Chapter 44
Forty-Four
Gemma
I stand in the cold waiting for Quinn. I can’t believe that it took until after three this afternoon to get my discharge papers.
After two nights in hospital and most of today, I’m finally getting out of here.
I called Morgan and she misses me. She also sounded worried but she kept telling me that everything was okay.
I miss my children so much it hurts. Although I was only away from them for two nights, it felt like forever.
Ethan wanted to visit yesterday but I told him I didn’t want to see him. Everything is still too raw.
I place my hand over my stomach. ‘We’re going to be okay, Beanie,’ I whisper under my breath. I’ve been lucky, no thanks to Ethan.
All I want to do is cry. I’m wearing my crusty jeans that I bled in. I feel dirty and I want to be home in my own bed. Home – where is home? The home I know and love is gone forever. I swallow the huge lump in my throat.
A picture enters my mind, one of the neighbours all watching as I pull up later.
I can’t do this anymore. We’ve lost money but I don’t care if we leave with nothing as long as we can escape Clover Lane.
My children are worth more than money, and we’re not safe at Clover House, which is why, as soon as I’m back, I’ll be researching short-term rentals until I can find us something back in Bristol.
I check my phone. There’s a message from Quinn telling me she’s on her way. I also have twelve messages and two missed calls from Ethan, which I continue to ignore.
I should have booked a taxi. Calling Quinn was a bad idea given the mood I’m in. I go to message her, to tell her to turn around, but it’s too late because she’s already pulling up.
I open the passenger door, get in and put my seatbelt on. I keep my bag on my lap, ready to jump out of her car and run into the house as soon as we’re back.
‘Gemma, you look awful. What happened?’
I can’t speak. My bottom lip trembles and if I say anything, I might cry or say something I’ll regret.
We used to be close but I can’t even look in her direction.
I force myself to turn towards her. She’s wearing sunglasses in the middle of winter and there’s not even a hint of winter sun in the sky.
I take a deep breath. ‘I could ask you the same thing.’
‘Huh?’ She starts driving away from the hospital and joins the slow-moving Friday afternoon traffic.
I’m trying to fathom what she’s thinking but she’s not giving anything away. ‘The sunglasses?’ We’ll start with an easy one, Quinn.
‘Oh, those. I polished off a bit too much wine last night.’
Last night, the night before also. Quinn has a problem.
‘My head kills.’ She pauses. ‘About what I did…’
I’m on high alert now. Is she going to confess?
‘That kiss. I’m sorry. It’s just…’
Okay, that’s not what I was expecting but I guess we need to unpack that too. It’s a start. ‘Just what?’
‘I can’t say.’ She shakes her head rapidly and pulls a face. ‘My head is banging. God, I feel sick.’
‘We have to talk about it.’
‘You’re not going to want to hear it. You’re happy, Gemma. You have a family and I…I’m the same confused mess I’ve always been, though there’s one thing I’m not confused about.’
‘Go on.’
‘It’s always been you, Gemma. I know you don’t feel the same, but that day in the woods, all those years ago when we kissed.
I never stopped thinking about you and when you didn’t write to me, I thought maybe I crossed a line and you hated me, but you kissed me too.
I wasn’t the only one who felt it, was I? ’
I shake my head and bite my bottom lip. I’m straight but there was something intoxicating about Quinn.
I liked her in that moment, as a person, not as a girl or a boy.
When we kissed it felt like the most natural thing in the world, but I look at her now and I don’t want that at all.
It was a coming-of-age thing for me but obviously it meant more to Quinn.
She interrupts my thoughts. ‘I’ve had a lot of short-term relationships, a million one-night stands – that’s an exaggeration obviously, but I could never stop thinking about that kiss and you.
Then’ – she lets out a little laugh – ‘I thought I’d never see you again.
Over the years I gave up hope completely but then I heard you were coming back.
When your husband came over and said he was preparing a part of the house for you all to live in, I got excited to see you again.
I dared to hope…’ She tuts and sighs. ‘I feel so stupid now.’
My mind is awhirl and I don’t know what to say. ‘I don’t feel the same, but I was happy to see you again.’
‘Was?’ She pauses. ‘Was it the memories?’
I nod. I can’t get Jasmine out of my mind.
She went missing after she caught us kissing in the woods.
Quinn got upset because Jasmine had been sitting on that log, gripping her little handbag with a dog on the front, and we were both so caught up in the kiss, we didn’t even see her.
I remember that day like it was yesterday.
One of the neighbours had a fire on the go and the smoke had reached the den.
As it dispersed, I saw Jasmine staring in our direction.
She came over to us and started teasing and…
I don’t want to think about that day, but I can’t ignore the past anymore.
Zoe had a letter and it mentioned the log and the fog…
or smoke as it was. The only people there that day were me, Jasmine and Quinn.
I don’t trust her but there is something much bigger at play than a few letters and a break-in. This is all because of Jasmine.
‘Forget them. It was a long time ago.’
It’s easy for Quinn to say that. No one is blaming her for sending those letters.
In fact, she has remained nicely tucked away in the background, away from all of the drama.
How convenient. I have something a bit more pressing to say before we leave Clover Lane forever.
She mentioned her one-night stands. I’m sure that she’s hurt a lot of people but I never thought she’d hurt me.
I think back to that kiss, the one from our past, and also the more recent one in her studio, then I recall the letter I stole from her post box.
‘You wanted me, you had Ethan. Why stop at one when you could have both of us? You’re nothing but a tramp, Quinn.
’ I can’t believe I used that word but I’m livid.
‘Gemma, why are you saying that?’
We’re only about half a mile away from Clover Lane now. I can’t do this. ‘Stop the car.’
‘But it’s cold. We’re nearly back and you shouldn’t be alone. You haven’t even told me why you were in hospital.’
‘And I’m not going to either. Stop the car.’ I bang my hand on the dashboard. ‘You just take what you want, Quinn. Take, take, take. If you were such a good friend and you loved me so much, why would you break my family up like this? I know everything, Quinn.’
She slams the brakes on and we both jerk forward a little. I unclip my belt and step out with my bag.
‘Was my husband just another one of your conquests? You make me sick.’ I’m not saying any more on the matter. She knows what she’s done. I turn my back on her and step into the woods. I glance back. She wipes tears from her face as she pulls away.
As I enter the woods, my breath is almost taken away. The sense of panic I can feel building up is something I have to face. Breathe, Gemma , I tell myself as I keep stepping forward. I have to walk through these woods to get back to my children. They need me.
Quinn slept with Ethan and there’s no way she can deny it.
I have absolute proof and I’m sure she’s behind all the bad things that are happening to us because she wants to destroy us.
Either she wants him all to herself or she wants me to split up with him.
That’s why she kissed me, not because she wants me. She wants to break us up.
I have news for her. She can have him. They’re welcome to each other.