Chapter 39
Thirty-Nine
Gemma
I knew from Zoe’s horrified look that something was wrong, but I could never have guessed what.
I can’t believe I didn’t feel the blood seeping through my jeans.
I’d been running the content of those letters through my mind.
My internal dialogue had and is still running rife, but now it’s telling me not to panic because I don’t want to stress Beanie out.
‘Hurry, Ethan.’ He runs towards the house to bundle the kids up.
There’s no way I’m leaving them alone in the apartment after last night’s break-in and I need a hospital urgently.
I’m losing my baby and I’m angry that I’ve ignored my body telling me that something is wrong.
The lower back pain that has niggled away – I didn’t get that with my other two.
The slight burning when I peed recently.
I have an infection. It’s this place, it’s trying to ruin us.
Terror rips through me. For so many years we struggled to conceive Cora.
We’d badly wanted three children. The little bean inside me might be my last chance, my little miracle. He or she can’t leave me.
Snow falls heavy. It’s beautiful, but there’s nothing beautiful about the experience I’m having now. Those intricate flakes are a potential trap, so we need to get out of Clover Lane immediately before we’re snowed in.
I’m cold so I sit on the ground shivering as Zoe crouches and puts her arms around me to keep me warm.
I look up and see Ray at his bedroom window.
He closes his curtains on me and my pain and then I remember, no one even knows I’m pregnant except the person who’s been writing the letters, but I suspect Zoe knows now.
I glance up at Ruby’s window and she’s still there, and this time, there’s a lamp backlighting her face.
Her brows are furrowed and for a moment, I think I see worry etched on her face. I tear my gaze from her.
‘My baby. I’m losing my baby,’ I say while weeping and placing a hand on my tummy. ‘Hang on, Beanie.’
‘How far gone are you?’ Zoe gently asks as she hugs me.
‘Almost twelve weeks.’ I’m speaking through chattering teeth now.
She holds my cold hand. ‘It’s going to be okay, lovely.
You hang in there. You’ll be at the hospital before you know it.
’ I can tell she’s panicking too. Her calm exterior is for my benefit.
I try to think happy thoughts, which is hard after the day we’ve had.
When I was carrying Morgan and Cora, I’d blossomed and loved every minute of being pregnant.
Those thoughts are now sending my eyes watery.
If only I could have had that one more time.
Ethan runs out with Morgan and Cora. Cora cries at the top of her voice as Morgan jogs down the drive with her.
‘Mum.’ I’m no use to Cora. I can’t risk taking her and making things worse, even though her arms reach out for my warm, reassuring embrace.
Zoe helps me up, and Ethan hurries around to my other side.
One steady step at a time, I make my way to the pickup and get inside. Cora won’t stop crying.
Her cheeks are red. She’s been snatched from the comfort of the apartment and now we’re about to take her to Accident and Emergency.
I think of Quinn and what happened earlier.
She would have been my go-to in an emergency, being an old friend, but not tonight.
Quinn had drunk a lot. The whole bottle of wine, I suspect.
I also don’t know if I can face her yet.
If we were back in Bristol, I’d have friends who would help.
I look at Zoe and I know I’ll be asking a lot of her.
I don’t even know her but she’s the only person who seems sane and trustworthy around here.
‘Zoe?’ I wince as Ethan leans across and puts my seatbelt on for me because I’m scared to move.
I place my hand back on my tummy willing Beanie to not leave me.
I don’t want to shift around any more than I have to and I need to get to the hospital.
‘Yes?’ She places my bag on the back seat between Cora and Morgan.
Cora grabs it and throws it into the footwell and then she resists Ethan trying to strap her in.
Her back arches and Morgan holds her hands over her ears like it’s all too much.
She doesn’t even know about the camera we found in the apartment.
I can’t let her stay there alone. My thoughts go back to Quinn.
No way am I leaving my baby girl with her tonight.
Through my tears, I speak. ‘I know I’m asking a lot of you, Zoe.
We don’t even know each other but I don’t trust anyone else around here.
Please can you look after them? Morgan is good with Cora; she knows what to do. ’
Zoe places a hand over her mouth. I’ve just asked a lot of her but as soon as I’m seen to, I can send Ethan home to be with the girls. She nods. ‘Yes, I’ll take them to mine. You just take care of yourself, lovely. I’ll look after them.’
Ethan takes her number, passes Cora in her chair to Zoe, and Morgan gets out of the car.
He then gives Morgan the door keys so she can get Cora’s things.
‘I’ll be as quick as I can.’ He hugs Morgan.
Her chin trembles and she wipes a few tears away.
I want to make everything stop so I can hug Morgan.
She’s scared and needs me but I can’t make this stop.
I’m bleeding and I need to get to the hospital now before I lose our baby, if I haven’t already lost our baby.
Ethan gets back into the pickup. ‘I should have stayed down there with you. I…I…’ Worry lines form across his forehead.
I place my hand on his knee. We have each other. We always have each other and I know that Ethan and I can get through this together. He starts reversing out and we drive off leaving our children with Zoe. ‘I love you,’ I say to him, needing his strength.
‘I love you so much. Everything’s going to be fine. We just have to hurry.’
He’s concentrating on the road as we drive through a flurry of snow. ‘Hold on in there, Beanie.’