Chapter 19
CHAPTER 19
Fiona
I was flying high after my lunch with Tommy and my head was in the clouds as I rode my bike from the training center back to the house.
I’d promised Siobhan we could give each other manicures this afternoon, which was something we sometimes did when we had nothing else better to do with our summer days.
But truthfully, I knew she wanted to gossip about Tommy and was dying to hear about our lunch date.
I was glad to have her at my side because it felt good to share the joy with someone about the way my heart was feeling.
Chuckling at Paddy’s bike carelessly tossed once again on the ground, I put my kickstand down and ensured it was stable.
I traipsed into the side door, intent to nick a Coca-Cola from the icebox.
I grabbed the small, contoured glass bottle that these little miracles of fizzy sweet drink came in and popped off the cap.
I took a sip and it felt like America to me.
My mother was addicted to them since she discovered the drinks at the grocer, and we always had them on hand.
I looked at the bottle with the white Coca-Cola logo and wondered if I would ever drink one of these while standing in America.
In Kentucky, to be precise, next to Tommy.
Because wasn’t that what I should be aspiring to?
If my feelings were true, and I believed they were, then my life was with him.
And his life was back at Blackburn Farms.
Was I willing to leave my home, my country and my family for the man?
Even though I knew things were moving fast, and I was young at heart and in my mind, there was a deep pulling in my gut that told me we’d be together forever.
So yes…
I’d sip a Coca-Cola in Kentucky one day, if the creek didn’t rise.
I had a smile on my face as I made my way from the kitchen to the staircase, assuming that Siobhan was in my room with polishes all laid out for us to try, but instantly, I felt something was wrong.
The air felt thick, charged, like the moments before a thunderstorm when everything goes eerily still.
I glanced down the hall into the sitting room and noticed my mother in there, perched on the edge of the sofa, hands folded tightly in her lap.
Her eyes lifted to mine, sharp with warning, and my skin prickled.
I barely had time to register the unease settling in my stomach before a voice rang out from within the sitting room, low and furious.
“Fiona. Come here. Now.”
My father was in there too, and I could tell by the tone of his voice that I was in trouble.
I froze.
My heart thudded, heavy and slow, but I forced myself to move, to set down my bottle of Coca-Cola and walk toward the pocket doors that were three-quarters open.
The weight of my mother’s silence pressed against my back, but I didn’t look at her as I stepped inside.
I was shocked see Siobhan and Paddy on the love seat.
Both sat on the edges, spines stiff and hands in their laps, mimicking our mother.
Siobhan’s expression was fearful and Paddy looked blank-eyed back at me.
Seamus Conlan stood by the hearth, a storm contained in the rigid set of his shoulders.
His face was red, his jaw clenched so tight I could see a muscle twitch, and I felt the fury vibrating off him.
“What,” he bit out, his voice like the crack of a whip, “have ye done?”
My hands shook as I laced my fingers together, placing them before me demurely, but I lifted my chin in a rare display of confidence before this intimidating man.
“I don’t know what ye mean.”
His palm slammed against the wooden mantel, causing a framed photo to pitch sideways, but it didn’t fall to the ground.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Paddy jerk and I flinched despite myself.
“Don’t play coy with me, girl,” my da snarled.
“Brian’s father came to see me today. Seemed surprised I hadn’t yet spoken to ye about yer… decision.” His lip curled around the word like it was bitter to the tongue.
“Imagine my embarrassment when I had to hear it from him that my own daughter humiliated the Kavanaghs.”
I swallowed hard, steadying my breath.
“I didn’t humiliate anyone.”
“Ye ended yer engagement to Brian,” he thundered.
“Without so much as a word to me.”
My knees were practically knocking into each other I was so scared, but I knew now was not the time to bow down to his autocracy.
I was old enough to make my own choices over my life.
“There was no engagement,” I said evenly, and I was proud that my voice sounded strong.
“Ye arranged things, not me.”
His nostrils flared, his fists curling at his sides, and I swear I thought his eyes were going to bug out of his head.
“This was for yer future, Fiona. For Glenhaven. For our family. Ye don’t get to be selfish.”
I stiffened, the injustice of it burning like acid in my chest.
“Selfish?” My voice shook with anger.
“Ye think wanting to choose my own life is selfish?”
“Ye don’t have a life outside of this family,” he snapped.
“Everything ye have, everything ye are, is because of me.”
“Yer wrong,” I said, forcing the words out, even though I’d been programmed to cower before this man.
“I do have a life outside this family and I won’t be forced into a marriage I don’t want.”
His face darkened as he processed my refusal and for a long moment, the only sound in the room was my own heartbeat pounding in my ears.
Then, with deadly calm, he straightened.
“I demand ye pick up that phone right now and call Brian to apologize. Ye get this engagement back on track.”
“No,” I whispered.
“Yer refusing my order?” he asked with a bark of a laugh, as if he couldn’t believe the temerity.
“I am refusing to enter into a marriage I don’t want,” I clarified.
Seamus Conlan’s glare turned glacial and he bared his teeth.
“Then yer no daughter o’ mine.” The words sliced through me, leaving me cold, hollow.
I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe because I had no clue what this meant.
Did this mean I was free of him?
His next words made clear the consequences of my rebellion.
“Get out of my house.”
Siobhan gasped but I didn’t dare look her way.
I blinked, my body numb.
“What?”
“Ye heard me,” he said, his voice eerily level but backed by iron will.
“Ye make yer own choices, do ye? Fine. But ye do it somewhere else. Yer not welcome in my house, in my family.”
I glanced over to see my mother’s face so pale, I thought she might be seriously ill.
Her lips pressed into a tight line, but she said nothing.
Did nothing.
Just sat there, watching as my father shattered my entire world.
I looked to Siobhan, tears streaming down her face, and to Paddy whose mouth hung open in shock.
Back to my father, who glared at me so coldly, I knew at that moment he didn’t love me at all.
I was just chattel to him and that made my next decision a bit easier.
“Fine,” I said, though my voice wavered.
“I’ll pack my bag and be out of here.”
My da shook his head.
“No. Ye leave with what ye have on yer back. Nothing more.”
“Seamus,” my mother said, but she went silent when he flashed her a sharp look.
My throat tightened.
“Ye can’t be serious.”
Lifting an arm, he pointed toward the front door.
“I won’t have ye taking what belongs to this family when ye no longer do. So ye will leave now and ye will not return unless it’s to make things right with Brian Kavanagh, assuming he’ll still have ye.”
I turned to my mother, my last desperate hope.
She was the only one who might have some pull.
“Mam?”
Her expression flickered, but she stared down at her lap, her hands tightening around the silk of her dress.
She wasn’t going to help and a wave of nausea rolled through me as the finality of it all sank in.
I didn’t know how my legs moved, how I forced one foot in front of the other.
The hallway blurred, the walls closing in as I stumbled toward the front door.
The house that had been mine for almost eighteen years felt like a stranger, like a place I had never belonged.
Siobhan’s sobs followed me into the foyer and that spurred me to move quicker.
The sounds were near to tearing me apart.
I lurched out the door and noticed that when I’d walked in not but five minutes ago, the sun was bright and cheery.
Now it was gone, and storm clouds loomed overhead.
Despite feeling the lowest I’d ever felt in my life, I had a burst of bravery by taking my bike.
I braced for my father to come storming out of the house to pull it away from me, but he clearly didn’t even care enough to watch.
Pain welled inside of me so intensely it felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest.
I was horrified that a man who clearly had no care for his daughter could cause me such distress, and I muttered to myself to buck up as I straddled my bike.
My legs pedaled on instinct, the wind slicing against my face, my vision blurred with tears I refused to let fall.
It wasn’t until I reached their front gate that the weight of it was just too much to bear.
I had no home.
I had nothing but the clothes on my back.
A sob clawed at my throat, but I swallowed it as I raced toward Rory’s cottage.
There was smoke coming from the chimney and I threw my bike down just as Paddy would have done.
I stumbled up the path, my hands shaking so hard I fumbled with the latch on the gate.
My breath came in short, shallow bursts as I forced the door open and lurched inside.
Kathleen stood there, in shock as she took me in.
“Oh, love,” she breathed, her voice thick with concern as she hurried to me.
I crumpled into her arms and she pulled me against her as sobs tore from my chest.
I’d never cried like that before—uncontrollable and raw.
She murmured something soothing, but I barely heard her over the rush of blood in my ears, the painful hammering of my heart.
“Love… what’s wrong? Did Tommy—”
I shook my head hard.
“My father… he… he…” I choked, gripping fistfuls of her sweater.
“Hush now,” she whispered, smoothing a hand over my hair, and I could tell that she knew exactly what had happened.
“Rory and I knew this day might come. Yer safe now, sweetheart. We’ve got ye.”
I felt myself being guided into the sitting room, my legs barely working.
Kathleen sat me on the couch and squatted before me.
I blinked away tears and when more formed, I wiped them away so I could see her.
“I’m going to get Rory. I’ll be right back, yeah?”
I nodded dully and sunk back into the cushions when Kathleen hustled to the door.
I stared at the braided wool rug for what seemed like only a few seconds before the door burst open and Rory charged through.
My head swiveled and I took in the mixture of sorrow and rage written all over his face.
He didn’t ask what happened.
He didn’t need to.
He just exhaled heavily, then crossed the room and knelt in front of me, taking my cold hands in his rough, steady ones.
“Did he put his hands on ye?” His voice was low, dangerous.
I shook my head quickly, sniffing.
“No. Just words.”
Rory’s jaw ticked, but he nodded, his grip tightening.
“Then that’s all they are, Fiona. Words. He might be yer father, but he does not define ye. And he does not get to tell ye who ye are.”
I swallowed hard and nodded.
“Where’s Kathleen?”
“I sent her to fetch Tommy,” he said, and that surprised me.
This was a family matter and while Rory and Kathleen had welcomed Tommy as my suitor, I was deeply touched Rory would think to include him in this.
Of course, I wanted him here…
well, because I loved him.
There couldn’t be any doubt—I’d just given up my entire life for the Yank who had stolen my heart.
“We’ll get ye set up right and proper in the guest room.”
“I’d gladly sleep on the floor,” I told my uncle, and he scoffed.
I was grateful to have a roof over my head.
“Where’s yer bags?” he asked.
Another crushing stab of pain as I thought of all my beautiful clothes and hair bobs and the racing silks that Kathleen had made for me.
All just material things but the loss of them was part of my identity.
“He—he wouldn’t even let me take a bag. He threw me out with nothing.”
Rory choked down his fury, muttering curses beneath his breath.
“That bastard. I’ll get that straightened out, don’t ye worry.”
Tears welled again, but I fought them back.
“Did I make a mistake?” My voice was small, fragile.
Rory’s face softened.
“No, lass. Ye made the choice ye had to make. And ye’ll not regret it.” He squeezed my hands.
“Ye have a home here for as long as ye need it. Understand?”
I nodded shakily, my breath still uneven.
“Come on… let’s get a spot of tea,” Rory said, taking my hand and pulling me up from the couch.
“That’ll fix ye right.”
I followed him toward the kitchen, feeling like my legs were mired in molasses when all of a sudden, Tommy was there, impossibly handsome, scanning me from head to toe.
“Jesus, Fi,” he rasped, his breath unsteady before he pulled me into his arms.
“Are you okay?”
I released a shaky breath, my fingers curling into the front of his jacket, and I watched as Kathleen walked through the door and shut it quietly.
“He kicked me out. Wouldn’t let me take anything with me.”
Tommy pulled back and I saw the fury flicker in his eyes before he swallowed it.
“I’ll kill him.”
A choked laugh slipped out before I could stop it.
“Not if Rory gets to him first.”
Tommy exhaled hard, his forehead pressing against mine.
“I’m sorry. I feel like this is my fault.”
“No,” I assured him, my palms going to his cheeks.
“This was my decision alone. It’s mine to bear.”
“Fuck that,” he said in a rare display of vulgarity.
“I’m bearing it with you.”
I breathed him in, noting that the vise grip on my heart loosened a bit.
“Yer here.”
His fingers threaded into my hair.
“Always.”
A fresh wave of emotion crashed over me, and before I could stop myself, I was crying again, burying my face against his chest.
Tommy held me tight, murmuring soft reassurances against my hair, his hands rubbing slow circles over my back.
“I don’t even have clothes,” I whispered brokenly.
“He wouldn’t let me take anything.”
Tommy pulled away slightly, his hands framing my face.
“Then we’ll fix that.”
I sniffled.
“Uncle Rory said he’d—”
“Rory,” Tommy said, turning toward my uncle, “can I borrow your Land Rover?”
Rory nodded immediately.
“Keys are by the door.”
Tommy took my hand.
“Come on, darlin’. We’re going shopping.”
I blinked up at him, disoriented.
“Shopping?”
“That’s an excellent idea,” Kathleen said.
“Nothing like pretty new clothes to bring a smile to yer face. Might I suggest ye go to Flaherty’s because yer da has a charge account there and charge every bit of it to that bastard.”
We all stared wide-eyed at Kathleen, who never had a cross word to say about anyone, before we burst out laughing.
Rory put his arm around Kathleen’s waist, but his gaze stayed on Tommy with what I could only describe as a new fondness.
“Don’t buy too much. I’ll get Fi’s clothes for her but take her out and get her mind off things.”
Tommy nodded, some type of silent message passing between the two men before he smiled down at me.
“Let’s get you some things, sweetheart. Some clothes, some boots… maybe even somethin’ pretty just because.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and let him lead me to the door.
My heart still ached for what I’d lost, but it did feel a little lighter.
I had lost one home tonight.
But at least I had another.
?
The bell above the shop door jingled as we stepped inside.
The small boutique wasn’t fancy—not like the grand shops in Dublin we had recently shopped—but it was cozy, and right now, it was exactly what I needed.
Tommy squeezed my hand before letting go, scanning the racks like he was preparing for battle.
He clapped his hands together and rubbed them.
“All right, let’s get you sorted,” he declared.
“Where do we start?”
I had no clue why, but I felt frozen, unable to move toward the closest grouping of clothes.
“I don’t know… just the basics, I suppose.”
Tommy arched a brow.
“Screw basics, Fi. We’re gettin’ you your heart’s desire. Ball gowns, fancy bags, lacy lingerie.”
He waggled his eyebrows and I laughed, shaking my head.
“No ball gowns necessary. And since Rory is going to get my stuff, we really don’t have to buy anything.”
“Nonsense,” Tommy said, taking my hand and dragging me down an aisle.
“This is an adventure for me since I’ve never bought women’s clothes before.” He glanced back at me, a twinkle in his eyes.
“Maybe we should start with lingerie.”
I blushed, but I wasn’t averse to the notion.
I mean, if I was going to lead my own life, why shouldn’t I let him buy me silky undergarments?
“Or maybe,” he drawled, changing direction and heading toward shelves that had folded jumpers.
“I know it’s still summer, but what about this sweater?”
He pulled out a soft cream-colored one made of lambswool and held it up against me, his lips pursed in thought.
“This one’ll bring out those green eyes of yours. Try it.”
I took it, a smile playing at my lips despite myself.
It was totally unnecessary, definitely not needed, and yet…
I could see that he was doing this not just to make sure I felt secure, but because he loved doing something for me.
He grabbed a few more—one in deep blue, another in soft gray—before dragging me toward the fitting rooms at the back of the shop.
“Go on,” he said, pushing the jumpers into my arms.
“I’ll be right here.”
I stepped inside, closing the curtain behind me.
As I pulled the first one over my head, I caught my reflection in the mirror.
My face was still puffy from crying, my hair a mess, but for the first time in hours, I didn’t feel like I was drowning.
I felt…
safe.
When I stepped out, Tommy was chatting with an older lady who had a dress in her hand.
He turned and took me in, looking me all over, even though the only thing different was the jumper I was wearing.
My hands glided over the soft knitted wool.
“What do ye think?”
Tommy grinned, leaning against the fitting room wall with his arms crossed.
“Damn, Fi. You look good enough to break hearts.”
The older woman laughed and heat crept into my cheeks.
“Ye think so?”
He nodded, stepping closer to run his hands over my arms.
“I love it. But,” he added with a smirk, “I think we need to test for snuggliness. Come here.”
I laughed as he pulled me into his arms, wrapping me up in a dramatic bear hug.
He gave me an exaggerated sigh.
“Yep. Nice and soft. Definitely a winner.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Ye’re ridiculous.”
“And you love it,” he shot back, winking.
I loved him.
That was for sure.
I tried on a few more things—a handful of blouses, two pairs of jeans, a skirt that Tommy insisted on just because he wanted to “see my legs”—and with each new outfit, he had something to say.
“That one makes you look too fancy. Can’t have you upstaging me.”
“Nah, not that dress. Too much like something your mother would pick out.”
“Jesus, woman, do you have any idea how good you look in that?”
By the time I was on my last set of clothes, my stomach hurt from laughing, and the ache in my chest had loosened, replaced with something warm and light.
I stepped out in the final outfit—a satin-like blouse and a pair of fitted jeans that flared at the bottom.
“This is the last one.”
Tommy let out a low whistle.
“Damn. That’s the one.”
I smiled, smoothing my hands over the fabric.
“I like it.”
He pulled me closer, fingers hooking into my belt loops.
“Good. ’Cause I’m already picturing you wearin’ it while we’re curled up by a fire somewhere, drinkin’ tea and talkin’ about anything and everything.”
“Really?” I asked in awe.
He was so sweet and romantic.
“No, I imagine taking you out of that outfit,” he said with a lecherous grin.
“But after, we’d curl up by a fire, drink tea and talk until the wee hours of the morning.”
I blinked up at him, my heart skipping.
“Tommy…”
He tilted his head, studying me.
“What?”
I hesitated, then smiled softly.
“Nothing. Just… I don’t know what I’d do without ye.”
He was so genuinely beautiful I was dazzled by him.
His hands tightened on my waist.
“Lucky for you, you won’t have to find out.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned back to the fitting room, needing a moment to compose myself.
This was happening too fast, but for once, I wasn’t scared of it.
When I came back out, Tommy was already at the counter, tossing a pair of wool socks and a scarf on top of the pile.
“Figured you’d need these too,” he said with a wink.
I shook my head, but my heart was so full I could barely stand it.
“Ye’re spoiling me.”
He shrugged, handing over the money to the shopkeeper.
“Darlin’, I intend to spend my whole damn life making you feel like a princess.”
And just like that, I knew—wherever I ended up, as long as Tommy was beside me, I’d be okay.