Chapter 54
Fifty-Four
Morgan
I can’t breathe. I turned my back for a minute to grab a holdall. Cora was watching Mika on the TV. I heard her singing and chuckling, but then she must have stopped and I got carried away, throwing all our things into the bag. Like with Dad the other day, I didn’t hear her leave.
Dad stands there, staring with his mouth open, leaning against the French door like he’s about to keel over.
It’s like everything is happening in slow motion.
I run over to Mum. She’s collapsed and she’s wailing.
I go to hold her because I need her. I need her to tell me it wasn’t my fault.
But it was. I left Cora alone knowing she could open the apartment door.
I go to hug Mum but she pushes me away. ‘Mum, I’m scared.
’ My teeth chatter. ‘I tried to grab her…I tried.’ I’m speaking through snotty tears that I can’t control.
She pushes me away and Dad is looking at me like he blames me.
They blame me. Now I know they hate me. I killed my sister.
I hyperventilate until I see stars. There’s no way I can be here. I need to get away. Harry – I need Harry. He’s the only person I have left. He won’t hate me. I crash through the voile and across the balcony room.
‘Morgan,’ Dad calls.
I ignore him. Whatever he has to say, I’m not ready to hear it. I will never be ready to hear how it’s my fault that Cora is dead. I don’t think I can ever go home. Now I know what it feels like to want to run away from it all, just like Jasmine did.
‘Morgan…’ Mum’s calling now but I’m not going back to them.
As I crunch over the broken mirror, then past the stained-glass window, it’s like the missing baby birds are chirping for me to save them.
I grab my boots from outside the apartment door.
The stairs look longer than ever, like they’re swaying underfoot.
With each step it feels like I’m not getting any closer to the bottom.
I’m living in a horror film, where the main door seems like it’s in sight but I’ll never reach it.
Dad’s footsteps are right behind me. He’s catching me up. I brace myself for the moment he grabs the back of my sweater and I ping backwards into him but it doesn’t happen. He passes me with a whoosh, beating me to the front door. Mum is catching up. I hear her cries.
I burst outside a second after Dad and what I see almost makes me buckle to my knees.
Cora is giggling in Quinn’s arms and Quinn is getting herself up off the ground.
Dad runs up to her and takes my sister, kissing her head and holding her tightly.
Mum passes me and joins him. I gasp and try to stop myself from passing out.
Quinn must have been there to catch Cora.
I roll over and lie in the snow, facing the stars above, thanking the universe that my baby sister is alive.
I glance at Mum and Dad. They don’t look my way and neither does Quinn.
I get up and stumble over to them. My legs shake.
Dad turns away from me. I don’t know if it’s intentional but I feel like I’m being pushed out of our family.
Quinn doesn’t notice and she looks a wreck.
Her hair is all across her face and her smudged make-up makes her look like she’s just woken up.
Dad kisses Cora’s head over Mum’s cries and he mumbles, ‘She could have died, Morgan. She could’ve died… ’
I know then that they blame me for definite. It’s all my fault.
I run as fast as I can, leaving my family behind.
I need Harry now. I dart across the lane and knock at Quinn’s door.
‘Harry.’ I thump it over and over again.
He’s not in. I can’t even hear the dog barking.
Quinn’s at ours. He must be walking Diggerty in the woods.
It’s dark everywhere. I’ve just noticed there are no lights, then I remember the lights going off at the apartment.
There must be a power cut. No streetlamps, no lights coming from houses, no cars on the lane.
The only sounds of life are those coming from my family and they haven’t even noticed me missing.
How long did it take for anyone to notice that Jasmine was missing?
As I stand in the lane, I look up. I can’t see if anyone is watching me from their upstairs windows.
I jog towards the entrance to the woods, knowing this time I’ll find the den with ease.
I step over some sort of smashed-up ornament which seems out of place but I don’t care.
I have to find Harry and I need to get away.
Something’s wrong. The lights through the woods are also out. My heart starts crashing into my ribcage and my every instinct is telling me to turn around, but I don’t listen. I’m not in any more danger because it’s dark. It’s just a power cut, Morgan. Keep going. Find Harry.
‘Harry…Diggerty…’ I listen for dog barks but I don’t hear a thing.
As I jog deeper into the woods, pushing through the snow, it gets darker.
I’m off the main path now. Snow starts to come down heavy, then I hear a crunch behind me.
I stop and listen, hoping that it was an animal.
I reach for my phone in my pocket, the same phone that is only useful as a torch, but it’s not there.
I left it in the apartment. Then again, what use is it? I can’t call or message anyone.
I fixate on that noise and tremble.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
I exhale as Diggerty appears in front of me, wagging his tail, so Harry must be the person crunching in the snow behind me.
‘I was calling you, Harry. Why didn’t you shout back?
’ I’m angry. He could have responded. As I turn to face him, to tell him what happened and how upset I am, I realise it’s not Harry.
I hold my chest, unable to catch my breath. I glance back at Diggerty, then to the person beside me and I want to run, but I can’t.