Chapter 35
DANI
Tyrell didn’t say anything to try and make me feel better.
He just held me.
And that was all I needed him to do.
I have no idea how long we sat on that floor, but eventually he stood up. It was awkward, but he kept me clutched to his torso, lifting me with him and carrying me to the bed.
I couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything but act like a limp doll. He laid me down, then nestled in behind me, his strong arms wrapping around me and keeping me close all night.
I’m not sure how much I slept, but as my eyes creep open, I can sense it’s the morning. The sun is glowing around the edges of my blinds.
I move my legs, curling them over Tyrell’s knees. He’s still behind me, his even breaths telling me he’s asleep. His arms are around me, though. I’m secure in his embrace.
And for reasons I can’t understand… I feel lighter somehow.
There’s a calm within me… and this warm pulsing in my chest. It’s not hard or erratic. It’s a slow, even beat, telling me that I’m okay, whispering that this man holding on to me is good and kind and…
He’d never hurt me the way Atlas did.
As much as I hate to acknowledge it, Atlas did hurt me that night. He cut me deep, and we were never able to resolve things. It’s eaten away at me, a festering disease masked by guilt and shame.
Maybe it’s been wrong of me to try and keep his memory so pure. If his life hadn’t ended that night, I probably would have had a massive bitch and moan to my sister, then sat Atlas down and told it to him straight.
But I never did either of those things.
And I never told anyone close to me what really went down that night. I’d told them I’d left because I was tired, not because Atlas told me to fuck off.
Now that I’ve opened that door again, the memory comes back to me crystal clear. Atlas’s glazed, drunken expression. His slurred words. The pain he inflicted when he snarled at me.
I was so angry with him.
But deep down, I knew he still cared about me. And that’s what hurts. He didn’t mean to say those things, and we never got to resolve it.
Nothing you do will ever change that. It’s time to let go.
Running my fingers lightly down Tyrell’s arm, I press my lips against his skin and shift my focus.
I close that door in my brain and instead take a mental note of every point my body is touching this man behind me.
I relive the date night, the laughter, the fun, the sex.
I soak in the knowledge that Tyrell isn’t a reckless rock star.
He’s a good, kind, solid man. And even though he’s so different to Atlas, he’s gone and found a way into my heart.
Not just in that sisterly affectionate way I used to feel for him, but in that giddy romantic way.
Just like his arms are wrapped around me now, he’s claiming my heart, wrapping around it and holding it securely.
He won’t break it the way Atlas did.
I don’t know how I know it; I just do.
I’m safe with him.
My belly trembles as I dare to skip ahead to the future.
Should I let myself go there? Do I risk imagining a life on the road with him?
A life overseas, exploring different countries and cultures.
Do I let myself dream of waking up beside him each morning?
Or making him coffee and eating breakfast in bed?
A smile curls my lips, the idea sending a delighted thrill right through me.
I can do this.
I can be with Tyrell and love it.
It’s okay to love it. You’re allowed to move on.
Sucking in a quiet breath, I slowly move Tyrell’s arm, desperate not to wake him. Wriggling away from his deliciously warm body, I shuffle to the edge of the bed, then sneak into the kitchen, closing the door behind me.
The space is empty, thank God, so I set about preparing coffee. I wonder if anyone heard me wailing last night. I wince, really hoping that even if they did, they won’t say anything about it. I so don’t want to go there.
I want to bask in this newfound peace I’m feeling.
I want to revel in these bubbles of joy that keep popping in my chest.
Shit. I’m happy.
Like… really happy.
A soft giggle comes out of me just as Tobin swans into the kitchen.
“Good morning, ma chérie.” He kisses my cheek.
“Good morning.” I smile at him, pressing coffee grounds into the portafilter basket with the tamper.
“Oooo. You making us all a cup?” Tobin grabs out a mug.
“No,” I tell him, locking the basket in place and letting it brew while I sort out steaming the milk. I know Tyrell likes a macchiato, and I’ve taught myself to make them and really like them myself now.
Tobin tips his head with a pout… until he sees me pulling two small coffee cups from the cupboard.
His face lights with a grin. “He stayed the whole night! Yes, girl!” When he raises his hand for a high five, I can’t resist the adorable look on his face, so I slap his palm and end up giggling again. “So… how was the date?”
“Fun.” I nod. “So fun. We did a bunch of stuff and—”
“Ended up in bed together.” His excited expression is too cute.
“Yes. That part was fun too.” I wink, then hold my breath, just waiting for him to mention my midnight wailing, but he’s still not saying anything.
Maybe they weren’t home for it.
Or maybe he instinctively knows not to go there.
I watch his expression carefully for a minute and don’t miss his subtle wink before he stands tall and moves to the refrigerator.
“Jed, babe, are you doing coffee this morning?”
“You know it!” he calls from their bedroom, and I wince.
“What?” Tobin frowns at me.
“What’s with all the yelling?” I whisper-bark. “My man is still asleep.”
“Your man?” His face lights with excitement. “What the hell happened in that room last night? You guys definitely made gains. I can feel it! Did he say ‘I love you’? Did you say it? Holy shit, girl. Tell me everything!” He grabs my shoulders and gives me a little shake.
“No, I just…” I start laughing. “Would you stop? He’s my boyfriend, okay? You already know that.”
His bottom lip pushes into an exaggerated pout. “So, no ‘I love yous’?”
“No.” My lips twitch with a smile. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because those words aren’t scaring me as much as I think they should.
I’ve only ever told one man that I love him.
But the idea of loving Tyrell is… well, it’s kind of easy.
Oh man… maybe I really do!
I blink, surprised, yet not that surprised. He’s a pretty easy guy to fall for.
And he was so good to me last night.
The way he held me.
I lean against the counter with a sigh that must be swoony, because Tobin nearly loses his shit with excitement. “You are so in love, girl!” he squeals, tugging me into a hug that’s so tight, I can barely breathe.
“Okay, okay,” I squeak, patting his back, grateful when Jed appears to rescue me.
“Did you hear!” Tobin lets me go and jumps into Jed’s arm. His boyfriend gives him a solid kiss, laughing at his excitement.
“Yeah, baby. I heard.”
“Love is in the air,” Tobin sings, wrapping his arms around Jed’s waist and resting his head against his shoulder. “I’m a happy man.”
“So am I.” Jed squeezes him, then goes in for another kiss.
I leave them to it as I finish up the coffees. I’m about to disappear with them into my bedroom when Tobin quickly stops me.
“Where are you going?”
I spin at his question, smirking at him.
“There’s an extremely hot, naked man in my bed.
I’m going to give him some caffeine.” I wiggle my eyebrows.
“You know, fuel him up for another round.” I’m trying to be playful, but in reality, I’m protecting Tyrell from this lot.
If he comes out here, they are going to pounce all over him.
Nix’s door swings open just as Jed announces, “I’m gonna make breakfast for everyone, fuel that man up properly.”
Tobin points at me. “Then you can go and get your horny ass laid.”
“Oooo, who’s getting laid?” Nix skips into the room, swamped by an oversized shirt.
I glance across the room and spot her boyfriend trailing out after her. He’s shirtless, his sweats hanging low on his hips, and it’s hard not to be impressed by the sight. But he has nothing on my giant of a man, and I have to fight a grin.
“Dani is getting laid after we’ve fueled her and her boyfriend up.”
“Oooo. Dani’s got a boyfriend?” Nix winks at me, her tongue peeking out the side of her mouth.
I roll my eyes. “You guys, seriously. Can you not—”
My request is cut off when my bedroom door swings open and Black Jack walks out of my room. He’s wearing nothing but the pants he had on last night, and hot damn. My insides trill as I drink him in. The way his lips are twitching tells me just what my expression must be doing right now.
He can see how much I want him, and the hungry look he gives me in return nearly has me bailing on breakfast.
“Don’t you dare,” Tobin quips before grinning at Tyrell. “Good morning, stud muffin.”
“No, it’s the Silent Knight,” Nix corrects him.
Tyrell cringes while Jed laughs. “Shango, baby!”
I hand my poor boyfriend his coffee, groaning at how embarrassing my roommates are.
“Thank you,” he whispers, bending down to kiss my cheek, then the side of my neck, before straightening up and greeting everybody.
I introduce him to Nix’s boyfriend, Ricky, before he takes a seat at the counter and pulls me against his side.
I lean into him, loving his arm around my waist as I sip my coffee.
Loving how thrilling, yet totally normal, this all feels.
Me drinking morning coffee with Tyrell Jackson.
Yeah, I could definitely get used to this.