Chapter 19 Alicia
I stood stunned by Basil’s words and actions.
I couldn’t believe he’d just said that out loud and in front of Leo.
Something I said must have triggered him because now I was trying to figure out exactly what I said for him to disrespect me like that.
“Wow. I knew you were fucking him. You really stooped that low to pick up some street thug, passing him off as being your nanny, Alicia?”
My head whipped toward him, and I frowned.
“Leo, if you’re going to be coming to pick the kids up, I’m going to need you to not speak about me or whatever the fuck I have going on in my home.
If you can’t respect that, then I will get someone to middleman this shit,” I told him.
I was irritated as hell because I didn’t like this dynamic between Basil and me now.
I tried to tell him that I was ready to let go of my past and focus on what was best for my children and me.
They loved Basil. There was no way I could let this man leave my life now that my kids had imprinted on him. They all shared a special bond with him, and it only made sense for me to fall in line as well. The man was pure comfort and love wrapped in BDE and a hint of thug.
He scoffed. “You know what? You’re right. I apologize. I just feel like this shit isn’t a coincidence that, as soon as I move out, you move him in, and now he’s playing nanny to my kids.”
“What the fuck do you care, Leo? You walked ou—mm mm,” I said, stopping myself from going off on him.
“You know what? Nope. I’m not doing this.
Stay right here while I go get them.” I hurried and walked away from him before I kicked him in his family jewels.
When I entered the kitchen, the kids were finished with their food, while my mom and Rae talked about whatever they were talking about.
“Dang, you were gone for a minute, huh?” Raeley asked, smiling at me.
“Not right now, Rae. Come on, babies. Your dad is here to pick you all up.”
“You let that bi—person in here?”
“Yes,” I replied, taking Carlee from her high chair and putting her shoes on.
“Do we really have to go, Mom?” Carsyn asked.
“Yes, baby. It’s his weekend to get you guys. Please, be good, okay?”
“And tell us everything that goes on over there,” my mom told them.
“Mommy, don’t tell them that.”
“What do you mean? We don’t trust a nigga that didn’t want his kids, and now he does, all of a sudden. I wish you would have gotten full custody because this shit is fishy as fuck.”
“Mommy! Language. And stop talking like that in front of them, please?”
“Alicia. Do not piss me off. I swear I should have put some savage in you. You acting like a damn ditzy blonde when it comes to that fool.”
I ignored her and ushered the kids out of the kitchen.
When Leo saw them, he smiled at them and opened his arms to hug them. I watched them give him half-hearted hugs, and when I went to pass Carlee to him, she held on to me tightly.
“No!”
“Come on, baby. Go with your daddy.”
“No! Me no want!” She wrapped her legs and arms around me tighter. I feared this would happen. She barely knew him. As I’d stated before, Leo rarely, if ever, spent time with them, so it was easy for Carlee to reject him like she was.
“Carlee, you don’t want to come with Daddy? I got the whole living room set up like a camp. We’re going to eat S’mores and watch all the Disney movies.”
“No! Baye-Baye come!”
“You will see him later, munchkin. It’s time to go with Daddy,” I urged.
“Noooo!” she wailed, and I dropped my head in defeat.
Leo scoffed. “This wouldn’t be a thing if you hadn’t allowed that nigga to take my place. My own daughter doesn’t even want to come to me. I never had this problem before.”
I frowned and looked at him as if he’d asked to spit in my mouth.
“Babies, go upstairs for a minute. Let me talk to your daddy.” I ushered them toward the stairs and waited for them to go up. “Mom!” I yelled. It only took her three seconds to enter the living room. I had to wonder if she was already making her way to me since she heard Carlee crying.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Can you please take her to the family room. I need to talk to Leo right quick.” I handed her off to her, then turned to my ugly-ass baby daddy.
“Whatever you have to say, Alicia, I really don’t want to hear it. You had to have been fucking that nigga behind my back for my daughter to be so attached to him!”
I eased toward him until we were just inches apart and looked him dead in his eyes.
“I know you want that to be the case to ease your guilty conscience of fucking and leaving me for my best friend.
But let me tell you something, motherfucka.
Had I been fucking that man before you left, I promise, you would have been the one sliding down the wall with your heart bleeding on the floor.
“I was everything I could be to the wrong nigga, and I hate myself for that. I wish I was throwing this ass on that nigga while I was with you. Maybe then it wouldn’t have hurt so much when your weak-ass broke up with me through a fucking text and fucked my best friend.
” I cringed inwardly, just thinking about how stupid I was.
I looked back at the man I would have laid down my life for and scoffed.
“Instead of you coming to me as a man, you chose to run. Run away from your responsibilities because you felt overwhelmed, and as you put it, it was too chaotic for you. My children don’t know you, Leo.
Your own son doesn’t even want to go with you because he doesn’t feel a connection with you. None of them do.
“We lived in the same damn house, and they don’t even want to fuck with you.
Do us all a favor and just disappear. Please.
Save us the heartache and fake caring. Go be with your new bitch and y’all’s baby, and I pray you don’t abandon it like you did the kids who only wanted their father to love them. ”
We both stared at each other for a long time.
I could see the emotion pooling behind his eyes and felt slightly triumphant that he finally showed me an emotion I had never seen before.
I guess that was all the validation I needed to finally move the fuck on from him.
I needed to know that he at least gave an ounce of a fuck about us.
He blinked first and looked away from me, then down at the floor.
“I didn’t want to hurt you, Ali. It’s why I never said anything each time you got pregnant.
I just wanted you. I know that shit sounds selfish, but I always envisioned a life with just us in it.
When you had Carsyn, I was fine with that.
I honestly thought you were on birth control because I saw some pills after you had Chloe.
“Then you always made me feel inferior because you made more money than me. Like I wasn’t busting my ass to pay all the bills so you wouldn’t have to.
I just didn’t feel like a father or a husband anymore, and I’m sorry I never told you.
I want to be there for my kids, Alicia, but if they don’t want to be with me, I won’t make them.
I’ll continue to support them, though, and maybe down the line, when they’re older, they can decide if they want a relationship with me. ”
I nodded. “I think that’s best.”
“Weak ass,” I heard my mom and Rae say in unison. As much as I wanted to laugh, I couldn’t find the humor right now.
Leo shook his head and looked at me. “Take care, Alicia. I really am sorry.”
“That, you are. Good night,” I said, opening the door for him. He walked out, and I shut the door, putting my back against it, willing my tears to stay in their place. My mom and Rae finally came from around the corner where they were eavesdropping.
“I’m proud of you, baby. I’d like to retract my statement from earlier. You do have a little of me and your daddy in you.”
I smiled until a full-blown grin spread across my face. “I love you, Mommy.”
“Oh, baby. I love you most.” She walked over to me, and I met her halfway, falling into her arms.
“Do we still have to go?” Carsyn asked, peeking down the stairs.
“No, baby. Y’all don’t ever have to go with him unless you guys want to,” I told him.
“Yes!” He and Chloe both cheered.
“Y’all coming to Grandma house for the weekend. Your uncle Amir has some new games for you to play, and I have some new baking stuff so we can bake some cookies for the church.”
“You don’t have to take them, Mom. I—”
“Alicia, you just made me proud. Please don’t make me mad. Take your ass in that kitchen and pour us some wine so we can talk about what you gon’ to wear over Basil’s house while I settle the kids. With your ignorant ass.” She walked away from me as Rae and I laughed.
I swear, this woman is nuts.
After my mom got the kids settled in the family room, we sat in the kitchen at the table while I told them what was happening between Basil and me.
“I don’t even know what to say to him. He’s mad at me. I can tell,” I voiced, sipping on my fourth glass of merlot. I was tipsy as hell and in my feelings.
“Well, you had to say something that made him mad. He doesn’t strike me as the type to get angry for no reason,” Mom said.
“Yeah, me either,” Raeley agreed.
“It was because I called him Mr. Cassidy in front of Leo. That has to be it. I saw his eyes flicker into shock, then anger, before he blurted out our business.”
Mom slapped her hand on her thigh. “That’s it. Ya ass been calling him Basil all day, then turn around calling him by his last name like you trying to cover shit up in front of that bum. You stupid, girl.”
“Wait. What business?” Rae asked.
Shit.
I forgot I let that slip.
“He said, and I quote, ‘Was I Mr. Cassidy when I had you gagging on my dick?’”
Mom and Rae looked at each other and burst into laughter.
“Baye for the motherfuckin’ win!” Rae yelled.
“You guys are so childish. That is not funny.”
Rae nodded. “It is, but it isn’t. You clearly played when you called him by his last name, like he Mr. Belvedere or some shit.”
“No, I agree with my baby. He shouldn’t have said that, but I do understand why he did.
You may not have meant any harm by it, but look at it from his point of view.
You gave that man a part of you, put boundaries between y’all, and he has respectfully honored that.
For you to call him that in front of the very man that broke your heart had to have hurt, because he really does like you, Alicia. And I love him for you.”
I slowly twirled the glass between my fingers, feeling bad now.
My mom was right. I was fucking up big time because I didn’t know how this dating thing was supposed to go.
Leo and I met in college, so I guess it felt easier when he pursued me, but after being with him for so many years, and now being divorced, I felt like a fish fresh out of water.
Just flip-flopping all over the place.
“I don’t know what to do to make him forgive me.”
“Go put on something sexy, and go over his house,” Mom suggested.
Rae shook her head. “Nah, don’t do that. What if he has another chick over there?”
“Let me go get dressed,” I said, finishing my glass.
“Oh, now you ready to pull up,” Rae said.
I laughed. “No. I don’t even know where that man lives. But I did receive an invitation to his event tomorrow. He’s having an official grand opening barbecue. His assistant sent out invites to all the parents that use their services.”
“Bet. We there.” Raeley clapped.
“You know, you’ve been having a lot of days off work lately. You didn’t get fired, did you?” I asked, smiling at her.
“Girl, please. Never will they ever fire me. I’m the best anesthesiologist they got.
But I told you I was freeing up more of my time.
I’ve been working like a dog for years, and my mama want some grands, so I have to get to work.
I hope my baby daddy at this party tomorrow because I’m running out of time. ”
“I don’t know if I should go. He probably doesn’t even want to see me until Monday, when he’s going to ignore me for the week.”
“Let me go get my grandbabies to the house while y’all figure that out.” Mommy set her glass down and stood to go upstairs. I looked at Rae, and she scooted closer to me.
“Listen, Ali Cat. I truly believe Basil is either in love with you or very strong like. Either way, I think you need to stop being a punk and show up to that party tomorrow to get your man. A man who cooks like that has to have good dick, and he loves your babies? Tuh. You’re tripping if you allow another bitch to snatch him up. ”
“You don’t think it’s too soon for us?”
“What does the amount of time you’ve known him have to do with the number of things he’s done within that time?
You know I’ve never been one to believe in that love at first sight mumbo jumbo, but I think I’m witnessing it firsthand with y’all.
You know you want that man just as much as he wants you.
You better go get him before I do.” She bumped my shoulder, and a smile drew up on my face.
“Fine. What time will you be here tomorrow? It’s starts at five.”
“Let’s get there around seven thirty, eight-ish. I want all eyes on us when we walk in, mmkay?” We laughed. “I’ll be here at five, though, so we can get dressed together and ride together. Cool?”
“Yes, that’s fine. I hope you’re right about us, Rae.”
“Trust me.” She winked. “I’m always right.