Chapter 45
TYRELL
I wake the next morning with such a deep sense of sadness that I’m not even sure I can get out of bed.
Coming back home last night, all by myself, was so fucking painful.
Splaying my hand over the mattress, I run my palm across the sheet. Dani should be in that spot.
But it’s too fast.
Too soon.
She was fucking traumatized last night, in no state to see reason, and part of me wants to grab my phone and start texting her a thread of pleas to reconsider.
Don’t break up with me!
I love you.
Please, don’t end us. We’ve only just begun.
We can make it work.
I’ll be whatever you need me to be.
Each thought is getting lamer than the last.
I can’t text her.
She asked me to leave her alone, and I have to respect that. She’s got my number. She’ll reach out to me when she’s ready.
What if she’s never ready?
The ache in my chest blooms, but I clench my jaw and grit out, “Then you move the fuck on.”
Flinging the covers back, I sit up and groan.
My head is pounding, and I didn’t even drink anything last night. I’m feeling hungover… wasted on the sadness of heartache.
Shit, it hurts.
I’ve been broken up with, and broken it off with, a bunch of different girls, but none of it ever felt like this. Because I never loved any of them before.
But I love Dani.
I didn’t mean to fall so hard, and she was the last person I thought I could be in love with, but there it is.
Life’s cruel twist of fate. I finally let myself fall for my best friend’s girl…
I finally accepted the fact that he’s not here anymore and it’s okay to move on… and then she doesn’t even want me.
“Fuck,” I mutter, standing up and using the bathroom before shuffling back to my room.
I check the time on my phone and feel a little guilty as I text my mom a partial truth.
Feeling wrecked this morning. Do you mind if we skip breakfast? I’ll be back in Dallas by the end of next week.
I barely have to wait a minute before Mama’s calling me to check.
“Hey, boy. Are you okay? You didn’t get yourself drunk last night, did you?”
“No, Mama,” I mumble.
“Maybe he was having all the sex!” Cyrus yells in the background, making Lacey laugh and Dad growl.
“Cyrus. We don’t talk like that.”
Mama stifles a laugh, then of course has to ask, “Were you?”
I huff. “No, Mama. I’ve just got a really bad headache. I think finals week and the intensity of packing up and going is all catching up with me. I’m sorry, okay? But I’ll see you guys next week. I’ll start driving down on Wednesday or something.”
After a reluctant pause, Mama softly agrees. “Okay. I’ll make sure your room’s all set up for you and Dani.”
My face bunches, this ache turning to a sharp pain. I should tell her not to bother, but I can’t form the words right now.
“You look after yourself today, and we’ll see you soon. Keep me posted on your arrival, okay?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I love you, boy.”
“Love you too, Mama.”
“I love you!” Cyrus yells.
I let out a soft snicker and murmur, “Love you too, Cy.”
“You take care,” Mama says as a final farewell before hanging up.
Dropping the phone on my bed, I hang my head with a weary sigh, resting my hands on my hips and dreading the coming week. Shit, I’m dreading summer and the months beyond that. I’m just… feeling kind of hopeless about my future, and that sucks.
I want to make my dreams come true. Travel the world… with Dani.
But that’s not gonna happen.
Dammit, I shouldn’t have let myself toy with those ideas. This is why she never wants to live more than a day or two ahead. She knows how life can kick you in the balls, snatch away your joy without warning.
With a soft growl, I spin and head downstairs, figuring I’ll grab a quick bite, then… I don’t know… finish packing my room or go for a fucking long run!
“Hey, Ty!” Zoey’s sweet voice greets me as soon as I walk into the kitchen.
“Hey, lil’ bug.” I bend down to scoop her into my arms when she runs toward me.
She giggles when I throw her up, then catch her again. Nestling her sticky cheek against my shoulder, I figure I should probably do a load of laundry today as well.
Her little fingers reach up to brush my face, and then she sits back to look at me. She holds either side of my cheeks, her blue eyes studying me, her lips turning into a pout. “You sad?”
“I’m okay.” I force a smile, and she grins back, her worry erased in the blink of an eye.
She’s so sweet, so trusting, so innocent.
I press a kiss to the tip of her nose, that ache blooming all over again. But this one is different. When her little arms wrap around my neck to hug me, I palm her back, my hand covering her tiny body as I whisper, “I love you, Zoey Girl.”
She giggles and whispers loudly, “I love you!”
Sienna laughs, her face gooey with affection as I pop Zoey back down on the kitchen floor. She pads across the tiles barefoot, her pink-polished toenails so tiny and cute. Jumping up, she climbs into Zander’s lap and leans against his chest, trying to steal his toast when he takes a bite.
“Hey,” he reprimands her with a mock scowl, and she giggles, Sienna watching on with this loved-up look that’s making my insides crumple.
Shit. Am I ever gonna get that look?
For a fleeting moment, Dani looked at me that way. But not anymore.
It’s too fast. Too soon.
Which means there’s still hope!
But is there really?
She was broken last night. And I can’t fix whatever she went through. I understand completely why she was triggered, and I wish I could step in and make it all better. But she doesn’t want to let me do that. And maybe it’s not my place anyway.
You can’t heal someone else.
You can help, if they let you, but it’s ultimately up to them.
Shit, I wish I could do more.
I want to call her. Check that she’s okay. I want to text Jed or Tobin or… shit, I wonder how Nix is doing.
Ricky, that little fucker.
My insides churn as I step around Grady, popping two slices of bread into the toaster.
“It’s a crowded house this morning,” he murmurs as Nylah and Carson stroll into the kitchen as well.
“Let’s move to the dining table.” Zander stands with Zoey securely in his arms. Sienna grabs their plates and trots out of the kitchen with Blake and Grady in their wake.
“See you in a second!” Wily calls from his post behind Satch, who’s frying up something delicious.
“Is that bacon?” Nylah sniffs the air. “Is there enough to go around?”
“I can put more on.” Satch grins. “We’re doing scrambled eggs too, if you want in on that. I’ll cook them up as soon as the bacon’s done.”
“Yes, please.” Nylah moves to the fridge to grab the carton of eggs. “How many more should I add? Caveman, you having any of this?”
“Yep.” He walks out of the pantry with a box of Pop-Tarts and holds them up with a grin. “Dessert.”
“Ew.” Nylah’s face puckers. “That’s not even food.”
“How did they end up in the house?” Wily takes the box off him, reading the packet. “Dude, these expired over a year ago.”
“They’re Pop-Tarts.” Carson grabs the box back. “This shit can’t expire. There’s so much sugar and fake crap in here, it’ll probably last a century.”
“Then why do you want to put it in your body?” Nylah’s expression is pure disgust. “That’s so gross.”
Carson gives her a dry look and shakes the box in the air. “I don’t like wasting food.”
“Whatever.” Nylah laughs. “Please, just chuck that crap out and find something else. I’ll cut you up some fruit for dessert, although we’re eating breakfast, which is technically not a meal that requires dessert.”
Rolling his eyes, Carson drops the box into the trash can, then scoops Nylah up around the waist when she gets within range. “Maybe I’ll have you for dessert instead.”
She lets out an adorable squawk when he scrapes his teeth across her exposed shoulder. She’s wearing one of those sweaters that’s so baggy, it can barely stay on her body.
“You’ll be calorie-free,” Carson murmurs, and Wily booms with laughter.
“Dude, you’ll be burning calories. Win-win!”
Satch giggles as she removes slices of crispy bacon from the frying pan and loads it up with more. She glances at me then, her expression sweet. “Do you want some?”
“Uh… no. I’ll just stick with peanut butter toast, thanks.”
“Okay.” Her expression softens as she takes me in, her head tipping to the side. “Are you all right?”
I bob my head, my jaw working to the side as I try to contain that surge of emotion barreling through me, threatening to give me away.
“Is, uh… Dani up in your room?” Wily rests his hands on Satch’s shoulders, giving them a light rub while he stares at me. “Is she doing okay after last night? She looked pretty shook.”
“Oh, yeah.” Nylah eyes pop wide. “I heard what happened. We arrived just as the ambulance was pulling away.”
Now everyone’s looking at me, and I don’t know what the fuck to say. Thankfully, my toast pops and I spin to deal with that, the room going quiet as the people behind me obviously start to wonder what the hell I’m not saying.
Bacon sizzles in the frying pan. My knife spreads the peanut butter. And finally, I can’t stand this awkward silence anymore.
I talk into the void before anyone else can. “I dropped her home.”
After she broke up with me.
She’s not coming to Texas.
I’m single once again.
And I’m fucking heartbroken.
Sniffing, I manage to rasp, “She just needed some space.”
“Is she okay, though? She seemed traumatized,” Satch softly asks.
I swallow, glancing over my shoulder, then back to the safety of my toast. “She was. She’ll need some time to process, I imagine.”
“Well, at least she’s got you to help her,” Nylah murmurs, and I can’t contain my dry, bitter snicker.
Shaking my head, I pick up my toast and spin to stare at them. Opening my mouth, I’m about to tell them, but the words dry up. All I can do is shake my head, and as I walk out of the room, I manage to murmur, “No, she doesn’t.”
“What does that mean?” Carson calls after me, and I silently beg him not to follow, but of course he fucking trails me down the hallway. I’m heading for the stairs. I can’t do the dining table with everyone. They’re probably all going to be talking about their futures. Their summers.
Zander and Sienna will be taking Zoey to California. They leave in a few days with her parents. They’re going to do a road trip, take a week or so to get there.
Wily and Satch are heading to Fledgling for a week to spend time with her parents before driving to Arizona.
I think Nylah and Carson are going to visit her grandparents, then are heading across to see his mom and have a vacation in San Francisco before returning to Nolan.
And I can’t remember what Grady and Blake are doing. I think they’re catching up with his parents, then going to some lake house thing with her family before heading into the forest for a few days.
And what am I doing?
I’m driving down to Dallas, all alone, to move in with my family and do… who the fuck knows.
I may as well start looking for a job immediately. What’s the point of having a summer break all by myself?
“Did Dani break up with you?” Carson asks, way too loudly, just as I’m passing the archway leading into the dining room.
“What?” Blake blinks, her spoon rattling into her cereal bowl. “When?”
I sigh, dipping my chin before throwing a glare at Carson.
He winces but doesn’t look that sorry. Wily and Nylah bunch into the hallway with worried frowns while everyone at the dining room table looks on with sad, sympathetic expressions.
Gritting my teeth, I glance at each one of them before quickly muttering the truth. “Yes, she broke up with me. Last night was some kind of trigger, and she’s decided she’s not ready for a relationship. So we’re done.”
“Aw, Ty. I’m so sorry,” Sienna whispers, looking about ready to cry.
Why’s she so sad? She has her happy family. The love of her life is sitting next to her, running his hand across her shoulders and comforting her.
Dani won’t let me do that.
And it’s fucking killing me.
But I don’t want these guys to worry, so I shrug, trying to play it off. “Better now than further down the road, I guess. I’d never want to be with someone who was feeling pressured into a relationship.”
“What are you going to do?” Grady asks me.
I shake my head. “Nothing. Plans don’t change. I’m still heading down to Dallas. My family needs me right now, and… I guess I’ll just be driving down alone.”
“Our plans are flexible.” Blake looks at Grady, lightly touching his arm. “I mean, right? We could delay seeing your dad and Emma. They won’t mind, will they?”
Grady shakes his head. “I don’t think so.” He turns to me with raised eyebrows. “Do you want us to come with you?”
I swallow, appreciating the kind gesture but shaking my head. “No. I don’t want any of you to change your plans for me. I’ll be all right.” I nod, trying to sell this shit with a forced smile. “Don’t worry about me. You guys need to get on with your lives. Big adventures and all that shi… stuff.”
Zoey’s staring up at me with her big blue eyes, obviously sensing the tension in the room and worrying about it.
I wink at her, making my smile bigger. “I’m good, you guys. I’m just gonna…” I point up the stairs, the thought of trying to sit and eat breakfast with them way too much. “I’ve got some more packing to do.”
Walking me and my sad pieces of toast up the stairs, I take them two at a time, needing to get away from the happy family vibes in the dining room.
They’ll probably end up talking about me and lamenting my sad situation.
I feel bad for shitting on their post-graduation excitement, but it’s not like I asked for this.
As I wander into my room and gaze around the empty space, I can’t help feeling like I failed.
Sure, I got my degree.
I played four great years of college football.
I graduated.
And the one thing I had left to do was find myself a woman. Because the thought of leaving this place alone was kind of miserable.
Yet that’s exactly what’s happened.
Once again, I am a single man, looking ahead at a lonely future, because the only girl who’s made me fall doesn’t want me. Or can’t handle me or… whatever.
We’re not together.
And I’m fucking heartbroken.