Chapter 42
Chapter forty-two
Tom
Two months gone, and I half expected the place to feel different. I even prepared myself for it. For that dramatic moment of stepping out of the airport and seeing the city in a new light.
Newsflash: it hasn’t changed. Amsterdam looks exactly the same.
I don’t even know what I was thinking. Somewhere along the way I convinced myself there’d be some kind of enlightenment. That I’d come back to my old life and view it like an outsider. Detached. Evolved. Mildly superior, maybe.
I even started calling it my old life.
Which raises an inconvenient question. If that was the old one, what exactly is the new one? And when was the point of no return? Leaving for Avalon? Or maybe it had happened earlier, after the defibrillator?
I’m not sure that’s how it works.
Avalon taught me who I am. Or at least who I am without the silence and the expectation of everything I’m supposed to be.
Now this city gets to decide something else yet again. Whether I still belong here. Whether I ever did.
Judging by the streets, the people, and the sweet, unmistakable smell coming out of the coffeeshops, it seems I do.
Because it’s still all the fucking same.
What I hadn’t expected was Amsterdam turning into the Arctic.
Neither had Yosh when he’d agreed to come with me.
The poor guy hasn’t left the island in four years, and now these freezing winds are cutting into him.
Earlier he let slip he’s “a child of the island.” That’s his polite way of saying he fucking hates the cold.
So I’d bundled my surfer guy in my snowboard jacket, wrapped him in a wool scarf, shoved my wolf beanie on his head, and gave him a pair of gloves.
I grin at him as we cross the canal in front of my place.
“You look like a gift I can’t wait to unwrap.”
“Only good boys get presents.” His breath is thicker than a deep drag of Purple Haze.
“Love, please. You’re the first to strip naked the second we get home, don’t act all hard to get.”
A little smile. He knows.
There’s a thin layer of ice on the cobblestones, so we watch our step. It’s only a ten-minute walk to our first stop, and I’m hoping we make it without either of us face-planting on the street.
We enter the Red Light District, the first establishments already cropping up.
“McKenna!” someone yells behind us.
I turn and raise a hand, no clue who I’m waving at. Bartender at Joan’s club, maybe. Hard to say. My memory tends to black out the second I make it past the bouncer.
The guy pats my shoulder as he passes us on his bike.
We round the corner, another familiar face pops up.
“Tom, is that really you?”
It’s Nella, in apple-green velvet leggings and a candy-pink fur coat. One of the neighborhood’s many birds of paradise. With Nella, the voice always arrives before the spectacle.
“How are you, honey?” I lean in for the Dutch three kisses.
“Haven’t seen you in forever. Did you just crawl out of a coffeeshop?”
“Actually, the opposite. Just got out of rehab.”
She chuckles, sparks her lighter, cigarette tucked between lacquered stiletto-nailed fingers.
I cup my hands around the flame out of habit. The tip glows red almost immediately.
“You’re hilarious, Tom.” She exhales smoke sideways. “I’m on my way to your sister’s. You heading there too?”
“No, we’re going to SACS.”
“Alright, sweetheart. See you around then. Love you.”
“Bye, Nell. Oh, don’t tell Cherry you saw me. I want to surprise her.”
She blows me a kiss and vanishes into a side alley. Cheryl’s office is just down the road.
I turn back to Yosh. “No fucking way am I going to visit my sister.”
Yosh throws me one of those therapist looks. Impossible to read, especially with half his face covered.
“Tell me, Doctor, what’s your analysis?”
“I can only make it when all my questions are answered.”
“Okay. What do you want to know?”
His head snaps my way. “Who was that?”
There we go. Turns out my calm, zen boyfriend loses the zen the second jealousy shows up. It’s cute, until it isn’t.
A couple of weeks ago I’d made the mistake of calling him Jay when he was acting, let’s say territorial. Oh, he got pissed off. Me too. There’s nothing I hate more than people giving me a headache for no reason. The make-up sex had been great though.
“That was Nella,” I explain, shoving my cold hands into my pockets. “She works at my sister’s office. Cheryl owns a couple of coffeeshops in this area, not the kind that serve flat whites. Some of these buildings are hers. She and Finn run the business.”
“Okay,” he says slowly. “And what’s Sacs?”
It takes him a couple of seconds to realize what he’s actually said. God, this never gets old. Messing with him is free entertainment.
“Idiot,” he mutters, rolling his eyes. “You said sex to Nella, didn’t you?”
“Oh, that…”
He shoves me, and I stumble dramatically back into the canal railing.
“Careful, Doctor.” I brush off my coat. “That’s attempted manslaughter.”
His fingers flex, reaching for me and then stopping himself. He looks over my shoulder to somewhere in the distance that isn't a canal, isn't Amsterdam.
I wait, taking his hand. I offer him a little smile because that's what I do when he gets like this. The last month of learning each other taught me this happens sometimes.
A couple of blinks, and he’s back.
“I said we’re going to SACS. S-A-C-S. My store.”
His eyes grow big. “Your store? You own a business?”
“Co-founder. I handle the creative part, Jay and his friend Eddy handle the business side.”
“SACS stands for Spice: Amsterdam Candy Shop.” I nod toward the storefront. “There it is.”
The bell above the door jingles as we walk in, the familiar scent of the licorice house perfume hitting my nostrils.
Sweet, herbal, and a little old-fashioned—it all adds up to the aesthetic of SACS.
I let Yosh go in first. I want to see his face when he realizes this isn’t your typical small town sweet shop.
I could’ve mentioned this little part of my empire weeks ago, but where’s the fun in that? Finding out your boyfriend owns a sex shop in Amsterdam works better as a surprise.
His eyes find the candy jars on the wooden shelves. I watch him realize there’s no sweets sold in this store. At least, not the kind that is made out of sugar.
Condoms in all sizes are packed in twisted candy wrappers; mint green, butter yellow, hot pink, strawberry, mango, orange, ridges, knobs, smooth, take your pick.
“Tom…” he can’t bite back a chuckle. “It’s so…”
“Innocent?” I say, sliding past him. “That’s the point.”
The plastic cones hanging from hooks grab his attention. Our pre-selected candy bags. They’re packed with silk ribbons, lace lingerie, condoms, and sachets of lube.
The twitch of his mouth is killing me. He's not giving me anything.
No raised brow. No comment.
So I’m left guessing. I hate guessing.
My fingertips glide over the antique counter. The old wood has been freshly polished to preserve it. Everything in this shop is antique, after all. Everything except the merchandise.
Sitting on top of the counter is a glass display with the more exclusive items I hand picked; a diamond-tipped clit stimulator, a crystal egg, silk blindfolds, a whip with an eighteen karat gold heart-shaped tipped handle.
Sexy and a little extra, everything I can’t resist.
Yosh picks up a butt plug from a balance scale and twirls it between his fingers in the red, sensual glow of a Tiffany lamp. Then he lets out a soft laugh.
“Your candy shop is a sweet sin.”
I’m pretty sure my eyes are sparkling right now.
“Sweet sin… Good one, I’ll pitch it to marketing.”
“Who even comes up with this?”
“An idiot like me, apparently.”
He looks back at me, narrowed eyes piercing right through me.
“Don’t talk yourself down like that. This whole concept is genius, Sapphire.”
That one hits somewhere I wasn’t expecting. I shrug it off before I get all mushy again.
“So, still open-minded?” I ask, watching him scan the shelves.
“Not just my mind,” he croons softly, and I swear if his eyes had fingers, they’d already be unbuttoning my jeans.
“Don’t…” I laugh against his chest, pushing him back just as I catch someone in the corner of my eye. A young lady walks in from the backroom.
I’ve never seen her before, she must be new.
“Welcome to SACS. How may I—” She cuts herself off, eyes narrowing.
“Oh my god, you’re Tom! Sorry, Mister McKenna. It’s so nice to finally meet you.”
“You can call me Tom, darling. I’m not that old.”
Reflex makes me wink. A second later I wish I hadn’t. Next to me, Yosh twitches. Fuck. I’m not supposed to do that.
Her cheeks turn pink as she tucks a strand of long blonde hair behind her ear, taking the invitation I hadn’t meant to send. Or at least… not meant like that.
Great. How do I dig myself out of this one?
“You're new here?” I ask, dropping the charm, going for a neutral tone. “What’s your name?”
“I’m Charlotte, Edward’s niece. I’m helping out during my Christmas break from uni.”
Of course she is.
“Nice to meet you, Charlotte. Is Eddy around?”
“Yeah, he’s upstairs in the office.”
“Thanks. I had an order set aside last week, I think your uncle saved it behind the counter.”
She nods and ducks under the register, then sets a gift box on the counter.
I turn and find Yosh in front of the antique medicine cabinet. He pretends to check out the lubes, but I know better. He’s turned his back to me as an act of protest.
“Hey,” I whisper, voice still rough from the cold. “I’m sorry for that, I wasn’t thinking. I’m an idiot.”
“I think I’m going to check out the collection of whips over there.” He tips his chin at the vintage cake display that is filled with BDSM items.
Right. I deserve that.
I pull my hand from behind my back.
“I’ve got a little something for you.”
His expression softens when I press the champagne-colored gift box into his hands. Inside is a rose quartz wand.
“A gift for the inner chakra,” I whisper.
He opens the box discreetly like he’s checking his hand of cards. He gives me the kind of smile that radiates from his eyes. It makes them soft and glowing. It’s a combination that keeps shooting arrows through my heart.
Ever since that day we tore down the shed to free the tree in his garden, I’ve been chasing the high of making him happy with the smallest gestures. Turns out, I like being the reason he smiles. He deserves that, not my stupidity.
“Thank you, Sapphire. I appreciate your commitment to my energy alignment.”
“Of course, love. I’ll make sure we use it… mindfully.”
He smiles, bumping my shoulder. I turn; Charlotte is restocking a jar of raspberry-flavoured condoms, wearing her best poker face like she didn’t overhear a word.
“I’m going to say hi to my business partner. Quick chat. Won’t take long. Pick whatever you like and Charlotte will put it on my account. No whips, please.” I push my finger against his sternum, making him laugh.
As I make my way up the stairs, I look back just in time to see Charlotte walking over to him, probably to ask if he needs any advice on the lube.
Charlotte points at the box in his hands and I can faintly hear her saying she has one of those as well. Then she takes a bottle from the shelf she swears it's the best, stacking it on top of the box.
I can tell Yosh feels awkward. He’s been on edge ever since that kiss-and-tell stunt Deep Diver pulled. And now we’re in Amsterdam, standing in my sex shop, where lust isn’t exactly taboo.
I wonder if he regrets joining me on this trip. Or being with me at all. Maybe I need to put in a little more effort to show him something normal in my life. Chaos keeps adding up since we arrived and it’s not even noon.