Chapter 46 #2
“Agreed. I’m glad he apologized for SeaBreeze and admitted some heavy stuff he’s dealing with, including his drinking problem. I felt bad when he got emotional about Tiffy… how badly he’d messed things up with her.”
I snort. “Yeah. And then called in his newest girl right after.”
Yosh gives me a knowing look. “You and I both know how band-aid sex works. We’re simple creatures when it comes to that.”
I pat his chest. “See, this is what I like about you. Callie Coconut cheats on your bestie and you still give him the benefit of the doubt.”
He wags a finger in front of my eyes. “No, no, no. For that, I still wish him itchy, painful shingles. Right on that one spot between your shoulder blades you can’t reach.”
I chuckle, picturing Calvin in zebra-wear scratching his back against a palm tree, or better, the beak of Mia the flamingo.
My eyes fall back to the Polaroid in my hand. This makes my heart so warm.
“How about we book the next flight home so we can play with our presents?”
“Nice try, McKenna. Running from your family?”
I shrug, my usual code for ending the conversation. Problem is, Yosh only speaks shrug when it’s his own shoulder moving.
“Yesterday you were pretty clear about not wanting to see Cheryl.”
I take another sip of my tea that is now cold.
“I wasn’t in the mood for her mothering me, then running every word I say straight through to Jay so he can ambush me with it later. That’s how it always goes.”
He crosses his legs, leaning back against the Chesterfield’s worn leather.
“I get that you didn’t want that yesterday, but maybe talking could be a step forward instead of avoiding them.”
“Fair enough. Hopefully I’ll get a moment with them at Heatherfell.”
His hand finds my collarbone. “What about Effy? Have you thought about talking to her?”
I let my eyes fall shut for a second, then turn to the window. The towers of the gothic church behind the block look like they’ve been dipped in cake icing. It gives me a second to settle my inner conflict.
I sigh. “God, I want to, Yosh. But fuck… I don’t even know where to begin.”
“What you could do is write down the things that matter to you. Not a speech, you don’t need a script. But it might help you figure out how to approach it.”
I sit with that for a sec. “Yeah, makes sense. What if she doesn’t want to talk?”
“That’s always a possibility, but at least you’re making the first move. She might need time to sort through her feelings.”
“God, I hate the idea that she might look at me and see all the things I’ve fucked up.”
I drag a hand through my hair. “But yeah, you’re probably right. If she slams the door in my face, at least she’ll know I showed up.”
“Christmas is the best moment for people to reconnect. Somehow it’s just in the spirit of things.”
Yosh tilts his head. “Besides, how do you guys celebrate Christmas? Are there presents? Christmas dinner? Should I bring something?”
“We don’t exchange presents,” I say. “Tried it once and it was pure chaos. Instead, every year one person gets chosen to buy a gift for the whole family. It has to be an object, and something everyone can use.”
Yosh raises an eyebrow. “That sounds like a challenge.”
“It is, but that’s the point. It’s not about receiving, it’s about the game, finding something unique. It’s an honor to get chosen. It’s Eli’s turn this year.”
“Okay. And besides that? Any traditions?”
I roll my eyes. “The McKenna Christmas dinner. Jay gives his usual speech summarizing the year and outlining our family values. Then he hands out the ‘award’ to whoever raked in the most for the firm.”
“The firm?”
“Everything we earn goes into one shared fund. Salaries come out of it. It’s a family business on steroids.”
“That sounds… unconventional.”
“I don’t know any different, and it’s easy. I pour my creativity into the work, and Jay handles the business side.”
“That also means you’re dependent on him.”
“I know.” The words scrape on the way out.
Jay leading the pack always felt normal. It worked. He protects us and only asks for one thing in return: loyalty. Stand together and we survive. Alone, the world eats us alive.
Back then it was the streets, now it’s the industry. Same rules. Just a higher price under the spotlight.
I swore my allegiance, and I meant it.
But now? Avalon changed everything. What used to feel like belonging has started to feel like a threat.
No, Heatherfell isn’t my home. It’s the gallows. And the worst part? Deep down, I already know what’s waiting for me.
The sentence for a traitor.
No, this isn’t right. I can’t drag Yosh into that. Shit could go spectacularly wrong.
“Love, you should stay here. It’s too messy,” I keep my voice soft so he won’t notice my fear.
“No. I’m coming with you,” he insists, leaving no room for debate.
“I love you, and that’s exactly why I can’t let you.”
“I love you too. That’s why I won’t let you go alone. We both know why.”
“Why?” The word comes out sharper than I intended. This conversation is turning raw.
His eyes narrow, piercing right through me. “Jay knows you want out. He’ll feel it even more the second you walk through that door, and he’ll do anything to keep you in the pack. He’ll twist reality, trap you, make you believe you owe him—and you’ll let him, because he’s damn good at what he does.”
My breath stumbles. Fuck. I never imagined anyone would see that.
Yosh’s hand clamps over mine and the strength in his grip has me reeling.
He wants to face Jay with me. I should protect him from this. But I can’t deny he’s right. Or that deep inside I really need him there.
He licks his lips, staring out of the window now. “I know Jay’s game. I know what I’m walking into. But I need you to want me there. I’ll protect you, baby, no matter what. If you tell me right now you don’t want me, I’ll stay here. But if I go, I’m not letting Jay own you anymore.”
I break. My eyes sting, the world smears before I even realize it.
I shove my face into his chest, wetting his hoodie, and I hate it.
I hate crying, hate feeling weak, fucking hate it.
That’s not me. I’ll fight anyone twice my size if I have to.
But Jay? I think I will always remain scared of him.
And that fear has doubled, because now I fear for Yosh too.
Back then I had nothing to lose. Now I’ve got everything on the line.
“I want you there,” I rasp. “But if you come, Jay will come for you.”
His arms only tighten. “Then let him.”
I pull myself together, dragging the sleeve of my UV shirt beneath my lashes.
Soft fabric, good absorbent qualities. Such a great gift.
“You’re probably wondering why not just call Jay, tell him I’m done, and leave it at that?”
Yosh shakes his head gently. “You don’t need to explain.”
“I’m not going to Heatherfell to play by his rules, Yosh. My kids are in there. Effy needs to know I fucking love her, that she’s the most important thing in my life. Jay can fuck off. Everything I do, I do for her.”
There, I said it. My children are my world. They’ve been my world from the second they came into it. I need to visit Chris, and I need to do whatever it takes to fix my relationship with Effy.
“Shhh. I know, Sapphire.” He hushes the words against my hair. As soon as I’m calm again, his hands come up to hold my face.
“How about we take a walk to clear our minds? We’ll stop somewhere for breakfast, then pick up a bottle of whisky for Jay as a sign of goodwill. We’ll go to Heatherfell together. You get your chance with your children, and after that it’s done. We’re getting you out.”
I dry the last tears with my palm.
The path ahead is thick with dark fog, but with my goal in mind, I know exactly which direction to take. Effy is going to hear my apology, and that’s all that matters.