The Passion

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

FELISHA

T he whole flight to Australia I sat in a trancelike state.

I can’t believe he would do that to me.

My own father used his daughter as a pawn in his game.

Staring out the window of the plane as it flew in over Sydney Harbour Bridge, exhaustion hit from no sleep. As much as I tried, I just couldn’t stop my brain from reliving things that had happened over the last few years that I was now looking at in a totally different way.

The last thing I wanted to do was change planes again to fly to Queensland where Flynn was, but I knew the moment I found him that I could truly fall apart. Until now, I have cried, yelled, and screamed, but I needed that full-on breakdown that I knew would have my body just collapse and let loose. I was saving that one all for Flynn. I don’t know how, but there is something about that man that makes me feel safe. I mean, for anyone looking at him from the outside, all they see is the superficial playboy that he chooses to show them. But he is so much more.

I can’t pinpoint why I am attracted to him so much, but I also know I can’t seem to shake it either.

There are so many reasons why we shouldn’t match at all together, yet the moment we are alone, behind closed doors, the world seems to stop spinning. And the only thing I know is that the man in front of me in that moment is someone who sees deep inside me to places I’m not even game to go sometimes.

That first night in the bar, I was just looking for a good time and so was he.

But I think we both knew it was so much more the moment he kissed me against that wall, as soon as we walked into my room.

What I hate so much, though, is that night will forever be soured by what my father did. He took away from us something that was so private and special, and I can never get that memory back. It will never be just ours but instead something half the world got to see. The moment that tape was released, I lost a large part of myself, or so I felt.

My dignity.

Something I have managed all my life to hold in high regard. Some may say I demand respect in the way I conduct myself, and I’m okay with that, but that night I was made to look like trash.

And that feeling can never be erased.

Exiting the plane and going through customs was horrendous. How do people do this when they travel? There were lines, with children who were tired and crying from being on a long-haul flight. Not to mention people who were complaining constantly about how long it was taking. I wanted to be one of those people, but to be honest, I didn’t even have the energy, and I just needed to blend in with the crowd.

I was here as Colleen Cuthbertson from Manchester. The name that Harper had picked for my passport was easy for me to remember. It was my mother’s middle name and Harper’s mother’s maiden surname. Two women I respected, and it made me feel fierce having part of them with me right now. The Manchester came from the football team that Harper supports. That part I couldn’t care less about, but it made me laugh because she wanted to be part of the girl code in my disguise. I have no idea how many international laws I’m breaking here, but thankfully, everything went smoothly as I finally cleared the customs line with nothing to declare. I mean, I don’t even have luggage except for my carry-on. To me that should scream red flag because what woman flies thirty-odd hours from home without at least three suitcases.

Just when I thought the economy seats were bad on the international flight from France, I was on the budget domestic flight from hell. Screaming babies around me, a toddler behind me that was constantly kicking my seat, and some guy next to me who wanted to start some conversation about how much he is looking forward to his holiday to see his boyfriend. That’s fantastic, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone or share my life story. I wished I had a book or something to make it look like I was busy, but my iPad was out of charge. I didn’t want to take my phone off airplane mode, which I’d turned on the moment we decided I was leaving the country. I don’t want to give anyone the ability to track me, and as far as my father knows, Harper and I took the private jet back to St. Tropez and are spending a few days switching off in my villa.

All I can pray is that this plan works, and it gives me the time I need to process everything, regroup, and work out my way of moving forward.

As much as I didn’t think I would sleep, the exhaustion finally claimed me, and I slipped into the blackness of my numbness and shut off my thoughts, if only for a few hours.

The moment I arrived at the resort, I felt like a robot just going through the motions. Finding Flynn, I let the words I had been carrying so close to my chest finally fall, along with my tears. And just like I imagined since the moment I stepped onto the plane in London to fly to Paris for the connecting flight, my protector took control, and I no longer needed to think.

I’m not sure his friends were as happy to see me, by the looks as sharp as daggers that they threw across the room at me, and I feel awful that it is the day of the wedding. But I couldn’t wait. The honest truth is there is no way I could function without Flynn, and that scares the hell out of me more than this whole scenario.

Because never in my life have I had to rely on anyone.

Until now… and of all people, it’s Flynn.

I stand in the hot shower, trying to wash off the disgusting filth that I feel all over me, and not just from the plane, and it gives me the space I needed to let go.

My hands on the wall of the shower, the drops of water are like hard needles hitting my back, and the tears that I didn’t even think I had enough of left are pouring out. The moment Flynn put his hands on my shoulders and asked me if I was ready to fight, I knew I was, but I have to find some strength first. I know I can do it, and by the time I land back on English soil, I’ll be ready to start slaying dragons, but now, I need to do the hardest part.

After the shower, I sit curled up in his lap. I just want to close my eyes and sleep, but I can’t. He deserves answers, and I want to give them, no matter how difficult this will be.

He is here pushing me to say the words that are trapped inside.

Sharing everything with Flynn that I have carried for such a long time is going to hurt. The only person who knows it all is Harper, and we hold each other up, but she can’t be the only one to help me this time. I need more than her.

And that is probably the hardest thing to admit to him, but I can’t stop the words from escaping me.

“I need you. Okay! I fucking need you.” I yell at him because I’m so annoyed and frustrated that I can’t do this on my own.

“Yes, you fucking do!” His reply is one of pure satisfaction that he has pushed me past the last barrier I had built up to keep him away.

I know it, and he knows it too.

There’ll be no going back from here. The moment his lips land on mine, I’m done.

For all the times I’ve thought about how much I want him, I now know it’s more than that. It’s a need I can’t ignore. My body has been yearning to be so close to his again.

No matter who I have been with, nothing compares to the way my whole nervous system has just ignited.

I’m struggling to breathe as he pulls away. I wasn’t ready for it to end, but he isn’t going to let me continue without getting more from me.

God damn this man. His dominance might be sexy as fuck, but I wish I didn’t fall so easily for it all the time.

I already feel weak and stupid, and now that I tell him that, already he is changing the narrative and showing me the strength in what I’ve done to get here. How can he be so prepared to be my champion when he doesn’t really know me? And then the penny drops in my head.

Just as I feel so safe with him and I can’t explain it, he feels the same about me. The connection isn’t a normal thing for either of us, but I need to open up and just accept it is what it is.

Flynn is my one, and I can’t change that.

So, it’s time to let him in.

“Now start talking, woman,” Flynn demands but in the softest way. I need force to make me do anything in my life, so he is using that knowledge against me but also running his hands over me to show me how much he cares and wants to take the weight of the burden I’m carrying.

“Shit, I can’t use my phone, and I need to let Harper know I made it safely.” I try to sit up a bit straighter to look for a landline phone.

“Already done. I messaged her when you took a shower. She said to tell you all is fine so far and that she loves you. You can use my phone anytime you want to talk to her. Tomorrow I’ll make sure you have a burner phone to use until you get home.” He is so on top of this, and I want to be annoyed at how bossy he is being, but it actually feels nice tonight.

“Thank you. I know I’m a lot to handle.” I relax back into his body again.

“Oh, that’s the understatement of the century, but do you hear me complaining?” I roll my eyes at him because we both know it won’t be long before he does.

“Stop deflecting,” he adds, and that cocky half-smile gets me every time. He is trying to relax me, but he’s not letting me get away with anything either.

Taking a deep soul-searching breath, I look up into his eyes. “I wish I even knew where to start. I’m so perplexed how everything has come to this.” He just waits for me to continue.

“Ummm… I need you to swear you will never use what I’m about to tell you against me or my family company in any way.” Because what I’m about to say opens us up to complete vulnerability to our competitors. He asked me to trust him, and strangely enough, I do, even though we don’t really know each other that well, and I feel this is going to test that trust more than I would have liked.

“Never. I would never hurt you like that.” He strokes his thumb gently down my cheek, and a small shiver runs through me at his gentle touch when I’m feeling so vulnerable.

“As I told you, on my fortieth birthday, I step in and take over the company as the chairman and controlling shareholder from my father. It’s a clause that was set up before I was born and one my father had ignored until he couldn’t any longer. I’m sure he was hoping I would have married, had children, and walked away from the business by now and he could have just continued on until I produced him a male heir.” Suddenly I can feel the words all starting to rush forward, and I want to get them out, to tell him everything. I have held onto this for too long.

“Why a male heir?” Flynn is looking at me, perplexed.

“Because I was a failure for being a girl, his words not mine.” Seeing the look in Flynn’s eyes, I know his anger is building quickly, and his body tenses underneath me.

Poor guy, he has no idea this is just the beginning.

“But despite being a woman who he pretends to the rest of the world he is so proud of what I have achieved in my career, it’s all for show. The reality is he believes that all I do and have accomplished is off the back of his success and money. Don’t feel sorry for me, I have known this all my life and accepted it a long time ago. But stupidly, I kept telling myself deep down that he still loved me even through his disappointment. Until now.” I try to hold back tears from coming forward. I want to get through this all before I start to crumble again.

I pause to collect my thoughts before I open my mouth again, and Flynn gives me space to take my time, not rushing me.

“This last year, though, I have felt things have shifted to a completely different level for him. Where there were snide remarks before, in the quiet of his home or his office, they started to get nastier, and he didn’t care who heard him. And then when the first email arrived about the video, he just verbally attacked me and was only worried about how it made him and the company look…”

Before I could continue, Flynn jumps in. “I wanted to come and rip his throat out that day on the phone. He’s lucky Rem and the guys held me back.” The look on his face and tension in his voice reminds me of a wolf ready to pounce. Takes me back to my teen years of watching those movies.

“It would have just made it worse.” My father would have lost total control, and his opinion of Flynn would have been worse than what it already was.

“Don’t fucking care,” Flynn grumbles like a child. It makes me want to laugh, but I don’t have the energy.

“I know, but you can’t overstep here. You just can’t.” He has to understand that I know my father better than anyone and what provokes him.

“Mhmm, we’ll see.”

“Flynn.” Why did I have to fall for someone as stubborn as I am?

“Keep going.” He’s not going to listen right now, and I can’t argue it either.

“I was quietly devastated he never once asked how I was and checked in if I was alright. Not like my mum who didn’t want to leave my side, but I couldn’t take her fussing, so I assured her I was okay. We both know I was far from okay back then. So, I pushed his disinterest aside, but when he just dismissed the whole thing by paying the money, even though we all asked him not to, I felt something seemed off. My father doesn’t part with his money easily, I can assure you, unless it’s for something he wants.”

I grew up materialistic because I didn’t know any differently. When I was younger, I was always showered with presents which I believed was them showing their love. I always thought they were from both my parents, but it wasn’t until later that I discovered it was all my mother, and if my father said anything, she shut him down. She was trying to love me enough for both of them.

“But then he started to discredit me in board meetings, and when a few of the board members stood up for me, he didn’t like it. So instead of backing down, it just got worse. And Harper then told me there were rumblings in the office that people were worried about the family dynamics between us. I again just dismissed this, thinking it won’t be long until he will be stepping down anyway and it will all settle. He was just being a typical grumpy old man who was making sure he went out with a bang.”

“And then D-Day happened, and the video leaked, like we all knew it would.” Sighing, the memory replays in my head.

“We were in a late-night board meeting on something that I didn’t think was important enough to keep everyone there at night for. Mid meeting, our head of security entered the room and whispered something to my father, and before I knew what had happened, he announced to the whole boardroom that a sex video of me was going viral on the internet.” And now, just like it did in that moment, I can feel my breathing getting a little rapid again. It’s like the memory of it is triggering a panic response.

“He didn’t even tell me in private…” My voice is barely above a whisper.

I know how angry Flynn is because I can feel his reaction in his body, but he is restraining from showing me. Instead, in his calm voice, he talks me back off the ledge.

“He can’t hurt you here, just take a deep breath. I won’t let him hurt you ever again. That’s it, slow it down, breathe in nice and deep… and let it out.” He brings his hand to my chest over my heart. “I will protect this…” He kisses me lightly on my temple.

There is something about this man that is like he has a magic touch. His voice, his touch, and just his presence wrapping around me is like a sensation I have never known before.

I gulp down the hurt again. I want to keep going. Nodding to him, I thank him for his reassurance.

“I was crushed. But I didn’t show it. I kept up my stony face and proceeded to apologize to the rest of the board members as my father scoffed at my words. Then when I collected my things to leave the room, he just casually dropped that perhaps they needed to evaluate my capability to take over the company in light of the way I had just tarnished the business’s name and reputation. And then to finish the day off, later when he turned up at my home, he proceeded to tell me he wished I was never born.”

“Bastard.” Flynn has given up trying to mumble his comments and is now just voicing his hate for my father, and I can’t blame him.

“The next week, as you know, was a terrible time, but I made it through the other side of it, and every day I still shudder every time I get an alert of my name being mentioned on the internet. But I have pushed forward, not let anyone see the real embarrassment I feel.”

“If I could take that away for you, I would. It’s still burnt inside of me that I couldn’t find who did it, but this is just monstrous.” I can tell the pain he is feeling is getting more intense the more I tell him.

“I turned my hurt into anger and used it to fuel me. I have worked hard and earned my spot in this company, it’s not just been handed to me because I’m a Kentwall. I don’t give a fuck what he was telling people, I’m going to take over as the chairman and owner of Kentwall Estates on my birthday, and then I will show him the door with the pointiest Jimmy Choo I own.”

“Now there’s my girl.” His deep laugh brings a half-smile to my face.

“I didn’t trust him after that day, so Harper and I have been digging into everything we can think of to see if there is something we could find on him. I know two wrongs don’t make a right, but if he was going to try to turn them against me, I need ammunition. I wasn’t taking this lying down. Sadly, there are many things that have made me shudder, and I haven’t pieced it all together yet. But the more I looked, it all started to make sense. He doesn’t want me taking over the company because he is hiding something. But the final straw was when I snuck into his home office, when I may or may not have dropped a sedative into his port that he was drinking with a few of the men at his home to celebrate his birthday a few days ago. Just enough to make him sleepy and need to call it a night and then sleep so deeply he wouldn’t hear anything. As much as I didn’t want to be there, I turned up as the dutiful daughter they all think I am. I made an appearance with some chocolate truffles from Harrods and his favorite port, encouraging them all to share a toast.”

“Fuck, remind me not to cross you.” He is mocking me now, trying to lighten the moment, knowing there is something heavy coming.

“I thought you knew that from the moment we met.” I poke my finger into his chest.

“Oh, the only thing I knew the instant you turned and faced me that night was that I was in trouble, and no matter how much I knew I should, I couldn’t force myself to walk away.”

“I bet now you wish you did.” I shrug. For a woman who felt so put together and in control, I have turned out to be a complete mess in Flynn’s life.

“Fuck no!” He almost makes me jump off his lap with the forcefulness in his voice.

“Okay, whatever. Anyway, after all his guests left and I helped him into his bedroom, explaining he must be coming down with some virus, I waited until he started snoring, then I went searching. It felt so wrong to be going through his things, but there was this feeling in my stomach that I had to keep looking. Finally, I found a false bottom in a drawer in the cabinet that holds all his industry trophies. His shrine, I call it. There were three things in there.” I shudder at the images in my mind.

“It’s okay, you can tell me.”

It’s not that I’m embarrassed to tell Flynn, it’s that it’s just hard to say it.

“The first was a gun, which shocked me. I can’t imagine my father with one. I mean, what the hell would he need one for?” My mind is still baffled by this. We have security for a reason, but the threat is not really for that sort of danger. It’s more for the unwanted attention, opportunists who target our wealth, but not so much from violence.

Flynn doesn’t look as shocked as I was about this, which makes me think that’s a talk we need to have later.

“I still can’t process the second thing, but it does explain my father a bit more.” A tear escapes down my cheek for a secret he has kept from me for most of my life and probably will take to the grave. “An envelope with an ultrasound picture, a paternity test, and a non-disclosure statement from a lawyer signed by a Jennifer Nation that she would never disclose to anyone about the baby boy, Ewan Kentwall the Second, that she was pregnant with and had lost at twenty-two weeks. My father had a son when I was nine years old, from an affair, I’m guessing, and he didn’t survive. I had a brother…” A few more lonesome tears fall. “And all he did was pay her money to keep her mouth shut and go away. That poor woman.” Just another victim to my father’s awful cruelty, but I don’t have the emotional strength to properly mourn this news.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, which is what I need to let that news settle over both of us. What Flynn must think of my father now I can only imagine.

But I just want this over.

“The third thing was a thumb drive. It took a while, but I cracked the passcode to be the date of death of the baby.” Looking into Flynn’s eyes, I can see he is already guessing what was on the thumb drive. “Yes, it was all the footage from my motel room.” Dropping my head, I’m embarrassed to say the next part, which I shouldn’t be, but I know it’s not something he is going to want to hear, because if the shoe was on the other foot, I know it would gut me.

“Ummm… and… there’s more than one video on there.” I try to push up off his body so I can put distance between us before he starts looking at me like the slut my father told me I was.

“No! Don’t.” He holds me tighter with one arm, and his other hand grasps my chin, lifting my head to look up at him. Not letting me hide in my shame.

“We have both slept with other people. We know that, and it’s perfectly normal. Do I ever want to see those videos? Fuck no! Am I at the point that I want to go and use your father’s own gun and shoot him with it? Abso-fucking-lutely. Am I gutted that this has happened to you? Yes, and I can’t even describe how bad that feeling is right now. But do I care that you had sex with someone else when we weren’t together? No, baby, I don’t. Would I love that you had never had another man touch you ever, only me. Of course, that’s my fantasy, but it’s not reality, and I’d be a huge hypocrite for being upset about it.”

Before I can say anything, Flynn leans forward and starts kissing me ever so softly on my lips, making my brain almost short circuit after his words.

I just want more. I try to deepen the kiss, but he starts to pull away.

Only the smallest of distance but enough that he makes sure I can understand what he is saying.

“But no more. No one touches what’s mine.”

This time the kiss is hard and more forceful, but again, too short.

“Because you, Felisha Kentwall, are mine, whether you are ready to accept it or not.”

His hand slips around to the back of my neck and pulls me against his lips, taking me in a kiss that can only be described as claiming.

I gasp for air as he finally lets me go, and I’m about to open my mouth to talk, but he beats me to it.

“There are only two words I want to hear.” He places his finger on my lips, so I continue to hold off talking as he mouths the words he wants me to repeat back to him.

All the fight and reasons I had to push him away are gone, and here in this room where I have laid myself as bare as any woman can be, I say what I’ve always known, just tried to ignore.

“I’m yours.”

And this time, it’s me taking him in a kiss that is trying to tell him every feeling that has been buried deep down inside me since that night in the bar.

Feelings I can’t fight anymore… and nor do I want to.

This time, I’m not stopping with the kiss.

Until three knocks on the door ruin the moment, and we pull apart.

“Ughhh… Fuck off, we’re busy,” Flynn yells as we lean our foreheads against each other’s.

“That’s okay, nothing we haven’t seen already,” a man’s voice calls out from behind the door.

“Rem, too soon!” another man’s voice grumbles loud enough we can hear it, and I can’t help but start laughing.

“Welcome to the madness, beautiful.” Flynn shakes his head, and I can’t stop giggling which I didn’t even think was possible today, but it’s a nice change. Then the door opens whether we like it or not.

I watch four men walk into the room that I have a feeling are about to become my greatest allies instead of my strongest adversaries.