Chapter 19 Damian
DAMIAN
Tonight, I’m sparing some time to count my blessings. I have a pocket full of money and a pillow beneath my head. Even compared to someone who has their shit together, I’m doing pretty well.
The irony is not lost on me that my dad essentially kicked me out for being too privileged, and I still ended up a privileged prick regardless. So, no, I’m not going to complain about my lumpy borrowed mattress or having to start my flat search tomorrow. I’m not that tone-deaf.
What I will complain about, however, is how fucking lonely my first night as a man currently between homes is turning out to be.
But how is Damian lonely, you might ask?
Isn’t he staying in Jasper’s tiny student bedroom?
And while that’s true, it’s also the case that Jasper has left me tonight for the Elven Society’s social at the Students’ Union.
The real kicker is that I asked to tag along, and he said that I “wouldn’t be allowed. ” Fucking secretive assholes.
By half eight, a whole seventeen minutes since Jasper left me to my own devices, I’m done. I’m caving. I haven’t seen Kit in hours, and it’s making me a little… jumpy.
Maybe I just need to hear his voice, settle that worry inside of me that’s been simmering ever since Dad threw me out of his office. I turf out my phone from beneath my pillow and hit call.
“Did you know my bedroom’s the only one in the house without a lock?” Kit answers, foregoing the more traditional ‘hello.’
Okay, so that doesn’t really make me feel any better.
“What are you on about?”
“Yeah, your room, Mum and Lucien’s, even the office and the spare room, all of them have locks. The same ones, too, I just checked. But my room, nada. It’s actually been removed. Don’t you think that’s weird?”
Well, yeah. But I’m not about to agree with him and freak him out even more.
“Maybe it’s because of all the stretching and practising you do in there. If you injured yourself or something, one of us would need to be able to get to you.”
“I guess,” Kit says hesitantly.
“Besides, the lock on your bathroom door works, doesn’t it?” In fact, I’m sure it does because I used it this morning to freshen up before breakfast. Christ, that seems like an eternity ago.
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” Kit huffs down the phone. “I’m just on edge, I think. Tonight has been so weird.”
“Tell me about it,” I scoff. “Do you know Jasper’s left me for some weird English Lit social thing?”
“But he’s an engineering student?”
“I know. He went out wearing elf ears. I’m seriously pinching myself. This whole day has been surreal.”
Kit laughs raucously, a rich sound from deep in his stomach, and all of a sudden, I feel the weight lift from my shoulders.
I sigh, wishing like anything he was here beside me. I’d give my entire bank account to hear him moan and groan about the bumpy mattress and pancake-flat pillow. “God, I miss you.”
Kit sobers immediately. “I miss you too, Damian. Fuck, everything feels so wrong without you here. Do you know Mum suggested I move out, too, and your dad shot her down? He said I needed to stay until graduation. I just don’t get it.”
A chill runs down my spine. “Dad really said that?” I don’t know whether to feel crushed that it’s only me Dad wants gone, or troubled that he wants Kit to stay so badly.
“Yeah, it was uncomfortable. Mum was ready to wave me out the door. You should have seen her face when she realised she’d have to share Lucien a bit longer.”
I roll my eyes. “I bet it was a picture.”
“In any other situation, I’d have laughed. Fuck, Damian, I don’t think I can stay here.”
“Well, I suppose it’s lucky that I know someone looking for a roommate then.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. Is that something you might be interested in?”
“Maybe,” he replies teasingly. “It depends on what the roommate is like.”
I smile like a madman. “Dashingly handsome, smart, thoughtful, and an utter neat freak. He’s promised to be the best roomie you’ve ever had.”
“Don’t you mean messy, loud, and goes through more sugary cereal each morning than a small country?”
“That’s the guy. You know him?”
“I might,” he snorts. “How soon can I come?”
“Give it a couple of weeks for me to find a place,” I tell him. Not that I have any idea what I’m doing, but that seems like a reasonable guess. “There’s just one catch.”
“What?”
“I can only afford one bed…”
“You’re such a dick,” he laughs. “But I accept.”
I sag into Jasper’s awful mattress in relief. At least it’s official now. We’re moving in together. “I can’t wait,” I tell him sincerely.
“Me neither.”
We fall into a natural silence, enjoying each other now that we’re back on track. This is just a minor bump in the road. We need to get through a few more nights like this, and then we’ll be back together, exactly where we belong.
“So, what are you going to do until Jasper comes home?” Kit asks sleepily, breaking our reverie.
“No idea. I’m so fucking bored. He doesn’t have a tele, and his laptop is password-protected.”
“Did you try password?”
“Yeah, no luck.”
“Damn, Jasper’s smarter than we thought.”
“He probably doesn’t want me seeing what kind of porn he’s into.”
Kit falls silent again, but not the peaceful, pleasant kind from before. I don’t know how I can feel the difference without seeing his face, but I’m almost certain he’s scheming.
“What?” I ask when I can’t take the suspense any longer.
“Nothing,” Kit replies innocently. Too innocently. “I’m just thinking about the first time you gave me a blowjob.”
Okay, not what I was expecting, but I can’t blame him. I think about it ten times an hour, too. “What about it?”
“Well, what was it you said? You figured it out by watching porn?”
“I know it wasn’t the smartest idea, but it’s not like I could ask anyone for advice. How else was I going to impress you?”
“I’m just saying, perhaps you could use this alone time for… research.”
“Research?”
Fuck, was I bad last night? Did I do something wrong? Luckily, before I can spiral too far, Kit continues, “Like for inspiration. What if you looked for ways we could christen our first flat?”
I suppose it would give us something to look forward to… And judging by the duvet tent I’ve just pitched, my cock agrees.
“You’re on. I’m going to research your brains out.”
“Yeah, you are,” Kit yawns. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.”
“I know, sweetheart. Why don’t you get an early night while I find ten new ways to make you scream?”
Kit moans, a low, pained grumble that has my cock twitching. “And on that note, I’m going to jump in the shower before bed.” Great, that’s a visual I didn’t need. “I’ll speak to you as soon as I wake up, okay?”
I nod, even though he can’t see me. “Get a good night’s sleep, yeah? I’ll make sure we can see each other tomorrow.”
“Night, Damian. I love you.”
My heart soars. “I love you too, Kit.”
We hang up, and I immediately feel the loss. The image of Kit fades before me, the ghost of his shy, knowing smile disappearing into Jasper’s off-white walls as loneliness creeps back in.
But I tell myself now is not the time to wallow. I have a job to do, and it’s not looking at real estate.
I’ve already got a few gay porn sites bookmarked on my phone from my fellatio explorations, and I scroll through them, searching the little previews for anything of promise.
Except, they’re all so… vanilla. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, especially as Kit and I have only had sex once.
It’s just that I want to surprise him, to show him that he won’t be missing anything by only sleeping with one man his entire life.
With newfound determination and a raging erection, I start plucking seemingly appropriate keywords from the air and typing them into my search bar.
Gay sex, porn, inspiration for partners
Gay sex, porn, unusual
Gay sex, porn, with a twist
Gay sex, porn, with a twist, no threesomes
Okay, this is useless. Maybe I don’t know enough about all the different kinks out there to nail the keywords.
Nail. Hah!
List of kinks for partners
Finally, something helpful. It’s an article from a women’s magazine written six years ago, but at least it’s laid out in bite-sized chunks. All the usual candidates are there, spanking, bondage, breath play, and even a few I’ve never considered. Kit would make a pretty adorable puppy.
Then, I see it. Voyeurism… huh? That might have potential. I think back to the video of Kit on his pole and feel a drop of precum blot the front of my boxers.
Definitely has potential. Right, so let’s try again.
Gay sex, porn, best voyeurism videos
Frustratingly, I’m sent back to the same site I was on originally. I don’t really want to use words like ‘hardcore’ or ‘dark’ in my search, but I’m lost as to how to narrow this down. I scroll and scroll, and then success.
Voyeux: The Secret Camboys of London.
Bingo. I click on the site, only to hit a paywall.
Figures. But I’m promised the highest-quality hidden webcam videos, featuring the hottest camboys to suit every voyeuristic heart.
Any shape or size, any situation, it almost sounds too good to be true, so much so that I check the small print to make sure that these videos are definitely of consenting individuals.
Yes, they are. And thank fuck, because my first month’s eye-wateringly expensive membership is live. Perhaps Kit and I can explore the library together when we move in.
The disclaimer certainly didn’t lie. There’s more diversity on this site than I’ve ever seen, and the things people are paying to watch are certainly…
surprising. I don’t think I’m going to get far by asking Kit to floss his teeth while I film him from the shower.
But I’m not here to kink shame. Floss away, sir. Floss away.