21. I Lived
21
I Lived
Chelsea
Brownies are a food of the gods.
Actually, screw the gods. They’re a food of the goddesses.
And my current weakness as I stare down at the snack spread Rae and I just set out.
“Am I a terrible meeting hostess if I snag a brownie before the meeting starts?”
Rae grins at me. “If you are, then I am too. We made them. It’s only right that we sample them. Quality testing.” She lifts two off the plate and hands one to me, then she taps hers against mine. “Here’s to us and how far we’ve both come this year.”
“I’ll eat to that.”
We both finish our brownies in three bites or less—can’t help it, Rae’s recipe is so damn good—and look around the empty room.
“This time last year, I was still shrouded in darkness. I’d finally gotten out of bed, but I was angry and bitter. Looking back, it’s hard to put into words how deeply I was hurting. How desperately I needed something like this.”
“Going to my first support group changed everything for me. It helped me finally say the words out loud and tell my parents.”
“I wish I would’ve found something like this during that time in my life, but the group wasn’t what I needed most. It was more support. Friendship.” My voice drops with the last word.
Unsurprisingly, Rae immediately wraps me in a hug. “I’m so glad I met you. I love my friends and my sister with all my heart, but you and I connect in a different way—and I don’t just mean shared trauma. Your passion for helping people, uplifting women, and making your little corner of the world better inspires me. You know the first thing I thought when I saw you?”
“No. What?”
“That I had a total girl crush on you. Now I’m lucky enough to call you a friend, and I’m so grateful for that.”
I bump my shoulder against hers. “Back at you.”
“So, are you excited about the women’s festival this weekend?”
I light up immediately. “I can’t wait. I love that Promise has intertwined with it in a small way.”
“Promise is a business built around supporting women. That’s exactly why they should be there.”
“I appreciate you all jumping on board and coming with me.”
“Are you kidding? It sounds like it’s going to be amazing. Possibly our most epic girls’ night ever,” Rae says with a laugh.
We’ll both be working at the booth Promise will have at the festival for the morning on Saturday, then Amanda, Mackie, Sarah, and Hyla are meeting us, and we’re going to spend the rest of the day exploring and having fun. After helping Nadine and the other wonderful women I met along the way plan this, I’m ridiculously excited to see how it all comes together.
More people wander in, so we focus on our meeting hosting duties. Like always, we introduce ourselves and then hand the floor over to whoever wants to talk. A few minutes into the meeting, I notice the girl in the hoodie from a couple of months ago—Maura—walk in with another girl, and my heart warms. It sucks that she was right and her friend went through something that would bring her here, but she’s an incredible friend for showing up and now bringing her here.
After the meeting is finished, I end up in a conversation about the women’s festival, which has been getting some great buzz. I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of turnout there ends up being.
When I excuse myself from that group, I turn around, hoping to find Maura and her friend, only to find them looking back at me from near the snack table.
I make my way over to them, the girl with Maura looking a little overwhelmed and uncertain. I’ve been there. And I’ve come a long way since then. It all happened so slowly that I didn’t really notice, but it’s like the steady climb up a mountain. You don’t realize just how high up you are until you’re looking back at where you came from.
“Hi. Maura, right?”
“Yeah. This is the friend I told you about. Harley, this is Chelsea.”
“Hi,” Harley says softly, though a bit of brightness appears in her eyes.
“Hi. I’m glad you came.”
“I’m thankful you encouraged Maura to ask me about all of it.” Tears well in her eyes, but she waves a hand away. “We actually went to Promise a couple of weeks ago, but you weren’t there. Thank you. I was so afraid to even say the words. Talking to Maura helped.”
“She’s the one you should be grateful to. I gave her some advice, but it takes a great friend to recognize when their friends need help.”
Harley reaches over and squeezes Maura’s hand.
“Did you want or need to talk about anything?” I ask.
Harley shakes her head. “Not right now. Just being here helped.”
“Good. I’m glad. I hope we’ll see you again in the future.”
“And it’s always fine to bring friends for support,” Rae says, coming to stand next to me.
“Thank you both,” Harley says, then she and Maura leave.
“I wish every girl had a friend like that who they could truly rely on. Who would show up for them.”
Rae loops her arm around mine. “Guess we’ll have to make sure we raise the next generation that way. With strong friendships—especially female ones.”
I chuckle at that. “With you leading the charge, we’ll be in good hands.”
No one makes or keeps friends quite like Rae Cooper. I’m honored to be one of them.
“This is such a beautiful thing you’re doing. I’ve lived so close my whole life and never knew. I’m so glad you’re here today. Would it be possible to get some business cards to keep in my shop downtown? You never know where someone might see exactly what they need.”
The woman in front of me smiles warmly. She’s dressed in a flowing bohemian paisley maxi skirt with a cropped tank top and oversized sweater. She runs a small shop in Old Lake Town selling soaps and handmade goods. She even teaches some classes.
“That would be amazing.” I spin around and rummage through one of the containers we brought before pulling out a stack of postcards with information about Promise on them. “Take these, and if at any point you need more, you can call and ask.”
“Perfect. Well, I’m so glad I met you…”
“Chelsea.”
“Chelsea. Keep up the amazing work.”
“Thank you. Take care.”
“Many blessings.” She bows her head and walks away, leaving us in a calm silence.
Rae is sitting at a small table on the counseling side of the booth, talking with a couple of women, but otherwise we’re in a bit of a lull. Kristen joins me near the front of the booth and smiles. “You’ve helped do something pretty amazing here today. I hope you know that. And I appreciate you suggesting we be involved.”
My cheeks heat at the compliment. “Thank you.”
“You should be proud. You’ve come a long way this year, and I mean that. I have lots of interns who come in and out of Promise. We make it a point to try to pick people who are interested in and dedicated to our mission. The majority do a great job and continue on. Then there are a few who stand out. Who take Promise’s mission and make it their mission. They bring a part of their spirit to everything they do and go above and beyond. Somehow, I got lucky enough to have two at the same time.” She glances over at Rae. “We might not be able to change the world, but I’m certain you two can change your little corner of it.”
Tears well in my eyes, but I blink them away. “That means a lot to me. You’ve taught me a lot, and I look forward to learning even more next year, then taking it all with me wherever I end up.”
“Rae mentioned you’ll be helping her this summer at the counseling center in Ida.”
“Yeah, it’s mostly volunteer stuff, but I’m excited. Especially since a lot of it is outreach and connecting with high school or college students. The earlier we teach girls about their strength and their power, the more strong females we have out in the world.”
“Your passion for advocating and empowering women is inspiring. In fact, I was talking with a friend the other night. She’s a professor in the women’s studies department, and she’s been working with the local high school to set up a program where women in their junior and senior years of college mentor girls who are in the junior and senior years of high school.”
“Yes,” I blurt out.
Kristen laughs.
“Seriously, how do I sign up? I would love to be a part of that.”
“I’ll pass her information along to you.”
“Thank you.”
I take a deep breath and let it out again, looking around at the tents and booths dotting the field, rooted in this moment. There were times when the darkness felt too overpowering to make it out of, but I made it.
Four beautiful, familiar faces appear, walking toward the booth.
“Rae, trouble’s here.”
Kristen looks at her watch. “Oh, you two need to get out of here and go have fun.”
Rae comes over to join me as Amanda, Mackie, Sarah, and Hyla stroll up to the booth.
“Greetings, lovely ladies,” Mackie says playfully. “We’re here to escort you to the shenanigans.”
“Oh, and we brought gifts!” Hyla holds up a bag and starts pulling out T-shirts.
“All from a shop a few tents down that sells all kinds of things with feminist slogans,” Amanda says, holding up her T-shirt, which reads Smash the Patriarchy with a sledgehammer beneath it.
Mackie’s has the same quote as my Kindle case, Well-behaved women seldom make history.
Sarah’s says, They didn’t burn witches, they burned women.
Then she holds one out to Rae that says, Nevertheless, she persisted.
“We got this one for you,” Hyla says, handing it to me.
My body, my choice.
And for the second time in the last ten minutes, I want to cry.
“Thank you,” I murmur. Then Hyla shows us hers.
Not fragile like a flower, fragile like a bomb.
“That’s perfect for you,” I whisper.
“For all of us,” Hyla says.
I slip my shirt over my head and look around at my friends. My best friends. My tribe. If I’m taking cues from the vibes today, my coven.
With my coven of strong, wild, messy women, I head off to enjoy the festival.
“This is the coolest idea ever!” Hyla yells, throwing her hand up in the air.
In the middle of a large field is a pile of wood and palettes surrounding a huge plywood phoenix. Markers are scattered all around it so people can write things on the phoenix—good energy they want to put out into the universe or things they want to let go of. As the sun sets, they’ll light it on fire, then there will be music and dancing—around the fire if we want—and people will be playing drums.
We have a blanket set up on the edge of the roped off area, and we slip underneath to get markers and write our words on the phoenix.
As I pick up a marker, I look down at the phoenix bracelet that’s always on my wrist. The one Trevor gave me that feels like a representation of myself.
I find a spot on the left wing of the phoenix and write the word I’d most like to get rid of—to let go of in my life. I don’t want it anymore and I certainly don’t need it.
Shame .
I’ve carried it for long enough, and now it’s time to let go.
“That’s a good one,” Amanda says.
“What’s yours?”
She drags her finger under the word worthlessness .
“Let’s leave it all behind tonight.”
She rests her head against mine. “Hell yes.”
We make our way back to the blanket and settle in with the girls, munching on some candied nuts. We had a fantastic time at the festival today. Even though I thought drum circles might be too hippie for me, we went to one and had fun. We learned about so many local artisans and practitioners as well as learning a lot about self-care and caring for each other. It’s been an incredible experience, and if they decide to do it again next year, I definitely want to be involved again.
A few drummers enter the circle along with Nadine and they lead us through some chants.
I am strong.
I am brave.
I am powerful.
I am loved.
Then the fun begins. People start playing music and Nadine and a couple of other women start lighting the pyre. A place to burn away everything we don’t need and claim what we do.
The women hurry away as the flames engulf the phoenix.
Let her burn and let her rise.
Small fireworks pop and crackle adding colorful hues to the wild flames.
“This is incredible,” Amanda says.
“Seriously,” Mackie says. “My mom would love this. I should invite her next year.”
“All the moms,” Sarah says, then elbows Rae. “Can you imagine how much trouble Mom and Katie would get into?”
I laugh too, picturing their mom and Miles’s mom sitting here with us. And Liz, too. Gran would love this.
“I’m so glad you were a part of planning this and asked us to join you,” Rae says. “I might never have known about it—or been brave enough to come—if it weren’t for you, and I’m so glad I’m here.”
“Yes to all of that,” Hyla says. “I want to see this grow every year, with more incredible women. Maybe our tribe will grow too.”
Even though it already is. Rae and Sarah recently added their cousin Dani to our Girl Gang texts now that she’s living in Ida—and dating Joel’s brother Jesse.
When the fire dies down enough to stand near it, Nadine appears again with a handful of other women and a group of musicians and drummers, who are playing and dancing by the fire.
“We invite you all to join us as we dance around the fire. If you want to feel completely free, we encourage you to leave your shirts behind and dance topless.”
Leave it to Nadine… who strips her shirt off, then goes a step further by chucking it in the fire.
I’m not throwing my new favorite shirt in the fire, but…
“Are we doing it?” I ask.
“I’m in!” Hyla yells and whips her shirt off, making Mackie choke because of course Hyla’s not wearing a bra.
Hyla winks at her, then Mackie shakes her head and pulls her shirt off too.
“I guess that’s a yes,” Amanda says, pulling off her shirt and bra and tossing them in the center of the blanket.
“You want to?” Sarah asks.
Rae stares blankly at her for a second, then smiles brightly. “Let’s do it.”
Without another thought I pull my shirt over my head and free myself from the confines of my bra, and we all make our way under the ropes and into the crowd of women—this beautiful sisterhood—dancing around the flames of the phoenix.
We hold hands and dance, singing along with chants and music, utterly free. The fire warms my skin as I dance with the women who have changed my life and helped me embrace all I’ve been through and who I’ve become, and in this wild, carefree moment, I’ve never felt more alive.
Our laughter is unhinged as we walk down the path back toward campus. Festivities are still happening, but with the girls needing to drive back to the lake house, we didn’t want to leave too late.
I’ve lost track of what we’re laughing about, but we’re leaning against each other, cackling like we’re drunk even though we’re all sober, as we hit the parking lot by the student center and keep walking down the hill toward a smaller one where our cars are.
It’s almost 11:00 p.m. and campus is quiet, though the sounds of music and drums from the festival still cut through the night air, which is rapidly cooling off. It was a warm weekend for early May, but the chill in the air without the sun is a reminder that it’s not quite summer yet.
As we get closer to the edge of the student center, I notice a couple of figures under one of the streetlights. I instinctively reach for Amanda and Hyla, who are on either side of me.
“What is it?” Sarah asks as our steps slow.
“Probably nothing,” I say, hoping I’m right. But two random people hanging around the student center that’s been closed for hours is unlikely to be nothing.
Sometimes I truly wish I could go back to not assuming the worst in situations like this, but then again… have I ever? As women, we’re trained from a young age to be aware of our surroundings, especially at night. If only we taught men from a young age not to attack and assault women.
Now that we’re closer, I can make out that it’s two guys, both smoking, though they put their cigarettes out when they see us.
“Should we walk a different way?” Mackie whispers.
“No.” My voice is icy. Not toward her, but in anticipation of what’s coming.
I refuse to back down. If I were alone, it might not be safe, but at the same time, I know how to use my body to my advantage and how to protect myself. If I hadn’t been drugged that night, I could’ve gotten away. I’m certain of that.
That night I called Trevor because of that guy hanging around and acting sketchy after my class is a distant memory. The fear I remember, but I refuse to give in to it.
I’m done cowering from fragile men who try to hurt and control women to make themselves feel more powerful.
I’m done living in fear. Screw taking a bear over a man. Give me all the men. I’ll be the bear. Let them decide if they’d like to meet me in the woods.
One of the guys whistles as they both prowl toward us.
“Where are you ladies headed tonight?”
“I bet we could give you somewhere more interesting to go,” the second guys says.
“I can guarantee there’s nothing interesting about either of you,” Amanda says.
“Ooh, a mouthy one,” the second one says. “I wonder what else you can do with that mouth.”
“Besides tell you to fuck off?” I ask.
“Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to swear?” the second guy asks.
“Nope. Just like your mother clearly didn’t teach you not to harass women.”
The first guy steps in front of me, and Hyla clenches her hand into a fist. God help anyone she swings at. She’s gained a lot of muscle back in the last few months and there’s nothing deadlier than a woman ready to protect someone she loves.
“ My body, my choice . Hm. I was thinking your body would look good against mine.”
I shift a step closer as a dark smile grows on his lips.
“Funny. I was thinking my knee would look good against your balls. Let’s see.”
“Wha—”
I lunge forward, grab him by the shoulders and pull him down as I shove my knee up into his balls once, and then a second time, just for good measure.
The other guy rushes to his side.
“You crazy bitch!”
“I prefer the term mad woman,” I say coolly, even though my heart is beating a million miles a second.
Hyla stifles a laugh.
“What the fuck?” the first guy groans, holding his crotch as he tries to stand up.
“What makes you think you should ever approach a woman like that?”
A mix of anger and nausea wells inside me, and I find myself reaching for my phone.
I know I’ve said men are the problem—and they are. Men need to stop raping and assaulting women.
But society needs to stop allowing it to happen and hold them accountable. But they don’t. Not often enough. So I will.
“Smile for the camera, boys.”
“What the fuck are you doing?” the second guy demands.
“Making sure everyone knows exactly who to avoid.”
“Let’s get out of here and away from these psycho bitches,” the first guy says.
“Have the night you deserve!” Amanda calls after them.
I’m shaking as I text their photo and some brief details to the campus police tip line, and then to Nadine, so she can let everyone know to be careful as they leave the festival. Not that I think those guys will be around again.
“Holy shit. That was badass,” Amanda says. “I thought Rae and I were the ones trained in kickboxing.”
I laugh weakly. “My grandmother taught me a long time ago how to hit a man where it hurts the most: his balls, his ego, and his sense of superiority.”
“Nailed it,” Hyla says.
Rae meets my eyes. “Are you okay? I’ve been there. Fighting back. It feels good, but also…”
I nod. I don’t have words for how I feel either. Superhuman and yet incredibly small.
“I’m okay. But I’m ready to go home.”
Hyla loops her arm through mine. “Let’s go.”
We got back to our cars without any other issues, though Hyla took my keys and drove my car back to the apartment building while the rest of the girls drove to the lake house. We all made strict promises to text when we got home so we know the others are safe.
As we stand in the lobby of my apartment building, Hyla wraps me in a hug.
“I’m proud of you. Your strength tonight was beautiful and powerful. I hope once you process all that, you feel the same way.
“Thanks,” I whisper.
Hyla is staying with Robbie since he has two bedrooms, and as Hyla put it, she doesn’t want to overhear sex noises.
Fair.
“Do you want me to walk you up to your apartment?”
“No, I’ll be okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay. Goodnight.”
And just like Trevor would, she makes no move to go into Robbie’s apartment, instead waiting for me to go upstairs.
It’s not until I’m right outside my apartment that I hear the click of the door downstairs.
My brain feels fuzzy, and I’m not sure if I want to laugh or cry or rage. But Trevor’s waiting for me inside, and if nothing else, I need him.
I swing the door open and walk inside, quickly closing and locking the door behind me.
“Hey, baby,” Trevor calls from the bedroom.
I’d be surprised he’s still up, but it’s Trevor. He would’ve waited all night to make sure I got home safe.
“Hi,” I call in as even a tone as I can muster.
When I get to my bedroom, I find him sitting in bed reading, and damn if it’s not a sexy picture. One I’d like to see every night.
“How was it?” he asks.
“I kneed a guy in the balls. Twice.”
He’s instantly on alert, but tries not to show it.
“Was that part of the entertainment at the festival?”
I shake my head and he launches off the bed.
“What happened?” he growls.
And for some reason, that makes me laugh.
He looks at me like I’m crazy, which I might be, because it doesn’t take long for that laugh to morph into a cry.
He wraps his arms around me, angry energy vibrating off him.
“Tell me who I need to kill.”
And there’s another laugh.
“No one. I handled it.”
“Or kneed it?” He pulls back slightly and cups my face in his hands.
“I love you,” I murmur.
“Tell me what happened.”
I gesture to the bed, and we sit, Trevor wrapping his arms around me and pulling me halfway onto his lap. I can’t complain about being wrapped in a cozy Trevor cocoon.
He seethes as I tell him what happened, going through a range of emotions about it all. As they all pass, I’m left with a feeling of angry numbness. I’m not surprised it happened, but I’m pissed. And I’m proud I stood up for myself. Being careful is exhausting, and if I’m going to exhaust myself, I’d rather be fighting back, however I can.
“I fucking hate that this is how the world is for you. It’s not okay. If I could change it, I would.”
“You change it every day by being you. By being a good man. Because I know if you saw that happening to anyone, you’d step in. You’d shame the guys. You wouldn’t let anyone get away with it. That makes a difference.”
He sighs and rests his head against my shoulder. “I would… but I haven’t always done that. I let the guys on my old team say shit I never should’ve let them get away with in the locker room. I’m not proud of it.”
“We all have our own paths to walk and things to learn. Besides, hearing the shit guys say in a locker room is different from witnessing a guy trying to trap or assault a girl. Would you ever have allowed that?”
“Fuck no.”
“Exactly.” I brush my hand over his cheek. “Because you’re a good man with a good heart.”
“How do you have so much grace?”
“I have grace for the people who deserve it. People who have good hearts, who want to learn and grow, who want to fix the world, or who want to learn from their mistakes. And I have that grace because I’ve seen the darkness. You can either fade away and become a part of that darkness, or you become a star and be the light in that darkness instead.”
He brushes his thumb over my cheek. “You astound me. I’m not sure if I could’ve become a star after all you went through—I’m not even sure I have after my own experiences. Maybe sometimes, but others? I have a visceral hatred for men who do that kind of shit—prey on women or anyone else. It’s disgusting. And when it comes to you…” He drops his head against my shoulder. “I tried to find him.”
“What?” I lean back and turn to look at him. He meets my gaze, his brows drawn together and eyes gleaming with hesitancy.
“After you told me what happened, I reached out to one of my few friends from my old team. A guy I trust completely. I asked him to check into it. See if anyone had heard anything about a report or even rumors that one of them might’ve done it. He never found anything. I’m sorry. I wish… I could’ve given you that justice. That peace.”
Of course he tried to retroactively fix it. Only Trevor.
He still looks so unsure, and I can’t help but lean in and kiss him. A simple kiss to reassure him.
“Thank you. I wish he could be held accountable. Actually face justice. But if I’ve learned anything, that’s likely never going to happen, and while that’s not okay, I’m okay, and I’ve learned sometimes moving on without closure is necessary.”
He holds me tight to him as he slides down in bed and pulls the covers over us.
“There’s that grace again. I’m angry about what happened to you tonight, but I’m grateful you’re okay.” He kisses me. “I love you. I don’t want to lose you.” Another kiss. Slower this time. Raw.
That fear is always there for him. Always ripping him apart. Losing someone else he loves terrifies him.
“I’m here.” I kiss his cheek. “I’m safe.” Then his nose. “I love you.” His lips. “I need you.”
Our lips meet again, but this time it’s sloppy, desperate. We need each other to take away the hurt. We need to feel the depth of our love. Because it’s real, so real and raw and utterly beautiful.
“What do you want?”
“Everything,” I mutter against his lips.
Then we’re peeling off clothes, hands roaming over warm skin.
He rolls onto his back and moves to pull me on top of him.
“No. Can you… I want you to take care of me.”
A few simple words, but with them, I hand over the last remaining threads of my trust.
“Lay on your side,” he whispers, then reaches over me to grab a condom.
He runs his fingers up my center, and I whimper at the touch. Then he gently lifts my leg and moves closer, until we’re tangled together.
I gasp as he pushes inside me, my head dropping back in ecstasy.
I wrap my arms around his neck, one hand curling in his hair and the other digging into his back, and then slowly, we move. We find our rhythm. Slow and steady, our faces just inches apart. No teasing tonight, just us, focused solely on each other and the love between us.
It’s different. So different from when I climb on top and take control.
This is an exchange. Two bodies, two souls coming together as one. Finally, there’s nothing held back. We’re complete now. Twined together.
I get lost in our love as we move together, both of us desperate for release but holding out as long as we can. It feels too good to stop, but I don’t want it to be over.
It’s not until my body is trembling, every thrust almost sending me into bliss that Trevor looks into my eyes and whispers, “Come with me. I want to feel you pulse around me while I come.”
“Yes,” I cry.
His hot mouth slants over mine as we move faster. Everything else slips away as we explode, our sweaty bodies heaving together as we ride our highs.
When we’re finished, neither of us finds words. We just hold each other tightly as we lazily kiss, lost in bliss.
It’s somewhere near two in the morning, and Trevor and I are lying in bed, naked, his fingers running through my hair as we talk.
We almost fell asleep kissing, then we got some food since we worked up an appetite, came back to bed and worked up some more appetite—this time with Trevor on top.
Now we’re both too wound up—in the best way—to sleep. I’ll never complain about lying in his arms though.
“What do you want from your future?” he asks, lazily drawing circles on my stomach with his finger.
“If I say you is that totally cheesy?”
He presses a kiss to my jaw. “More like sexy. And perfect. Because I want you as the center of my future too.”
I bite the inside of my cheek because now is the perfect opening to ask the question that’s been dancing in my mind for a while now.
“Does that mean you’ll move in with me next year?”
We’ve already talked about summer. We’ll be doing a mix of things from both staying with my family, to both staying with his mom, to staying separately at times. It’ll probably be chaos, but in this transition period of our lives, it makes the most sense. But next year… I don’t really want to live apart. He spends so much time here anyway, and—
“Yes. Fuck yes. I’d love to live here with you. Assuming Robbie’s okay with that.”
My cheeks heat a little. “When he asked me, I might’ve stumbled over some nonsense words before telling him that was the plan.”
He laughs. “So, all this was just your way of getting me to confirm what you’d already decided?”
I shrug. “I prefer to call it manifesting.”
His lips capture mine in a rough, hot kiss. “Whatever you call it, I’m in. I can’t wait to live with you.”
“Good.”
“So, besides us, what’s your future look like?”
“You know that song I Lived by OneRepublic?”
“Mhm.”
“That’s what I want from my future. Life is short and nothing is certain, and whenever my time comes, I want to know I lived my life to the fullest. Not jumping out of planes or traveling to far-off places. I want to live my truth and follow my heart and chase down all my dreams. For me, that includes having kids, continuing the type of work I do with Promise—wherever it leads me—being a mentor and role model to young women, and when I have kids of my own, raising them to be strong and compassionate and make the world a better place.”
Awe shimmers in his eyes. “I’d expect nothing less from you. I noticed one thing you didn’t mention, though. Marriage.”
“I thought you said what I wanted besides us.”
“Are we married? Did I miss that?”
I smack his stomach. “No, but… I don’t know. Would anything change—besides living together full time—if we were married? Would you care or love me more than you do now?”
“Of course not.”
“Then the way I see it, marriage is just a formality. A legal extension of our relationship.”
“You don’t care about the big wedding?”
I laugh and sigh. “I used to be obsessed with that idea. But over the years, it changed. I’d much rather have a marriage than a wedding. I’m open to anything, but for me, the wedding isn’t a big deal.”
“Hm. Good to know. So you’re saying I can wife you up on short notice?”
“Not if you continue to say things like ‘wife you up.’” I give him my sweetest smile and pat his cheek. “For the record, just in case you need to hear it, I want to do all the things I listed with the man of my dreams by my side… and he looks a lot like you.”
He pulls me close, hand tangled in my hair as he looks into my eyes. “I want to build that life with you, Chels. There’s no doubt in my mind you’re it for me.”
I don’t have any words to respond to that, so I kiss him. I kiss him with all the passion and love inside me, as my heart beats to the rhythm of forever .