Chapter 07
L ex loves me.
That single thought loops in my head so loudly that I don’t even hear the light chatter surrounding me. Michelle and Lucy were right after all. He loves me.
That doesn’t fix anything, though. I was hurt more than ever before, so I’m not diving back until I know he won’t do that again. He needs to earn me back. And I won’t make it easy. Not this time.
I didn’t plan on kissing. Not even a little. But hearing him say he loves me short-circuited my brain so hard that I had to taste his lips again. I regret it, but not really. It reminded me of why we’re so good together, of the untamable chemistry that sizzles between us. Of course I want this to work out. Who in their right mind wouldn’t want that kind of love for the rest of their lives?
I’m getting ahead of myself. He might not even join me here. Maybe he’ll decide to let me go—all the way this time. I have my list of potential jobs waiting for me at home, and if he doesn’t come, I’ll start sending applications.
But God, do I hope he’ll come…
I straighten in my chair and adjust my coat over the back of it. I’m in a strategic position that allows me to glance at the door whenever the bell over it chimes. But every time I look, with my heart full of hope, it’s only to get crushed by disappointment. I need to prepare myself in case he decides not to come. As a distraction, I pick up my phone and check my notifications. There isn’t enough to occupy me, so I set it down with a sigh.
Did I make it worse? If Lex doesn’t come, will I be even more devastated than I already was? Knowing he loves me but doesn’t want to be with me sounds like an even more brutal blow .
The bell shakes, but when I look up, a couple comes in.
He’ll come, I tell myself, gazing down at the napkin in front of me. It’s all wrinkled from me fidgeting with it, so I flatten it, trying to undo what my nervousness did.
Someone appearing on the other side of the table takes my focus away. I don’t even have to finish my gaze up the black button-down shirt to know it’s him.
Lex …
He came.
He must have come in right after the couple, and the surprise of seeing him leaves me speechless. He looks dashing in a dark suit, with his hair a little wet.
“Sorry, I took a little longer than I meant to. I had to take a quick shower and change.”
Looking like he does, I wouldn’t have minded if he’d taken an entire hour.
“May I sit?” he asks, grabbing the chair.
“Yes, of course.”
He removes his jacket, hangs it on the backrest, and sits in front of me. I struggle to think past the relief of his presence, so I don’t know what to say. I didn’t think this through very well, and now that he’s joined me, I’m unsure how to proceed.
It seems that he does, though. “Before we start, there are things I need to say.” His graveness makes my guts twist with anguish. “I’m not the best at anticipating or guessing people’s feelings. Despite trying, it’s one of these social things I can’t do. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and see how horrible this must have been for you.”
For the next part, he looks down at his glass as if holding my gaze is too much. “You know I’m not good with people, but I don’t think you know to what extent. I said some nasty things after the Halloween party, and I can’t apologize enough for them. I genuinely thought you were better off resenting me, and I didn’t think of how much I was hurting you. But now, I realize it was purely selfish. I preferred to know you hated me because I made you, rather than because of the way I am.”
I listen quietly, aware of how hard this must be for him. This is exactly what we need—him opening up and letting me into his complex mind. And he’s doing it of his own will, which means so much.
“More than ever, I know I don’t deserve you. I’m a fucking moron when it comes to those things, and I can’t help but worry I’ll end up doing it again. This, us , isn’t the best thing for you. I still think I’ll mess it up, one way or another. ”
He pauses, and I wait, preparing myself for the worst. His hands come together in a practiced motion to crack a knuckle—his middle finger first. Then another. And another. He keeps going, like it’s some kind of ritual, like it’s helping him work through something I can’t see.
Maybe he came here to let me down gently, after all, rather than to stand me up and leave me with some residue of hope. But when he looks up again, when his gaze meets mine, I know that’s not it. There’s doubt in his eyes, yes. But there’s also a promise. A determination.
“You’re the smartest person I know,” he continues, “so I have to believe you’re right. I have to trust you because I can’t trust myself or my judgment. But I promise, Andrea, I’ll do everything I can to be worthy of you. I don’t know how to date, be romantic, or be a… boyfriend.” He hesitates on the word, and I can’t even blame him for it. It definitely doesn’t suit him. It’s too puerile and ordinary in comparison to everything he is. “I’ve never done any of this, but I’m willing to learn. I’m willing to become what you need and deserve because I want you like I’ve never wanted anything in my entire life.”
I sniff ungraciously and blink a few times to chase away the tears gathering in my eyes. He’s willing to change for me, to become a better person. It means so much, but it isn’t what I actually need. “I don’t want you to be any different,” I counter.
“But I do. I want this to work, and I don’t want you to change your mind down the line,” he explains, his gray eyes intently fixed on mine. “But I need you to be indulgent with me. I will make mistakes, and it’ll take time, but I will get there, eventually. Will you be patient with me, Andrea?”
I nod without even needing to think about it. Of course, I’ll be patient. I still don’t think I want him to change in any way, but he needs that promise right now.
“Good,” he says with a nod, his shoulders sinking with a relieved sigh.
When he rolls up his sleeve to get more comfortable, I can’t help but eye the muscular forearm that reveals itself.
“So, what should we talk about?” he asks, moving on to the other side.
I force myself to think about it despite the distraction of his meticulous rolling. I crave to know more about him and understand who he is, but I don’t want to push him if he isn’t ready yet. He has to do it at his own pace. Maybe we can start with the good things before moving on to the bad stuff.
“Tell me about your friendship with Kevin,” I suggest, curious to know more about it. His face lights up at the mention of his oldest friend, and the shadow of a smile bends his lush lips .
“We met in eighth grade,” he starts, mindlessly toying with the napkin before him. “I’d already skipped a few grades and was turning ten—still a child by any means—but my classmates were already teenagers. Needless to say, I wasn’t very popular. But I had my comic books, so I didn’t mind. They kept me entertained during breaks and lunch. That’s how Kev first approached me. He came to me during a free period and asked if he could sit with me and read.”
Lex pauses and shakes his head, nostalgic. “Kev has always been selfless and kind. Kelex was his idea, you know. I wanted to start a video game company, but he suggested we build something more meaningful. To this day, I’m still convinced he only wanted to help out a lonely kid—especially since he was never that into comic books.”
I’ve always thought Kevin was a great guy, and hearing all this confirms it. Next time I see him in the Kelex hallway, I’ll hug him and thank him for his services.
“That became our thing,” Lex continues. “We didn’t even talk sometimes. He’d just sit with me and read one of my comics. It went on for a few weeks before things evolved into more.”
When the waitress appears by our side, Lex stops talking, and we watch as she sets down a wooden cutting board full of empanadas between us. “Here you go, guys,” she says with a smile. “The empanadas have numbers embossed on them, and you’ll find the list of fillings right here,” she explains, pointing at the leaflet menu in its holder.
Once she’s gone, Lex sends me a curious gaze, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. “Starving, were you?”
I cringe, looking down at the ten empanadas I ordered before he arrived. “Eating is my way of relieving stress,” I explain. Well, that, and slex, but I can’t have the latter. “And it was wishful thinking. I really, really hoped you’d come.”
“Well, good thing I did, then,” he teases.
We’re halfway into our first empanada when he continues his story.
“One day, I arrived at school with a botched buzz cut my mother had given me, which made me look bald, and—”
“Wait, you need to elaborate on how that happened.”
“There was a rumor of lice in my school, so my mother decided to protect herself and my sisters by cutting my hair off. I’m not sure if she messed up the clipper setting on purpose or not, but the results were the same. They began calling me ‘cancer kid,’ and all sorts of rumors were flying around. Kev, who was definitely too mature for a fourteen-year-old boy, told me he liked it because it made me look like Lex Luthor. I didn’t like that since I loved the superheroes, not the supervillains, but he made a compelling case. We’re both named Alexander, both geniuses, pariahs of society, misunderstood… ”
“My God, that’s adorable,” I can’t help but say.
“I’m not sure about ‘adorable,’ but it worked for me. Kev used to remind me that Lex Luthor could have done so much good if he didn’t despise Superman. He insisted I’d change the world one day because the chances of me finding a Kryptonian to loathe were slim,” Lex recalls with humor. I chuckle, trying to imagine the young pair having those existential discussions.
“Kevin is the one who started calling me Lex rather than Alex.”
I scrunch my nose at that. “You’re so not an Alex,” I say.
“I’m not?”
“No, it’s too… ordinary for you. Lex suits you perfectly.”
We’re on our third empanada when he resumes. “We became inseparable by the end of the year. He’d come to my home to read comics, and I’d go to his to play video games. That’s where I found my passion for them. Or rather, for programming them.” He winces at what comes next, and I lean in closer, eager to hear it. “I didn’t want us to be separated, so I began failing my classes so I wouldn’t skip another grade and leave him behind.”
“You did?”
“Yes. I thought I was being clever about it, but in the span of a week, I went from explaining things to the math teacher to not understanding the curriculum. My plan was so obvious it failed right away. There were some negotiations, and as long as I kept up with my courses, I’d be allowed to see Kev.”
“Given how you two are still very close, I’d venture it worked out.”
“It did, yes.”
We talk for a while, even after we’re done eating, and I can’t get enough of it. I can see a lot of my friendship with Kate in theirs. They’re basically siblings who grew up in different households.
When Lex tells me about one of their adventures that led to them falling over the railway of a mezzanine, I poorly hide my smile behind my glass.
“Does my past suffering amuse you?” he asks, feigning the condemnation in his voice.
“Not at all… It’s more the idea of the two very serious, very mighty Kelex owners playing cops and robbers.”
“It was over twenty years ago. TV had barely been invented, still soundless and black and white. All we had were wood sticks and rocks. And elastic bands to tie them together if we were lucky.”
I giggle, amused by his self-deprecation. “I keep forgetting you’re ancient.”
“Says someone who gets winded going up a single flight of stairs,” he retorts .
My jaw drops at the jab, but the playfulness in his eyes stops me from getting actually offended. “Yes, your stamina remains unmatched,” I concede.
I freeze at the double entendre, and Lex looks down with a grin he fails to hold back. I didn’t mean to allude to our sensual past, especially not since we’ve been making such fantastic progress.
Quickly, I find something else to say and put us back on track before things derail. “It’s funny that you came as Superman for Halloween, since you’re closer to his nemesis.”
He turns pensive, the crease between his brows making a return for the first time in a while. “I wanted to be the hero for an evening, instead of the villain. I thought, maybe if you saw me like that, you’d despise me a little less.”
We stare straight into each other’s souls, and something deep and meaningful passes between us.
I’ll never understand why Lex affects me so greatly. He can make me swoon with love, drip with lust, or, just like right now, melt with tenderness. He’s so ridiculously perfect, so absolutely touching, that I can’t understand why he doesn’t see it.
“I never despised you, Lex,” I truthfully say. “Not actually , at least.”
The warmth in his eyes makes me feel lighthearted. This could actually work out. Already, we’ve stepped into sharing and communicating, which feels momentous. More and more, I understand there was never another option than this. I was always coming back to him or him to me. What we have is unlike anything else.
“Was everything okay?” the waitress chimes in, breaking the moment.
I rip my eyes away from Lex’s entrancing gaze, looking at her instead. “Yes, it was delicious.”
“Do you want these in a bag?” she asks, pointing at the three empanadas we didn’t eat.
“Uh, yes. Sure.”
Lex insists on paying when she returns with our leftovers and the check. I don’t fight him on it, and once it’s sorted, we step out into the street together.
“I’ll walk you back to your place,” I offer.
“Chivalry demands I be the one walking you back to your car,” he counters.
I almost roll my eyes, smiling broadly at that. “That wasn’t a date, so there’s no need for chivalry.”
“Hm, true… I guess you can walk me back to my building, then. ”
I’m still grinning when we begin our journey. I almost forgot how effortlessly charming he can be. No wonder I fell completely in love with the man. I never stood a chance.
We don’t walk particularly slowly, but we aren’t fast either. It’s like we both want to linger in the moment. But we’ll have more moments, won’t we? This is a new start, the beginning of something even more transcendent than last time. This could be the first chapter of a new story. The dawn of a life together.
If it all goes well, of course.
We reach my car too soon for my liking, but it’s better that way. Another hour with him, and I’ll beg him to take me to his bed and fuck me until my legs give out. And we’re not doing that. Not yet.
“Well, that’s me,” I say with humor as I step by my car.
“Weren’t you taking me to my place?” he wonders, pointing over his shoulder at his building’s entrance.
“Ah, fuck, right. Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts.”
“It’s alright. I enjoy being chivalrous for you.”
“Only for me?”
His eyes narrow on me, his expression a little more serious than anticipated. “Yes, only for you, Andrea.” He pauses, and my heart flutters when his hand comes up to my face and grazes my temple. I’m almost hypnotized by his intense gaze as he tucks a stranded curl behind my ear, his gestures so tender it hurts. “No one else ever mattered before you, and no one will matter after you.”
Fuck …
“You’re not playing fair,” I say, my voice so feeble it’s embarrassing.
“That’s because I’m not playing. I never did with you.”
I legitimately lose the ability to speak. My throat is tight, and my tongue feels heavy in my mouth. This fucking man…
Something in his expression tells me he knows exactly what he did to me when he backs away. Not playing, my ass. Because I’m so fucking weak and starving for his touch and affection, I stare at his pink lips, wishing they could crash into mine.
He must understand exactly what I want, because he softly says, “Not until you ask me to.”
Then he stays right there, waiting for me to ask for that kiss I’m obviously craving. But we have to take this slow, and I promised myself I wouldn’t make it easy for him.
So I force myself to say, “Well, I guess I’ll see you on Monday.”
“Monday,” he approves with a nod.
Holding the bag of empanadas, I unlock my car and tug at the handle. It takes me a couple of tries before it opens, and I grimace. He’s frowning disapprovingly when I embarrassedly glimpse at him. “You need a better car.”
“It’s a great car,” I counter as I sit down.
“It isn’t. It’s an antique that belongs in a museum.”
“Let’s call it a collectible, then.”
I shut the door before he can answer and offer him a smile and a wave. He shakes his head, looking up to the sky, and I start the engine. We exchange one last wave before I’m on my way.
In the rearview mirror, I see that he stays right there, standing with his hands in his pockets the whole time, waiting for me to disappear at the end of the street. The entire drive home, I can barely shake my incredulous grin.
The day began with gloomy thoughts of leaving this city and starting another job so I’d never see Lex again. And now… Now I can’t wait for Monday, so I can see his stupidly gorgeous face and exchange stolen glances with him.
The whiplash is enough to make my head spin, but the underlying reminder of all that pain keeps me grounded. Yes, I hope we can make something work, but I can’t let that desire take over everything else. We had our issues then, and new ones have arisen with the mess of our breakup.
I won’t be as quick to give him my entire person this time. Or at least, I’ll try not to. But Lex has always been my kryptonite, so only time will tell.
There’s only so much a girl can take before she gives in and begs for some toe-curling, knee-shaking, and sheet-gripping slex .