Chapter 11
Back at home, Noodles and I sit on the couch, stunned by the events of the day. Our silence echoes through the room. A chilling sense of dread replaces the calm energy that once filled our home.
Slowly, we’re visited by our friends. They come in, two-by-two, trying not to overwhelm us but seeing if they can do anything to help. Angel makes brownies, and I devour those. Holly brings in a movie, and we plan to watch it later that night. Bent and Bash swarm in, chasing Zach and Kai, who escaped daycare and run wild through Insanity.
Their escape brings a smile to my face.
It’s the little things that matter the most.
During one of the times we’re alone, I lean against Noodles and sigh.
“I’m sorry.” I’m supposed to protect our baby, but now I’m putting him, or her, in harm’s way with an early delivery.
“None of this is your fault.” Noodles turns to look at me. “None of it.”
“I can’t help but feel responsible. My cancer is forcing our baby into this world too soon.” And it’s not just about the baby. My health affects Kai as well, preventing me from being there for him. “I-I’m scared.”
“I’m scared too.” He pulls me into his arms, his embrace warm and comforting. Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember how this affects him.
I lay my hand on my swollen belly, feeling the soft flutters of our unborn child. I trace gentle circles on my belly, and a fresh wave of guilt crashes over me. Our little one, so innocent and vulnerable, caught up in a battle he, or she, didn’t ask to fight. The unfairness of it stings.
My heart aches, not just for our unborn baby, but for Kai too. Our little boy, so full of energy and laughter, is unaware of what’s happening with his mother. The thought of not being there for him, of missing his milestones and laughter, sends a cold shiver down my spine.