Chapter 17 Damian
DAMIAN
Jasper stares at me from the foot of his bed, looking just as baffled as I feel. He starts to say something, and then stops, then starts again, only to give up and slump against the wall.
“I can’t believe he kicked you out,” Jasper says for the umpteenth time.
Yeah, you and me both, mate.
“Are you sure you didn’t do something? Fail a test? Break a vase? Insult his wife? You know… anything?”
Kit flashes through my mind, his back bowed in pleasure, his mouth chanting my name over and over as I slam into him.
“Nope, not a damn thing,” I lie.
“Well, you can stay here for a few days at least. There’s a mattress that pulls out from under the bed. We’ll have to sneak you past the porter each night, but I’m sure he’ll turn a blind eye if he catches us.”
“Thanks, Jasper. I’ll be out of your hair as soon as I can.”
I think.
“So, when are you gonna tell Kit? You know he’s going to be gutted about this, right?”
I sulk back against Jasper’s pillows. “Yeah, well, not as gutted as me.”
It’s then that Jasper turns to look at me properly, really look, like he’s trying to dig out whatever secrets I’m keeping. “Anything you want to talk about, Dam? Something you want to get off your chest, perhaps?” he asks expectantly.
I stare at him like a deer in the headlights. Shit, is this it?
“Would it help if I say I’m pretty sure I’ve already figured it out?” Jasper adds smugly.
“Well…” I hesitate. I know Jasper will be cool with me dating a man, even more so because it’s Kit.
But this is like my official coming out, the first person I’ve told besides my actual partner, and it’s making my heart race.
“Kit and I, we’ve… well… for the past few weeks, I suppose we’ve been less like stepbrothers and more like… boyfriends.”
Christ, I feel like a twelve-year-old saying it out loud.
“Yes! I fucking knew it.” Jasper fist pumps the air. “Oh my god, I’ve been waiting years for this. I can’t believe you two finally got your heads out of your arses.”
My mouth drops open. “Years? You can’t have been waiting years. I’ve only just figured out I’m bi.”
“Oh, my poor, sweet child,” he says, leaning over to pat my head. “You two have been in love since that first day at school when you introduced him like he was the fucking sun. Kit was just quicker off the mark than you.”
“Well, he had a head start. He already knew he was gay.”
“So,” Jasper says, leaning in eagerly. “You’re dating, and I take it your parents don’t know?”
“No, and we’re not ready to tell them yet.”
Jasper nods. “That makes sense. And you don’t think this is why your dad kicked you out? He couldn’t have found out somehow?”
I shake my head. “No. We’ve been careful outside our rooms. And even if we weren’t, no one would think anything of it if I wrapped my arm around him or if we sat a little too close. We’ve always been like that.”
Sure, there’s a part of me that worries Dad’s found out about us. But the more sensible part of my brain argues that if that were the case, Dad would have talked to us both, not just thrown me out with a wad of cash and a lame decree that I stand on my own two feet.
“At least if you get your own place, you won’t have to sneak around anymore. No one would think it odd if Kit stayed over. In fact, they’d probably expect it.”
“Yeah, I suppose,” I admit reluctantly. It’s not going to be the same, though. I won’t wake up knowing that Kit’s just down the hall or come home to him already making himself comfortable in my bed.
“I guess I’d better call him,” I sigh, taking out my phone. It’s just gone six, so he should have finished driving by now.
Kit answers almost immediately. “Hey, are you okay? I just got back, and you’re not here.”
“I’m fine, Kit, don’t worry. It’s just… Can you meet me at the café near Jasper’s place? There’s something I need to tell you.”
This is shit. Complete and utter shit. This is easily the worst thing I’ve ever done to Kit, and it’s not even my fault.
He looks across the table at me with tears shimmering in those big doe eyes, his hands cupped protectively around his mug. “So, you’re moving out.”
I nod, numb.
“But… but why?”
I wish I could explain, but since I’m still confused myself, I’m not much help.
“What are we going to do?” he asks, another tear streaking down his cheek.
“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” I say, reaching over to brush the wetness from his jaw. “We’ll be fine. This could even be a good thing. Once I find a place, we’ll be able to live like a real couple. Out in the open instead of just in our rooms.”
“I guess,” he sniffs, obviously unconvinced. Yeah, I didn’t really reassure myself either. “So, where are you going to go after Jasper’s? Near the university, or… ?”
“I want to be as close to you as possible. I’ll move next door if I can manage it. Dad didn’t say where I had to live, so I wouldn’t be breaking any of his weird rules.”
Kit bites his lip nervously. He lifts his mug to take a sip of his syrupy coffee before thinking better of it and slamming it back down again. “I just don’t understand.”
“Me neither,” I sigh, slumping onto the sticky table. “At least he didn’t kick me out with nothing. It’s a lot more than most people get.”
“Do you think he’ll want to talk to me tonight, too? Is he going to throw me out?”
“No,” I say firmly. “I’ve already asked about that, and Dad said you’re staying put.”
Kit frowns, looking into his cooling coffee like it might hold all the answers. “I still don’t understand,” he repeats. “Why you and not me?”
“Honestly, I’ve no idea,” I admit.
With a heavy sigh, Kit pushes out of his chair and rounds the table to sit next to me. “I’m a bit scared to go home. Is that stupid?” he asks nervously, scooting as close to me as possible.
I wrap my arm around his shoulder and place a soft kiss to the top of his head. “It’ll be fine, I know it,” I say. “And if it isn’t, you’ll just come and be wherever I am.”
I wish I believed my own conviction that Kit is about to have dinner with our parents, and everything will be the same for him as it was before Dad dropped this bombshell.
But though I’ll never admit it to Kit, I have a bad feeling about sending him back home tonight.
Something is itching at the back of my brain, whispering that I need to keep Kit close, keep him safe by my side.
I just wish I could work out why.