The Passion

Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

FELISHA

I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep as I wake up to the familiar sound of the jet engines and the very faint vibration through my body.

Although a different model, this plane is very similar to mine, and the bed is just as comfy. Or maybe it’s just how tired I was.

Part of me is disappointed that I didn’t wake up in Flynn’s arms, but at least I know he isn’t far away. Not like he can leave when we are at forty-five thousand feet above the ground.

I should get up and find him, but I just want a moment to collect my thoughts. I don’t feel like I’ve had a chance to do that. On the flight to Australia, I was too distraught and just trying to hold it together until I could get to Flynn. I’m a strong woman, but I think finding out what I did a few days ago would break anyone.

I know I’ve asked for help, and I’m happy to accept it, but I don’t want to lose control of this. It’s my father and my company. I’m the one who has the most to lose here, so I need to be making the decisions.

I don’t know how to handle the situation of Flynn with my father or the general public. I’m not sure I can take the extra stress of the media storm that will happen if we step out as a couple after all the mayhem of the video. And my father, Christ, that will be just another reason for him to discredit me to the board, and then in private with just the two of us, he’ll tell me how trashy I am and such a disappointment.

I often think how amazing the brain is. Growing up I managed to convince myself that my father loved me. Ignored the clues and red flags to his toxic traits. And he was probably also conscious of his actions to camouflage them, knowing that he needed me to be around, as I was the only heir to the family fortune. Well, until he worked out how he was going to stop that fortune from coming to me. Still, as much as he has done to hurt me, try to ruin my reputation, and what he did to my mother, part of me still can’t let go and completely stop loving him. There will always be that little girl inside me that is clinging to hope that one day he will wake up and realize that he does love me. Even just a tiny twinge would be enough. I would grasp onto that sprinkling of crumbs he threw out, like someone who hadn’t eaten in days.

One thing I’m sure about right now is that Flynn and I have to keep this private, and we can’t be seen together. I have to continue to look like I hate him, and he has to continue to look like the playboy the world sees him to be. But I swear if he touches another woman more than just being polite, I will show my true colors. He thinks he has seen them, but not even close. I know I want both sides of the coin, to keep us hidden and play the game, but the flip side of not letting anyone near him either.

He isn’t going to like this one bit, but it’s the only way.

Finally standing and walking into the bathroom in the plane’s bedroom, I take one look at myself in the mirror and don’t recognize the woman before me.

I look like I’ve been to hell and back.

This has to stop now. I’m stronger than this.

And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let my father win.

Pulling my shoulders back, I stand up taller after using the toiletries that the flight attendant has kindly left out for me. The woman I see now in the same mirror is much more like the normal me.

Finally happy with looking half decent, I know it’s time to go out to talk to Flynn. He may at least be calmer and listen if it’s in front of Forrest. I don’t really know Forrest, but he seems like a decent man, and if he’s Flynn’s brother, then I trust him with all the awful things that my life seems to center around currently.

What I wasn’t expecting was to walk out to both men in their seats, reclined and sleeping soundly. It looks like I wasn’t the only one who struggled with lack of sleep last night. Not wanting to disturb them, I continue to walk through the cabin to where the galley is, and the two-cabin crew are standing talking. There are days like the ones in the last week I’ve had that make me look at them and how happy and stress-free they seem in their job.

“Oh, Ms. Cuthbertson, our apologies, we didn’t realize you were awake. Can we get you something to eat or drink? We can bring it to you if you want to take your seat,” Devlin, the crew member standing closest to me, says with a big smile on his face. Not a fake one, but a genuine happy one where he doesn’t seem to have a care in the world right now. I have forgotten what that feels like.

“No apology necessary. I didn’t want to wake the two walruses in the back who are competing for who can snore the loudest. Plus, I like to walk around a bit while I fly, good for the body and helps with jet lag.”

I couldn’t tell them that my body is probably going through hell right now being on my second long-distance flight in the last forty-eight hours. Although being flight attendants, they probably do this all the time, but their body would be used to it. I fly a lot, sometimes too much for work, but never this far. They are short flights across Europe or the United Kingdom. I’ve been to Australia once as a child, but that’s all, and I don’t really remember that flight. Knowing my mother, she probably gave me something to help me sleep so it was easier on me. Not that it was ever hard on a private jet. Let’s be honest, I had no idea how the other half lived until yesterday, and I don’t want to go back there. Call me a snob, I don’t care. I don’t ever look down on people, not like my father does, my mother brought me up better than that. But that doesn’t mean I want to give up my privileged place in life.

My father’s money and status might have dealt me this hand in life, but since the age of eighteen, I have worked extremely hard to grow my own wealth and the family business. So, if anything, the value of the business today is due to my father’s and my equal efforts, and I at least should be entitled to half of it. That’s the stupid part of this whole shit storm. I never wanted to cut my father out of the business side. I would have happily taken control and had him right by my side and continued to work together.

But now, the moment I take the role as CEO and owner of Kentwall Estates, I will happily have him escorted from the building and block his access from all computer and security levels across the whole business. Meaning if he wants to stay in one of our hotels, the bastard can pay like every other person.

I realize my mind is wandering when I see both the cabin crew looking back at me, waiting for me to speak again.

“Actually, a cup of strong English breakfast tea would be lovely and maybe a sneaky chocolate, even though I shouldn’t.”

“What happens in the air stays in the air.” Christie, the other air steward, laughs as she pulls out a tray with a vast array of chocolates to choose from. “Take whatever catches your fancy, I won’t tell.” I can’t help but laugh. It’s the simple things that can break the tension I’m feeling.

“I make decisions on huge business deals every day, yet why does it seem like a major life decision right now choosing between chocolates.” And although I’m making a joke, it’s the truth.

“They will still be here if you want more later on.” Christie smiles at me as I take two from the container. I’m sure they are more used to serving champagne and caviar, but a cup of tea and chocolate will do me nicely right now.

Settling back in my seat next to Flynn, quietly so as not to disturb him, Devlin places my tea on the tray and walks away without saying a word.

That first sip is like liquid gold. Like the comfort of home.

Sitting in silence is not the best for me at the moment, because it allows my brain to race. So, hearing Flynn starting to stir and his eyes blinking open is a relief. Seeing me sitting next to him startles him, and he sits up straight instantly.

“Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep for this long.” He rubs his hands over his face and through his hair, trying to wake himself up quickly. It’s such a simple thing, but he looks hot as hell doing it.

This is when I love Flynn the most. When he is soft and not trying to put on any front for the rest of the world. I have only seen it a few times, but this real Flynn, that I’m not sure many people know, is gentle, thoughtful, and full of kindness. I feel special that he has chosen me to share this side of himself with.

“It’s okay, I’m fine. I had a good sleep too. Guess we both needed it.” I lean over and lay my head on his shoulder because I just needed some physical contact with him.

“We may have a good reason, but what’s his excuse?” We look over at Forrest who is certainly still out to it.

“You don’t know what your brother was up to last night…”

Flynn is quick to cut me off. “Unless it was work, which in all honesty it probably was, but if it wasn’t, I don’t want to know.”

We both keep our voices soft, trying not to wake Forrest.

Flynn opens his arms wide. “Come over here.” He wants me in his lap, and I can’t say I’m disappointed.

I’ve never been much of a cuddler, but with this man, something is different. If I had a choice, I would spend as much time as possible wrapped in his strong embrace. It calms me, makes me feel like I matter.

“Are you really okay? I know you.” And I think he truly does.

“Not really, but I will be, it’s just going to take time.”

“I know, princess.” He kisses me on the forehead which has now become my favorite kind of kiss. It’s so tender and really does make me feel precious to him.

“Why do you call me princess?” I have always wondered since that first time it slipped from his lips.

A smile spreads on his face at me reminding him of his term of endearment.

“To the business world, you are a queen reigning over your company and all around you, but to me, you are so much softer than what the world sees. All the beauty and the strength of the woman in charge, but some days, you just want to step aside and be you. And I’m the lucky one who gets that realness of the woman behind the queen. So, you are my princess and mine alone.” He almost looks like he is embarrassed by his words, but to me, they mean the world. He sees me, and that’s all that matters.

I take in a deep breath of that same scent that caught me off guard the night we met in the bar, and my body is already reacting in ways I don’t need it to right now.

“We need to talk,” I blurt out, trying to find a distraction from the heightened awareness of being so close to his body and that damn scent which works like a spell on me.

“Every man’s favorite words…” I can feel the tension creeping into his body.

“Oh, just men? The same feeling happens to us too, you know.” Damn men think it’s all about them in this world.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” And he probably didn’t, but I’m touchy at the moment and anything will probably make me react defensively. Flynn’s looking at me like he is trying to work out my mood and where my head is at.

“Whoa, okay, let’s talk. There is obviously something you need to get off your chest.” Flynn is already picking up my anxiousness from my reactions.

“You aren’t going to like what I have to say, but you need to listen and think about this logically and not react straight away.” Without giving him time to say anything, I launch into my next words.

“We can’t be together…”

“What the fuck! I told you last night this bullshit is over. I’m not letting you go!” His yell has Forrest’s eyes opening wide, and he sits up, ready to fight whoever is attacking.

But I can’t be worrying about Forrest when I need to be yelling at Flynn.

“I told you to listen and don’t react, and I didn’t even get more than four words out and you are yelling at me, asshole. Now shut up and let me finish.”

Flynn huffs, and I can hear Forrest sniggering off to the side, but my focus is on the man who has steam coming out of his ears and is ready to lose his mind in front of me.

“What I was trying to say is we can’t be together as far as my father or the rest of the world knows, until this is all over. We can’t afford the media attention, and I can’t give my father any more ammunition to use against me.” I take a breath after trying to say it all quickly so that he wouldn’t interrupt me again.

“Oh, great, so I’m going to be your dirty little secret.” The frown lines on his forehead tell me he isn’t too keen with the idea. At first, I thought he was saying it as a joke because that’s what Flynn does, but his serious face tells me there are no jokes being thrown around now.

“No, it’s not like that. We just have to be smart about this.” I’m almost pleading with him to trust me on this. “I know my father. He will use you against me, and I can’t afford to have the one person I care about and who is in my corner to be hurt because of me. I worry that in order to get to me, he will hurt you or any of your friends and family.” I sigh at the realization of what I’m coming to terms with. “To be honest, I’m only just beginning to understand that I don’t truly know my father or what he is capable of, and that is a scary thought.”

“I’m not worried about me,” Flynn says with the softness of how much he cares. The gentle way he places his hand on my cheek so I’m looking at him shows me that his full attention is on making sure I understand how much he means it.

“And don’t you worry about all of us.” Forrest’s voice reminds me that he is here too. “Let him try. We are stronger than anything he wants to throw at us.”

In my heart I’m swooning at these two men, but I know I can’t let that sway my thoughts.

“You may think it’s okay now, but I can’t take the extra worry of protecting you all too when I’m so busy watching my own back.”

The deep growl that comes from Flynn is almost like he is in pain.

“I’m here to protect you, not the other way around.” Not caring that Forrest is right beside us, Flynn pulls my face to him and his lips are on me. The kiss is hard, passionate, and reaffirms his claiming of me.

As much as I want to keep going and kiss him back the way he is taking me, I’m embarrassed at having his brother watch us.

Pulling away, I pant at the lack of oxygen. “Flynn, be considerate.”

“He doesn’t care,” Flynn declares.

“Not the point.” I try to push up now to put some distance between us. It’s the only way he is going to listen to anything I’m trying to tell him.

I glare at him to make my point.

“Fine.” He glares in protest as he lets me go.

I stand and walk through the cabin, trying to get my nerves to settle and ignore my longing to run away from all this turmoil.

“Look, Flynn, you have to do this my way. This is my problem, and I know my father, well, most of the time, and what the best way to handle him is.”

“I understand that, but I want you with me. I want you in my bed at night and to wake up with you in the morning, knowing that I’m giving you strength to get through this.”

“Christ, you can’t just soothe me with sex every night.” The moment the words are out of my mouth, I’m already regretting them.

“Oh fuck, you two are perfect together.” Forrest laughs.

Both of us glare at him at the same time, and then Flynn’s head is whipping back around to face me.

“Is your opinion that low of me that you think this thing between us is just about sex?” He stands, and I can see the frustration that is pushing toward anger is radiating off him.

“I didn’t say that! Don’t put words in my mouth!” Now this discussion is not going in the direction it was supposed to.

“You may as well have,” Flynn spits back at me.

Both of us have body language that shows we are on the defensive. My hands are on my hips, and his arms are crossed tightly across his body like he is almost sulking. We stare at each other while we are trying to work out how to back out of this argument that has been created out of nothing. It’s what happens when you are both stressed and navigating something so new.

“Okay, both of you sit the fuck down and let’s talk rationally about this,” Forrest says, looking down at his watch. “We still have ten hours left to sort it out, and I’m not listening to you two carry on like this for the rest of the flight.”

I want to be embarrassed that Forrest is stepping in, but I can’t be. Because truth be known, I think Flynn and I could keep going like this for quite a while, and that’s not helpful to anyone. Plus, I don’t want to hurt him, and that’s all this would lead to.

Not stupid enough to sit back in Flynn’s lap, I take the seat across from him so I’m looking at both him and Forrest. I can see the wheels in Flynn’s brain turning, debating giving in to me and the order from his brother.

Men and their egos kill me.

Finally, he gives in and sits down, but his arms are still crossed, and he is not happy.

Taking a deep breath, I try again with what I was trying to say.

“We can’t be seen together, not until this is all over, but it doesn’t mean we can’t try to meet up in private.”

He is still glaring at me, holding his tongue and not saying anything.

“I don’t know how we will do it, but I’m sure we can work it out. But everything has to remain the same as it was before I flew to Australia. You are the quintessential English high-society playboy, and I’m the British heiress who has a stick up her ass most days and very much dislikes you.”

“She’s perfect. Marry her,” Forrest blurts out with a smirk.

“I will be,” Flynn growls as Forrest is still talking.

“Because I’ve never seen anyone put you in your place like this. She’s good for you.”

“Whoa! We are far from talking marriage, you Neanderthals. You don’t just go out find a woman and tell her she is getting married. We are far from the Stone Age. Who’s to say I ever want to get married.” Standing up for myself is easy for me, but try convincing the woman inside me that is clutching her heart, knowing if Flynn asked properly at the right moment, I’d be blurting out yes before I could stop myself. There is something about this man that I can’t deny the gravitational pull to.

“Keep thinking that. You women drive me crazy. You want it all! The space to be the strong independent woman, which I am all for, but when we try to be men, in the way our DNA is designed, we get shot down. I don’t want to squash any woman’s life, but when I find the woman that neither you nor I can deny is my equal, then I’m not holding back from making my intentions clear. And yes, I will want to protect her, mind, body, and soul, because that’s what good men do. We aren’t all assholes in this world.”

Okay, I’m not sure where that came from, but somehow, I’ve pushed a button I didn’t know was there.

Flynn’s words echo in my mind for a few moments, and I can actually see what he is trying to say. And I’m probably one of those women. I have pushed so many men before him away when they wanted to move to dating in a more serious way. And by the sounds of it, he has had similar experiences too. I’ve started to see the man behind the playboy image, and the more I get to know him, the more I’m certain the Casanova Flynn is all a front. Let’s be honest, we all have a little insecurity inside us. Even the strongest personalities have it, they just hide it better than most.

Flynn is one of those people, and so am I.

They say that opposites attract, but in our case, I think it’s two people who understand the other person so well because it’s like looking in a mirror. We are the same, and only time will tell if that is a good or a bad thing.

“Okay, look, we are getting off track of the important thing we need to sort out.” I change the course of the conversation before we start yelling again. “It’s this simple.”

Taking a breath, I get ready to lay out the non-negotiable conditions for the next few months.

“There is no meeting in public unless it is at a public function, and even then, we don’t associate with each other, just be polite. But we need to work out how we can see each other in private.” I haven’t pushed the point that we can’t risk it being too often, because I know that will be like poking the bear.

I wait to see if he has anything to say, but silence is all that is around us. Just the hum of the jet engines filling the void.

I can see Flynn is thinking how to respond, but before he is ready, Forrest has something to add.

“I may have an option, but it’s not an every-night thing. You could use my apartment, but it would take some coordinating and the help of your friend Harper.”

Both Flynn and I are looking at him intently.

“There is an apartment in my building that has become vacant. If Harper rents it, then Felisha would have a reason to be in the building to visit. On the nights you want to meet up, Flynn and I can swap cars, and I’ll stay in his spare room, and you guys can use my apartment, but I swear to God, if you sleep in my bed I will kill you.”

My mind is racing as to whether this would even work. The paparazzi aren’t stupid, but then I realized that they aren’t really chasing us at the moment. Sure, they are snapping pictures when they see us out at functions, but we aren’t that interesting currently. It’s mainly my father that we are trying to hide from, and hopefully he won’t even be worrying about looking, although that is probably just wishful thinking.

“Why would Harper be renting an apartment there?” I ask, trying to think of all the possible questions that would be asked.

“Surely, she needs something renovated in her home that she needs to move out for. Christ, don’t you women like to change things all the time? Flynn can pay for the contractors if needed.” Forrest looks like he is really getting invested in this now.

“Can I?” Flynn still has his grumpy face on, but he’s determined to keep calm while Forrest is getting satisfaction at how uncomfortable his brother looks right now. “Fine, I’ll buy the damn apartment if it means I get to see you. Why does Harper have to move into it?”

“Oh my God, stop sulking and thinking with your dick. Felisha needs a reason to be visiting the apartment, and if you by chance get caught there, you are just visiting me. But it won’t work if Harper isn’t living there. Seriously, sometimes I wonder how we are brothers.” Forrest shakes his head, and I can tell it is irritating Flynn more.

“Don’t be a twat,” Flynn grumbles.

“Well, that is more gracious than I expected,” Forrest replies, and it just makes it worse.

The more I think about it, the more I see it could work if we were careful.

“I would have to ask Harper. I can’t expect her to turn her life upside down just for me. She is already too far buried in this drama.” I know she will say yes, but I don’t want her to feel pressured. “And I will pay for anything that needs paying. This is my mess.”

Forrest shakes his head. “I don’t know her, but by the sounds of what she has already done to help you, this is a piece of cake. I mean, sorting out a fake passport and getting you out of your apartment that night the video released, undetected, tells me she has your back and is more than just your employee.” He leans back into his chair more comfortably now, as he is confident that we might have found part of a solution to appease his brother. I think Forrest understands what I’m trying to say about the issue of being together and has a more level head.

Flynn sighs. “She’ll do it. She loves you. I have enough text messages from her to show me how important you are to her and what she will do to me if I hurt you. Sadly, I’m not the one she needs to play bulldog with.”

I try not to laugh at what Flynn’s saying, imagining what Harper has said to him. I know I keep saying Flynn is the only one in my corner, but really, I have two people. Harper has been there from the beginning, but it is a different kind of comfort than I feel from the man sitting agitated across from me right now.

For Flynn, he is so full of emotions, good and bad, and I understand that too.

Flynn just wants to protect me.

Forrest wants to protect Flynn.

And I just want to protect everyone. Including myself.

I know I want to be with Flynn, but I need to take this slowly. I can’t give my heart away to him. Not yet, anyway. There is too much happening around us to know if this is truly real. Or is it just an attraction because we are in this together?

Have I got a bit of a savior complex?

But all it takes is one look at him and the way his eyes light up, although full of frustration; there’s something else there.

And if I’m honest with myself, I know I feel it too.

I fell that first night in my hotel room but have been too busy denying it all this time.

My heart is something I have held sacred for so long, and even though I could have fallen for Fulton Anderson, with all his smooth talk and the way he treated me, it just didn’t feel right.

He wasn’t Flynn, and it seems he’s the only man my heart is prepared to take a risk on.

I just have to get my head on board too.

“Okay, it’s a start. I’ll talk to her when we land and then go from there.” Standing from my seat, I walk over to Flynn, standing between his legs to lean down and kiss his pouty lips.

“But remember, it can’t be all the time. Only when you get desperate to see me.”

Looking up at me, finally a half-smile is starting to creep on his lips. “So, every night. Pack your bags, Forrest, you are moving into my apartment,” Flynn grumbles and then, grabbing my face in his hands, he drags my face to him and kisses me hard.

I don’t know what will be harder, pretending with my father that I don’t know his secrets, or keeping away from Flynn.

Why are the men in my life so painful!