9. Pinch Me
9
Pinch Me
Chelsea
I laugh into my coffee cup as I read my most recent text from Trevor.
Book Boyfriend: Just got to the first spicy scene. And the whole cafe got to hear a snippet because my headphone cord popped out.
Nope, I can’t stop laughing.
Me: This is why they make wireless headphones. But at least it was a good scene?
Book Boyfriend: I’m glad you can laugh at my pain.
Me: You don’t strike me as someone who embarrasses easily. Or gives a fuck what people who don’t know you think.
Book Boyfriend: I love that you’ve already got me figured out. Lunch today? I’m free at noon.
Me: Sounds good. Are we continuing our quest to see which dining hall is best?
Book Boyfriend: Obviously. I’ll meet you after your 11 to 12 class.
Me: Already learning my schedule?
Book Boyfriend: Is it cool or not cool to say yes?
Me: I don’t know if it’s cool, but it’s kind of adorable.
Book Boyfriend: Might be destroying my reputation, but okay. I’ll see you later.
Me: Later.
Robbie clears his throat and stares at me from across the table.
“Anyone ever tell you it’s rude to be on your phone when you’re at the table eating breakfast with someone?”
“Says the guy who has had me run interference to kick your hookups out of here or made me endure breakfast with them. If having my nose in my phone is the worst thing I’ve done, I’m doing better than you.”
He grimaces. “It sounds worse when you say it like that.”
“Like what? Like how you let them think I’m your girlfriend so they’ll leave without question? That’s not just worse , it’s gross.”
He flips me off. “See if I cook you breakfast ever again.”
I give him my sweetest smile. “But I’m your favorite niece.”
I get his signature eye roll at that. “Thorn in my side is more like it. I assume you were talking to the boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I say quickly. Because we haven’t had that talk yet, and I’m still easing into this.
“Mhm.”
“Robbie.”
“I’m just saying, if you text nonstop like a couple and spend time together like a couple… you might just be a couple.”
“Rude.”
“Delusional,” he sings.
“And on that note, I should get to class.” I push out of my chair and take my plate to the sink.
“Or to your boyfriend.”
I shove his shoulder as I walk past. “You’re the worst. Why’d I move here again?”
He puts his hands under his chin like he’s an angel. “Because your life would be boring without me.”
“You might be right about that.” I sling my bag over my shoulder. “But who says boring is a bad thing?”
I smile at his perturbed look and wave as I leave.
The second I’m out the door, I put in my wireless earbuds and start up the audio of the book Trevor and I have been reading. We went for the fairytale retelling first, and even though it’s only been a few days and we’ve both been busy, we’re making progress. I like it because it gives us a reason to text without feeling like it’s too much too soon.
The connection between us has been intense from the start, but that’s a big reason I want to take things slow. My past aside, I don’t want to rush into this. I want to let it build slowly—both so I can get comfortable in it and so we build a strong foundation. Chemistry and connection are amazing, but they aren’t what make relationships last. We’ve had mini-dates at lunch each day this week to get to know each other better, and then we’ll have another actual date on Saturday—one I’m planning. I know nothing will compare to the all day first date, but I’m still excited to do something special for Trevor after how thoughtful he was planning it.
My morning goes by quickly. It’s nice because I have a class with Rae and another with Mackenzie. I didn’t think about how much better classes are with built-in friends, but I’m glad I have people I know with me. It’s helping me feel more settled here. Though, if I’m honest, from the beginning, I’ve felt more settled here than I ever did in Syracuse. Going there made me feel special because it was a big D1 school with a sports team who wanted me, but I never fit in there. I stayed busy, hung out with people, and went to parties because they made me feel like I fit when I didn’t.
Here it’s easy.
Maybe that’s why it’s easier for me to feel like myself.
“Hutchins Hall,” Trevor says, holding the door open for me. There are four dining halls, three cafés, and one sandwich shop on campus. We’re trying them all to see which is best. This will be our fourth one this week.
As we make our way to the dining area of Hutchins Hall, I’m surprised to find it’s open and well-lit with a wall of glass doors leading to a courtyard.
“Based on aesthetics, this one is already my favorite.”
“Yeah, it’s nice. Want to eat outside?”
“Sounds good.”
We both grab food—a steak burrito bowl for Trevor and broccoli cheddar soup with fresh bread and a chicken Caesar salad for me—then find a table outside. The gorgeous late summer weather makes me want to skip classes the rest of the day. Seventy-five and sunny with the lake breeze is the best weather ever.
“How’s your day been?” Trevor asks.
“Good. I think I’m… happy.”
He laughs. “You sound so unsure.”
“I’m not. I’m surprised, I guess. I wasn’t sure I’d be happy here. Or at least not this soon. I figured I’d be indifferent for a while until I got used to it.”
He gets a big, cheesy grin on his face. “It’s because of me, right? I get it. I totally make your days better.”
I snort and roll my eyes. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re incredibly humble?”
He pretends to think about it. “Nope.”
“There’s a reason for that.”
He clutches a hand to his chest. “Always trying to hurt me with your words. I’m starting to think you don’t like me at all.”
Even though the massive pout he gives me is pretend, I can’t help but want to fix it.
I kiss his nose. “Yep. Totally hate you.”
He laughs and runs a hand down my back, playing with my hair.
I smile to myself because it seems almost involuntary. I love that he does it, so I don’t pick on him about it—I’m worried he’d stop or think it was too much for me. Instead, I enjoy the sensation and lean into the touch.
“How’s your day been?”
He nods. “Fine. Classes bore the shit out of me, but I’m told I still have to go to them. Lame, if you ask me.”
“The worst.”
“Our lunch dates are a bright spot in my day.”
“I knew it. You’re totally obsessed with me.” I flip my hair and give him a sultry smile.
He kisses my cheek. “Totally obsessed.”
“Well, unfortunately for you, you’re going to have to get by without me tomorrow. Friday mornings I’m at Promise.”
“Damn. Well, I’ll have to get by dreaming of our date this weekend. Any chance you want to tell me where we’re going?”
“And spoil the fun? No chance.”
“Fine. I guess I can wait.”
I nudge him with my elbow. “It’ll be worth it. I promise.”
He glances down at me, smiling, but doesn’t say anything.
We settle into a comfortable silence, until I get an idea.
“Want to read together?”
A smile splits his face. “Fuck yes. I’ve been wanting to do that since we picked out the books. Reading separately and texting each other is fun, but I’ve been wanting to actually read together.”
“Got your book?”
“Yep.”
With that, we both pull our books out and continue eating as we read.
Reading the same book as someone when you’re in the same space is underrated. Even if you’re not at the same part, you get to see the moments they pause and reflect, when a line hits just right, little gasps at unexpected moments. It’s a unique look into something that is normally a solitary activity.
Out of the corner of my eye, I steal glances at Trevor, but I’m the one to draw his attention when I let out a little mm noise.
“Get to something good?” he purrs in my ear.
“The second sex scene,” I whisper.
“I better read faster.”
He looks back at his book, and I continue on, but a page later, I snap the book shut.
Trevor stops reading and turns to me.
“You okay? Did someone die? Do we need to put the book in the freezer?”
I laugh out loud. “Like Joey on Friends ? And who would be getting killed during a sex scene? This isn’t a dark Mafia romance.”
He shrugs. “What’s up?”
“Eh, there was a line in there that…” How do I say this without dragging it into a conversation I don’t want to have right now? “It just made me feel a little icky. Nothing bad. It’s a me thing, not a book thing. I just need to take a break for a second.”
It’s a romance book. I should be expecting these kinds of lines. But the male main character slipping his fingers between the female main character’s legs and saying, “Is this all for me?” hits differently now. Sure that can happen when you’re turned on. But it can also happen from hormones or increased white blood cells when we’re sick. It’s not cut and dry.
That night is hazy and I can’t recall exact words, but I remember the implication that I must’ve wanted it or should’ve stopped fighting it because my body clearly wanted it.
It makes me want to puke now, thinking about it.
It’s such a small inconsequential line, and that fucker took away my ability to read it and not have any reaction to it. Yet another part of my peace he’s tried to destroy.
I was so broken after what happened that I didn’t fight. Didn’t push the police investigation. But there’s a fire growing in me every day, wondering if I can push now. Or if they’ve already tossed my case aside because who gives a fuck about a drugged-up woman who can’t remember the fuckhead who raped her?
I clench and release my fist, and that’s when Trevor shuts his book.
“Do you want to tell me what it is? I can read ahead and look out for it.”
I suck in a deep breath, then turn toward him. The expression on his face is so… earnest. I seriously don’t know what to do with him. Cupping his cheek, I lean in closer.
“No. I’m okay. I’ll be okay.”
He pushes his book away, then stretches and looks around.
“Up for a walk before your next class?”
“Sounds perfect.”
I don’t tell him that whatever we’re doing, I’ll enjoy myself because I’m with him, but it’s the truth.
Robbie’s words come back to me.
Are we boyfriend and girlfriend?
Trevor hasn’t asked me, and I still think it might be too soon for that. I don’t want to rush. But as Trevor’s fingers twine with mine and that sense of peace washes over me, I’m starting to wonder if I’m kidding myself.
Trevor
I hate school.
I hate it at an irrational level, and it’s only getting worse.
Maybe focusing so much on baseball before helped. Maybe I need to be exercising more to relax my brain. I don’t know. But it’s like I can’t focus on any task for any of my classes. I like some of what I’m studying, but I don’t know if I’m not engaged enough or if I have some kind of undiagnosed learning disorder because I can’t keep my focus where it’s meant to be.
As much as I’d like to blame Chelsea for that, I’ve struggled with this on and off before I met her. It’s just worse now.
Which is why I spent most of the day studying before our date, trying to get things done, only to flit between three projects and not make much progress on any of them. Whatever. I’ll get it done. Eventually.
For now, I’m putting it all on the back burner and focusing on Chelsea.
I have no idea where we’re going on our date, but I’m excited to find out.
When I pull up to her apartment building, I find her sitting on a picnic table in the front yard, wearing a smile that could end me. Her hair is tousled and extra sexy, looking redder in the autumn sun, and it sways behind her as she hops off the table and walks over to me.
“Waiting for me?”
I want to sweep her into my arms, spin her around, and kiss her.
But I’m still not sure where we stand on that.
I know how I feel and what I want, but she gets to call the shots on this.
She shrugs, her two-tone eyes dancing in the late afternoon sun. “I was excited to see you.”
Then she throws her arms around my neck and presses onto her toes to kiss my cheek.
Kill me dead.
My heart beats in the most over-the-top erratic way, and I don’t give a fuck. I hope she can feel it, so she knows just how crazy she makes me.
I wrap my arms around her back and hold her close, burying my face in her neck, and hoping it’s not too much for her. Not only does she not pull away, she slips her fingers into my hair, and I’m a goner.
Such little time we’ve known each other, and yet, I crave her.
“Missed you,” I whisper.
She clears her throat and steps back. “I missed you too.” She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and fuuuck. I wish I was the one doing that to that pouty bottom lip.
I card my fingers through her hair, twisting one of the strands around my finger.
“How was your day?” she asks.
“Boring. I hate school stuff. The only bright spot was texting you. How was your day?”
She lights up. “It was good. Texting you is always a bright spot in my day. And looking forward to tonight. I missed our lunch date yesterday, and I kept thinking I wanted to see you, even though I knew I’d be seeing you today. Actually, you’re kind of infiltrating my brain.”
“Uh oh.”
She smacks my chest. “It’s not bad. It’s just…”
“What?”
“Are we boyfriend and girlfriend?” she asks in a rush.
As much as I’d love to say yes to that, it’s not my call to make. Not totally.
“Do you want us to be?”
She’s chewing on her lip again, but this time it’s out of nervousness.
“Yes? No. I don’t know. I want that eventually , but—”
“Okay, here’s the deal. Until you can look at me and enthusiastically tell me you’re ready for that, then we’re not going to use labels. This is new, and we agreed to take it slow, so the ball is in your court. Whenever you feel ready for that, just let me know.”
“But—do you want to be my boyfriend?”
“Of course I do. I already see myself that way. I’m going to treat you the same regardless. I’ll eat lunch with you, walk you to your classes, take you on dates, be there whenever you need me. But I don’t need a label that will only add pressure and expectations to what we’re doing. I’m yours, Chels, in whatever way you want me. You tell me when you want to add the label.”
She stares at me, lips parted, an adorable look of surprise on her face.
Then, out of nowhere, she pinches me hard on the arm.
“Ow. What was that for?”
“I needed to make sure you were real.”
I laugh and cup her face in my hands. “If you’re questioning that, I must be living up to the fantasy book boyfriend reputation.”
She rubs her mouth, trying to hide a smile. “Something like that.” A moment of comfortable silence passes between us, then she takes a deep breath. “Ready for our date?”
“Absolutely.”
The sound of air bubbling through a straw makes me laugh, especially when Chelsea makes a satisfied “ah” and looks down at the now-empty cup in her hand.
“That was delicious.” She bounces over to the nearby trashcan and puts it in before returning to my side and grabbing my hand so we can continue our walk through the zoo.
There’s an event here tonight. Some kind of fundraiser for a local women’s shelter. There are food trucks and even a mobile tattoo shop. Chelsea was tempted by that but ultimately couldn’t pick which design she wanted, so we continued on.
We sampled several food trucks, but then Chelsea saw a sign for milkshakes, so we got some before enjoying a walk around the zoo.
“I’m learning food is the way to your heart.”
She grins up at me. “Took you this long? You haven’t even fed me garlic bread yet.”
I chuckle. “Italian for our next date night?”
“I won’t complain.”
I pull her closer and wrap my arm around her back, enjoying the heat of her body pressed against mine. As September goes on, the nights have gotten cooler. She leans into the touch, wrapping her arm around my back as well. The wind ripples across the lake, adding an extra chill to the air.
“So, food is one thing. What are the other ways to your heart? I need to take some notes if I’m going to stay on your good side.”
She tilts her head and looks up at me. “Hm. Let’s see. Puppies. And kittens. I always think I want one, even though I know they’re a lot of work. Really, I want to go play with some or steal someone else’s for a day. Well, puppies at least. I might get a kitten eventually.”
“Okay, volunteering for an animal shelter is now a date option. What else?”
“Psychics.”
“What?” I ask with a laugh.
“It’s a weird thing, but I’m a sucker for psychics—the hokier the better. I won’t book an appointment at a place for the heck of it, but if I’m at some event or carnival with a psychic, I always stop into the tent. I’ve never had an accurate reading, and they’ve always been ridiculous, but it’s so much fun. I’m also obsessed with psychic reality shows.”
“A date to a psychic. We can try and confuse them and see if they figure it out.”
She laughs. “Brilliant.”
I brush my lips over her cheek. “Tell me more.”
“I love road trips. Especially in the late summer. Something about it makes me want to jump in the car and just go, destination unknown. Makes me feel whimsical, like I’m living in an Eagles song.”
My grip on her tightens, and I feel the familiar tug of that tether between us. The one I still don’t fully understand, but want more of nonetheless.
“My dad loved the Eagles. He always had music on in the car, but if we were going on a road trip, vacation, whatever, we always ended up going through his collection of Eagles albums.”
“Sounds like the perfect summer plan.”
I glance at her out of the corner of my eye, but she’s smiling, taking in the view of the lake in the distance.
Is she thinking about summer… together?
Fuck, I love the thought of that.
If I’m honest, it kind of scares the shit out of me too. I didn’t realize until she said it, but I’ve been picturing her in my future. Christmas, summer break, next year.
When did I get this lost in her and us? It’s not a bad thing, but… if things don’t work out between us, I already know I’ll be crushed.
So, I’m going to manifest the shit out of it. Anything to help make sure it happens.
I want so much more with her, and at this point, I can’t imagine a time when I won’t.
That’s almost unsettling, so I quickly push it away and focus on the sprawling tiger enclosure in front of us.
“What about you?” Chelsea asks.
“Huh?”
“You want to know all the ways to my heart. What are some of yours?”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to mention baseball, but I don’t want to. For now, I like that it’s separate from my relationship with her.
Before she can say anything else, she adds, “Besides lazy days looking at the clouds, Loganberry, Dunkaroos, and generally anything nostalgic.”
Damn. I’ve been making notes of all the things she loves, but I wasn’t expecting her to do the same.
“Been paying attention, huh?”
She shrugs one shoulder, giving me a mischievous smile.
“Okay, uh, Mint-Ting-A-Ling. It’s a flavor of Perry’s ice cream. One of my mom’s favorites and my dad always made sure we had some in the freezer. It’s so comforting and nostalgic. It’s one of my favorite ice creams. And going along with that, I’m a sucker for little gestures. My parents were never big gift givers—at least not between each other—they showed their love through small thoughtful acts. Like the Mint-Ting-A-Ling in the freezer or how my mom would leave little notes in my dad’s lunchbox.”
Oh, shit. Move away from this topic before I start crying.
“And Terminator movies. Some of them are legitimately terrible, but I can’t help it. I love them. I’ll watch them anytime I see they’re on TV, and if I’m sick, they’re my go-to movies.”
She squeezes my hand a little tighter. “Good to know.”
A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. “Are you making a list?”
“Maybeeee. Oh look, penguins!” She tugs on my hand and leads me down the path, eyes already on the penguins, but I’m watching her, trying to memorize everything about her. The way she’s smiling. The brightness in her eyes. She’s so beautiful it makes my chest ache.
She’s so giddy when we get to the enclosure and she starts cooing at them.
“Fan of penguins?”
“Yes. I love them. They’re so cute, but they’re also spicy. They’re known to be incredibly loyal, but they also don’t take shit from other penguins or zookeepers. And they’ll fight a bitch for food. So basically, they’re a cute, waddling, little version of me.”
I move closer, wrapping my arms around her from behind. “You’re so much cuter than them.”
She leans back into me. “Did you know they can also be grumpy sometimes? Like this adorable guy I know. They also tend to mate for life.”
Her words hang in the air, and my lips ache to kiss her. I have to physically hold myself back, because we haven’t talked any further about what she’s comfortable with, and I don’t want to ruin tonight by taking things too far.
She turns her head and looks up at me, her eyes flitting to my lips. It takes all my willpower to hold back. If she wants to start this, it’s up to her. But after a moment, she tilts her head back and brushes her lips over my cheek instead before looking back at the penguins. I hold her a little tighter, loving the feel of her body so close to mine.
“This was a perfect date idea.”
“And for a great cause too.”
Slowly, she steps away from me and takes my hand, giving the penguins one last look before we continue down the path.
“How did you hear about this? I don’t remember seeing anything about it on campus.”
“Promise. We had signs and little handouts about it. I figured what better way to spend a date night? Delicious food, cute animals, supporting women? All my favorite things.”
I feign disappointment. “Should I be upset that you didn’t include me in that list?”
She stops and spins to face me, tugging on my shirt to pull me closer. “You’re the best part about tonight. Getting to share my favorite things with you only makes them better.”
Her eyes sparkle in the setting sun as she stares up at me. It’s impossible to keep my eyes from drifting down her face to her lips. I want to brush my lips over hers, dive in, and get lost in her, but she’s been trepidatious from the start. She ran away after we kissed that night at the lake house, and the panic in her eyes was unmistakable.
So I lift my gaze, pull her close, and press my lips to her forehead.
When we pull apart, she wraps her hand tightly around mine, and we continue our adventure around the zoo.
My girl still has the most vibrant smile on her face as we walk through the parking lot to my car.
My girl.
Maybe I don’t get to call her that yet, but in my mind, that’s what she is.
She lets go of my hand and skips toward the car. God, I’m a sucker for her.
She leans against my driver’s side door. Waiting for me?
The mischievous gleam in her eyes sets me on fire.
“You asked if you’re living up to the fantasy book boyfriend reputation. You’re almost nailing it.”
“Almost? You have some complaints?”
“Only one.” She sucks in a sharp breath. “I need you to kiss me. I know I’ve wanted to take things slowly, but I love the feel of your lips on mine, and I’m kind of… desperate for more.”
Well, fuck me.
“You don’t have to ask me twice.” My fingers tangle in her hair as my mouth lands on hers.
The contented sigh she lets out goes straight to my dick. As much as my brain knows we’re taking it slow, my dick hasn’t gotten the message, so I keep my hips back.
Or at least I try.
But then she fists my shirt and pulls me closer. Her lips part, then her tongue brushes my lips, encouraging me, giving me permission.
The second my tongue brushes hers, I know there’s no going back. Sure, our tongues danced when we kissed that first night, but it’s different this time. There’s so much more to it now, and despite the way she ran away, I’m glad it didn’t go any further then. Every delicious touch means so much more now.
She pulls me closer, and I try to shift my hips away, but she doesn’t let me. She drags my body until it’s against her, pressing her into the car door.
I wait for her to panic, to push me away and look terrified, but she doesn’t.
She takes what I give her and begs for more. Her throaty moans have me a second away from coming unglued.
I run my hands down her ribs, soaking in the spark I feel with every tiny touch.
Her swollen lips are soft against mine and her tongue delicately teases mine. With every movement, she’s in control, and my mind goes blank. All I feel is her. Not the breeze on my skin or the evening sun shining down on us.
A rave could be happening all around us and I wouldn’t know.
It’s only her. Me. Us. The beautiful, unlabeled, simply complex us .
I’ve never wanted anything more.
She finally breaks our kiss with a hand to my chest. The first thing I do is search her eyes for any sign of that fear, but all I find is hazy contentedness—and a heavy dose of lust.
“God, I’ve been wanting to do that.”
“And you’re okay?”
“I had to push myself through the first ten seconds—not because I didn’t want to do it, but because I needed to quiet the nagging voices in the back of my head. Once I did…” She sighs dreamily. “I could do that all night.”
I drop another kiss on her lips. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Mm, I don’t want this date to be over.”
“Want me to take the long way back to your apartment?” I don’t know what that is, but I’m sure I could find one.
“Anything to make it last a few minutes longer.” She kisses my cheek and lingers with her lips there for a moment, her breath tickling my ear.
I’m going to need a long drive with the windows down to cool off after that.
I’m pretty sure I drove around in circles, but I made the drive back to Chelsea’s apartment take forty-five minutes instead of fifteen.
We laughed and talked and enjoyed each other’s company.
I still don’t know the exact reason Chelsea wants to go slow, but I’m grateful for it. Having this no-pressure time to date and get to know each other has let us have fun. And after everything that’s happened in the last year, I didn’t realize how much I needed that.
“You’re going to turn into a popsicle,” I mumble against Chelsea’s lips.
Her hands are frigid as I wrap my hands around hers.
“I didn’t think it would be this cold in September.”
She moves closer, making no effort to stop kissing me as we stand on the front porch of her apartment building.
But then a chill rolls through her, and I break our kiss.
“Babe…”
She pouts in the most adorable way, but then her gaze shifts to the door.
As much as I’d love to go inside with her to do something as simple as relax on the couch together, this is all about what she’s ready for. I don’t want her to feel pressured or rushed. She rushed herself the first night we met, and it took a toll on her. I don’t want that to happen again. I take her hesitance into consideration with everything we do, and if she’s not one hundred percent sure, then I’ll be the one to put a stop to it.
“I, um…”
I lean in and kiss her cheek. “It’s fine. When you’re ready to ask me in, you’ll know.”
She stares at me for a moment, then she sighs and looks down.
I lift her chin and give her another soft kiss. “Now, get your sexy butt inside before it freezes off.”
Again she pouts, but slowly slips her hand from mine. “See you Monday?”
“Of course. Can’t wait for our lunch date.”
“Good,” she whispers, then with a lingering look, she walks inside.
I watch until she’s out of sight, then turn and head for my car, hoping one day soon she’ll be ready to hold the door open for me to follow her.