Chapter 13 #2
Willow fiddled with her jacket, not really sure what to say to that.
She knew she had been lucky to meet Jake so young and fall in love, but she wasn’t sure that made her an expert.
If anything, only having one real lover in her life made her anything but – however, this was not something she was going to announce to Rachel.
Rachel seemed completely oblivious to the mood switch and began to swipe the barcodes on her screen. ‘It’s good you’re back. A short visit?’
‘No, actually, I’m planning to stay longer. I’m opening a matcha van by The Diner.’
‘Oh really?’ Rachel paused, still holding her bag of apples. ‘What did Lucas make of that?’
‘Lucas? Nothing really …’ Willow shook her head. ‘He didn’t seem to be that interested if I’m honest.’
Rachel snorted. ‘I don’t believe that for one second. Lucas is your typical smoldering hero. He’s very deep so that means he doesn’t always show what he’s thinking on the surface. Instead, he’ll try to bury it inside.’
Willow had to fight a laugh but instead tried to focus on packing her bag. ‘A smoldering hero? Seriously. That’s what you’ve cast him as.’
‘Yeah,’ Rachel said, scanning the last of Willow’s items. ‘And you’re the girl back in town. His old flame. The one who caused hurt before.’
Willow had been fishing in her purse for change, but she froze at Rachel’s words. ‘Old flame? Caused hurt? What are you talking about? We were never like that.’
Rachel’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘Oh, I’ve said too much. Ignore me. I’m a writer. I get carried away in daydreams.’
‘Do you even know Lucas that well?’
‘Sure. He’s a good friend now. We hang out. But he hasn’t said anything to me about you – why would he? I just like imagining things, that’s all.’
Her words felt rushed and as Willow paid her, she felt like something was off, like it had shifted between them. She wished she could remember Rachel better from school; all Willow knew was that Rachel was older and had hung out on her own quite a lot.
‘There was never anything between me and Lucas,’ Willow said finally as she gathered her stuff to leave. ‘Just to clear that up. We were friends once, but then we kind of grew apart.’
‘That’s a shame,’ said Rachel quietly, closing her cash register. ‘He is deep though, that much is true, and he does keep things hidden. It won’t be easy for him – all this.’
‘All what?’
‘You.’ Rachel laughed. ‘Setting up a matcha van outside his diner, acting like a direct competitor, like there is nothing wrong between you. You just need to be mindful that he’s not this big, aloof man that he appears to be. He has feelings. He worries—’
‘I’ll bear that in mind,’ Willow assured her as she left with a stiff smile, not sure if she had been gently advised or completely put in her place.
Either way, it was unsettling.
Later, as Willow curled up on a chair in the cabin, she was relieved to hear the comfort of Jake’s deep, calm voice, but also conflicted – they had stuff that they needed to figure out and she could only avoid it for so long.
She was wrapped up in one of Jenn’s massive wool sweaters as the cool evening breeze seemed to bleed through every nook and cranny.
‘Hi,’ she said softly.
‘Hey,’ he replied. ‘I can’t be long. I’m heading out soon. I promised the guys I’d meet them for a drink.’
‘Oh, OK …’
Willow tried her best to disguise her disappointment.
She didn’t want Jake to think she was weak or clingy but at the same time it was difficult not to feel a little bit sad that Jake seemed so happy with this new arrangement.
Willow swallowed down her bitterness and quickly tried to recenter herself.
This wasn’t part of her new healthy lifestyle and it wasn’t Jake’s fault that she had made this decision.
She had to be rational. He had always been outgoing and sociable; this was probably his way of dealing with things.
‘Will Alex be there tonight?’ she asked carefully.
There was a pause. It was enough to make the heavy weight shift in Willow’s gut.
‘Jake. Will she be there?’
‘Yeah, maybe. She lives in Seattle, so I’m guessing she might come by.’
‘You guys are hanging out a lot.’
‘Is that a problem?’ Jake’s voice was cool. ‘Will. Are you jealous?’
Willow considered this for a moment. Was she? Or was she just worried that Jake wasn’t being straight with her? Something here just wasn’t adding up. She realized with a sudden crashing reality that she didn’t even care if Jake was cheating on her. In some ways, she was hoping for it.
Maybe, it would be a way to bring this messy relationship to an end.
And she was sick of feeling confused and neglected.
‘Jake. I’m wondering if this is working. You and me – I mean, are we still good together?’ She was shocked at how relieved she felt to be confronting it finally.
After all, this wasn’t new. Hadn’t she been burying doubts for ages now? Sometimes it was easier to ignore a difficult thing than face it head on.
But the sad truth was, she and Jake were not working and hadn’t been for some time.
He sucked in a breath. ‘Willow. I told you. There is nothing going on—’
‘I don’t care about Alex. And it’s the fact that I don’t care about Alex that makes me realize we need a break.’
Another long pause. Willow sighed to break the silence.
‘Jake. I don’t think long distance will work for us. We were barely managing to make living together work.’
‘That’s harsh.’
‘But fair.’ She softened her tone. ‘I just think we need some time and space apart. Maybe some breathing room?’
‘OK …’ She could hear the resignation in his voice, but he wasn’t sad. Could he even be a little relieved? ‘But I still want us to be friends, Willow.’
‘I want that too.’
‘We’ll just have a break then,’ he agreed. ‘Have some time and see what happens?’
‘Yeah. I think that makes sense.’
More dead silence. Willow stood up and paced the room, wondering how she could end the call. How had talking to Jake become so hard?
‘I guess you have lots to do there?’ he said finally. ‘The van is looking kind of cool by the way – very quirky.’
Willow had sent him a photo earlier that day. She had hoped that his reaction would be a little more enthusiastic, but at least it was positive. ‘Thanks. It needs some more work still and the guys are adding the signage tonight.’
‘The guys? Who are they?’
‘Joey and Tommy. Jenn knows them pretty well. They do lots of odd jobs around town – Tommy is very artistic. He painted the wagon in the first place.’
Jake chuckled. ‘Wagon. Is that what you’re calling it?’
‘Yeah, “Willow’s Matcha Wagon”. I think it has a ring to it.’
‘What are folk like there now? Anyone I would remember?’
‘Well, the Parkers are still in their B do you remember her?’
She could hear Jake mutter the name under his breath before he declared. ‘Oh yeah! Rachel Granger. The grade above us? Didn’t she have really greasy hair and wear those gross, baggy clothes?’
‘Yeah, that’s her.’ Willow flinched slightly at his description. ‘She’s different now. Actually, she looks pretty good. She’s friends with Lucas.’
‘Lucas!’ Jake laughed. ‘I’d forgotten all about him. Of course, that poor little loser would still be stuck in Honey Springs. I bet he’s still hanging around with geeky Greg.’
Willow stiffened. ‘He’s not a loser, Jake.’
‘Yeah, well whatever – I bet he’s still a waste of time,’ Jake replied bluntly. ‘Babe, I’ve really got to go now. Message me tomorrow and let me know how your first day went. Let’s keep talking at least.’
‘I will.’
‘I’m glad we talked this through,’ he added. ‘Maybe you’re right. Maybe we are better as friends, for now.’
‘I think so.’
‘And don’t forget to like my latest post,’ he added quickly. ‘Maybe you could share it with your new friends; they might like having an up-and-coming celebrity ex-resident.’
The phone cut off before Willow could answer.
So – that was it. They were on a break. Willow felt surprisingly calm about it all; perhaps all they needed was some space and time to figure out what they really wanted.
The only thing that had truly annoyed her was Jake’s cold response toward Lucas. Had he really disliked him that much?
And why did it rattle her so much that he did?