Chapter Thirteen
H ow can sadness and happiness fill my heart at the same time? I wondered as I tossed my purse on the floorboard of Mama’s truck and slid into the passenger’s seat. Was this the way Aunt Gracie had felt when she yearned to go see the world yet was anchored to the house and land?
“You look conflicted,” Mama said. “What’s wrong? Is it Connor? Are you having regrets about hiring Gina Lou?”
“How do you do that?” I asked.
“What?”
“Know when something is bothering me?”
She started up the engine and backed out of the driveway. “It’s built into a mama’s DNA. So fess up, kiddo. What is it?”
“I’m glad you are finally going on a vacation,” I said, “but you’ve always been at home. I want you to go, and at the same time I don’t want you to be gone.”
She reached across the console and laid a hand on my shoulder. “I read a story one time that was about a person who had regrets on her deathbed. Her husband of more than fifty years told her that half of his heart was going with her but that half of her heart stayed with him. He made a promise that he would go see the mountains in the wintertime when the snow was knee deep. He would wade through it so that she could see it through his eyes and the half of a heart that was still hers that beat in his chest.”
“What has that got to do with you being gone?” I asked.
“There was a bond between me and you and Gracie. It’s not like a married couple, but it’s there. What either of us do for the rest of our lives gives her the ability to see—”
“—the beach and hear the ocean waves,” I butted in before she could finish.
“When did she tell you about that being something she wanted to do?” Mama asked.
“It was in one of her notes that she left behind.” I went on to tell her about what I’d found in Gracie’s closet.
“Maybe someday we’ll go to the beach and let her see it.” Mama choked up. “Until then, I’m only a phone call away anytime you want to talk ... but I can call this whole thing off if—”
“No!” I said before she could even finish. “You and Annie both deserve this and need it. I would feel guilty if you stayed home because I was being selfish. Just remember that Aunt Gracie really liked Hank Williams—take time to really look at everything if you go to the museum.”
“Family first,” Mama said. “Aunt Gracie taught me that by example.”
“She was so right—and what kind of daughter would I be if I told you to stay home? I want you to go. Gina Lou will be helping me take care of things. Lord knows, the dust bunnies in the garage have grandchildren. Aunt Gracie and Jasper haven’t been able to take care of it in years.”
Mamas weren’t the only ones to understand facial expressions. I could see hers shift into worry mode in an instant.
“And Connor?” she asked.
“I don’t know about Connor, but I’m not rushing anything. I promise I will be careful. Right now we are friends ...” Just saying his name caused my pulse to kick up a notch or two.
“Do I hear a but ?” she asked.
“Yes,” I replied with a slight nod. “I haven’t dated in a long time, so maybe that’s why I feel sparks every time he’s around. But there’s no denying that there is chemistry between us. There’s another but , Mama. If you will remember, I’ve been burned a couple of times in the past. I have learned the signs to look for when the relationship is just a flash in the pan, so you don’t have to worry about me.”
“I trust you,” Mama said.
“Good. Now, let’s talk about something that doesn’t put a lump in my throat.”
“Okay. What do I need for this vacation? I’ve lived in jeans and T-shirts from the café most of my life. What do you think?”
“I’d say new jeans, for sure. Yours are getting pretty worn. You and Annie will buy T-shirts at every stop you make, so don’t buy too many to take with you,” I told her. “A couple of pretty outfits, maybe capris and nicer shirts, for going out to eat or fancier places. And absolutely two new suitcases. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a suitcase in your house, Mama.”
She pulled into a parking space on the west side of the mall. “I’ve never traveled overnight, so I didn’t need anything like that.”
I unfastened my seat belt and threw open the truck door. “That is the saddest thing I’ve heard in years. I’m buying you a set of luggage today.”
She started to argue, but I held up a palm. “Call it an early Mother’s Day present.”
She got out of the truck at the same time I did. “Can I have a red set?”
I slowed my stride to match hers. “Of course you can. Aunt Gracie would be so proud to see you roll a bright red suitcase into the hotel.”
“Should we make reservations?” she asked.
“Only one day at a time,” I suggested. “You might change your minds about the route as you travel. When the company sent my department for workshops, they usually put the bunch of us up in Holiday Inn Express hotels. They are reasonably priced and have free breakfast.”
She opened the door into the mall entrance and held it for me. “Good to know. If you’ve got any more tips, text them to both of us.”
“Will do—and would you look at that?” I pointed toward a display in front of a store. “There’s a sale on luggage.”
“And they’ve got a red set,” she almost squealed. “We are two lucky women today.”
I didn’t feel lucky at all. I was about to have a housekeeper-slash-roommate whom I barely knew. I had feelings for a man I’d only known a short while, who could be trying to get into my pants and my land. And my mama—who, along with Aunt Gracie, had been my rock my whole life—was going away for God knew how long.
I could hear Aunt Gracie telling me to put on my big-girl panties; that I was not to treat Gina Lou like the help, the way Davis and Jasper had been treated; and that I could kick Connor out of my life if things didn’t work out. She would also remind me that my mama deserved a nice long trip. If she could really see what was going on right now in Mama’s life, as well as mine, she would be proud as a peacock.
Way back before I started working from home in my pajamas, it wasn’t unusual for me to spend a whole afternoon and evening in a shopping mall. But I had forgotten how hard that had been on my feet and back until that evening. When I got home, I kicked off my shoes inside the front door and padded barefoot to the living room, where I eased down onto the sofa and propped my feet on the coffee table.
“My poor mama stood on concrete floors for eight to ten hours every day,” I whispered. “I should have appreciated her efforts more.”
Someone rapped on the front door. Thinking it was Mama, who might have gotten one of my bags mixed up with hers, I yelled, “Come on in, but you don’t have to knock!”
“Hey, Lila,” Connor’s voice floated down the hallway. In a moment, his tall frame appeared in the archway. “Why is it that I don’t have to knock? Is that part of the friendship-muffin pact?”
“I thought you were Mama. We just got home from the mall in San Antonio,” I explained. “Have a seat.”
He set a basket on the coffee table. “I brought cheesecake and strawberry wine from a little winery on the way down here.”
“Mama and I had tacos in the food court, but we didn’t take time for dessert, so that sounds great. How did you know that I like strawberry wine?”
“I didn’t.” Connor shrugged. “It goes well with cheesecake—and it’s one of my favorites, anyway.”
He sat down beside me and opened the basket, set out two large pieces of cheesecake, and unwrapped them. Then he brought out two stemless wineglasses.
I watched him pour the wine. “I figured you for a beer or whiskey man.”
“I like those, but if I’m drinking wine, I like this kind—especially with cheesecake. It reminds me of strawberries and champagne.” He handed me a glass and then picked up a fork and fed me a bite. “Now, chase that with the wine. I think you’re going to like it.”
Not a one of my previous boyfriends had ever fed me, and I liked the heat that flowed through my body.
“I’ve never had strawberries and champagne, but I can’t imagine that it’s any better than this.” My voice sounded a little deeper than usual, but dang it, the sparks were flitting around like it was the Fourth of July.
“We’ll have to remedy that sometime,” he said with a grin. “I was surprised when you called me after the pepper spray incident. Jasper kind of looped me in with those other two guys. I figured that you were done with the lot of us.”
“You were smart enough to run when he started counting—and you did come around with pizza and beer, so I gave you another chance. Of course, you might just have been trying to sweet-talk me into selling this place to you.”
“Let’s get something straight.” His tone and expression turned serious. “I would buy this property in a heartbeat, but our friendship means more to me than a few acres and an old house.”
“Why?” I took another bite of the cheesecake and then a sip of the wine. If strawberries and champagne were better than this, I would have to splurge and try them together sometime.
“I’ve had a couple of fairly serious relationships, but there’s something between us that I can’t explain,” he said. “I wouldn’t jeopardize it by—what was it you said?— sweet-talking you into selling me this place. I noticed that one of the guys brought you flowers. Are you interested in him?”
I shook my head. “Nope. His name is Derrick—a classmate of mine from high school. Sounds like he’s wanting to buy up Ditto to put in marijuana fields if Texas legalizes pot in the near future. Even if I wanted to sell, he wouldn’t get a chance at it. I couldn’t bear the idea of anyone plowing under the strawberries. They are part of the legacy of this place. The older guy is Richie, and he wants to buy the place as a hobby farm. He knows your grandpa’s lease is up in January. I never thought about people coming out of the woodwork, wanting to purchase a couple of acres and an old house in Ditto, Texas.”
“Or quitting your job to work with your mother and Annie?” he asked.
“Aunt Gracie often said that everything happens for a reason,” I said, “but sometimes it’s tough to ferret out the purpose of what and how at the time.” I stopped long enough to take another bite of cheesecake. “Today, I went shopping with Mama for her trip. I bought luggage for her early Mother’s Day present. She’s worked all these years and supported me, but she’s never even owned a suitcase.” My voice quivered, and I had trouble swallowing the lump in my throat. “I feel guilty for taking her and Aunt Gracie for granted.”
Connor laid a hand on my arm. “Sometimes I feel the same about going off to another country when I could have come here and spent time with my grandparents. I was too busy with my own life to visit them like I should have done.”
“Where are your parents?” I asked, enjoying the little zing of sparks at the touch of his hand.
“Dad is retired from the military, and they live in the Bahamas these days.”
“Do they ever come back for visits?”
He shrugged. “They try to come for a couple of days at Christmas. Growing up an army brat had its pros and cons. Dad said he wanted nothing to do with settling down permanently, especially not in Ditto, Texas. Mother loved the life of traveling from base to base. Grandpa and Granny were my stability, but the way I was shifted around with my parents kept me from ever realizing the importance of roots.”
Even though we were talking about serious things, the chemistry was still there. Had the sparks been in living color, they would have looked like one of those fireworks that light up the sky with bright blue, purple, green, and red.
“Hindsight, and all that,” I said.
“Yep,” he agreed. “What else is new in your life? Have you found another job?”
“No, but I hired a housekeeper. Gina Lou from down at Annie’s Café is moving in with me on Saturday. She’ll be helping out with whatever needs to be done, and she’ll be busy for months.”
“If she gets caught up and needs some extra work, Grandpa could probably use her services. He’s been pretty stubborn about hiring help since Granny died. I do what I can in between all the other things he has me trying to learn,” Connor said with a shrug. “But the dust gets pretty deep before either of us has time to clean house, and Granny’s roses are downright pitiful looking.”
“Her dream is to be a teacher, but she doesn’t have the finances.” I told him about the sympathy cards. “I figure four or five months’ work will get this place in order, and I can always find someone to come in a day or two a week. I’m thinking about paying her tuition and room and board at the college in the fall. Kind of paying it forward.”
“That sounds like a wonderful idea,” Connor said. “I’d be glad to help any way I can. Just let me know.”
“Thank you, and I will.” I took a long drink of the wine.
He leaned over and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “You are beautiful.”
A blush crawled up from my neck and made my face feel like it was on fire.
“Is that a blush?” he asked.
“Busted!” I set the empty glass on the coffee table. “I’m not used to compliments.”
“I wasn’t blowing smoke up your skirt,” Connor said. “I’m impressed by you more and more as I get to know you, and I was serious about helping pay for Gina Lou’s education.”
“Then thank you again, but I can cover it. I was about to watch a movie. Got time to stick around?” I asked.
“Love to,” he answered. “I get so bored in the hotel room at night. I don’t know why Grandpa doesn’t just drive back and forth when he has to have all these meetings once every quarter. DVDs in the cabinet under the television?”
“No such thing. Aunt Gracie was adamant about keeping things as they are, but she and Jasper loved their movies, so she subscribed to nearly all of the streaming services.” I picked up the remote and started pushing buttons. “Western, drama, comedy? Name your poison.”
“What did Miz Gracie like?”
“Comedy or Westerns, for the most part, and so do I,” I replied. “She said that watching funny shows made her forget the sad times, and Westerns took her back in time.”
Connor nodded. “Then let’s watch whatever y’all liked.”
“How about McLintock! ?” I said as I flipped through movies and sitcoms.
“I’ve never seen that one. Grandpa introduced me to every old Western that was out there, so I don’t know how he missed that one,” Connor said.
I pulled my feet up on the sofa and got comfortable. “You might as well take off your shoes.”
“Are we good enough friends for me to do that?” he teased.
“You brought cheesecake and wine, so I would say that we are.”
“And muffins on Saturday,” he reminded me.
As we watched the movie, I stole long sideways glances at him and wondered what was preventing me from trusting him. Was it what Jasper had said after the backyard brawl, or maybe my own commitment issues? I had told myself that my past relationships ended because I had gotten tired of putting time and energy into something that had no future. But maybe the reason went deeper than that.
Those thoughts brought me right back around to Aunt Gracie and the question that seemed to have no answer: Why didn’t she ever get married and have children? I understood that Aunt Gracie felt like Mama was her daughter and I was her granddaughter. But could she really have been satisfied with her adopted family, or did she never have one of her own because of the secret?
I was going in circles, and it was exhausting. In that very moment, I decided that whatever the secret was, it belonged in the past—maybe even in the grave with Aunt Gracie. It wasn’t mine to find or to figure out. I loved her like a grandmother, and she loved me. That was all that was important. That did not mean I wasn’t interested in knowing more about her past life—just not in chasing my tail wondering about it.
But what if this big secret is that the ghost in this house spreads mistrust among the women who live here? the pesky voice in my head asked.
I shivered at the idea, yet it had enough relevance to bear paying attention to.
“Cold?” Connor scooted over closer to me and pulled a crocheted throw from the back of the sofa to spread over both of us.
“Thank you,” I muttered.
He slipped an arm around my shoulders but didn’t take his eyes off the television. “I was getting a little chilly, too. I’ve always loved John Wayne. Moviemaking has sure come a long way from whenever this was made. I’d like to see it redone with today’s technology.”
“I’d go to the theater to see it, for sure,” I said.
Redone today?
Those two words stuck in my mind. If Aunt Gracie had gone through that crisis today, would it be such a big thing? Or would social media blow it up for a day or two, then replace it with something even more spectacular, like what color nail polish or hair dye a famous person had used that very day?
“Happily ever after,” Connor said when the movie ended. “Be nice if”—he paused and took a deep breath—“if people like you and me could overcome the obstacles life throws at them and find happiness.”
“Well, that came out of left field. I’m not so sure I understand where you are going with this,” I said.
“I’m a little bitter about getting discharged from the service, and you think I’m only trying to get this house and your land. Two big obstacles right there. I like you, Lila—a lot—but we’ve both got baggage.”
“I like you, too, Connor, but like I said before, I need time to work out things in my mind.”
He gently cupped my face in his hands. “Maybe we can both help each other through whatever is holding us back from commitment.” His eyes locked with mine. “Think we might be more than friends?”
My heart raced. “It all depends.”
“On what?”
“This first kiss.” I threw caution to the wind and listened to my heart, even though I knew he might think it was out of the blue. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to mine.
The sparks I had felt before were nothing compared to the heat the kiss generated and I wished it would never end—but it did.
“Well?” Connor asked.
“I’d give it a five out of ten,” I whispered.
“Then it didn’t affect you like it did me,” he groaned.
I kissed him on the cheek. “I’m teasing. I’d give it a fifteen out of ten.”
“Then we can be more than friends,” he asked.
“If we take it slow. We’ve only known each other thirteen days.”
“But who’s counting?” He grinned. “And besides, thirteen is my lucky number.”