19. CITYTTBABYATB
19
CITYTTBABYATB
Chelsea
Me: Give me a hint. Pleassseeeee.
Book Boyfriend: You’re relentless.
Me: And cute.
Trevor has been busy planning a whole special weekend for us to celebrate my birthday and Valentine’s Day. But he won’t tell me a thing about it and since I’m both nosy and excitable—and I like to rile him up sometimes—I won’t stop bugging him about it.
Book Boyfriend: I will concede that point. And fine… here’s the only clue you’re getting.
Book Boyfriend: CITYTTBABYATB
I stop where I’m walking and blink at my phone. Did he really just send me an acronym? And is it a dirty one?
Me: You didn’t give me a clue. You gave me homework!
Trevor: Good detectives know how to figure out a clue. Put your romance reading brain to good use.
Me: So is it dirty?
My heart beats a little harder. Trevor has that effect on me. With his words. His hands. His filthy mouth.
Thankfully, after trying and failing at having sex a couple of weeks ago, we eased right back into what we had been doing—basically everything else. The next morning as we laid in bed together, we kissed and held each other for more than an hour before we let our hands roam. Though it took a few minutes for me to push past that icky headspace, once I got there, I was fine. Better than fine. I was on fire for him, like usual.
While Trevor was right, and our physical connection is insane without sex, I still want that. I still crave it. I’ve spent time trying to work through more of my fears. I’ve talked about it with my therapist. And I want to try again. It needs to be different this time. Him taking control and going straight into dirty talk didn’t work like I thought it would. I need to be gentler with myself, take it slower. I really believe I can do it, and I feel ready to try again. Maybe it can be my birthday present to myself. It’s the only thing on my wishlist right now.
I look at the acronym again, trying to figure out what it could be.
Me: I see multiple As in there. Does it involve my ass? Because I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Book Boyfriend: Wow. You really took that to a place I wasn’t expecting. It’s not like I said I’d COTAEYPTYCOMF.
Me: Dirty! Also, I wasn’t expecting you to know any of these acronyms except maybe STFUATTDLAGG.
Book Boyfriend: I didn’t. But we’ve established you take control in the bedroom, so it wouldn’t really make sense. Although you could tell me to STFUAETPLAGB.
Chelsea: I mean… you can consider that an open invitation.
Me: Right as I’m about to walk onto a baseball field with my friends? Mean. That’s just mean.
Me: It’ll be worth the wait? Especially when I’m splayed out on the bed for you later…
Book Boyfriend: I’ll be at your apartment by 5.
Book Boyfriend: And for the record, with that first acronym, think less dirty. Take it back to our first date. See you tonight, baby.
Me: Have fun. Love you.
I put my phone away and continue my walk to class, going through the letters in my mind.
CITYTTBABYATB
Start at the beginning. C… C, I. Could I or can I? Can I what? Can I taste? Taste your… tits?
I laugh to myself as I get into the building. I know Trevor likes playing with my boobs, but enough to put it in an acronym? Wait, if it’s related to our first date, that wouldn’t make sense.
When I get to my classroom, I pull out my notebook and write out the letters again.
Can I? Can I take? Can I take your… teeth?
Okay, that’s definitely not it.
I’ve only got a couple of days until our date. How am I going to freaking figure this out before then?
I look down at the paper again.
Can I teach? No.
Can I talk—ooh, tell. Can I tell you this… fuck I’ve got nothing.
What did we do on our first date?
We went to The Lake Shack.
Now I’m back to take.
Can I take you to the…
I have no idea.
When the professor appears at the front of the classroom, I reluctantly put my notebook aside. I can come back to it. Even though a part of me likes guessing. And maybe I want to let him surprise me.
He probably knew that and that’s why he sent me that clue.
Damn, he’s good.
“Yes. That’ll be perfect. So we’ll do the small booth and have a little area where people can sit and connect if it’s something they’ve been through. And definitely a volunteer sign-up.”
“I love that you’re bringing this in. I know there will be some women there who would love to sign up to volunteer.”
“Thanks, Nadine.” I look up from the notebook in my lap and see Trevor walking down the hall and carrying a tray with food on it. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll relay all that to Kristen.”
“Sounds great. Talk soon. Oh, and happy birthday.”
“Thanks. Bye.”
I hang up, smiling, as Trevor walks into the room.
“Here I was going to wake you up to a fancy birthday breakfast, but no, you had to get up and work.”
I give him my sweetest smile. “Not work. Planning for the women’s festival. I had an idea to have a booth there for Promise, and Nadine was just getting back to me about it.”
“I guess I can’t complain too much. Especially when you’re smiling like that. Even if it did mess with my plans to wake you up the fun way.”
I arch a brow and sweep my hand over the spot next to me. “Should I lie back down? Pretend to be asleep? Then you can wake me up .”
He lets out a long-suffering sigh, and I love that we’ve been together for enough time now that he can let out a long-suffering sigh because of me.
“I meant with breakfast, dirty girl.” He leans in to kiss me as he sets the tray on my lap. “Happy birthday, baby.”
“Thank you. I’ve been awake for less than a half hour and you’re already spoiling me.”
He kisses my neck as I reach for the small stack of pancakes layered with frosting. “And I’m only getting started.”
“Mm. If you want me to get through breakfast, you better stop that.”
He laughs and then has the audacity to stop. Rude. He grabs a slice of bacon from my plate and munches on it like he didn’t start a raging fire between my legs.
The perturbed sigh I let out makes him laugh.
I frown in response. “Aren’t you supposed to be spoiling me, not teasing me?”
“I can’t do anything right today. Stop distracting you so you can eat, then start distracting you again?”
I give him a wicked smile. “I never said stop distracting me. I said if you wanted me to get through breakfast. If. You were the one who was very particular about breakfast, so I thought—”
My words die as his mouth slants over mine, kissing the sass right out of my mouth.
It’s so much fun to tease him. Especially because it turns him on.
He drags his lips across my cheek and down my neck. “I promise you, I will give you anything you want, but it’ll be a lot less messy if we eat first.”
“Mm, fine. I guess I could agree to that.”
“Good.” He kisses my cheek, and we get back to eating, but one word is hanging in my mind. Anything .
“Did you mean it when you said you’d give me anything?”
Trevor was about to eat a bite of pancakes, but misses his mouth when I say that.
“Baby, what are you asking me?” He sets his fork down and turns to me.
“I want to try again. We’ll do it differently. Go a lot slower. A lot . But I really want to. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I’m ready to try again. With the mindset that it might not happen, but I’m being hopeful.”
“If you really feel like you’re ready, I will give you anything . Everything. Including that. And… okay, I don’t want this to be weird, but one of your presents kind of relates.”
He goes over to my dresser and pulls the three small boxes off it and brings them over, sliding the biggest of the three onto my lap. It’s about the size of a hardcover book but much lighter. I’m a little confused, but I’m intrigued too.
When I pull off the paper and open the white box, I find something purple and silky staring back at me. I lift it out of the box and realize it’s actually two things. Two… silk ties.
My eyes snap to him.
“Are these for tying someone up?”
He nods slowly. “I was thinking about how everything we did so far, you had control. Maybe extending that to sex would help. If you take control, you know everything that will happen because it’ll all be your decision. Complete autonomy and no uncertainty. I figured what better way to do that than by tying my hands. You don’t have to, but I read that sometimes…”
He keeps talking, but I don’t hear the words anymore. His thoughtfulness knows no bounds, and he… he said he read . He’s been doing research on this because, of course he has. My real- life book boyfriend. I slip my hand over his and give it the slightest pinch.
That stops his talking, then he looks down at his hand and smiles.
“Is that a yes?”
I throw my arms around him and kiss him. “I love you. And it’s a definite yes. But this time, no forcing it. Whenever it feels right, we’ll try.”
He kisses me again. “Whenever it feels right.”
I run my hands over the silky fabric again, my body flushing at the thought of tying him up. I’ve never had that level of control before. How sexy would he look splayed on the bed for me? A little chill rolls through me. Hopefully that means we’re on the right track with this.
I set the box aside and look at the other two presents. “So, do I get to open the other two now?”
“Whatever the birthday girl wants. Just open the smallest one last.”
I grab the medium-sized box, which is also lightweight, and tear off the wrapping paper to reveal a custom case for my Kindle. It’s a pretty shade of deep pink with shimmery gold, silver, and white speckles. In the center are the words well-behaved women seldom make history . A quote—and the title of a book—by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. It’s become a popular badass feminist phrase.
“I love this. I can’t wait to show it off by reading everywhere.”
He laughs. “One of your favorite things to do.”
Another soft kiss, then I pick up the small box and rip off the wrapping paper. When I pull the top off, I’m shocked to see a stunning yet delicate white gold bracelet with a beautiful charm in the center. I pick it up so I can get a closer a look.
“It’s a phoenix,” Trevor says. “Everybody always talks about a phoenix rising from the ashes, but that’s just part of its symbolism. It can also be a symbol of renewal, hope, and transformation. All things I think of when I think about you. Your resilience is awe-inspiring, and I’m honored to be the person you share the deepest parts of yourself with. And the one who gets to celebrate your birthday with you.”
I turn and brush my hand over his cheek. “This means so much to me. The way you see every version of me and always understand me… thank you. I want to show this off even more than the Kindle case.”
We both laugh at that, then he helps me put the bracelet on.
“Perfect.”
“Like you.”
“Like us,” I counter.
Our lips meet again, but only for a moment before we return to eating breakfast. I can’t take my eyes off the phoenix charm. But I’m not the only one who’s resilient. Who keeps rising.
I rest my hand over his. “How are you doing today? Is it strange celebrating my birthday when up until now you’ve always seen it as your dad’s?”
Trevor gives me the sweetest smile and wraps a strand of my hair around his finger. “It feels good. Not just because therapy is really helpful in processing a lot of my feelings over losing my dad—what it means to me now—but also because this day never really felt sad. It was more of a day to honor him. Celebrating you and showing you how much I love you is the perfect way to honor him.”
I make a strangled noise and reach for his hand.
“Do not pinch me again.” My eyes flit to his, and he leans in closer. “I’d much rather you kiss me.”
I set the tray aside and grab him by the shirt, pulling him to my lips.
I’m not going to argue with that.
Trevor
Spoiling Chelsea is my new favorite thing. She never really wants a lot, but seeing her eyes light up at a meaningful gift or experience is my new favorite high.
That’s what I did all day yesterday, starting with the birthday breakfast in bed and the little presents I got her. Then I spent the rest of the day lying through my teeth, telling her we were just going to have a relaxing night in and order her favorite take out to continue her birthday celebration. That was until about an hour before we had to leave when I mentioned that I actually had some fancy dinner reservations.
Which was also a lie. There were reservations. For the party room at the amazing Mexican place downtown, where—with the help of Robbie and Amanda—there was a surprise party waiting for her with all our friends.
The sheer joy in her eyes was enough to undo me. We relaxed, ate so many tacos we could barely stand, and had the most delicious birthday cake I’ve ever eaten from the bakery in town. It had a frosting drawing of medusa on it that all the girls loved. The inside was filled with sprinkles and cake batter frosting. Which somehow tasted like Funfetti cake mix smells. Amazing.
We were so full and happy that we barely made it into bed before we passed out.
Today has been a Valentine’s Day of fun, little dates, not unlike our first date. I haven’t asked yet if Chelsea decoded that acronym, but we’re headed for the stop that will reveal it all right now.
Chelsea smiles brightly as I find a parking spot near our destination. It’s midafternoon now, and after this, we’ll have a fancy meal, then head back to her place for the evening.
Chelsea smiles brightly when she sees where we’re going. As soon as we get inside, she slowly spins around, then looks up at me with those dazzling eyes.
“Can I take you to the bookstore…”
“And buy you all the books?” I finish.
“Such a good acronym.” She leans into me and brushes her lips over mine. “I hope you know what you’re getting into.”
“I’m prepared to leave with the entire romantasy section if necessary.”
She just laughs and scampers over toward the romance section.
I swear I could live on that sound. Her happiness seeps into my bones and warms me to my core. If I could give her this happiness every second of every day, I would. She deserves all the joy in the world.
I tuck my hands in my pockets and follow her.
I’ll do everything I can to keep that smile on her face for as long as possible.
We walk through the door of Chelsea’s apartment, tension thick in the air around us.
All through our meal, we were touching. She’d slip her foot from her heels and run her toes up my leg. I’d brush my fingers over her hand, up her wrist, and trace the freckles on her arm. And then Chelsea interlaced her fingers with mine and left them like that while we ate dessert. They were the slightest touches, and yet they were powerful.
It’s clear Chelsea feels the same because the second we’ve slipped off our coats and shoes, her arms are around my neck. Her lips find mine, hands roaming, untucking my shirt from my pants so she can get to the skin underneath. I curl my fingers into her hair, tugging her closer and deepening the kiss. She drags her fingernails down my back, then caresses the same spots with her fingertips, driving me wild. Every touch fans a flame of desire that stokes and grows inside me into burning desperation.
I back her up against the wall, and she hooks her leg around mine. Then I’m rocking into her, kissing her harder, then moving down her neck and sucking her tender skin into my mouth. A little gasp slips out, and she curls her fingers into my hair.
“Trevor…” And then she lets out a sultry little moan that takes me from ready to go, all the way to ready to fall to my knees and beg.
She catches my face with her hand and lifts my chin so she can see my eyes.
“I’m ready.”
I scan her face. I always want to question it, but I’ve learned not to. She’s in charge. It’s always her choice, her decision, her in control.
“I’m yours. Be gentle with me.”
She pecks my cheek. “Only if you’re a good boy.”
Then she wraps her hand around mine and drags me down the hall.
Usually, I try to put a mental block up and taper my excitement. Because I don’t want my excitement—my goddamn need for her—to come off as pushy. But tonight, I’m staying in the moment. I think she might need that. To feel that desire from me. It might help her stay in this beautiful moment. One that’s only meant for the two of us.
“Unzip my dress?” she breathes, slowly spinning for me.
I take my time, running my fingers over the fabric as she pulls her wild waves to the side.
My fingers brush the nape of her neck as I slowly pull the zipper down. Once I get to the bottom, I slip my hands inside her dress, caressing the soft curves of her stomach, then cupping and squeezing her full breasts. She drops her head back against my shoulder as I go for her nipples, but find pasties there instead.
“Can I help you take those off?”
“Please.”
God, that please alone could destroy me.
I press a kiss to her neck. “I’ll be right back.”
The heat of her gaze is on me as I walk to the bathroom, undoing the buttons of my shirt along the way. I wet a washcloth with warm water, then head back down the hall, shrugging out of my shirt as I go.
When I walk into the bedroom again, I almost trip over my own feet.
She’s lying on the bed in nothing but a barely-there thong and those fucking pasties.
A growl of desire slips out before I can stop myself, and I quickly shed all my clothes except my boxer-briefs, then climb onto the bed with her.
“I swear you get more gorgeous every day.” Lying down next to her, I pepper kisses over her jaw and neck as I gently rub the warm washcloth over one of the pasties.
“I need those off,” she whines.
“Working on it, gorgeous. Don’t want to hurt your sweet nipples.”
I get the first off, then shift on the bed, massaging the pastie on her other nipple while my mouth clamps over the now free one.
“Yes,” she hisses. “More. I need more.”
I suck, flick, and nip, and as the other pastie comes free, I tweak that nipple between my fingers.
“More.” She arches and rolls her hips. “Take my thong off.”
Again, I adjust my position, this time pausing to give my cock a quick stroke. Something to take the edge off. Then I slide the tiny scrap of fabric off her and slip my finger between her legs. The second I touch her wet center, she moans.
“Yes. I need you.”
Fuck. I need her too.
I go back to sucking on her nipple while I work my hand between her legs, teasing her, swirling around her opening, and then stroking her swollen clit. Her long moan when I do that makes me hover there, playing with her clit as she writhes in pleasure under my touch.
It’s a fucking ego trip to hear her moan like that and know it’s my fingers, her desire for me, and the love between us that’s creating it.
She shudders and grabs my hand.
“Stop. I’m too close.” She swallows and meets my gaze as I lift my lips from her nipple. “Trev, get a condom.”
Chelsea
This is the scary part, but holy fuck, I want it.
And the look of sheer desperation on Trevor’s face says he wants it too.
He grabs a condom and sets it on the bed, then slips his boxers off and rolls onto his back, arms up.
“I’m all yours, baby.”
With that, I grab the silk ties, anticipation whirling in me. I’ve never tied anyone up before. And while this is a very low-key version of it, I want to make sure it’s enjoyable for him.
I take my time tying each wrist to a bedpost, making sure it’s secure but not too tight.
Then I move to the end of the bed and admire my handiwork.
His muscular arms are splayed and tied. His chest rises and falls with heavy breaths. His cock is at full attention.
The cock that’s going to be inside me very soon.
I want this .
And I refuse to let those other thoughts derail me again.
I’m here with Trevor. The sexy, book boyfriend of a man who takes care of me, protects me, shares his vulnerabilities with me, and lets me be his safe place while keeping me safe too.
So I focus on him, stroking him from root to tip, swirling the precum on his tip all over the head as I soak in the sound of his groans. Then I take the condom and tear the package open. Slowly, torturously, I roll it down his length.
“Fuck, baby.”
A tremble rolls through me at that gravelly tone, and as I look at him, tied up and waiting for me, I can’t hold back anymore. Running my hands up his thighs, I sit up on my knees, then crawl over his legs.
Then I move a little farther up, so I’m hovering right above him.
My body heats as the reality of it all sets in. And the memory of screaming and fighting—
“Baby, look at me.”
Trevor’s voice draws me back to the moment.
“Be here with me. Run your fingers through my hair. Focus on us. On our love. Nothing else can touch that. It’s just us.”
It’s those words, that tether glowing brightly between us as it tugs my soul to his, that makes me sink down onto him, taking everything all at once.
He groans and flexes his hands like he’s desperate to grab something, and I… can barely breathe. But in a good way. The best way. I’m choked up because it’s him. Finally him.
His eyes roll over me, hazy and filled with lust, and I lift my hips, then slide down his length again.
Those intrusive thoughts try to creep in, but this time, the experience around me is so much louder, it drowns them out, and it’s easy— easy —to get lost in Trevor. In us.
Every time I lift my hips and sink back down, he hits deeper, and it drives me crazy. I forgot how incredible it feels. The condom is more like a second skin, so tight to his cock I barely feel it. All I feel is his warmth coming through it. The heat born of pure lust and need.
That’s when I let go and ride him, lost in the sensation of finally having him inside me. The connection that we’ve been building for months, deepening with every stroke. I want more. Need more. More of him. More of us.
“God, you look so good riding my cock, baby. No one has ever made me feel this good. And your beautiful body…” He moans. “You’re perfect.”
I was expecting more dirty talk, but I think I’ve broken him. Not that it’s a bad thing. Trevor is always on. Always worrying, overthinking, or trying to process his trauma—usually more than one at a time. Getting him to truly relax is a challenge, and I’ve never seen him this free before. How utterly lost in pleasure he is makes me even hotter for him.
I’m determined to keep him in that place. And my focus on him keeps me there too. Gone are my fears and worries. There’s only him. Only us.
My abs burn as I ride him, swirling my hips, changing up my pace, going tantalizingly slow until his abs tighten, or so fast he can barely breathe.
My body is on fire in the best way, and with every movement of my hips, my clit rubs against his pelvis. Again and again. Pressure and heat bloom inside me until I’m flying toward the edge.
That’s when I reach up and undo the ties holding his hands.
“Baby?” he rasps.
“I need more. Grab my thighs. I want to feel you. Move with me.”
“Anything you want,” he groans. “Ah, fuck. Wrap your hand around my throat. Not tight enough to choke. Just enough to claim me. Own me. Use me.”
So I do.
I wrap my hand around the side of his neck, my thumb brushing his throat.
“Perfect. So perfect.”
I roll my hips again and again, gasping his name.
Like I was craving, his fingers dig into my thighs, and I know he’s getting closer too. My eyes drop to his face again, and he’s absolutely lost in a world of bliss. As I watch him, a chill rolls up my spine, and I transcend into a dominant goddess, taking what I want and letting myself be worshipped. I’m powerful and uninhibited as I ride him.
His muscles are tight, but his face is slack with pleasure.
“Fuck, baby. I’m so close.”
I press my thumb tighter against his neck and whisper the words the guys in romance novels always say.
“Come for me.”
“Eugh…”
“Don’t you want to fill me up, show me who you belong to? Watch me fall apart for you while your cock pulses inside me?”
“Chels…” he gasps, his dark eyes hazy with lust. His fingers tighten on my thighs, and I’m so damn close. I move faster, desperate for the friction of his pelvis against my clit each time our bodies connect.
“You want it? Come. Right now.”
“Fuck.” It’s a whimper and a moan as he comes apart for me. He clenches my thighs in his hands and bucks up into me, his pulsing cock filling me completely. But it’s the unfiltered pleasure on his face that sends me over the edge.
Sparks burst inside me, igniting a flame deep within as I take everything he gives me and own my pleasure, reveling in it. Shame washes away, and there’s a light in my chest shining through like rays of sunlight. I’m empowered and… free.
I ride him through every second of my high, not stopping until my muscles are shaking and I can’t breathe. Then I collapse against him and his warm arms wrap around me.
That was everything I needed, and with it, one of the still broken pieces of me healed.
Shifting slightly, so we’re lying side by side, I reach over and pull the condom off him, chucking it toward the trash can.
“Holy fuck,” he groans, holding me close. “I’ve never had sex like that before. I’ve never been so lost in the experience before. I swear I saw God.”
I bite back a laugh and nip at his ear. “So it was good for you?”
“Fucking amazing. I’ve never come that hard in my life. It’s going to take me a week to get it up again.”
“Is that a challenge?” I tease, running my hand over his stomach, just above his pelvis.
“Okay, maybe a day.”
I graze my fingers up his chest, swirling them around his nipples as I suck on his neck.
He takes a sharp breath. “Okay, like an hour.”
Satisfied, I lift my lips off his neck and smile wickedly.
A matching smile curves on his lips. “Why do I feel like I just opened Pandora’s box?”
“Is that the new nickname for—”
He stops my words with a kiss. “That was amazing.” Another kiss. “And I’ll take more whenever you want to give it to me.” One more kiss. “There will never be any pressure or expectation.”
Pulling back, I meet his eyes. “The same goes for you, by the way. I want any sexual experiences to be fulfilling for both of us.”
“Is this when I say I filled —”
Now it’s me stealing the rest of his words with a kiss.
When I’ve kissed all the terrible dirty jokes away, I curl my body around his and rest my arm over his waist.
“Serious question… have you ever done that before? Not being tied up necessarily, but not being in control. Because it seemed like it worked for you.”
“Honestly? I’m usually the bossy, more dominant one in bed. I never considered doing anything else because I enjoyed that, but what we just did?” He whistles. “It was more than me just enjoying myself. It got me out of my head. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I tend to be overprotective sometimes and take my version of caretaking to new levels, to the point I forget about myself.”
I feign shock. “You? Never.”
“Letting go was a whole new high for me.”
“Just like taking control at that level was for me.”
“It’s almost like we’re perfect for each other.”
“A perfect match,” I breathe, twining my fingers with his.
“Perfect together.”
Then he kisses me again, long and slow, and something restless inside me settles. With every piece of myself and my trust I hand over to him, the deeper our relationship grows.
We’re so beautifully twined together now, I can’t imagine anything untangling us.