Chapter 33
33
For a second, I almost protested that Joe couldn’t be that manipulative, but he had fooled both me and Rachel for six months. He was a liar, and he was selfish. He didn’t want Ethan to have me so did all he could to come between us. I felt sick. ‘I’m so pissed off I let him manipulate me like that!’ I cried.
‘We both did,’ Ethan said quietly.
‘I just felt so rejected when he did what he did that knowing he wanted me back… I got swept up in it for a moment,’ I said, hating that Joe making me feel like I was never good enough made me want to go back to him because finally, he did. How pathetic was that?
‘And you didn’t trust me.’
I looked at Ethan. He was right. ‘I was worried I was getting carried away with you, with us… I rushed into things with Joe and look at what happened. So when he told me you would be moving to Paris, that just confirmed that I was getting carried away thinking we could be something after our holiday. I was so impulsive with Joe, moving in with him so quickly, what if I just ke ep making bad decisions when it comes to relationships? I was scared, I think.’
‘I was scared too. I felt like I was second best compared to Joe. I think he did manipulate us, but we clearly weren’t ready for what was happening between us.’
‘I wished we hadn’t let him,’ I said quietly. ‘When it was just us two in that apartment…’ I trailed off, hoping he would know what I meant. Hoping he had felt the same pull to me as I had to him.
Ethan nodded. ‘I know. But we did let him, didn’t we?’
We looked at one another. There was still the same connection between us now that we’d had in Paris, but our time alone together in that apartment was over. We had crumbled once we left it, and I had no idea if we could ever get past that. Joe had come between us far too easily.
‘You don’t trust me,’ Ethan said then.
‘Nor do you,’ I replied defensively. Ethan had easily believed I’d chosen Joe over him; he couldn’t have thought I had any real feelings for him. But I knew I had. When he had kissed me and touched me, I felt closer to him than any man before him. Had he felt any of that too?
‘Tessa…’ Ethan began. I really hoped he would tell me that he could trust me, trust us, one day. He started to say more but the office door swung open suddenly behind me, making us both jump.
‘I’m sorry, but Carly needs you,’ Juliette cried at me from the doorway.
‘What do you mean?’ I asked, seeing the panic in her eyes.
‘She is bleeding,’ Juliette said. ‘They are trying to get an Uber but it’s all busy.’
‘Oh no,’ I said, moving towards the door instantly. ‘I’ll try mine,’ I said, pulling out my phone to open the app .
‘I have my car,’ Ethan said from behind me.
I turned around. ‘What?’
‘My car is outside; let me drive you all to the hospital,’ Ethan said. ‘Juliette, will you cover?’
‘No, I’m coming. I will tell Marco…’ She disappeared again.
Ethan sighed but turned to me. ‘I’ll just change, then we can go.’
I hesitated but I knew Carly and Luke would be worried sick and desperate to get to the hospital quickly, so Ethan’s offer to drive us would be very welcome. ‘Okay, thank you,’ I said gratefully, hurrying out of the office. I glanced back and he gave me a reassuring smile. It reminded me of how calm he could be and how much I had liked that about him. I felt a tiny bit better as I hurried out of the restaurant to find Carly and Luke pulling their coats on and looking worried.
‘Ethan’s going to drive us,’ I told them as I hurried over to our table.
‘Oh, thank God,’ Luke said.
Ethan appeared in record time, changed out of his work clothes and clutching his car keys.
Luke turned to him. ‘Thanks for this, mate.’
‘It’ll be okay,’ I said to Carly. I really hoped I wasn’t lying to her. She looked really pale and I took hold of her arm, wanting to help in any way I could.
‘Let’s go,’ Juliette said, rushing from the kitchen.
‘Juliette, you don’t have to…’ I began as Luke took Carly’s other arm and we started off after Ethan as he led us out of Bon Appétit.
Juliette glared at me. ‘I am your friend. They are your friends. So we are all friends. Yes?’
She was so fierce, I didn’t dare raise any more objections. ‘ Oui ,’ I said, glancing at Ethan, who smiled at me. I smiled back, and for a second, it was like our connection had returned.
We all hurried out of the restaurant and piled into Ethan’s car, Carly in the front, the rest of us squished together in the back. Ethan set off across London to the nearest hospital. There was a lot of traffic as usual and we were in a tense silence the whole way. I looked at Carly. Her hands were folded in her lap and she was biting her lip. I wished I could say something to make her feel better as she had helped me so much, but I knew it was pointless. We were getting her to people who would help, and that was all we could do for now.
‘Okay,’ Ethan said as the hospital finally came into view. ‘I’ll drop you at the front then find somewhere to park,’ he added, still so calm. He pulled into the drop-off point. Luke jumped out to help Carly, who turned to look at me.
‘Will you come too, Tessa?’
‘Of course,’ I said, also getting out. I followed Carly and Luke inside as Ethan and Juliette stayed in the car and went off to park.
‘Isn’t it crazy?’ Carly said to me as Luke rushed to reception to find out what we should do. ‘I was so freaked out by the thought of being pregnant and now I’m freaked out that something is wrong…’
‘Of course you are,’ I said. ‘It’s a life-changing thing; it would be crazy if you weren’t freaked out.’
Carly raised a smile. ‘That makes no sense but it makes perfect sense.’
‘This way,’ Luke said, coming back. We headed to where we’d been sent and a nurse came over to find out what was going on. She said she’d arrange a scan and sent us to another area where we sat down to wait to be called in .
I had a message from Ethan to say he and Juliette would go and get a coffee and to keep him updated. I promised I would.
‘How was it seeing Ethan again?’ Carly asked, watching me as I responded to him on my phone.
‘That’s so unimportant right now,’ I told her.
‘No, it’ll take my mind off all this…’ she said, giving me a pleading look.
‘Well, I don’t know,’ I said. ‘We realised that Joe did all he could to keep us apart, which was crap. But we let him do it. So maybe we weren’t as close as I thought we were. Or could be…’ It all felt so confusing.
‘You still fancy him though?’ she asked.
‘Well, yeah,’ I admitted. ‘But I think it’s too complicated with everything that happened with Joe. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust that Ethan really likes me, and he will always wonder if I’d prefer to be with his best mate. Or former best mate anyway… Plus, as you said, I can’t even trust my own heart when it comes to love. Ethan might be an even worse decision than Joe was,’ I added with a sigh. I knew deep down that wasn’t true though. Ethan had always been honest with me. Joe was a liar.
But there still seemed to be many more reasons for me and Ethan to try to not be together than there were reasons to try.
‘We’re ready for you.’ A sonographer came out to call Carly and Luke in for an ultrasound then.
‘Tessa, you have to come too,’ Carly begged me as they got up.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course,’ Luke said, waving me after them. I got up too and we went into the small room. Carly laid down on the bed and Luke sat beside her. I stood nervously by the door, hoping they would be okay whatever happened next. I watched as the sonographer got everything ready, putting gel on Carly and setting it all up. Luke was gripping Carly’s hand and they looked at each other and not at the screen. I kept my eyes on it though as the woman started the scan.
There were a few excruciating seconds when everything seemed too quiet, the screen too blank, but then I heard a noise and something showed up.
The woman smiled. ‘We have a heartbeat. Wait…’
‘What’s wrong?’ Carly asked, finally looking over. ‘Have I lost the baby?’
‘No,’ the sonographer said, peering at the screen. She moved the scanner over again then turned to Carly and Luke. ‘The babies are fine.’
‘Sorry?’ Carly asked, frowning.
‘What do you mean?’ Luke demanded.
I stepped forward in shock as I looked at the screen and could make out two blobs on there.
‘You’re having twins,’ the woman replied.