Chapter 20
Lucas
‘What do you mean you’ve forgotten how much you love it here?’ Willow asked. ‘You were only here yesterday!’
Mia had already left them, pulling a sarcastic ‘oh, so you want to be alone’ kind of face before striding off down the windy trail that led towards Honey Pot Lake.
‘Yeah, I know.’ Lucas was finding it hard to look at Willow, so instead, he focused on a distant spot across the water. Was that a hawk or a falcon? He wasn’t sure. ‘I meant, I’d forgotten how nice it was to be here with you. We had some special times here, didn’t we?’
Willow didn’t reply for a beat and then said quietly, ‘Well yeah, I guess so. But we were just kids then, weren’t we?’
‘Kids that liked to mess around.’
‘Do you think the old fishing cabin is still there? Where we used to hide out?’ she asked suddenly, her eyes widening. ‘I mean, it’s been a while. I’m guessing the storms would’ve ruined most of it. It was never that strong.’
‘I think it’s fine. It was always well protected by the trees. I used to use it sometimes even when we were no longer friends.’
‘You did?’ Willow sounded surprised. ‘I guess I assumed we had both left it to rot away.’
‘It’s a nice place to chill and get away from stuff. I didn’t want it to go to waste.’ Lucas shrugged. ‘I didn’t go much though and I haven’t been there in ages.’
‘So, it’s still there now?’
Lucas was already heading in that direction. ‘Come on – let’s take a look.’
They started walking again. Willow was peering this way and that as if she couldn’t recall where the old cabin had been.
Lucas could’ve tried to make out that he didn’t remember where their cabin had been either, that he was too cool to be worried about a tiny little detail like that.
The truth was, he had visited it more than a bit, long after he and Willow had drifted apart.
For a while, he had even tried to maintain it, maybe in the hopes that she might return one day, without Jake, and want things to be back to how they used to be.
He still remembered the day she told him Jake had asked her out.
She had been so excited and giggly, which wasn’t like her at all and it had unnerved him somewhat.
They had been at the cabin then, eating Oreos and trying to decide if they could fish in the rapids.
It had all been so innocent and fun, and then suddenly, she had dropped that bombshell on him.
Jake had asked her out. She was going to date Jake.
Lucas hadn’t said anything because what would be the point?
Willow was his best friend. He loved her as fiercely as he loved anyone and all he wanted was for her to be happy.
If he had told her how unhappy her news had made him that would have only brought her down too.
And sitting there with him that day, giggling about the good-looking boy wanting to be with her, Willow had been so happy and hopeful, like it was the best thing that had happened to her.
In that moment, Lucas realized that he would never be enough.
He would always be her geeky, shy friend that made up silly games with her and tried to pick her up when she was feeling sad.
He would never be a Jake.
So, he stayed quiet. Just like he always did and just prayed that she would work it all out for them both in the end. That eventually she would find her way back to him.
Except she didn’t.
Willow nudged him in the ribs. ‘What’re you thinking about?’
‘I’m thinking I’m hungry,’ he lied.
Willow pulled off her backpack and rummaged through it as they walked. ‘There is some food in here. Mia packed it for us. But it doesn’t look like a great selection, to be honest. I guess she was rushing.’
‘We can eat at the camp.’ He smiled shyly. ‘Like we used to.’
‘Are there Oreos in here? Oooh, there should be Oreos. Do you remember we always bought them? It was like tradition or something.’
The memory pierced his heart. He managed to keep his smile fixed in place and not fall to pieces in front of her. He would buy Oreos every time, knowing how much she liked them. He never once told her that he couldn’t stand them.
‘Oh, I remember.’ He pointed. ‘Look, can you see?’
Willow’s gaze shifted and he saw her expression soften.
Right there in the cluster of firs was the place that had been theirs for so long.
A fallen branch had provided a makeshift gateway of sorts and in time they had collected more branches to build a semi barricade around the place.
The cabin itself was squat and small, with a broken window, open doorway and rickety-looking iron roof.
There was little inside – two wooden chairs and a stubby old table – but it had been theirs. A place to share secrets.
A memory still lingered.
It was a place held in time.
Why did you stay away for so long? Lucas wanted to ask. You loved it here so much, but as soon as you got with Jake, you turned your back on it all. And then eventually, you turned your back on Honey Springs altogether. Why did you end up leaving a place that meant so much to you?
The most important question burned deeper, right at the pit of his gut. It was one that he had tried to dampen for so long but had been ignited recently.
Why did you leave me?
But his questions remained unsaid, lodged in his throat like sharp little bullets that would never go away. He could try and swallow them down, but they would still leave a scar as they tugged at his skin.
‘It’s smaller than I remember, but of course that’s because we are so much taller.’ Willow pulled on his arm, forcing him out of his reverie. ‘Let’s sit and eat there. For old times’ sake.’
‘Sure,’ Lucas said, following her.
‘It’s pretty damp,’ Willow said sniffing. ‘The rain must get through. We might be better sitting outside.’
They clambered on a branch, which groaned a little under their weight. Lucas was no longer the skinny kid that used to sit here easily, and his muscles were causing a bit of pressure. He pulled back.
‘I don’t want to break it,’ he said, unsure.
‘Oh, it’ll be fine. Come on.’ Willow had already sprung up. She was so light and agile. Her brown waves bounced on her shoulders as she moved around in a desperate attempt to encourage him. ‘I’ll help you.’
Lucas eased himself up, with Willow gently pulling on his arm. Her touch was instant warmth. The branch groaned again and dropped dramatically towards the ground as if in surrender. Willow laughed.
‘We certainly aren’t as little as we used to be.’
‘Are you weight shaming me?’ Lucas asked, his eyes gleaming. ‘Because I’m sure that’s a reason to be canceled nowadays.’
‘Not at all.’ Her fingers briefly skimmed his arm, touching the firmness there. He tried to ignore the fizz in his skin as she did this. ‘There’s nothing wrong with your weight.’
‘Really?’ He grinned; he couldn’t help himself.
She blushed immediately and looked away, her fingers springing away from him. ‘I mean … well, you know … I didn’t mean …’
Lucas couldn’t deny he had felt something stir when she touched him. He swallowed hard. He had to distract himself. This was dangerous. ‘Shall we eat?’ he asked, desperate to change the subject.
‘Oreos?’ she suggested.
‘Stop teasing,’ he said, trying to keep his tone casual. ‘Open up your bag and show me what my nutty sister has packed.’
Willow did as she was told. Mia had plainly raided his fridge while his back was turned. There were chips. A selection of cheeses. His apple pie that he’d saved from The Diner and some fruit.
‘We need to save something for Mia,’ Willow said. ‘She’ll probably be back soon and that walk will have tired her out.’
‘Probably. If she doesn’t get lost.’
‘She won’t get lost. She knows her way around, doesn’t she?’
Lucas shrugged. ‘She’s been in New York for years. She’s gotten used to the city. A bit like someone else I know.’
‘Coming back though, I feel like I’ve slipped into my old town ways again.’ Willow laughed. She bit into an apple and wiped her lips. ‘In Seattle, I really thought I didn’t miss this stuff. I thought it was dull, boring. But now …’
‘Now?’ He raised an eyebrow, intrigued.
‘Now, I feel like I’m truly me again.’ She stretched out, tipped her chin towards the sky. Her curls danced against her back. ‘I guess I feel freer.’
‘That sounds like something you would read in one of those silly self-help books that Rachel is always reading,’ Lucas grumbled. ‘It doesn’t sound real.’
Willow slumped back into her original position. She didn’t look as happy now. ‘Well, it is real. To me.’
‘So, you must have missed it? How come you stayed away? You never visited,’ he said. He was trying not to sound accusing, but he could hear the edge in his voice; it was difficult to hide. ‘Martha would have loved you to visit. You know that.’
‘That’s not fair, Luc. I was so busy. We were busy. I rang her all the time and I saw her on holiday vacations at my mom’s.’
Lucas frowned. Martha had told him about these trips to Boston; they were the few times they ever saw Willow’s mom, when she could be bothered to bring them all together for Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July.
She liked to make a big effort then. But neither Willow nor her mom ever returned to Honey Springs and that never made sense to Lucas.
‘Didn’t you ever want to come back?’
‘I didn’t really think about it. I had left the Springs behind. I honestly didn’t think there was much here for me,’ Willow said quietly. ‘It wasn’t a big deal, Lucas. It was just how I felt at the time.’
‘Jake thinks that too, doesn’t he? Is that why he doesn’t bother with Eric?’
He felt Willow stiffen next to him. ‘You don’t know what his relationship with his dad is like. You can’t possibly understand that.’
‘All I know is the man is sick and he has no one. It seems pretty sad to me.’
‘Jake has his reasons,’ Willow whispered. ‘He has lots of reasons to stay away.’