Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
Fiona
I knocked once, then twice, my knuckles barely making a sound against the wood.
My breath was coming too fast, my hands trembling as I clenched them in front of me.
It was late—too late—and I had no business being here.
And yet, here I was, standing on Tommy’s doorstep with my bike abandoned behind me, my heart hammering against my ribs.
The door swung open and my breath caught as I took him in.
Tommy stood there, barefoot, in nothing but a pair of sweatpants that hung low on his hips.
His dark hair was mussed, his chest bare, all golden skin and hard muscle.
His surprise was evident when he saw me.
“Fi?”
“It’s late… I know.”
His voice was hushed, rough with surprise.
He stepped out onto the stoop, glancing past me toward the empty yard.
“What are you doing here? Christ, it’s the middle of the night.”
I swallowed hard, suddenly unable to form words.
Now that I was here, I felt foolish, reckless.
I should have thought this through more.
I was a good girl with a sense of propriety.
It would be a scandal to be found here at Tommy’s place in the middle of the night and him half-naked.
My voice was barely above a whisper.
“I had to see ye.”
His brow furrowed, concern flickering across his face.
“Are you all right? Did your dad do something?”
My feet shifted nervously.
“Yes. No.” Tommy reached out, put a palm to my cheek as I stammered.
“I mean… yes, I’m all right. No, my da didn’t do anything. I just…” I took a breath, lifted my chin.
“Can I come in?”
Tommy hesitated, then stepped aside, holding the door open for me.
The cottage was dimly lit by a single lamp in the corner, the air warm and thick with the scent of him—soap, leather…
man.
I turned to face him as he shut the door, and suddenly, everything inside me felt too big, too urgent.
I had practiced what I wanted to say in my head the entire ride over, but now, standing in front of him, all the words jumbled together.
Tommy watched me carefully, arms crossed, which caused his muscles to bulge and become quite distracting.
“Fi,” he said slowly, and I blinked to focus on his face.
“What’s this about?”
I licked my lips and took a shaky step toward him.
“I…” My hands fisted at my sides, the nervous energy vibrating through me.
“I need to be with ye.”
His eyes darkened, but he didn’t move.
“You are with me.”
I shook my head.
“No. I mean… I want to be with ye.” I let the words settle between us, let the meaning sink in.
Tommy sucked in a slow breath.
His body tensed, his hands going to the back of his neck where he gripped tight with a bowed head.
“Fiona,” he murmured, refusing to look at me.
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do.”
He studied my face as his arms slowly lowered.
I noticed that his hands were closed into fists, as if he was trying to restrain himself, and God help me…
that turned me on in a way I didn’t understand.
“You’re talking about something that can’t be undone.”
“I know.”
His jaw tightened.
“Fi…”
“My heart is sure,” I pressed, my voice trembling.
“I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life.”
Tommy exhaled harshly, raking a hand through his hair.
“Christ.” He turned away, pacing for a moment before looking back at me, his face exhibiting something between longing and restraint.
“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
“This isn’t about proving anything.” I moved closer, my pulse hammering.
“It’s about us. About what I feel for ye, what I want with ye.” My voice dropped, my confidence suddenly on shaky ground.
“Unless… ye don’t want me that way?”
Tommy let out a rough sound, something between a sigh and a curse.
“I don’t know that I’ve ever wanted anything more, but… I’ve got experience, Fiona, and well… I’m betting you don’t.”
I shook my head and looked to the floor, my heart plummeting at the realization that I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” he exclaimed, causing my head to lift.
He stepped toward me, wrapped his hands around my upper arms and reeled me in closer.
“Why would you be sorry for offering me a gift that I don’t know how I could ever deserve?”
A gift?
That’s what he thinks?
But yes…
I heard the reverence and wonder of it all in his tone.
His eyes were soft, heat tinging the depths, but so much awe as he stared at me.
“Why wouldn’t ye deserve it, Tommy? I think yer the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”
“You don’t know me, Fi.”
“I do.”
“You don’t,” he said, his hands tightening slightly on my arms, but he didn’t push me away.
“I was sent here by my father because I was wild. I partied. I chased girls—”
“I don’t care about that—”
“I caught a lot of girls,” he interjected, his stare boring into me so I was fully aware that he was no saint.
“Are ye trying to scare me off?” I asked in irritation.
“Yes.”
Silence ensued as we engaged in a staring war, neither of us knowing how to move past this line that had been drawn.
I wanted him, so very badly.
But only if he wanted me back.
“Do you love me, Fi?” he asked quietly, his blue eyes searching mine as if only I could have the answer to our dilemma.
It never occurred to me to lie to advance my agenda.
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully.
“I think I’m fallin’ in love with ye. I know I feel something deeply. I know I want to feel more.”
His breath rushed out, and I could see his resolve weakening.
I was emboldened, putting my palms to his bare chest.
His muscles flexed beneath my fingers, and I saw it then—the way he swallowed hard, the way his restraint was unraveling, thread by thread.
His hands slid down my arms, fingers curled around my wrists, and for a moment, he just held them, his breathing uneven.
“If we do this…” His voice was hoarse.
“We have to be safe.”
“I won’t tell a soul,” I assured him.
Tommy’s lips curved upward in amusement.
“I’m not worried about that, darlin’. But I’m talking about not wanting to get you pregnant.”
“Oh,” I muttered.
I was young and naive, but I did know how girls got pregnant.
I had heard some other girls at school talking about the “pull out” method…
it was when a guy was getting ready to…
Tommy’s fingers went to my chin and he forced my chin up.
“I brought condoms with me from the States.”
I stared at him blankly for a moment, then understanding dawned.
“Yes, I’ve heard about that. It’s illegal to import or sell them in Ireland.”
“Which is why I brought them,” he replied gently.
And then waited for me to catch up to what he was trying to say, but I was feeling distinctly lost.
His voice softened even more, as if he was letting me down.
“I brought them not knowing I’d meet you, Fiona. I brought them thinking I would use them.”
I frowned, wondering why this was so hard to actually get going.
I was assured by other girls with more experience that if ye told a guy ye wanted to have sex, they’d jump on it.
“I’m not understandin’ what yer trying to tell me.”
Tommy chuckled, leaned forward and kissed my forehead.
“And I think that’s making me fall for you even more,” he murmured, then dipped his face down to get closer to mine.
“Doesn’t it bother you that I’ve been… well, with other girls? Had every intention of being with some here in Ireland.”
And now I understood and oddly, the man was charmin’ me even more.
“I get ye were no saint, Tommy Blackburn. But that was before ye met me.”
His face lit up in delight and he tipped his head back, barking a laugh full of gusto before he pulled me into his arms.
“Christ, Fiona… what did I do to deserve you?”
Then, with a groan of surrender, he crushed his lips to mine.
The kiss was slow at first, controlled, like he was holding back.
But when I pressed closer, wrapping my arms around his neck, something in him snapped.
His hands gripped my hips, pulling me flush against him, and I gasped at the contact.
My fingers tangled in his hair as his mouth moved over mine, tasting, claiming.
Heat coiled low in my belly, an unfamiliar ache spreading through me.
What was this feeling?
It was both marvelous and almost painful.
Like I needed something so very badly and I’d die if I didn’t get it.
I had kissed before, but never like this.
Never with this kind of desperation, this raw hunger.
“Fi,” he murmured against my lips.
“Tell me to stop.”
I shook my head.
“Don’t stop.”
His breath hitched, and before I could second-guess myself, he lifted me into his arms.
I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me to his bed, lowering me down against the sheets with the utmost care.
His lips moved to my throat, trailing fire along my skin.
His hands skimmed my sides, slow and reverent, as if he were memorizing every inch of me.
I shivered, gripping his shoulders.
“I don’t know what to do.”
His lips found mine again, silencing my uncertainty with a kiss so tender it made my chest ache.
“I’ll take care of you,” he whispered.
“We’ll go slow.” Then he smiled again.
“But a general rule of thumb is that touching is a very good thing. You can touch me anywhere you want.”
I nodded, trusting him completely.
And as he guided me through every touch, every whispered reassurance, I knew—I wasn’t just giving him a piece of myself tonight.
I was giving him everything.
Tommy slowly removed my clothes and I didn’t feel a single ounce of shame or embarrassment, even though I’d never been naked in front of a man before.
He touched me all over, made me cry out and curse with frustration, and he put his mouth between my legs, and I incinerated.
That coiling, desperate need for something I knew I needed but didn’t know what that might be suddenly became clear with an explosion of such pleasure, I knew my life was irrevocably changed.
The world outside faded.
Time blurred.
It was the most magical thing that had ever happened to me, and watching Tommy fall apart while he stared down at me only cemented my belief that I had made the right decision to come to him.
It was my final break with my old life.
I was a new Fiona Conlan.
When it was over, Tommy pulled me into his arms, tucking me against his chest.
I listened to the steady rhythm of his heart as my body hummed with something new, something I couldn’t name.
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, his voice barely above a whisper.
“You okay?”
I nodded, sighing against his skin.
“More than okay.”
His arms tightened around me, his breath warm against my temple.
“Sleep, darlin’.”
And with my body tangled with his, I did.