wants, there’s no stopping it. Your heart wasn’t chasing him.”
He gives me a look.
“And I’m supposed to take love advice from Arcadia’s most notorious playboy?”
“That hurts,” I gasp, hand over my heart. “Truly.”
It makes him smile, it’s so easy with him.
He composes himself and turns, piercing eyes on me.
“Are you in a relationship?”
I lift up my hands.
“Single since always.”
“See? Not taking any advice from you.”
He leans back on his heels, throwing the wax back in the cooler.
I tilt my head.
“So you don’t believe in following the heart?”
He rakes a hand through his hair, but the wind ruins it immediately. Pulling a hair tie from his pocket, he twists it into a messy bun.
His eyes stay fixed on the waterline where the surfers are flying over the waves, but he’s not really watching. I see it in the way his face tightens.
He’s choosing his words carefully.
“I think...chasing love is a dangerous game. One I’d rather not play.”
I nod slowly.
“But?”
“But once it catches you, and you start playing, backing out is impossible.”
Fair enough. I can relate to that first part of not wanting to play. Love died for me the day Chris died. That’s the harsh truth I’m finally daring to admit to myself.
Until now, that is.
I don’t know what this is I feel inside nor where it will lead me. I just know I want to chase it.
I’m playing the game, and I think I should take my turn.
“So why’d your former fuck buddy call you a red flag?”
“That’s definitely not professional conversation material, Tom.”
“Oh, come on. Today we’re just two lads catching waves, having a chat over an imaginary pint. We can get back to our roleplay on Monday.”
His eyes flick around for a second before he scoffs and lifts his board from the sand.
“You’re a walking headache, McKenna.”
“Red flag and headache,” I say, rising to my feet. “Coherent. Completely unhinged. Iconic.”
He groans under his breath.
I’ve got him wrapped around my finger. He’s trying hard to keep his cool, eyes locked on the rolling waves like they’re saving him from me.
Except, I’m not done with him yet.
I grab my board and drape my free arm lazily over his shoulder. I lean in, close enough to brush my lips over yesterday’s spot on his neck.
“Well,” I murmur, “at least your diver boy said you were an amazing fuck. Solid reference. Might need to verify that claim myself.”
His face turns crimson, my que to take off.
I sprint for the water, sand spraying up behind me. Halfway there, I spin and shoot him a vicious look over my shoulder, daring him to chase me.
No time to check if he does.
At the shoreline, I swing the board in front of me and dive.
My chest slams into it a little too hard, but I ignore the blunt pain and start paddling.
He gets this cute, high-pitched voice whenever he’s upset, and I hear him calling my name like I’m a very, very disobedient dog.
Except I’m a wolf, he should know that by now. Listening was never part of the plan.
For now, I just want to play along with the idea that he thinks I’m a rookie, paddling straight into a rising wave like a reckless adrenaline junkie.
I know exactly what to do, and if Poseidon’s watching, he’ll let me ride this wave like the shameless peacock I am, feathers out for the one man I’m trying to impress.
I feel the swell building beneath me.
I paddle once, twice, then push up in one smooth motion. My feet plant wide. knees bent, weight centered. I manage to find my balance. I’m flying.
I ride it out until the wave dissolves beneath me. Only then do I let myself fall, crashing into the water with a satisfied feeling.
Adrenaline floods my veins. I can’t remember the last time I felt this fucking alive.
I get up on my board, wiping my wet curls backwards like a fucking god. And then, bam, a solid punch to my shoulder sends me flying ungracefully back into the fucking water.
“Idiot piece of shit! You nearly gave me a heart attack!”
Shit, I’ve never heard him swear at me like that, it instantly kicks me off cloud nine.
I cough as I struggle to lift myself out of the water, my throat burning with seasalt.
“Trust me…” Cough “I know from first-hand experience…” Cough, cough “you wouldn’t be this fiery if you… had one.”
His strong hands slip under my arms, lifting me effortlessly from the water onto my board. For a moment we don’t say anything, just stare into each other's eyes. Not blinking, not looking away. Nothing of that.
Then his mouth curves into a grin. He plants his palms on the nose of my board, pushing me away.
“Next one’s mine, loser!” Yosh calls over his shoulder, already paddling hard for the break.
Sure it is, love.
I pretend to race him, but I’d give him every wave just to keep him smiling at me like that. And if this is a game he’d rather not play, fine. I’ll give it my all and play for both of us.