Chapter 33
I told Niko I’d be fine ordering pizza for dinner, but he wasn’t having it.
He claims he’s on a strict diet for the playoffs, and who am I to argue a home-cooked meal?
I haven’t been able to bake as much as I’d like in the gorgeous kitchen in my apartment and cooking kid-friendly meals for Sophia has proven harder than I expected.
The kitchen is thick with the comforting aroma of tomato sauce, garlic, and herbs. When Niko suggested eggplant parmesan, my mouth started watering at the thought. It has yet to stop watering as Niko moves around the kitchen with ease.
I had no idea watching a man cook was such a turn on.
My eyes haven’t left him since he started putting dinner together.
His forearms flex as he grates fresh parmesan onto the salad, and I fear I may start drooling.
The timer on the oven goes off and I’m disappointed when he turns around to take the dish out of the oven.
I could stare at those forearms all day. Who knew I had a forearm kink?
“Are you sure this is going to be enough for you? Don’t you need like ten times the normal amount of protein as an athlete?” I ask while sipping my glass of cabernet.
Niko chuckles and sets the dish onto the island in front of me. It smells heavenly. “There’s plenty of protein in this. And I may have some chicken in the fridge I plan on reheating to throw in mine.”
“I knew it!”
The conversation between us has been easy.
We’ve talked about his upcoming game against the Milwaukee Steel Riders and the new show I’m watching on Netflix, but we have yet to venture into anything deeper.
I know he wants to know about my family, but it’s not an easy topic for me.
I also want to know what was going on with Sophia earlier.
Maybe if I bring her up first, he will forget about the text I received from my sister.
Niko, the gentleman that he is, tells me to go sit at the table so he can plate our dishes. Being taken care of is new to me. I’ve never felt quite worthy of it, if I’m being honest. But, it’s a concept I could definitely get used to.
He sets my plate in front of me, and I’m surprised when he sets his down next to mine. I figured he was going to sit in his normal spot at the other end of the table, but my heart races when he takes the seat directly next to mine.
His arm brushes mine as he reaches for the salad bowl in front of us. I should move my arm away, create some type of distance between us, but the thought of feeling his body against mine, even if it’s a whisper of touch, is too exhilarating. I keep my arm exactly where it is.
“Are you sure Sophia’s okay? It looked like she had been crying when you guys got back from the pond.”
Niko finishes plating his salad and then offers me the bowl. “She told me what happened yesterday with the toilet and at naptime. The song you sang…well, her mom used to sing that to her whenever she was in town. The reminder shook her, and she got upset thinking you were going to leave us.”
Shit. I had no idea. I will never sing that song again for as long as I live.
I abandon the salad bowl before I get any on my plate. The thought of Sophia so worked up over something that is not going to happen has me too worried to even think about eating.
“Of course I’m not going to leave her. I hope you told her as much.” The concern is clear in my voice. I stare at Niko, waiting and hoping he took the time to explain to her I’m not going anywhere. Not yet at least.
Niko sets his fork down and squeezes my hand. “I did tell her that. But I also told her I’m not sure how long you’ll be with us. We never discussed what happens after the season is done.”
He picks his fork back up but he doesn’t eat. All he does is push the food around on his plate. This conversation just got serious, but it’s definitely something I’ve been wanting to talk to him about.
Working with the Bobcats has been amazing.
I’d love to stay with the team in some type of capacity, but my contract is only through the end of the season.
And with Sophia starting kindergarten in the fall, I’m not sure Niko will even need me after the season is up.
Then there’s the job offer from Mark. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.
But that would mean I’d have to leave Green Bay.
The thought of being away from the team isn’t as scary as the thought of being away from Niko and Sophia.
I’ll never know what’s next for me if I don’t start asking the difficult questions.
I guess we’re jumping head first into deep conversations tonight.
“To be honest, I’m not sure how long I’ll be with you either.
When I agreed to help, it was because of your injury and playoffs.
I know you don’t want to burden your parents anymore, but Sophia will be starting school in the fall.
I wasn’t sure if I’m going to be needed anymore.
And the Bobcats only hired me short-term.
I’m not even sure I’ll have a job anywhere after the summer. ”
I keep the job offer in Denver to myself.
Even though it’s always been my dream, I wasn’t as excited about the prospect as I thought I’d be.
I’m finally starting to feel at home here in Wisconsin.
But will I still feel that way if I don’t have a job with the Bobcats, or if Niko doesn’t need my help with Sophia?
Maybe my parents were right when they called me a “hot mess,” because I definitely feel like one right now.
“You will always have a place with us.”
His words land harder than I’m sure he intended but there’s a tightness gathering in my throat and heat starts prickling behind my eyes.
Do not cry, Sadie.
I clear my throat, attempting to loosen it before I speak. “Thank you, Niko. But will you even need me if she’s in school full time?”
Niko pushes his plate forward and turns in his seat to give me his full attention. He rests his arm on the table and looks right into my eyes.
“I’ll still have away games and games at night where I’ll need someone to be with Sophia and put her to bed. Especially when school starts.”
Shit. I didn’t even think of that.
“I guess maybe I thought you’d want to hire someone more qualified to help.”
Niko huffs a laugh and shakes his head once. “You don’t get it, do you?”
Perplexed, I tilt my head and wait for him to continue.
“You’re everything I could ever want for Sophia.
You’ve stepped into her life and have been a steady, positive presence.
You’ve taught her how to express herself, though sometimes she still struggles.
But from that first game at the arena where she broke down and told me she was afraid to cry in front of me, I’ve seen such a transformation in her.
She’s open and talks to me about her feelings.
She’s happier than I’ve seen her in months. And that’s all because of you.
“Hell, Sadie. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in months.
You make me slow down and focus on myself.
I started watching old movies like I used to do before the Claire mess.
I’m taking time for myself in the mornings, doing crossword puzzles.
I even looked into dance classes the other day.
You make us—you make me—better. You’ve changed our lives in such a short amount of time, I can’t imagine you not being here with us. ”
I know he’s referring to me as a nanny, but part of me wishes it was more than that. I’m the one who told him we were a mistake, but fuck.
I want this man. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.
“So…you want me to keep being her nanny even after the season?”
Something passes across Niko’s face. For a second I think I see disappointment. I could be imagining it, but when I said the word ‘nanny’ I swear I saw his jaw tighten. Like the word struck a nerve.
“Yeah, Sadie. I want you to stay with us if that’s something you’d be open to.”
I don’t miss how he doesn’t call me a nanny. Now I’m almost positive he did have a reaction when I said it a second ago. Maybe he’s still feeling what I’m feeling too. Does he want to reach over and grab me and kiss me as bad as I want to devour his mouth right now?
“I have to talk to Jerry to see if I have a job with the Bobcats next season, but yeah. I’d love to stay here and help out with Sophia.”
Yoga retreat in Denver be damned. Hopefully there’s a spot for me with a team so I can stay here and make a life for myself with the people who mean the most to me.
“You don’t have to decide right now. But I want you to know that I—we—would love it if you stuck around.”
His earnestness is almost too much. It makes my chest ache and makes me want him more than I already do.
I’m seconds away from grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him into me for a kiss.
I pick my fork up to keep from making that mistake and turn in my chair to start eating the delicious meal he made for us.
“I’ll let you know after I meet with Jerry. Come on, let’s eat. The food is getting cold.”
My comment is like throwing ice water on the heat that was building between us, dousing it before it can catch fire.
Niko hesitates for a second like he’s going to say something else, but turns in his chair at the last second. He picks up his own fork and starts eating his dinner.
I force myself to eat, trying like hell to ignore the longing that thrums underneath my skin. Chew. Swallow. Repeat.
I promised to keep this boundary for Sophia’s sake. For my sake. But sitting here next to him, I’ve never wanted to break a promise more.