Chapter 5
DANI
Jed was on closing tonight, so I waited around and helped, then jumped into his car and drove home with him.
When I first took this job, I was a little worried that living and working with the same person might be too much, but Jed’s a breeze, and we’re so busy tending bar most nights that we barely have a chance to talk some shifts.
Man, my feet are killing me.
I’m so relieved I have tomorrow off.
I’m gonna sleep in, maybe go for an amble around town or meet up with Tobin for lunch or something. Whatever it is, it’s gonna be chill.
Music drifts over us as we drive to the apartment building about ten minutes off campus. It’s an old, five-story orange-brick building that’s been restored. Who knows when it was built, but I love the historic edge to the architecture.
We’re on the fourth floor, and Jed always likes to climb the stairs, so I follow him up. He’s got this theory that always taking the stairs will keep him fit and healthy. It’s actually Tobin’s theory, and I don’t know how accurate it is, but I do know it’s healthier than taking the elevator.
“We’re home,” Jed sings the second we walk through the door.
Tobin jumps up from the couch, grinning at us both but making a beeline for his boyfriend.
“Hey.” Jed’s voice gets all soft, the way it only ever does with Tobs.
“Hey, you.” Tobin grins up at him, and they share a kiss.
It’s never some sweet little peach with those two. They always go for it—tongues and passion and …
I look away, laughing to myself as I slip off my shoes…
until I remember that Atlas and I used to be like that.
Damn, we were hot for each other, especially that summer when we first crossed the line and slept together.
We’d been dating for over a year, and I finally felt ready.
We were both sixteen, and that summer, I gave him his first blow job.
He went down on me a few days later, and about a week after that, I gave my V-card away and never looked back.
I’ve never slept with another man, and it kinda kills me that if I do want to move on with my life, I’m gonna have to come to terms with the fact that Atlas will no longer be my one and only.
You could stay single for the rest of your life.
The thought sits like a mossy stone in my stomach, and I shake off that idea. I can’t. I can’t keep living this way. I want love again. I want to walk in the door and have someone say, “Hey, you,” like I matter and then kiss me—all tongues and passion.
Dropping my bag onto the end of my bed, I walk back into the open-plan living/kitchen area to make myself a cup of chamomile tea. I’ve been drinking the stuff every night before bed since Atlas died. It’s a habit I can’t break.
Jed and Tobin have moved to the couch, their fingers threaded together as they talk about their days.
I tense, just waiting for Jed to spill the tea on Tyrell, but he’s busy listening to Tobin’s story about the girl in his class who was brought down a peg or two by the professor and just how satisfying that was.
“She’s the worst.” Tobin rolls his eyes, then starts to laugh. “Babe, you should have seen her face when the professor corrected her. It was the most rewarding part of my day.” His voice softens. “Until now.”
Jed grins at him, kissing his knuckles before asking about the rest of his day.
I get busy making tea and am just sitting down to drink it when Nix walks in the front door.
Her full name is Phoenix, but I’ve never heard her called anything but Nix.
It suits her. She’s like a little fairy, always flittering around everywhere.
She’s petite and energetic, her dark auburn hair short at the back and long and messy at the front.
Thick tendrils frame her face, and she’s constantly tucking them behind her ears or brushing them back, but she swears short hair is easier than long.
I don’t know if that’s true, but all I can say is that her straight hair is definitely easier to manage than my Afro curls.
“Hey, peeps,” she sings, skipping into the kitchen and kissing my cheek before spinning to grin at the boys.
“Hey, Nixie-Noo.” Tobin smiles up at her. “How’s my favorite fairy?”
“Oh, shut up.” She laughs, flopping onto the couch and rolling her eyes when we all laugh.
But it’s true. If Tinker Bell was ever made into a live-action, Nix would be perfectly cast. The only thing she’s missing is a set of wings, and I’m pretty sure Tobin has made it his mission to remind her of that… for the rest of her life.
“You seem happy.” I swivel in my chair, looking down on my roommates from my perch on the stool. “Did you have a good night?”
Nix’s smile gives it all away, her euphoric look letting us know without a doubt that this new man she’s started dating is a keeper.
“He’s perfect.” She swoons.
“What’s his name again?” Jed asks.
“Ricky.” Even saying his name makes her smile.
“He took me out for ice cream, and then we strolled around town and ended up at that park near Greek Row. It was empty, of course, no kids at this time of night, so we played on the equipment.” She giggles.
“He nearly got stuck coming down the slide. He’s way too big for it.
” Her head tips back as another giddy laugh pops out of her.
“And then we made out on the grass and…” She finishes her sentence with a dreamy sigh.
I share a grin with my roomies.
“Someone’s in love.” Jed sings the last word.
“I am,” she admits. “I know it’s fast, but I don’t give a shit. I love that boy and he loves me, and it’s bliss!” She stretches her arms wide and sinks into the couch cushions, one happy little fairy.
It’s nice to see her this way. When I first moved in, Tobin took me aside and warned me that Nix was awesome but guarded.
“Sometimes she’s a little bitch, but don’t worry, it’s all bark and no bite.
She’s a really good person who has been through some tough shit, so it makes her a little hard.
But give it time, okay? She’ll warm to you, and once she likes you, she’ll be loyal for life. ”
It was a little disconcerting, knowing I was moving in with a yappy dog who may not like me, but she actually warmed up faster than I was expecting.
It took about two months. She was kind of surly and borderline rude to start with, but I just kept being nice, and each week another layer of her ice wall would melt away. And then, there she was—the girl Tobin promised me was in there. And she really is awesome.
I love all three of the people I live with, and I can’t believe I waited so long to make this big change in my life.
Moving to Nolan has been the best decision.
Or has it?
Seeing Tyrell tonight has really thrown me.
I grip my mug of tea, letting the hot ceramic warm my fingers. I did go over three months without seeing him, so the chance of bumping into him again could be slim. But he knows where I work now. Will he come back to visit? Does he want to connect again?
I’m not sure I can handle that.
I’ve moved here to start fresh, leave the past behind me.
“Should we?” Tobin whispers.
My eyes dart his way, and I catch the tail end of Tobin and Jed’s hushed conversation.
“It’s okay, babe. We’re all here now. Let’s just do it.”
“Do what?” Nix’s head pops off the couch, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.
“Um…” Jed licks his lower lip before glancing at me, then looking back to his boyfriend.
Tobin grins. “Jed has some exciting news. He only found out last month, and we’ve just been waiting for everything to fall into place so we could tell you.”
“What?” Nix isn’t smiling. She’s gone all tense, her petite features dropping into a guarded frown.
I hold my breath, feeding off her immediate stress and tension.
“Well…” Jed’s lips twitch. “I’ve been offered…” He glances at Tobin again.
“Offered what?” Nix barks. “Just spit it out, man!”
Tobin glares at Nix for a hot second, then spills the beans. “My highly talented, amazing boyfriend has been offered the chance to work at a restaurant in New York City, baby!”
My heart stops beating for a second.
“That’s right. His uncle is opening a super-classy, high-end restaurant in Manhattan, and he wants Jed to be in charge of the bar.”
My mouth pops open while Nix shifts on the couch, perching on her knees and staring at Jed. “You’re moving to New York?”
“We’re moving to New York,” Tobin corrects her. “I just found out this morning that I’ve been accepted to New York University!”
“Isn’t that place stupidly expensive and hard to get into?” Nix’s expression bunches into a skeptical frown.
“The stars have aligned, my love. The universe acquiesced to my request, and I got in!”
“And as for cash,” Jed continues. “He doesn’t need to worry about housing, because he’ll be living with me, and he only has one year left of study, so between our two families, we’ve been able to borrow what we need.”
“An interest-free loan.” Tobin grins, then flashes a smile at Jed. “I love your parents so much. I’ve told you that, right?”
“All the time.” Jed laughs. “And I love your parents too. I still can’t believe they went for it without even blinking an eye.”
“They love us and want us to be happy.” Tobin leans forward and kisses his boyfriend again while I sit there blinking in shock.
“Wow,” I finally choke out, knowing I should be jumping up and celebrating with these two, but I’m also crushed.
They’re leaving?
Nix blinks at them, obviously feeling exactly the same way I am.
“Aw, you guys.” Tobin’s expression crumples. “I know this is unexpected. We’re having the best time together here, but this opportunity is just too good to pass up.”
I nod, knowing it is, but still struggling to find my voice.
“And we’ll keep in touch,” Jed promises. “You guys can come visit.”
“And we’ll get the lease for this place transferred over to you. All you need is a couple more roommates and you can totally cover the rent. We’ll even help you find some people before the summer break.”
“When are you leaving?” Nix’s expression has softened, although she’s still frowning.
“After the school year finishes,” Jed answers, reaching out to brush his fingers down her arm.
She flinches away from his touch, then slumps back with a sigh. “I’m happy for you guys,” she grumbles. “I swear I am. I’m just bummed out that you’re leaving. You’re like the perfect roommates, and I don’t want to replace you with new randos. I want this place to stay the same.”
“I know.” Tobin gives her a sad pout. “Leaving you two is going to suck.”
I swallow and force a smile. “But moving to New York is going to be epic.”
“It is.” Tobin lets out this excited laugh before lurching forward and kissing Jed yet again.
Jed cups his face, his big hands swamping Tobin’s cheeks. I glance away from them, trying to catch Nix’s eye, but she’s busy on her phone.
Maybe she’s texting Ricky, telling him the news.
Maybe she’ll invite him to come live here.
Or maybe he’ll invite her to move in with him. She said they’re in love. It could be an option.
And where does that leave me?
All alone.
Shit.
Jumping off the stool, I leave Jed and Tobs to their kiss-fest and slip into my bedroom. The door clicks shut behind me and I lean against it, staring up at the ceiling with a heavy sigh.
I should not be so gutted about this.
I should be celebrating for both of them. It’s such an amazing opportunity.
It’s just…
Just what?
You can’t use them as crutches.
I came here to make a big change. To start fresh and move on.
I came here to find love again, and I can’t keep standing on the sidelines or hiding behind my roommates. I have to throw myself out there.
Like I did with that guy tonight.
Pinging up straight, I pull the napkin out of my back pocket.
“Sutton,” I whisper, brushing my thumb over his phone number.
Chewing on my bottom lip, I stare down at those terrifying digits and feel my hand start to shake.
“You can do this. Just go out with him. One date. Who knows where it could lead.” I try to encourage myself.
Thinking about Nix and her loved-up blissfulness, I start to nod. Yes. I want that again. I’m going to need it with Jed and Tobin leaving.
With my breath on hold, I grab my phone and carefully punch in Sutton’s number, sending him a text.
Hey. “Fancy a date sometime?” asks the girl from the bar.
Is that too bold? Too forward?
I frown, deleting it and trying several different versions before growling in frustration and going back to what I originally had, then adding a few emojis to make the tone playful and fun.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I send it and then wait against the door, staring down at the screen for those little dots to appear.
I only have to wait a few moments and… there they are.
I let out a relieved sigh, gripping the phone and waiting… waiting…
Sutton (from the bar): You bet I do. I’m free tomorrow night. Where should we meet?
Tomorrow night?
That’s fast.
Um… okay?
Yes, okay.
Okay!
“I can do this,” I remind myself, texting back and suggesting the Mexican place Tobin and Jed took me to a few weeks ago. It was super delicious and had a nice vibe.
Sutton (from the bar): Perfect. I’ll see you there at seven. Looking forward to it.
I read his text, letting out a shaky laugh while hearting the message.
Am I looking forward to it?
I really don’t know.
This is my first date since Atlas died, and I’m freaking terrified!
But I have to do this.
I can’t stay on the sidelines watching everyone else get on with their lives. I made a big change by coming to Nolan, and it’s time to make another one and go out on a date.
“I can do this,” I say yet again, finally stepping away from my bedroom door and inhaling a full breath. “I can do this.”