Chapter 9 Damian
DAMIAN
Oh my god. Oh my fucking god. I think my dick’s broken. Kit and his bloody pole broke my dick.
Damn, it hurts so bad.
I’ve been in the shower for an hour. Apparently, I live in here now, because no matter how many times I take myself in hand, I still can’t get this burning fucking need to go the fuck away.
This can’t be normal. I’ve never been this worked up over a girl before.
Then again, I’ve never seen a girl twist themselves into such impossible positions right before my eyes either, so who knows.
Maybe I have a pole kink? Or not, since I was definitely suffering before my dad suggested such a ridiculous and, quite frankly, irresponsible modification to our home.
I look down at my throbbing cock and curse its eagerness.
God, Kit looked so good in his poor excuse for a pair of shorts, his strong muscles rippling under his glistening skin as he propelled himself upside down and literally split himself in half.
I wanted to keep the phone forever, play the video over and over so I could watch his long legs part, dreaming of the day they might do so for me.
The thought of Kit, his back arched and legs spread on my bed, sends a fresh wave of unbridled lust surging through me.
Fuck, I can’t function around him anymore.
Is this how it’s going to be from now on?
Whenever he tries to show me something as innocent as a new trick he’s learnt in class, I’m going to go and make it weird?
I can’t believe I made such an idiot of myself tonight.
Kit must think I’m the country’s biggest dick, running away before I could tell him how incredible he is.
But it was that or risk coming in my pants like a horny teen, and that would have been even harder to explain.
I need to distract myself, to find something to exhaust me enough that I can speak to Kit without trying to mount him. I turn off the water and shake myself dry so that I can text Jasper and recruit him into this mess.
Me: You free for the gym?
Jasper: What? Right now? Did Kit order that strawberry gateau from the bakery again? Do you need to work off some calories?
Me: No, I need to burn off some energy. You in?
Jasper: I’m in. Pick me up in ten.
With Jasper on board, I quickly run a towel over myself, chuck on the first pair of joggers and vest I find, and head out.
“I’m going to the gym,” I announce louder than is natural when I pass through the den. What the hell is wrong with me?
Kit looks me up and down, then raises his eyebrow accusingly. “Why’s your hair all wet?”
“Oh,” I say, swiping my dripping black strands off my forehead. “I had a shower.”
“You had a shower before going to the gym?” he asks, his face scrunched up in confusion.
Yeah, me too, Kit.
“Um… Jasper texted me when I was drying off. He’s having girl trouble and wants someone to talk it over with.”
Well, look at me go. That almost sounds believable.
“Oh-kay,” Kit says suspiciously. Or maybe not. “Do you want to game when you get back?”
I rub awkwardly at the back of my neck, hardly able to look at Kit as I beg off our nightly tradition for the first time in living memory. “Jasper’s asked me to stay at his tonight. I didn’t want to leave him alone if he’s all heartbroken, so…”
“Oh, yeah,” Kit says quickly and a bit too brightly. “Totally understandable. Well, tell him I hope he feels better soon.”
“I will,” I reply, my cheeks starting to burn. I’ve never been good at lying, especially to Kit. “But I’ll see you tomorrow night, yeah?”
“I think I’m going to take an extra class at the studio,” Kit says, picking at the stretched hem of his hoodie.
Holy shit, I could cry. I’m ruining everything. Of course he’s planning to be out tomorrow. Why would he want to stay in and be around me? The guy who ran out on him earlier for no good reason.
“Maybe Friday?” I ask quietly.
I’m acting so weird that Kit can barely muster up the words to agree. “Sure, Damian. Friday,” he sighs, resigned to his fate.
I give him a shaky nod, and then I’m gone, running from the house like the coward I am.
Fuck. Being in love is awful.
“What the hell’s happened to you?” Jasper asks as soon as he sets eyes on me.
I guess I’m a bit of a state. It’s single digits outside, I haven’t worn anything with sleeves, my socks are odd, and—
“Why is your hair wet?”
“Don’t ask,” I mumble, pulling out of the student accommodation car park and steering us towards the gym. It’s only a few minutes away from Jasper’s, so we’d usually walk. But, again… sleeves.
“Your face is all smushed up. Has something happened with Kit?”
“Why would something have happened with Kit?” I ask, turning onto the industrial estate that leads to Performance Fitness. It’s a swanky gym that caters to both serious bodybuilders and flaky part-timers alike.
“The last time you called me in a tizz like this, we ended up stalking your stepbrother. What’s wrong now? Is he going out with that guy again?”
The mere mention of Will has my hackles rising. “No,” I growl.
“Well, what is it then? Because you look like crap.”
Okay, so I’m dishevelled. Pretty rude of him to keep pointing it out.
“Can’t I just fancy a workout with my best friend?”
“Yeah, but the white-knuckle hold you have on your gear stick suggests otherwise.”
“I’m not white knuckling anything,” I argue, consciously loosening my grip. I suppose my hand was starting to ache a bit. “I’m fine.”
Totally fine. Not freaking out. At. All.
“Uh-huh,” Jasper drawls. I ignore him, focused instead on inching my car backwards and forwards into a parking space more suited to a motorbike than my tank-like Jeep.
“I take it back,” Jasper says, his voice strained as we both contort our way out of my car without dinging someone else’s. “You’re obviously in complete possession of all your mental faculties. I’m so glad you managed to find a space in this otherwise completely empty car park.”
“Shut up,” I huff, careful not to move too much in case I scratch the Audi next to me. “It’s good to keep your driving skills fresh. We’re here to challenge ourselves. We might as well start as we mean to go on.”
“If you say so,” he says, shaking out his tight black curls. “But just know that if some gym buff comes after you because they can’t open their car door, you’re on your own.”
“Aw, I knew I could count on you.”
“Always, mate,” he smiles sweetly, slapping my back hard as we step into the gym’s foyer.
We part ways at the weights, Jasper choosing to focus on legs tonight, while I opt to run away from my problems as fast as I can. And if the treadmills just so happen to be situated at the furthest point from the weight machines, then that’s a complete coincidence.
I know I should be grateful that Jasper’s here.
I’m the one who dragged him out tonight in the cold, after all.
It felt like a good idea at the time, some company to distract me from my spiralling thoughts.
But now I just feel like hiding from his knowing eyes.
Stupidly, I’d overlooked the fact that Jasper can read me like a book.
After forty minutes spent on the treadmill, twenty on the stair climber, and a very strange ten minutes on some weird skiing simulator, I’m done. I’ve pulled muscles I never knew I had, all with the misguided belief that I could sweat Kit out of my system. What an idiot.
When I’d texted Jasper earlier, my plan was to push myself until my mind and my body were too exhausted to function.
Now, I see the futility in that plan. This secret is going to eat me alive regardless of how far I run, and I don’t know what to do about it.
What’s worse is that I can’t ask the one person in my life I’d usually trust with something as big as this because he’s the cause of it all.
And talking to my dad’s out of the question, too.
God knows how he’d react if he found out what I wanted to do to our precious Kit.
So, tonight I’ve solved nothing. All I’ve managed to do is give myself aching calves to match my aching heart. Good job, Damian.
Jasper, damn him, looks invigorated after his workout, practically glowing with achievement and personal bests and whatever else his smart watch tells him.
I, on the other hand, must look even worse than I feel, because my friend quickly loops his arm through mine and helps me back to my car like I’m a little old lady.
“So,” he says, after manhandling me into the driver’s seat. “Are we going to talk about whatever that was?”
I sigh heavily, too tired to pretend that this was anything but a cry for help. I wasn’t fooling Jasper anyway. Why bother keeping up the pretence? He’ll only keep nagging until he gets what he wants. “Sorry, Jas. I shouldn’t have dragged you out tonight. It’s been a bit of a weird day.”
“No worries,” he says easily. “I managed to add to my bench press, and I got to watch you pull some crazy shapes on the rower, so it was worth it.”
“The rower? I thought that was a ski machine.”
“That’s what made it so funny. I’m pretty sure one of the instructors was filming you.”
“You mean, instead of instructing me how to use the equipment properly?”
“Like I say, it was funny.”
Well, that’s embarrassing. Still, the threat of a smile tugs at my lips. “Thanks, Jasper.”
“What for, mate?” he asks, pulling down his visor to check out his hair. Not a single curl is out of place. Dick.
“For coming with me tonight. I know I’ve not been the best company, but I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome,” he says, grinning cockily. “And I know you don’t want to talk about what’s bothering you, but just so you know, I’ll be here for you when you’re ready to share the bleeding obvious?”
Huh? “The obvious?”
“Don’t you worry about it, Dam. Just remember that whatever’s on your mind, it’s going to take a lot to shock me. And when you want to talk, I’ll be here for you.”
“Oh, so now there are no scary gym goers involved, you’re worming your way back in, are you?”
“You bet,” he says happily. “Now, do you want to go and undo all our hard work by ordering burgers?”
I twist my key in the ignition, my breathing easier than it has been in days.
“I thought you’d never ask.”