Chapter 13
CHAPTER 13
Fiona
I sat stiffly in the passenger seat of my ma’s new Jaguar, a gift from my da for her birthday in January.
While my parents never showed affection to each other, my dad expressed his care for her with jewels, furs and new cars, and my ma reciprocated by backing him in all decisions.
My arms were folded tightly across my chest as she drove down the narrow lane leading across Glenhaven to the main road.
The sky was still heavy with morning mist following a brief shower, casting the fields in a sleepy haze.
I eyeballed the barns with longing, as I was supposed to run Glenhaven’s steeplechase course.
This had been planned for days as my da was away on business and I went to sleep last night dreaming of flying over jumps on Brannagh.
I dreamt of Tommy too and that thought brought a tiny smile to my face.
No steeplechase today, though.
Ma woke me and Siobhan up and announced we were going to Dublin for a two-day shopping trip I wanted no part of.
Siobhan squealed with glee as she loved buying new clothes like she loved oxygen.
I tried to protest, stating I didn’t need anything, but Ma wouldn’t have any of it.
She was on a mission on my father’s behalf.
“Yer attending the festival with Brian and ye need something pretty to wear.”
I clenched my teeth, bile rising in my throat at the memory of last night’s phone call.
My da had hovered while I sat on the edge of the settee in his study, holding the heavy black receiver in my hands, my fingers trembling as I dialed.
Brian answered on the second ring, his voice too cheery, too expectant.
I forced myself through the conversation, inviting him to the Heritage Festival as my father instructed, feeling like every word out of my mouth was a betrayal—to myself, to the future I wanted, to the flicker of hope I had with Tommy.
Brian had been delighted, of course, and I could hear the smugness in his tone as he said he’d pick me up at six.
My father gave a satisfied nod and turned away, already considering the matter settled.
My fists were now clenched in my lap, my mother oblivious beside me, and Siobhan sat quiet in the back seat.
I stared out the window, my vision blurred with frustration until something up ahead snapped me back to the present.
Tommy.
He was leading a horse from the track, his sure hand keeping the prancing horse in line.
He wore a faded blue henley with the sleeves pushed up to his forearms, a color that did wonders for his eyes.
Loose strands of dark hair fell into his face and I could imagine the easy way he murmured to the horse, his hand running along its neck in a soothing rhythm.
Before I could think, I lurched forward in my seat and slapped the dashboard.
“Stop the car!”
My mother startled, hitting the brakes with a gasp.
“Fiona! What on earth—”
I shoved the door open before the car had fully stopped, ignoring her protest as I bolted toward Tommy.
He noticed me immediately, his brows lifting in surprise as he slowed the horse.
“Fi?”
“I can’t stay,” I blurted breathlessly as I stopped just short of him.
“I have to go to Dublin with my mother for two days, and I don’t want to. I was supposed to ride steeplechase today, but she insisted, and I couldn’t say no. And—” My words tumbled over themselves, but I couldn’t stop them.
“Last night, my da made me call Brian and invite him to the festival. I had to do it, Tommy. I didn’t want to. I wanted to go with ye.”
The weight of it all—this suffocating feeling of being pushed and pulled into a life I didn’t want—swelled in my chest.
Tommy’s expression tightened, his gaze flicking past me to the car, where my mother sat watching, although I didn’t dare look back at her.
His hands stayed steady on the reins, his stance casual, but I could see the tension in his jaw.
“What can I do to help?” he asked simply.
I swallowed hard, my shoulders slumping.
“I don’t know.” My voice cracked.
“I’m just sorry. Sorry I’m being made to go through this, sorry ye have to watch it. Most of all, I’m sorry I didn’t have the guts to tell my da no. I feel like my life is out of control.”
Tommy exhaled slowly, then nodded.
“Don’t worry about it, Fi. You’ll figure it out.” His features softened, a small smirk tugging at his lips.
“I hope to at least see your pretty face at the fair.”
I managed a weak smile.
With reluctance weighing my every step, I turned back to the car, feeling more dejected than ever.
As soon as I slid into the seat, my mother’s scrutiny began.
“Who was that?” she demanded.
“No one,” I muttered, slamming the door.
“Just a visiting worker.”
Siobhan snorted from the back seat, but I ignored her, staring out the window as my mother pulled onto the road.
Silence stretched for several minutes before she spoke again, her tone sharp with suspicion.
“He didn’t look like just a worker to me.”
I turned my face toward the glass, biting my tongue.
A sigh left her lips, and then, as if to test me, she said, “Brian is yer best choice, Fiona. Not some stable hand.”
I snapped my head around, my patience fraying.
“Tommy isn’t a stable hand. His family owns the largest saddlebred farm in the United States.”
My mother stiffened, her fingers tightening around the wheel.
“What?”
I crossed my arms, lifting my chin.
“His family breeds and trains horses. Their farm dates back generations. He’s here working with Uncle Rory, who went to college with Tommy’s da.”
For a moment, she looked genuinely shocked.
Then her face darkened.
“I don’t care who his family is. Ye need to forget about that boy.”
Anger flared in my chest.
“Why? Because Da says so?”
“Because it’s yer duty,” she snapped.
“Yer duty is to this family.”
My pulse pounded in my ears, my frustration bubbling over.
“What about what I want? Don’t ye want me to be happy? To fall in love?”
Her expression didn’t soften.
If anything, it hardened further.
“Love has nothing to do with it.”
I gaped at her.
“How can ye say that?”
She stared ahead at the road, her voice flat.
“Because I know. Yer father and I… our marriage was arranged, Fiona. I barely knew him when we wed.”
A cold chill crept over me.
She glanced at me, her face unreadable.
“As women, we do our duty, and in return, we are taken care of. That is how it works. That is how it has always worked. Brian will provide ye with a life of luxury.”
“I want more than that,” I whispered.
“It doesn’t matter what ye want.”
A lump formed in my throat.
“That’s not fair.”
My mother exhaled, her lips pursing.
“No, it isn’t. But it is what it is. And as the eldest, it falls on ye to fulfill that obligation.”
I turned away from her, my chest tight, my hands clenched in my lap.
Siobhan shifted uncomfortably in the back seat and then I felt her hand sneak up and over my right shoulder where she squeezed it.
I didn’t dare acknowledge the touch as I didn’t want my mother to take it out on my sister for showing solidarity.
For the rest of the drive, I stared out at the passing countryside, feeling a weight settle over me.
A cage, tightening its bars.
And I had no idea how to break free.